Swipe Right & Farmer Fantasies: Dating After Bariatric Surgery

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Hey, Steph. Hello, Hannah. How's it going? Oh,

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it's going. It's going. I love it. I'm excited.

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Welcome to another episode of Bariatric Banter

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Podcast. This is 20, isn't it? Who? Oh. My gosh.

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Oh, my gosh. I love it. I can't believe we have

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20. I know. I know. That's crazy. I know. It's

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also crazy just to think like... Oh, my God.

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How have 20 weeks gone by? That's true. Yeah.

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To think that, like, we've sat here 20 times

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and recorded a podcast. It doesn't feel like

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20 times. No. Like, in reality, we're getting

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very close to the halfway point of the year,

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which, like, blows my mind. That's insane. I

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know. I'm sorry I brought that up. That's insane.

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Isn't that crazy? No. That's crazy. I know. But.

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It's a good week. We're having a good, happy

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topic. Not that our topics aren't happy, but

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you know what I mean. Some are heavier than others.

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Sure, but this one. This will be fun. This will

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be fun and nerve -wracking all at the same time.

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Yeah, it will. Because we are going to finally

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cover the long -awaited. Finally. Requested.

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Yep. Dating and relationships. The big one. After

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surgery. We have gotten so many comments about

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this lately, literally like even a couple, what

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was it? A day or two ago, we had somebody on

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our Instagram comment and I was chatting with

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them and I said, you know, if there's any other

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topics you want, you would love to hear us talk

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about. They're two weeks, two weeks out from

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their surgery. And they said, you know, I'd really

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like. to hear about dating and relationships.

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And I was like, another one. Okay. So I was like,

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we got to do this. We can't keep putting it off.

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We got to do this. Correct. The people have spoken.

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The people have spoken. And they've said, Hannah,

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talk about your dating life. Everyone, Hannah

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is single and ready to mingle. So if you want

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to slide into our Instagram DMs. Feel free. If

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you have brothers or cousins or friends or relatives,

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we're accepting applications. Does your husband

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bring that single friend around a lot and you

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just wish they had a girlfriend? Send us the

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photos. Send us the bios. We're ready. But yes,

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we'll cover dating and relationships because

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I think... both are you know topics that a lot

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of people wonder because there's a ton of people

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going into weight loss in general um not just

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surgery that are married or are dating or um

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you know want to know how do we even navigate

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what does that look like and what does support

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look like and even you know questions for you

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stuff about how can you get support what type

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of supporter that you know can how can they help

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and all of that jazz but just because I'm single

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doesn't mean we don't go through the same insecurities

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because we do. Oh my gosh, for sure. And then,

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yes, I am back on the dating apps trying. I don't

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have any first stories to share just yet, but

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I told Steph, maybe I will document this on social

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a little bit more. We got to do a series. We'll

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do so. Yeah, we'll do a Hannah's dating series.

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So yeah. Is there one app over the other that

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you're on right now that you prefer? So super

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good question. And one that my therapist and

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I have talked about often. Is there like a winner?

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Like you always go to that one first? Oh boy.

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I downloaded a few of them and then fell into

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a rabbit hole on Reddit where like a lot of single

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people over 30 told me which ones were total

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bullshit. And I was like, I hear you. So obviously

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I didn't download Tinder. I'm not a 20 year old

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college boy looking around campus. However, I

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did try Bumble. And then from what I read on

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Reddit and also just kind of experience, people

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said over 30. bumble just ain't it it's not the

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platform you want to be on and i was like truthfully

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i agree so then i downloaded hinge and then coffee

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meets bagel hinge was coffee meets bagel i've

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never heard of that i'll get into that one hinge

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was okay but i wasn't spending enough time okay

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so there's a lot we'll unpack here so hinge was

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okay i do I do like the setup of it. Like you

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can go and like, it's like Instagram almost.

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You can kind of like photos and send comments

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and blah, blah, blah. And then I got coffee meets

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bagel because people said it's supposed to be

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for the more serious types. Like it's a slower

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app, but it's for people that want to get married

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and have a long -term relationship. Like more

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mature. Yeah. And I was like, okay. Cause like

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I am in my thirties. I am 30. And so I'm looking

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for men that are, you know. 30 i don't know let's

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say 33 to 43 like i don't want guys crazy older

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than me i really only i don't want like a 10

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year age gap either i i do want someone my age

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so we can go through life together totally so

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i said they're if they're on tinder they're not

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looking for the right so okay this is the more

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serious of the dating apps then this is the one

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i'll be on i hate it so much oh no And even my

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therapist was like, how's it going? So I don't

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open the app. So that's one thing I have to work

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on is like actually saying, okay, after work,

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you have to open the apps and do this. And there's

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a lot of time we can talk about my, the self

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-esteem issues after, but I don't go into them

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as much as I should. Coffee is slow and I am

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livid with how little matches you get. So you

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get six bagels a day. That also drives me nuts.

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The whole bagel. like pun thing i'm like jesus

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christ yeah these guys are bagels um but you

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get six a day and then they want you to pay for

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more now every app does that and i was like yes

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because most of them let me pay by the week and

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like i'll pay seven to fourteen dollars a week

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for a dating app to see what it's like i pay

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more than that to play marvel rivals and fortnite

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like katie knows because i'm buying skins with

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katie our mutual work friend yeah i think when

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she listens to this because i spend more on fortnite

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skins than i do on dating But Coffee Meets Bagel

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is $40 fucking dollars. What? Four zero. A month.

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That's. No. Denied. I'd be. Delete. I am not

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paying that much money. Are you kidding? When

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all the other apps are between $7 and $14 a week.

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And I know people on here are going to be like

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$7 a week times four, Hannah. Yeah, but I can

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pay by the week. Like I don't have to pay by

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the month. There is no weekly subscription to

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Coffee Meets Coffee. I'd be deleting that one.

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Well, so my therapist was like, and by the way,

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I love therapy. So that's why I talk about it.

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Like her and I have kind of run out of things

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to talk about. Now we talk about dating apps.

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So she said, well, Hannah. Maybe you should pay

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for it and start taking this seriously. What's

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your reservation? I said, I'm not against paying

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at all, but I have seen no success yet. If there's

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value in what you're paying for. Ding, ding,

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ding, ding. Why would I pay $40 when I am still

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very sure that the right person's on this app

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for me? Because of the six people that I get

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a day, they are completely not what I'm looking

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for. And you're getting solid options and you're

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making connections and you're getting value out

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of your money. That's one thing. But if it's

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trash choices, then. Yep. Yeah. Yep. And so,

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and that was, that's exactly what I told her.

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Had some of them been relevant and like, they

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don't have to always match with me because I

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know this happened, but if I opened it and went,

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oh yeah, yeah. Oh my God. This is like. Yeah.

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It's not what I'm looking for. Also, it keeps

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giving me people from Vaughn. And for those who

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don't know, Vaughn would be like a good 50 -minute

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drive from here. I'm not driving 50 minutes for

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a date. And I kind of want someone that's here,

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around me. In your area. So that was my other

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concern where I was like, A, they're really old.

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And I set my preferences and you're not listening.

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I don't want to be mean, but I don't want a 45

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-year -old or a 50 -year -old. Different stages

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of your life. I'd be deleting that one, I gotta

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say. I don't like it. So then it makes me have

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to go back to Hinge. Someone said Facebook dating

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is for old people. There's Facebook dating? I

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didn't even know that was a thing. Is, like,

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plenty of fish still around? No, don't use that.

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No, no, no. Is that still a thing, though? It's

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still a thing, but it's hot garbage. It's like

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the scam. I didn't even know if it was a thing.

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What's the other match? What's the, what was

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the other big match .com? That was a big one.

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I think I want to do hinge. Yeah. It's still

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like, let me finish Christian. Christian Mingle.

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Oh my date. All those things. You can move out

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here and do farmers looking for love. I would

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love a hardworking blue collar man. You got to

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come here on a Saturday night for wing night

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at the local Legion. It is. packed with farmers

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right okay that's what we're doing then okay

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oh if we can get a farmer bag hannah a farmer

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listen i would love that life i could be his

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little tech girl and he could go around and then

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i come out here we'll get you a farmer thank

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you i just don't want to be in tech anymore so

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i could quit and become a farm yes love it so

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okay wing night at the legion we're bringing

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hannah to mingle with the farmers So it's funny

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you bring this up because the other thing my

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therapist has said is you can't put all your

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eggs in one basket. But basically, I hope she

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doesn't listen to this because she'd be like,

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that's not the advice I give you. That's not

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what I said. Oh, my God. But she basically said,

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like, you can't just be on dating apps. So you

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got to do different avenues. Right. I said, we're

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going to be like pump them brakes. And she's

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like, Hannah, it's me. Like, yeah. You've been

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dragging your feet about this for too long. What

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about speed dating? So that's what she said.

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Could you find like walking groups, jog groups,

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running groups, because you're a runner, by speed

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dating? My hesitation was speed dating. And how

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do I say this so we don't get canceled? My hesitation

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with speed dating is I don't think older gentlemen

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go to it. Okay. I can prove you wrong. And this

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is the reason I ask. So my brother runs a brewery

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in Guelph. It's like a dog thing, right? I don't

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know. I won't say the name of the brewery just

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in case I'm not allowed. I don't know. But he

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runs a brewery in Guelph. And I just happened

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to see this earlier this month. And I was going

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to send you the post, but it said female tickets

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were sold out. So they have done speed dating,

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but they had one. They're having it at the end

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of May, but it was ages 38 to 57. And it was

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professionals only. Speed dating. And I saw the

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post on May 6th, but then it said female tickets

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sold out. Do you think I could sneak in and pretend

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I'm 38 and just be like, hello. So there are,

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there are some speed dating options out there

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for the older crowd, the more professional crowd.

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So I'm going to, I was saying this, I'm like,

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I got a message to my brother and tell him next

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time you do another one, give me a heads up so

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that I can tell him a little bit, please see

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that. So my hesitation would be if I snuck into

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that one. Yeah. they're all going to be in their

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fifties and I'm going to be like, well, shit,

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I'm like way too young. Right. But like, could

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he lower the age to like 30 and sneak in and

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come? Cause like, I can't, I can't go to 38 one.

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Cause you know, she's such a young baby, but

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I got to ask him and say, next time you're doing

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speed dating, you got to let me know ahead of

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time. So there are my birth coming up and I guess

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I could go. But there you go. I'm still too young.

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Dude, I got the big one in nine days, so don't

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even. She said speed. Yeah, so speed dating.

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There's a puppy speed dating event we're coming

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up to, and I was like. That'd be fun. So she

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said do speed dating, and you've countered my

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one argument, which was that older people don't

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do this. And then my other argument was just,

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in the nicest way possible, what if it's not

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the demographic I'm looking for? But it's only

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a couple hours, and then you go home. It is true.

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But I was just like a lot of a lot of who is

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reaching out to me or that I'm being inundated

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with is young men that are here as international

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students. And it's like, OK, thank you so much.

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I'm very flattered, but I'm not interested in

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you. So my fear was, is it going to be just an

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overwhelming room of like young international

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students that I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not really

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interested. Not my jam. Or is it more like what

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I'm looking for? Right. The other thing is I

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don't really want someone with the same job as

00:12:46.779 --> 00:12:49.559
me because I've worked with men in tech. And

00:12:49.559 --> 00:12:52.320
I'm sorry to the men in tech listening or the

00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:55.059
men in tech in my lives. I don't want to date

00:12:55.059 --> 00:12:58.519
you. I totally get that. I get that. And it's

00:12:58.519 --> 00:13:00.700
just nice to have something different. Like Devin

00:13:00.700 --> 00:13:03.039
and I, Devin doesn't know what I do. He knows

00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:05.259
what I do, but like has no concept of what I

00:13:05.259 --> 00:13:08.740
do. I kind of know what he does, but again, don't

00:13:08.740 --> 00:13:10.600
really have a concept of what he does. And it's

00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:13.039
kind of nice to have that different. That's right.

00:13:13.139 --> 00:13:15.639
Different things to talk to, different perspectives.

00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:17.980
I think working with somebody who has the same

00:13:17.980 --> 00:13:20.740
job as you, it makes it difficult to like then

00:13:20.740 --> 00:13:22.879
at the end of the day, what do you talk about?

00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:25.440
Like you just have the same stuff, same experiences,

00:13:25.539 --> 00:13:28.340
same everything. Yeah. And like I get excited

00:13:28.340 --> 00:13:30.559
when I think about dating because I've been single

00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:32.559
for a while. I don't really want to get into

00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:34.600
that side of my life, but I've been single for

00:13:34.600 --> 00:13:38.169
a while. I was in an incredibly toxic. yeah really

00:13:38.169 --> 00:13:41.649
like mentally abusive relationship um i like

00:13:41.649 --> 00:13:43.690
i have a good friend her name i'm not gonna say

00:13:43.690 --> 00:13:44.929
her name but i have a really good friend who

00:13:44.929 --> 00:13:47.450
lives here and she was like it was the hardest

00:13:47.450 --> 00:13:49.509
thing ever watching you go through that like

00:13:49.509 --> 00:13:51.750
it was so hard to be your friend through that

00:13:51.750 --> 00:13:54.009
um because like you're smart and intelligent

00:13:54.009 --> 00:13:55.929
and you just kept. And you're like, why are you

00:13:55.929 --> 00:13:57.370
doing this to yourself? Calling yourself into

00:13:57.370 --> 00:13:59.509
the dumbest situation ever. And like, she's not

00:13:59.509 --> 00:14:01.350
wrong. When I got out of it, I could look back

00:14:01.350 --> 00:14:04.210
and realize like, oh, I was physically and mentally

00:14:04.210 --> 00:14:06.789
abused a lot. But when you're in it, it's very

00:14:06.789 --> 00:14:11.029
hard to see it sometimes. So people are like,

00:14:11.389 --> 00:14:13.789
boy, why are you still single? And like a large

00:14:13.789 --> 00:14:16.009
part of it is I have very, very low self -esteem

00:14:16.009 --> 00:14:18.730
because I've been my whole life. And then another

00:14:18.730 --> 00:14:20.470
large part of it is like, cause I just don't

00:14:20.470 --> 00:14:24.049
want to. I don't, that ruined it for me. I'm

00:14:24.049 --> 00:14:26.389
having people alone. And like, I know that's

00:14:26.389 --> 00:14:28.250
not a great answer because I'm not. I do want

00:14:28.250 --> 00:14:30.809
somebody in my life and that can help me grow

00:14:30.809 --> 00:14:33.309
and can just, as you get older and things start

00:14:33.309 --> 00:14:35.389
happening, like when I got - You want to share

00:14:35.389 --> 00:14:37.470
things with people. It's very scary to be by

00:14:37.470 --> 00:14:39.470
yourself going through a health crisis too. And

00:14:39.470 --> 00:14:41.049
I'm not saying that I need a husband because

00:14:41.049 --> 00:14:43.250
I'm going to be sick, but it was just very eye

00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.009
-opening. Just to have somebody to rely on and

00:14:45.009 --> 00:14:47.710
to look out for you, right? Always me. Like I

00:14:47.710 --> 00:14:50.679
have this problem. People think that like you

00:14:50.679 --> 00:14:53.419
made a good comment about like the low self -esteem.

00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.299
And we talked a little bit with Cass about low

00:14:55.299 --> 00:14:58.419
confidence and body image and that kind of stuff.

00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:01.840
But people also think that, well, just because

00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:03.320
you're in a relationship or once you're in a

00:15:03.320 --> 00:15:06.559
relationship that that goes away. And that's

00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:08.019
not the case either. And that can be difficult

00:15:08.019 --> 00:15:10.120
because then even if you, when you do start a

00:15:10.120 --> 00:15:13.620
relationship, if things are going well, a lot

00:15:13.620 --> 00:15:17.039
of people who have been in our situations, that

00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:21.429
low self -esteem, is very hard to build back

00:15:21.429 --> 00:15:23.529
up. And that can make relationships hard too,

00:15:23.590 --> 00:15:26.289
whether it's starting one, maintaining one, growing

00:15:26.289 --> 00:15:29.950
one. So that's hard when you already have that

00:15:29.950 --> 00:15:32.889
going into things to then try and begin a solid

00:15:32.889 --> 00:15:35.549
relationship because you're always second guessing

00:15:35.549 --> 00:15:38.009
things. It's hard to be vulnerable. It's hard

00:15:38.009 --> 00:15:39.450
to be comfortable. It's hard to be your true

00:15:39.450 --> 00:15:43.389
authentic self because you're always on the defensive,

00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:48.139
I'll say. And that's... I have avoided dating

00:15:48.139 --> 00:15:52.639
for years because of how I look because I felt

00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:56.679
like, um, nobody wants to date. And like, I'm

00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:58.340
not saying this, like, I'm just saying this is

00:15:58.340 --> 00:16:00.039
what I would tell myself. No one wants to date

00:16:00.039 --> 00:16:03.539
a fat girl. Nobody wants to have, no one would

00:16:03.539 --> 00:16:07.299
find me attractive because I'm fat. Um, so what's

00:16:07.299 --> 00:16:09.419
the point? Like, even if I got to talk to them

00:16:09.419 --> 00:16:11.820
on an app, they don't get to see my body. They're

00:16:11.820 --> 00:16:14.340
going to see me in person and be disgusted. They're

00:16:14.340 --> 00:16:17.059
not going to like what they see. And then I just

00:16:17.059 --> 00:16:18.899
got to a point where I was like, it's just easier

00:16:18.899 --> 00:16:21.840
not to bother because it's causing you to be

00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:24.500
alone. Yeah. And I just, I, it's just, I'm happy

00:16:24.500 --> 00:16:27.379
alone. I convinced myself that like my life is

00:16:27.379 --> 00:16:29.080
fine and I'm happy alone and my life is truly

00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:32.039
wonderful. And I don't demand to feel fulfilled,

00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:36.100
but it's, I do, I do want to, like, I do want

00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:38.940
a husband. And I want, cause I want to do things

00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:40.320
together and I want to build a life together.

00:16:40.379 --> 00:16:42.379
And like, I'm tired of always having to share

00:16:42.379 --> 00:16:45.840
experiences, you know? Yeah. For sure. And so

00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:48.279
I'm glad that I'm independent because I'll bring

00:16:48.279 --> 00:16:50.120
that into a relationship where I'll still have

00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:52.940
my girlfriends, my own life. And I really want

00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:54.720
that in a man as well. Like this is not going

00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:58.279
to be the I love you man movie where he has no

00:16:58.279 --> 00:17:01.159
friends. Yeah. Oh, gosh. And I'm his only friend.

00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:03.039
That drives me nuts. I'm not going to be a man's

00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:05.180
mother. I'm not here to be his maid. I'm not

00:17:05.180 --> 00:17:09.279
here to be his therapist. I want to be your partner

00:17:09.279 --> 00:17:11.980
and your friend. I'm not a therapist, a maid,

00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:15.680
a nurse, or a mom. It's a 50 -50. It's the self

00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:17.279
-esteem that's holding me back. And even now,

00:17:17.380 --> 00:17:21.660
you know, I will talk about it in therapy or

00:17:21.660 --> 00:17:23.140
with others and they'll go, how's dating going?

00:17:23.339 --> 00:17:25.059
And I go, you know, and they're like, so you

00:17:25.059 --> 00:17:26.599
have dates. Are you talking to anyone? And I'm

00:17:26.599 --> 00:17:29.539
like, no. They're like, oh. And I'm like, honestly,

00:17:29.619 --> 00:17:31.539
I haven't opened the app in like two weeks. Like

00:17:31.539 --> 00:17:34.119
I'm just – Which is kind of like that argument

00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:36.359
of how are you going – when I continually say

00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:39.019
to Devin, gosh, I need to win the lottery. Gosh,

00:17:39.140 --> 00:17:40.500
I just want to win the lottery. And then he'll

00:17:40.500 --> 00:17:44.940
say, did you buy a ticket? And I say, nope. And

00:17:44.940 --> 00:17:46.359
so how are you going to win the lottery if you

00:17:46.359 --> 00:17:49.160
don't buy a ticket? How are you going to find

00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:51.819
a match if you don't open the app? I know. And

00:17:51.819 --> 00:17:53.440
that's the thing. So we got to get Hannah to

00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:57.960
open the app. You need to dedicate a certain

00:17:57.960 --> 00:18:01.900
time every week in your calendar, on your calendar

00:18:01.900 --> 00:18:04.660
and non -negotiable that from this to this time

00:18:04.660 --> 00:18:08.519
is dating app time. I just, I hate the apps too.

00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:11.559
So like that's not helping things is I just genuinely.

00:18:12.269 --> 00:18:15.150
I hate it. I hate this notion of like, it's not

00:18:15.150 --> 00:18:18.250
enjoyable online dating either. Like either they're

00:18:18.250 --> 00:18:20.329
not great at communicating or like I still have

00:18:20.329 --> 00:18:22.910
self -esteem where I feel like I need to have

00:18:22.910 --> 00:18:25.690
a billboard or the first post on every app needs

00:18:25.690 --> 00:18:28.849
to be, hey, I've lost over 161 pounds. And like,

00:18:28.910 --> 00:18:30.549
this is what I used to look like. And now this

00:18:30.549 --> 00:18:32.509
is what I look like now. That's going to be more

00:18:32.509 --> 00:18:34.730
impressive. Like, I just feel like I have to

00:18:34.730 --> 00:18:37.630
tell this story. And I know I don't. I know when

00:18:37.630 --> 00:18:40.029
I find the right person, I don't even care. But

00:18:40.029 --> 00:18:43.220
no, it'll just come naturally. so much self -esteem

00:18:43.220 --> 00:18:46.180
i still see myself as the big girl i still feel

00:18:46.180 --> 00:18:47.220
like i'm going to show up and they're going to

00:18:47.220 --> 00:18:50.259
be disappointed now i have a whole other bag

00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:52.299
of self -esteem that's like maybe i'm not as

00:18:52.299 --> 00:18:54.640
cute as i think i am because at least when i

00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:56.579
was obese i was like well thank god at least

00:18:56.579 --> 00:18:59.259
i'm cute looking and now i'm like oh my goodness

00:18:59.259 --> 00:19:03.619
god what if i'm ugly oh my goodness it wasn't

00:19:03.619 --> 00:19:06.039
the reason and i will i will message stephanie

00:19:06.039 --> 00:19:09.259
like Steph, are my eyes like - Is my face drooping?

00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:10.839
What did I say? I said like, are my eyes - You

00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:13.279
said your face was uneven. Like, is my face uneven?

00:19:13.420 --> 00:19:14.720
And I was like, what? You're like, I think it's

00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:16.960
drooping in an uneven way. I was like, I think

00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:18.839
I have an eye that's higher than the other. And

00:19:18.839 --> 00:19:21.500
you were like - I mean, I do. Like when I smile,

00:19:21.660 --> 00:19:24.779
I legitimately, I do. And it's so funny. And

00:19:24.779 --> 00:19:26.079
I used to think this too. And I used to like

00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.759
- agonize over it i remember i don't know why

00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:31.940
this is so in my brain but i remember being in

00:19:31.940 --> 00:19:34.700
grade seven and we were doing art and we were

00:19:34.700 --> 00:19:37.039
talking about like drawing people and stuff and

00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:38.680
there was this thing that came up and they were

00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:42.180
saying how if you look at the most popular celebrities

00:19:42.180 --> 00:19:44.319
and who people think are the most beautiful celebrities

00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:47.920
they have extremely symmetrical faces oh yeah

00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:51.400
i have an extremely unsymmetrical face and i

00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:55.950
remember being like oh Shit. And like, I remember

00:19:55.950 --> 00:19:58.990
then going home and like staring at myself in

00:19:58.990 --> 00:20:01.809
the mirror. First of all, beef at the fat kid.

00:20:01.950 --> 00:20:03.990
And then looking at my face being like, well,

00:20:04.069 --> 00:20:05.890
this eye is lower than this eye. This nostrils

00:20:05.890 --> 00:20:07.789
here, this side of my mouth when I smile goes

00:20:07.789 --> 00:20:09.710
up and this side stays down. And I kind of look

00:20:09.710 --> 00:20:12.650
like I had a stroke. And whenever I do like any

00:20:12.650 --> 00:20:16.130
sort of like, yeah, any sort of smile, it always,

00:20:16.170 --> 00:20:18.950
this side always goes up. And I remember this

00:20:18.950 --> 00:20:20.210
is grade seven. I remember sitting there being

00:20:20.210 --> 00:20:23.319
like, well, I'm fucked. Like. This is never going

00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:26.480
to happen for me. And now every time I look at

00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:28.819
a photo of myself or a video and I'm smiling,

00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:33.079
I can't help but look. My left side of my mouth

00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:35.660
always goes higher than my right, like significantly.

00:20:36.059 --> 00:20:38.440
And I don't do it on purpose. I can't control

00:20:38.440 --> 00:20:42.259
it. But I always pick out the asymmetries of

00:20:42.259 --> 00:20:45.039
my face all the time now. All the time. It drives

00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:47.559
me nuts. I only have one dimple. So do I. But

00:20:47.559 --> 00:20:49.660
do you want to know something funny? What? So

00:20:49.660 --> 00:20:53.289
my dad has two dimples. I have the left dimple

00:20:53.289 --> 00:20:55.950
and my brother has the right dimple. That's adorable.

00:20:56.670 --> 00:20:58.509
Isn't that cute? That's adorable. I've had it

00:20:58.509 --> 00:21:00.210
since I was little. It's always there. And my

00:21:00.210 --> 00:21:02.309
brother has the other one. Well, that's now my

00:21:02.309 --> 00:21:05.069
new fear is that it wasn't the weight. I'm just

00:21:05.069 --> 00:21:07.809
ugly. You're not? Okay. That runs through my

00:21:07.809 --> 00:21:09.910
head too. Like I'm not as attractive as I think

00:21:09.910 --> 00:21:13.289
I am. And then the age factor. I've waited too

00:21:13.289 --> 00:21:16.009
long. I'm now old. Nobody wants an old person.

00:21:16.970 --> 00:21:19.990
And you know what I never focus on? I'm a badass.

00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:24.559
who runs 10 Ks. I have a fucking cool dog. I

00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:28.160
accomplished in your career. You have my career.

00:21:28.299 --> 00:21:30.880
I have a really cool fucking job. I work in the

00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:33.900
influencer marketing field. I run a fucking crazy

00:21:33.900 --> 00:21:37.519
podcast. I love video games and literally play

00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.420
them every night. I'm a huge Marvel fan. Like

00:21:40.420 --> 00:21:44.140
there's a lot of so many pros about me, but I

00:21:44.140 --> 00:21:47.920
never focus on it. And I do a very bad job of

00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:50.920
like, I tend to acknowledging it. Yeah. And so

00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:52.740
I'm not picking the right men because I'm picking

00:21:52.740 --> 00:21:54.480
whoever's most interested. That I think goes

00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.480
back to what we talked about on our last episode

00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:59.700
too, of we don't have a history. I say people

00:21:59.700 --> 00:22:01.579
like us, people who have been through our journeys

00:22:01.579 --> 00:22:04.240
don't have a history of being nice to ourselves.

00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:08.460
We have such a history of shit talking ourselves

00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:11.920
all the time and having such horrible talk tracks

00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:15.759
and inner monologues that you can see how it.

00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:18.160
number one is very difficult to get rid of, but

00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:21.420
how it starts to show up in all these different

00:22:21.420 --> 00:22:24.240
elements of your life. And that even after, like

00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:25.740
you said, you've come so far on your journey

00:22:25.740 --> 00:22:27.740
of all these amazing things going for you. If

00:22:27.740 --> 00:22:29.559
you made a pro con list, I bet you your pro con

00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:31.440
would be a gazillion times longer than the con

00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:35.200
list. But at the end of the day, you're going

00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:37.259
to pay attention to the con list and the pro

00:22:37.259 --> 00:22:39.960
list. You're just going to ignore. Yeah. And

00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:42.680
that's the hard part. And this, and like, boy.

00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:45.140
We haven't even talked about like what it's going

00:22:45.140 --> 00:22:47.200
to be like to date. This is all what goes through

00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:49.099
my head before I even open a fucking app and

00:22:49.099 --> 00:22:52.000
talk to a man. And then all the other stuff that

00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:54.220
runs through is like, how do I navigate a first

00:22:54.220 --> 00:22:56.880
date where I don't drink and I can't eat as much?

00:22:56.900 --> 00:22:59.240
And I would. And again, when I find the right

00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:01.660
guy, our first date would be a walk. Our first

00:23:01.660 --> 00:23:03.599
date would be something like they won't. And

00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:06.640
ultimately they wouldn't care. No. But it's navigating

00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:09.140
like having to have that conversation. Yes. And

00:23:09.140 --> 00:23:12.579
how do you bring that up? shared with a friend

00:23:12.579 --> 00:23:15.140
that speed dating at a brewery now it's not the

00:23:15.140 --> 00:23:17.700
same one but speed dating at a brewery yeah and

00:23:17.700 --> 00:23:19.859
she made a comment of like well you don't drink

00:23:19.859 --> 00:23:21.759
beer right I said no I don't drink and she's

00:23:21.759 --> 00:23:23.799
like do you think maybe like that's not the right

00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:25.960
crowd for you then like I don't know if like

00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:28.079
I don't know if they're gonna be into that and

00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:30.900
I was like well They have non -alcoholic options

00:23:30.900 --> 00:23:34.279
places. And if not drinking beer is a fucking

00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:36.359
major turnoff for you, then that's fine. And

00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:38.480
it's not the right person anyway. That's fine.

00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:41.039
But, like, it's very clear from the get -go that,

00:23:41.059 --> 00:23:42.940
like, I just don't drink. I love that people

00:23:42.940 --> 00:23:45.279
drink. Go drink to your heart's content. Yeah.

00:23:45.319 --> 00:23:47.500
But I don't. And if that's a big deal breaker,

00:23:47.720 --> 00:23:49.500
then we're not meant to be. Then that tells you

00:23:49.500 --> 00:23:50.920
right off the bat not the right person anyway.

00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:54.410
Yeah. Yeah. This is, dating is going to be a

00:23:54.410 --> 00:23:56.809
really, I think, I think going on a first date

00:23:56.809 --> 00:23:59.069
is going to be a really hard thing for me because

00:23:59.069 --> 00:24:01.230
I just don't have the self -esteem. I have really

00:24:01.230 --> 00:24:05.230
bad body image issues. First, you got to do the,

00:24:05.309 --> 00:24:07.230
before you even get to that point, you got to

00:24:07.230 --> 00:24:09.910
go on the app. I know. We got to find some matches.

00:24:10.210 --> 00:24:12.490
I have to understand that I'm not looking for

00:24:12.490 --> 00:24:14.930
like just whoever. I am looking for the right

00:24:14.930 --> 00:24:18.660
person. So it will be. But I do know I need to

00:24:18.660 --> 00:24:21.380
dedicate more time, talk to more people. I need

00:24:21.380 --> 00:24:24.259
to kind of feel okay with it. But I also just

00:24:24.259 --> 00:24:27.299
know I like to avoid uncomfortable situations.

00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:31.619
Because I'm an independent woman and I get to

00:24:31.619 --> 00:24:34.279
choose what I want to do. And so for me, I'm

00:24:34.279 --> 00:24:37.000
avoiding it. Like this is me avoiding having

00:24:37.000 --> 00:24:38.619
to do something that is going to be uncomfortable.

00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:41.240
Nobody fucking loves dating. It's not like the

00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:45.750
best thing in the world. changes yeah i'll share

00:24:45.750 --> 00:24:47.829
the good the bad and the ugly with you guys i'll

00:24:47.829 --> 00:24:50.349
share like cringy messages and how i talk about

00:24:50.349 --> 00:24:53.049
surgery with them the advice i've been given

00:24:53.049 --> 00:24:55.049
is i don't need to really tell them all of that

00:24:55.049 --> 00:24:58.970
up front I feel like that's your business. That's

00:24:58.970 --> 00:25:02.309
your business. That's your prerogative. And yeah,

00:25:02.390 --> 00:25:04.950
if it comes up, I think, I think if it comes

00:25:04.950 --> 00:25:07.029
up, it comes up, but I don't think you're obligated

00:25:07.029 --> 00:25:08.829
to tell them off the bat. I don't think you have

00:25:08.829 --> 00:25:11.710
to. It can be part of a natural conversation

00:25:11.710 --> 00:25:14.750
if it comes up, but I don't think it's something

00:25:14.750 --> 00:25:18.170
that they necessarily need to know or should

00:25:18.170 --> 00:25:20.690
know right off the bat because it's such a small,

00:25:20.750 --> 00:25:24.269
it's, you don't also don't want it to define

00:25:24.269 --> 00:25:28.210
you. There's so many other, like you just said,

00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:30.890
there's so many other positive elements to you.

00:25:31.230 --> 00:25:34.650
And as a side note, I had bariatric surgery two

00:25:34.650 --> 00:25:39.289
years ago. There's so many other things to focus

00:25:39.289 --> 00:25:42.170
on. It'll come up naturally, I'm sure. It will,

00:25:42.269 --> 00:25:44.269
because people ask me all the time, oh, well,

00:25:44.450 --> 00:25:48.549
you're looking for someone that has gone through

00:25:48.549 --> 00:25:52.049
this, right? It's like, no, no, no, no. Do I

00:25:52.049 --> 00:25:54.589
want someone that will, and this will lead really

00:25:54.589 --> 00:25:57.369
into questions I have for you, Steph. Do I want

00:25:57.369 --> 00:25:59.910
someone that will fit the lifestyle well? Sure.

00:26:00.289 --> 00:26:02.329
Now, that doesn't mean you've had to have surgery

00:26:02.329 --> 00:26:05.309
or have weight loss. Or you could be at the gym

00:26:05.309 --> 00:26:07.069
every single day for six hours because I don't

00:26:07.069 --> 00:26:11.269
want a gym bro. But I don't want someone to come

00:26:11.269 --> 00:26:13.130
into my life that wants to order pizza every

00:26:13.130 --> 00:26:15.130
night and sit on the couch and doesn't really

00:26:15.130 --> 00:26:17.970
want to go for a walk because I'll fall into

00:26:17.970 --> 00:26:20.269
that habit. And that's how a lot of women end

00:26:20.269 --> 00:26:22.829
up regaining is they get into new relationships.

00:26:23.009 --> 00:26:25.329
The new relationship ends up being really like,

00:26:25.390 --> 00:26:27.470
let's eat out. Let's order in. Let's get dessert.

00:26:27.549 --> 00:26:29.390
I love you. You look beautiful. Just eat what

00:26:29.390 --> 00:26:31.170
you want to eat. And then the next thing they

00:26:31.170 --> 00:26:34.009
know, they've gained 30 or 40 pounds and they're

00:26:34.009 --> 00:26:36.849
really upset with themselves. And so for me,

00:26:36.869 --> 00:26:38.789
it's important that I don't fall into the relationship

00:26:38.789 --> 00:26:42.539
trap. we can just do whatever we want because

00:26:42.539 --> 00:26:44.940
this man says that I look good. So I would like

00:26:44.940 --> 00:26:47.200
someone that like wants to hike, wants to walk,

00:26:47.380 --> 00:26:50.299
is a bit cautious, conscience of like what he

00:26:50.299 --> 00:26:53.990
eats. isn't interested in just like pizza and

00:26:53.990 --> 00:26:57.690
beer on the couch every night. So no, they don't

00:26:57.690 --> 00:26:59.569
have to have weight loss surgery, but yeah, they

00:26:59.569 --> 00:27:01.950
need to fit into it. And so this brings up the

00:27:01.950 --> 00:27:03.829
question we get asked a lot is when you're already

00:27:03.829 --> 00:27:07.210
in existing relationships, how has this impacted?

00:27:07.609 --> 00:27:09.549
Because you guys obviously met at a different

00:27:09.549 --> 00:27:13.109
stage of life and relationships grow with you

00:27:13.109 --> 00:27:15.990
and grow through change, but you aren't entering

00:27:15.990 --> 00:27:18.809
surgery for your, by yourself. I had the luxury

00:27:18.809 --> 00:27:21.029
of having no one to think about, but me. But

00:27:21.029 --> 00:27:24.470
you had to think about your husband. Not that

00:27:24.470 --> 00:27:27.309
this decision was his, it was yours, but how

00:27:27.309 --> 00:27:29.450
has this kind of changed your relationship with

00:27:29.450 --> 00:27:32.190
him? And like, what does that look like being

00:27:32.190 --> 00:27:35.049
married and having one of you go through this?

00:27:35.569 --> 00:27:38.750
Yeah, it's not, I will tell you, it's not easy.

00:27:39.210 --> 00:27:42.990
If you are a couple where only one of you are

00:27:42.990 --> 00:27:44.829
doing it, we've seen some couples on social media

00:27:44.829 --> 00:27:47.170
where they both do it either at the same time

00:27:47.170 --> 00:27:50.509
or one after the other. We are not that case.

00:27:50.569 --> 00:27:55.329
So I have always been larger than Devin. We met

00:27:55.329 --> 00:27:59.529
online, online dating. My cousin, we had a party

00:27:59.529 --> 00:28:01.390
at my house. Sorry, mom, when my parents were

00:28:01.390 --> 00:28:05.569
out of town. We had a party at my house and she

00:28:05.569 --> 00:28:10.730
signed me up in an intoxicated stupor. Told me

00:28:10.730 --> 00:28:15.210
about it like hours later. And I, at the time,

00:28:15.210 --> 00:28:17.660
we were young. We had had a couple beverages.

00:28:17.859 --> 00:28:19.960
We couldn't figure out how to delete the profile.

00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:21.980
And then just kind of forgot about it. We're

00:28:21.980 --> 00:28:23.640
partying. We're like, yeah, whatever. And then

00:28:23.640 --> 00:28:26.259
a couple days later, I got some notifications.

00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:28.519
And I was like, what is this? He's like, oh,

00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:31.660
shit. I forgot that she signed me up on this

00:28:31.660 --> 00:28:35.160
stupid dating app. And so I went through the

00:28:35.160 --> 00:28:39.119
online dating, had a couple, met some interesting

00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:42.400
people from there. But that's ultimately where

00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:47.569
Devin and I met. Anyway, so. I, when I met Devin,

00:28:47.630 --> 00:28:50.549
he was like significantly smaller than me in

00:28:50.549 --> 00:28:54.230
terms of like weight and size. And so same thing

00:28:54.230 --> 00:28:59.369
that self -esteem was a huge issue, huge concern,

00:28:59.509 --> 00:29:03.410
terrifying to actually meet in person. All the

00:29:03.410 --> 00:29:05.829
pictures you share are like your neck up, you're

00:29:05.829 --> 00:29:08.529
afraid, totally get it, went through that whole

00:29:08.529 --> 00:29:14.509
thing. But that being said, I, we've gone through

00:29:14.509 --> 00:29:17.630
like. And not that it was good to go through

00:29:17.630 --> 00:29:19.069
these things, but we've gone through a lot of

00:29:19.069 --> 00:29:20.609
hard things together. We did fertility treatments

00:29:20.609 --> 00:29:23.450
for years. We went through the adoption cycle.

00:29:23.750 --> 00:29:26.990
So we've been through a lot of challenging things

00:29:26.990 --> 00:29:30.250
in the past. But this was different because we

00:29:30.250 --> 00:29:32.869
weren't doing it necessarily together. So like

00:29:32.869 --> 00:29:34.829
you said, the decision was ultimately mine. I

00:29:34.829 --> 00:29:37.049
did, obviously, I asked him, you know, what are

00:29:37.049 --> 00:29:39.490
your thoughts? I involved him in those initial

00:29:39.490 --> 00:29:41.549
calls with the clinic so he could hear things.

00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:44.559
But and he said to like, you know, stuff like

00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:46.220
this is at the end of the day, this is your this

00:29:46.220 --> 00:29:49.420
is your call. Right. But I definitely wanted

00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:51.940
to make sure that the support was there. He was

00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:53.680
concerned because it's surgery at the end of

00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:58.039
the day. But it was very much of it didn't matter

00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:01.640
to him whether I had it or not. Obviously, he

00:30:01.640 --> 00:30:03.880
wants me to be healthy and be around and be here

00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:07.640
for him and the kids. But from a will I love

00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:10.319
you more if you have surgery perspective? No.

00:30:11.099 --> 00:30:13.980
But ultimately it was my decision. So I was very

00:30:13.980 --> 00:30:17.099
lucky. Devin was great through the whole thing.

00:30:17.980 --> 00:30:20.200
The recovery, he was super supportive during

00:30:20.200 --> 00:30:22.339
the recovery, very helpful. Again, recovery was

00:30:22.339 --> 00:30:24.279
pretty easy. Not that I really needed a lot,

00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:27.259
but he was definitely there. I think the hard

00:30:27.259 --> 00:30:30.819
part now being six, almost seven months post

00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:34.519
-op is that I have said from the beginning, so

00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:37.430
I have two kids that are. Seven and nine. Oh,

00:30:37.450 --> 00:30:40.210
my gosh. Almost ten. Almost seven and ten. And

00:30:40.210 --> 00:30:43.849
I've said from the beginning, like, I want this

00:30:43.849 --> 00:30:47.230
to ultimately help everyone in the house make

00:30:47.230 --> 00:30:50.430
better decisions and healthier decisions. That

00:30:50.430 --> 00:30:54.549
being said, I'm not going to expect everyone

00:30:54.549 --> 00:30:59.970
to drastically change all of their food choices

00:30:59.970 --> 00:31:04.119
to match mine. Because it is. we'll say a little

00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:06.380
excessive at the beginning when I'm having purees

00:31:06.380 --> 00:31:08.980
and I'm not having beef and they want to have

00:31:08.980 --> 00:31:10.619
hamburgers. I'm not going to say you guys can't

00:31:10.619 --> 00:31:13.400
have beef for six months, you know? So they were

00:31:13.400 --> 00:31:17.900
really great with accommodating and being supportive

00:31:17.900 --> 00:31:22.839
in that sense. It's been difficult in the sense

00:31:22.839 --> 00:31:26.460
of as the mom, I'm typically the one who makes

00:31:26.460 --> 00:31:30.200
dinner and does all, does. those things. So having

00:31:30.200 --> 00:31:33.460
to make multiple meals, not easy, especially

00:31:33.460 --> 00:31:35.299
when you're making something for your family,

00:31:35.420 --> 00:31:39.039
like hamburgers that you love, but you're here

00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:42.099
having your pureed vegetables or whatever you're

00:31:42.099 --> 00:31:46.059
having at that stage. So that's difficult, that

00:31:46.059 --> 00:31:49.140
type of thing. But from a relationship perspective,

00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:54.960
it's... It hasn't, I would say it hasn't changed

00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:59.140
a ton. I think the hard thing for me is when

00:31:59.140 --> 00:32:01.660
we do have those differences in eating habits,

00:32:01.859 --> 00:32:04.640
Devin is an evening snacker. He intermittent

00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:06.799
fast during the day, doesn't eat a lot during

00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:09.259
the day, but then after dinner, he'll have some

00:32:09.259 --> 00:32:12.539
chips or some this or some that. So that's hard

00:32:12.539 --> 00:32:14.400
because like you talked about having food in

00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:16.940
the house that shouldn't be in the house. Again,

00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:19.900
we've tried to pair that back, but I'm not going

00:32:19.900 --> 00:32:21.759
to stop. I'm not going to say to him, you can't

00:32:21.759 --> 00:32:23.460
ever have chips anymore because I don't want

00:32:23.460 --> 00:32:25.180
them in the house. That's not realistic of me

00:32:25.180 --> 00:32:28.420
to put those expectations on somebody else. Have

00:32:28.420 --> 00:32:32.160
we toned it down? Definitely. Okay. But compromise

00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:35.980
is a big thing in those situations. It is. But

00:32:35.980 --> 00:32:38.900
the self -esteem that you talk about, that's

00:32:38.900 --> 00:32:40.819
something, again, I've struggled with my entire

00:32:40.819 --> 00:32:44.119
life, my entire relationship with Devin, just

00:32:44.119 --> 00:32:46.240
because I was lucky enough to find somebody who

00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:49.359
loved me for who I was at whatever size I was.

00:32:50.410 --> 00:32:53.750
didn't make me comfortable in that size didn't

00:32:53.750 --> 00:32:57.470
make me necessarily feel good about myself I

00:32:57.470 --> 00:32:59.930
think I maybe kind of also I took it for granted

00:32:59.930 --> 00:33:05.150
I think in one sense um but it it didn't it didn't

00:33:05.150 --> 00:33:09.730
help me um and I still now having lost what 96

00:33:09.730 --> 00:33:15.829
97 pounds I still see myself as that bigger person

00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:18.759
when it comes to our relationship. Devin has

00:33:18.759 --> 00:33:20.460
lost a lot of weight in the last year on his

00:33:20.460 --> 00:33:22.500
own. He's done phenomenal. He's lost like almost

00:33:22.500 --> 00:33:27.519
a hundred pounds. Yeah, pretty crazy. So it kind

00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:29.059
of, I'm not going to lie, it kind of makes me

00:33:29.059 --> 00:33:33.339
feel good that I'm getting closer to matching.

00:33:34.339 --> 00:33:37.579
I'll say looking like more of a typical couple,

00:33:37.619 --> 00:33:40.400
if you want to put it that way. And like the

00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:42.140
other day, I didn't have a t -shirt that fit

00:33:42.140 --> 00:33:43.500
me to wear. They're all too big. And he said,

00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:45.240
well, why don't you wear one of mine? And my

00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:47.220
first comment was, well, I can't fit into one

00:33:47.220 --> 00:33:49.759
of your t -shirts. And I was like, oh shit, maybe

00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:53.200
I, maybe I can. And that was kind of one of those

00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:59.759
moments, but I still like TMI, but like, I still,

00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:02.460
if I come out of the shower in a towel and he

00:34:02.460 --> 00:34:05.259
kind of makes a comment or goes to like flick

00:34:05.259 --> 00:34:07.400
the towel or whatever, I still am super self

00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:12.059
-conscious about it. I still feel like I'm. that

00:34:12.059 --> 00:34:15.139
bigger person. It hasn't necessarily changed

00:34:15.139 --> 00:34:22.119
that element yet. I can feel a shift, but that's

00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:25.460
still definitely a part of the relationship that

00:34:25.460 --> 00:34:29.559
I need to work on is that acceptance piece. But

00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:31.920
I've been very lucky to have somebody who's been

00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:34.619
very supportive. But I think you just need to

00:34:34.619 --> 00:34:37.900
set clear expectations up front and have that

00:34:37.900 --> 00:34:41.730
conversation before. You have surgery and say,

00:34:41.829 --> 00:34:44.769
look, this is what I'm going to do. This is what

00:34:44.769 --> 00:34:48.190
I need from you in order to be successful. But

00:34:48.190 --> 00:34:49.989
I don't think it would have been fair for me

00:34:49.989 --> 00:34:52.610
to walk in and say, okay, these are the changes

00:34:52.610 --> 00:34:55.769
I'm making and you have to make them. I have

00:34:55.769 --> 00:34:57.409
to take accountability and ownership and have

00:34:57.409 --> 00:35:01.670
that willpower to, yes, have the support, but

00:35:01.670 --> 00:35:05.989
ultimately make my priorities my priorities and

00:35:05.989 --> 00:35:08.070
know that they won't necessarily align all the

00:35:08.070 --> 00:35:12.139
time. Exactly. I think you've highlighted, and

00:35:12.139 --> 00:35:13.840
this is not to discourage anybody from doing

00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.820
it, but there is a large statistic of women who

00:35:16.820 --> 00:35:19.280
end up having bariatric surgery and then unfortunately

00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:23.260
like end up divorced. Divorce rate is huge after

00:35:23.260 --> 00:35:26.139
surgery. It's like 50 % or something. It's crazy.

00:35:26.159 --> 00:35:28.460
It's way higher. It's like 60 something. Yeah,

00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:31.500
it's nuts. And for men, it's like. 10 because

00:35:31.500 --> 00:35:34.760
you know women are better um but yeah it's big

00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:37.119
and i think like what you've highlighted is i

00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:39.000
don't think a lot of people have these conversations

00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:42.559
um and talk about how i don't expect you to change

00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:44.800
everything but i expect you to support me in

00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:48.619
a way that we no longer maybe do this and i think

00:35:49.230 --> 00:35:51.230
That's the hard thing for a lot of people in

00:35:51.230 --> 00:35:53.710
pre -existing relationships is they're not going

00:35:53.710 --> 00:35:56.489
to change everything, nor do they have to. But

00:35:56.489 --> 00:35:58.710
are you going to be able to navigate that? And

00:35:58.710 --> 00:36:00.469
are they going to be the type of partner that,

00:36:00.469 --> 00:36:03.230
you know, when you're in the early days of this

00:36:03.230 --> 00:36:05.719
surgery? bring home a pizza and eat it in front

00:36:05.719 --> 00:36:07.820
of you? Or are they going to go, I'm going to

00:36:07.820 --> 00:36:09.900
eat out tonight and let you do your thing? You

00:36:09.900 --> 00:36:12.760
stay home. We didn't order pizza for six months.

00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:16.000
And we were a regular pizza family. It's the

00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:20.159
one fast food thing we have in town. And so,

00:36:20.179 --> 00:36:23.760
my gosh, my voice is going. We didn't order pizza

00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:26.980
for six months. But you also have to have not

00:36:26.980 --> 00:36:29.559
only the conversation about This is what I'm

00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:31.159
doing. This is why I'm doing it. This is the

00:36:31.159 --> 00:36:33.559
support I need, etc. This is what I expect from

00:36:33.559 --> 00:36:35.760
you or I would hope I would get from you. This

00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:39.059
is what I do not expect of you. We've also talked

00:36:39.059 --> 00:36:41.960
about on this how... You change as a person through

00:36:41.960 --> 00:36:44.440
this process. And I've said it before. I am not

00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:47.179
the same person I was six months ago, three months

00:36:47.179 --> 00:36:50.780
ago, even a couple of weeks ago. And so that

00:36:50.780 --> 00:36:52.780
I think is where a lot of the tension can come

00:36:52.780 --> 00:36:55.940
from is my priorities have changed. My outlook

00:36:55.940 --> 00:36:58.280
on things have changed. My attitude on things

00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:03.079
have changed. I put, I'm getting better. I'm

00:37:03.079 --> 00:37:05.800
still not all the time great, but I've gotten

00:37:05.800 --> 00:37:09.230
better at putting my needs. further up, higher

00:37:09.230 --> 00:37:11.190
up on the list than everybody else. And that's

00:37:11.190 --> 00:37:12.650
a big shift, right? Because when you're somebody

00:37:12.650 --> 00:37:14.969
who always puts everybody else first and you

00:37:14.969 --> 00:37:16.349
always put yourself in the back burner, people

00:37:16.349 --> 00:37:18.650
get used to that. And people get used to you

00:37:18.650 --> 00:37:21.230
doing things for them and looking after things.

00:37:21.429 --> 00:37:24.510
And I have started to work on changing that.

00:37:24.590 --> 00:37:26.969
And that's my own fault is I let that happen

00:37:26.969 --> 00:37:29.750
for far too long. Sure. And I let people get

00:37:29.750 --> 00:37:32.929
used to that. And so I have now made like non

00:37:32.929 --> 00:37:35.349
-negotiables of, for example. I need this time

00:37:35.349 --> 00:37:37.530
to record the podcast or this is my time where

00:37:37.530 --> 00:37:40.250
I need to work out. These are the food items

00:37:40.250 --> 00:37:42.530
I need to have in the house. These are the priorities

00:37:42.530 --> 00:37:45.489
I need to look after. And that doesn't always

00:37:45.489 --> 00:37:47.769
sit well with people because people don't like

00:37:47.769 --> 00:37:50.630
change. And you can get really complacent in

00:37:50.630 --> 00:37:53.349
your relationships. And you have to have somebody

00:37:53.349 --> 00:37:56.090
who understands where those changes are coming

00:37:56.090 --> 00:37:59.610
from and that it's not an attack on them. It's

00:37:59.610 --> 00:38:01.289
not a personal thing on them, but you are becoming

00:38:01.289 --> 00:38:03.570
a different person. And sometimes when that happens.

00:38:04.369 --> 00:38:06.809
your differences become very apparent. And some

00:38:06.809 --> 00:38:08.969
people don't like those new priorities that you

00:38:08.969 --> 00:38:12.130
have. And you have to talk about that. Yeah.

00:38:12.329 --> 00:38:14.550
And I think that's like the most important thing.

00:38:14.710 --> 00:38:17.670
And also good that you talked about too, like

00:38:17.670 --> 00:38:20.590
the self -esteem is still there. Oh my gosh,

00:38:20.590 --> 00:38:22.449
it's still there. I still cover myself up all

00:38:22.449 --> 00:38:24.909
the, like, I've always been bad at that. I still

00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:28.769
cover myself up. Even when, before surgery, when

00:38:28.769 --> 00:38:31.630
I was, I got my heaviest. Devin would always

00:38:31.630 --> 00:38:33.860
say, why are you wearing that? Like, why do you?

00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:35.800
And he would always, I remember we went once,

00:38:35.900 --> 00:38:38.659
we went to his cousin's wedding and we forgot

00:38:38.659 --> 00:38:40.599
all of our clothes at home. And it was like an

00:38:40.599 --> 00:38:42.900
out of town overnight hotel wedding, like a couple

00:38:42.900 --> 00:38:44.920
hours away. And we got to the hotel and realized

00:38:44.920 --> 00:38:47.760
we left my dress and his suit in the front hall

00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:49.679
at home. And the wedding was in like an hour

00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:53.739
and a half. So we had to book it, find a clothing

00:38:53.739 --> 00:38:57.559
store in this town we didn't know and buy a new

00:38:57.559 --> 00:38:59.599
suit for Devin that they could tailor in like

00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:02.030
an hour and a new dress for me. And I remember

00:39:02.030 --> 00:39:03.590
Devin came with and he was bringing me all these

00:39:03.590 --> 00:39:05.489
dresses to try on and they were all like form

00:39:05.489 --> 00:39:08.670
fitted, no sleeves, all this kind of stuff. And

00:39:08.670 --> 00:39:10.329
I would put them on and he would like, come out

00:39:10.329 --> 00:39:12.289
of the fitting room. I said, nope. Come out,

00:39:12.329 --> 00:39:14.309
nope. So then I finally come out and he would

00:39:14.309 --> 00:39:16.030
be like, oh my God, you have to buy that dress.

00:39:16.190 --> 00:39:18.230
And I would look at it and I could, oh, I can

00:39:18.230 --> 00:39:20.170
see that rule. It's hugging me here. It's coming

00:39:20.170 --> 00:39:23.030
up. Nope, wouldn't do it. And he would get so

00:39:23.030 --> 00:39:25.170
mad at me and just, cause he didn't understand.

00:39:26.059 --> 00:39:29.820
why I saw myself the way I saw myself and why

00:39:29.820 --> 00:39:33.820
I couldn't see myself the way he sees me. And

00:39:33.820 --> 00:39:35.980
I think, I've never talked about this to him,

00:39:36.019 --> 00:39:39.360
but I think he's hoping that the surgery will

00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:41.159
change that and it will give me the confidence

00:39:41.159 --> 00:39:45.320
that I have been missing. And it's slowly coming.

00:39:45.460 --> 00:39:49.440
It's slowly coming. But it's really hard. And

00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:52.739
I think that's where, that's probably where some

00:39:52.739 --> 00:39:56.320
of the struggle is, is okay, well you lost 97

00:39:56.320 --> 00:39:58.320
pounds. Why are you still covering up? Why are

00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:00.280
you still covering up? Why are you still doing

00:40:00.280 --> 00:40:02.500
like, because it's so ingrained in who you are.

00:40:02.579 --> 00:40:05.039
It is. And like, I know that they see the changes

00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:07.159
and they're interested in it and they, but like

00:40:07.159 --> 00:40:10.119
for us, it's, it's harder to see it much. And

00:40:10.119 --> 00:40:12.340
we have a loose skin and things to think about.

00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:14.460
So let me ask you a question that I think people

00:40:14.460 --> 00:40:16.739
will want to know, but it might be very personal.

00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:20.099
How long after surgery did you wait before you

00:40:20.099 --> 00:40:25.579
guys, you know, long time. New body. Who dis?

00:40:26.099 --> 00:40:29.460
Long time. Part of it was because you're, you

00:40:29.460 --> 00:40:33.880
become very fertile post -surgery. So I had to

00:40:33.880 --> 00:40:36.320
wait till I was on birth control, which yes,

00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:39.559
I'm back on birth control. Very smart. Yes. Because

00:40:39.559 --> 00:40:42.880
I don't want no more kids. I don't want, nope,

00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:45.739
I'm good. So I had to wait till that, but yeah,

00:40:45.780 --> 00:40:49.269
long time. Sorry, Devin, if you're listening.

00:40:49.469 --> 00:40:52.070
Probably isn't. Long time. Because yeah, the

00:40:52.070 --> 00:40:54.730
confidence is still not there. And then like

00:40:54.730 --> 00:40:56.969
you said, then you become hyper aware of the

00:40:56.969 --> 00:40:59.550
loose skin where things, you were already worried

00:40:59.550 --> 00:41:01.250
about things sagging. And now you're like, oh

00:41:01.250 --> 00:41:03.230
my gosh, now this is sagging. Like what happened

00:41:03.230 --> 00:41:05.889
to my boobs? They look like flapjacks. Like look

00:41:05.889 --> 00:41:08.449
at how, look at how they're like, like you become

00:41:08.449 --> 00:41:12.639
hyper aware. of all of the other changes and

00:41:12.639 --> 00:41:14.960
like, okay, I had saggy arms before, but now

00:41:14.960 --> 00:41:16.679
because I'm getting loose skin, it's all like,

00:41:16.679 --> 00:41:20.300
it's wrinkly saggy. Like, oh, it takes things

00:41:20.300 --> 00:41:22.699
to a whole new level. And like you said, they're

00:41:22.699 --> 00:41:24.780
looking at you going, oh my gosh, you've lost

00:41:24.780 --> 00:41:26.340
this much weight. You're doing this, like you've

00:41:26.340 --> 00:41:28.719
shrunk. And he's made so many comments like that

00:41:28.719 --> 00:41:32.800
and bless his heart. But we still see it as,

00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:35.039
okay, yeah, I lost that weight, but now I have

00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.280
this and I have this and this and this. And so

00:41:38.280 --> 00:41:40.829
even if you're not focused on the extra pounds,

00:41:40.869 --> 00:41:43.349
you're now focused on the extra skin and the

00:41:43.349 --> 00:41:45.110
way things don't sit the way they used to sit

00:41:45.110 --> 00:41:48.849
before. And you still find ways to pick apart

00:41:48.849 --> 00:41:51.849
yourself and you still find ways to be self -conscious.

00:41:52.090 --> 00:41:53.989
So it's tough. You think it's going to solve

00:41:53.989 --> 00:41:58.929
everything and it's not. It's yeah. And I think

00:41:58.929 --> 00:42:00.809
that's a really important thing to highlight

00:42:00.809 --> 00:42:05.030
is like. It takes a while for us to get where

00:42:05.030 --> 00:42:08.650
we need to go. So being patient in the fact that

00:42:08.650 --> 00:42:10.469
we're not going to love our bodies instantly.

00:42:10.530 --> 00:42:13.369
No. But also like this is going to be our obsession

00:42:13.369 --> 00:42:17.530
for a few years too, right? And so make sure

00:42:17.530 --> 00:42:19.590
you have that support system and you pre -talk

00:42:19.590 --> 00:42:21.989
about that support because whether it's a new

00:42:21.989 --> 00:42:24.110
relationship or an existing one, if that person

00:42:24.110 --> 00:42:27.889
is not going to see you through this, a lot of

00:42:27.889 --> 00:42:31.710
the horror stories we do hear are women have

00:42:31.710 --> 00:42:34.489
had this surgery. And the men in their lives

00:42:34.489 --> 00:42:37.369
absolutely refuse to do anything to support it.

00:42:37.409 --> 00:42:40.630
And in fact, will eat and drink whatever they

00:42:40.630 --> 00:42:44.010
want in front of them. There's a great example,

00:42:44.170 --> 00:42:47.409
you know, in our family, we knew someone that

00:42:47.409 --> 00:42:52.389
was an alcoholic who wanted to get better. And

00:42:52.389 --> 00:42:56.489
her husband refused to stop drinking. And people

00:42:56.489 --> 00:42:59.590
were like, you're an alcoholic and they're trying.

00:43:00.409 --> 00:43:02.369
And the response was, well, I'm not an alcoholic,

00:43:02.469 --> 00:43:04.929
so why the hell do I have to stop? And it's like,

00:43:04.989 --> 00:43:07.969
at some point, I understand that you want to

00:43:07.969 --> 00:43:10.230
live your life, but do you not love this person

00:43:10.230 --> 00:43:12.869
enough to give that up for a little bit, to help

00:43:12.869 --> 00:43:15.510
them a little bit, to say, you know what, I'll

00:43:15.510 --> 00:43:18.070
just go eat out at lunch at my office when they

00:43:18.070 --> 00:43:22.360
can't see me do it. beware of people who come

00:43:22.360 --> 00:43:24.300
home and go I bought a whole cake here you go

00:43:24.300 --> 00:43:26.719
it kind of also goes back to and like I know

00:43:26.719 --> 00:43:28.300
that this is going to be something that I have

00:43:28.300 --> 00:43:30.360
to pay attention to as well because this happens

00:43:30.360 --> 00:43:33.300
for people dating this is not a marriage thing

00:43:34.090 --> 00:43:35.869
I have to be very cautious of those people that

00:43:35.869 --> 00:43:39.829
just like to bring others down on their face

00:43:39.829 --> 00:43:43.610
because the ex that I had, who was super physically

00:43:43.610 --> 00:43:46.630
and mentally abusive would do shit. Like we're

00:43:46.630 --> 00:43:48.050
going to go to Dairy Queen and you super deserve

00:43:48.050 --> 00:43:50.710
it and get a big, like knowing I hated my body

00:43:50.710 --> 00:43:53.309
because for him it was his control over me was.

00:43:53.869 --> 00:43:55.869
I know you hate your body and I'm going to make

00:43:55.869 --> 00:43:57.949
you feel like I'm the only person that you could

00:43:57.949 --> 00:44:00.070
ever get with a body like that. But then I'm

00:44:00.070 --> 00:44:02.010
also going to shove you full of food and convince

00:44:02.010 --> 00:44:04.750
you that it's totally OK to eat like this. And

00:44:04.750 --> 00:44:06.590
I have to watch for that, too, because you'll

00:44:06.590 --> 00:44:09.789
see stories on Reddit where they say I got into

00:44:09.789 --> 00:44:12.090
a relationship and now I've gained 40 pounds.

00:44:12.289 --> 00:44:15.949
Yeah, for sure. Watch that because like don't

00:44:15.949 --> 00:44:18.409
don't let whoever you're in a relationship with

00:44:18.409 --> 00:44:20.769
be the thing that gives you permission to break,

00:44:20.789 --> 00:44:24.219
break your. amazing work you are so much more

00:44:24.219 --> 00:44:27.059
than a relationship I think is but I understand

00:44:27.059 --> 00:44:28.920
how that could be so hard especially if you've

00:44:28.920 --> 00:44:31.480
been with someone for 20 30 40 years like that

00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:34.599
is your person um and you have to believe that

00:44:34.599 --> 00:44:36.699
they have your best interest at heart and I don't

00:44:36.699 --> 00:44:39.300
think it's malicious but sometimes people just

00:44:39.300 --> 00:44:42.099
don't like when you better yourself and don't

00:44:42.099 --> 00:44:44.440
quite understand when you become stronger mentally

00:44:44.440 --> 00:44:47.699
physically emotionally um and there's a difference

00:44:47.699 --> 00:44:50.650
between like I don't want to say it sounds bad,

00:44:50.670 --> 00:44:52.170
but like when people are like, oh, you know,

00:44:52.230 --> 00:44:54.449
it doesn't matter. I love you for who you are.

00:44:54.510 --> 00:44:59.210
That's great. And I appreciate that. However,

00:44:59.489 --> 00:45:01.630
and Devon and I have talked about this too because,

00:45:01.690 --> 00:45:04.530
you know, like he did love me when I was at my

00:45:04.530 --> 00:45:09.570
heaviest. But you also want that person who wants

00:45:09.570 --> 00:45:13.250
the best for you. And so, like you said, and

00:45:13.250 --> 00:45:15.610
like I was talking about, I didn't expect him

00:45:15.610 --> 00:45:18.650
to. not ever eat chips because I didn't want

00:45:18.650 --> 00:45:21.769
chips. But yes, if he was having chips, he would

00:45:21.769 --> 00:45:24.730
buy them when I wasn't there. He would put them

00:45:24.730 --> 00:45:27.050
out in the shop where I don't go and he would

00:45:27.050 --> 00:45:30.030
have them when he was out there by himself. There

00:45:30.030 --> 00:45:32.050
was no mention of it. There was no showing it.

00:45:32.570 --> 00:45:35.550
And if I had brought up, you know, wanting something,

00:45:35.829 --> 00:45:38.269
he would remind me in a supportive, positive

00:45:38.269 --> 00:45:42.389
way. But do you really want that? If you do.

00:45:43.380 --> 00:45:45.179
That's on you. I'm not going to stop you, but

00:45:45.179 --> 00:45:48.079
think about, think about what you're doing and

00:45:48.079 --> 00:45:50.019
think about why you're doing this and give that

00:45:50.019 --> 00:45:54.559
extra little push. And again, like he has a physical

00:45:54.559 --> 00:45:56.119
job. He doesn't work out. I don't expect him

00:45:56.119 --> 00:45:58.900
to get up at 445 with me and work out with me,

00:45:58.980 --> 00:46:03.019
but know that that's my time. And that's what

00:46:03.019 --> 00:46:06.239
I'm doing at that moment. And that's all there

00:46:06.239 --> 00:46:08.159
is to it. So there's, you can support people

00:46:08.159 --> 00:46:11.900
and love them. Love them for who they are but

00:46:11.900 --> 00:46:14.880
still want the best for them and support them

00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:18.659
in that positive way and encourage them in a

00:46:18.659 --> 00:46:22.960
positive way. Do you have any advice for married

00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:26.719
women or men who are listening but married people

00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:29.980
that are about to start this journey or start

00:46:29.980 --> 00:46:32.900
a weight loss journey? I think number one, communication

00:46:32.900 --> 00:46:35.820
is a big one. Like I said, I involved Devin from

00:46:35.820 --> 00:46:37.800
day one when I came home from the doctor and

00:46:37.800 --> 00:46:39.559
told him right away that this is what the doctor

00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:42.119
had suggested. He was on that very first call

00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:44.500
with the clinic where they started explaining

00:46:44.500 --> 00:46:47.099
everything. I always, after my appointments,

00:46:47.159 --> 00:46:49.599
sat down and said, do you want to hear what we

00:46:49.599 --> 00:46:53.940
talked about? Explained all of the options to

00:46:53.940 --> 00:46:58.159
him, the processes, what it would be like. Communication,

00:46:58.599 --> 00:47:01.800
for sure. Because you're going through a lot.

00:47:03.320 --> 00:47:06.000
And I remember afterwards talking to him about

00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:08.019
like those first couple weeks where you're not

00:47:08.019 --> 00:47:10.960
really eating. You're not really drinking. You're

00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:13.500
not the happiest person. Let's face it. You're

00:47:13.500 --> 00:47:16.820
moody. And even as now, six months out, my body

00:47:16.820 --> 00:47:18.480
is still changing. My hormones are changing.

00:47:18.679 --> 00:47:20.860
There are days when I am probably not the easiest

00:47:20.860 --> 00:47:24.199
person to deal with. So having that open and

00:47:24.199 --> 00:47:26.940
honest communication from the beginning is so

00:47:26.940 --> 00:47:30.559
important. And just laying out. why you're doing

00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:32.639
this, what you want out of it, what your expectations

00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:36.340
are, and then continually checking in. Because

00:47:36.340 --> 00:47:39.079
as we said, I'm changing every couple months.

00:47:39.139 --> 00:47:41.400
My priorities are changing. So making sure that

00:47:41.400 --> 00:47:43.199
you're continually having that open dialogue

00:47:43.199 --> 00:47:47.039
about how you're feeling and about what's changing,

00:47:47.179 --> 00:47:50.619
where your thoughts are, and just making sure

00:47:50.619 --> 00:47:53.579
that you have that safe space to have those conversations

00:47:53.579 --> 00:47:55.519
and that they can also come to you and that he's

00:47:55.519 --> 00:47:57.119
come to me and been like, Steph, you're being

00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:01.280
a real bitch today, okay? and have to tone it

00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:02.619
down and rein it in and be like, you know what?

00:48:02.639 --> 00:48:04.739
Yeah, I'm a little cranky today. And sometimes

00:48:04.739 --> 00:48:06.500
that makes me sit back and go, you know what?

00:48:06.559 --> 00:48:09.079
I didn't work out today. So yeah, I am a little

00:48:09.079 --> 00:48:12.039
bit not as happy as I usually am when I work

00:48:12.039 --> 00:48:15.500
out. Or, ooh, you know what? Haven't had protein

00:48:15.500 --> 00:48:17.760
in a while. Maybe I'm getting a little hangry.

00:48:18.760 --> 00:48:22.380
So communication 100 % through the entire process

00:48:22.380 --> 00:48:27.070
is super important. Super important. I love it.

00:48:27.090 --> 00:48:28.690
I think that's really good advice for people.

00:48:28.809 --> 00:48:31.190
I obviously have zero advice for dating because

00:48:31.190 --> 00:48:35.090
I have not done it yet, but follow along because

00:48:35.090 --> 00:48:39.369
I do plan on, you know, covering this as much

00:48:39.369 --> 00:48:42.190
as humanly possible. As I date, the good, the

00:48:42.190 --> 00:48:44.469
bad, I actually would turn it over to our audience.

00:48:44.869 --> 00:48:48.949
Can you give me advice? Can you recommend some

00:48:48.949 --> 00:48:52.010
apps for Hannah to try? Just let me know what

00:48:52.010 --> 00:48:54.010
advice you have, anybody who's gone through.

00:48:54.670 --> 00:48:57.769
Send the applications into the slide into the

00:48:57.769 --> 00:49:01.469
DMs. Help me, please, God. But no, seriously,

00:49:01.730 --> 00:49:06.010
if anybody has advice, I will do my best to cover

00:49:06.010 --> 00:49:08.989
the whole dating thing because I know it's really

00:49:08.989 --> 00:49:12.869
scary for a lot of us. I know a lot of people

00:49:12.869 --> 00:49:14.650
have questions about how are you going to navigate

00:49:14.650 --> 00:49:16.730
telling them your story and talking. And like,

00:49:16.769 --> 00:49:20.349
I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I don't

00:49:20.349 --> 00:49:22.840
know if this is going to be good or bad. judged

00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:25.199
for it I mean I'm very open that I even have

00:49:25.199 --> 00:49:27.599
a podcast that they could go listen to if they

00:49:27.599 --> 00:49:30.900
would like so yeah um you know that is listed

00:49:30.900 --> 00:49:35.599
as well have have at it enjoy so I will you know

00:49:35.599 --> 00:49:38.820
maybe to hold me accountable I'll let you guys

00:49:38.820 --> 00:49:42.679
know what comes up discussed what we talk about

00:49:42.679 --> 00:49:46.739
um I'm nervous and anxious but like I do know

00:49:46.739 --> 00:49:51.460
that this is what I want um I just I'm just nervous

00:49:51.460 --> 00:49:54.179
about the whole thing. Right. It's a huge step

00:49:54.179 --> 00:49:56.619
and a huge change. I have a pretty good life

00:49:56.619 --> 00:49:59.300
and I just don't want to bring somebody into

00:49:59.300 --> 00:50:00.820
it. Who's going to fuck the whole thing up, you

00:50:00.820 --> 00:50:05.139
know? So baby steps, baby steps for sure. Taking

00:50:05.139 --> 00:50:07.659
it day by day for sure. Kind of just figuring

00:50:07.659 --> 00:50:11.719
it out as we go. But that'll be my, my thing

00:50:11.719 --> 00:50:14.079
to you guys is I will do my best to keep you

00:50:14.079 --> 00:50:18.309
all updated on how it's going. how it's yeah

00:50:18.309 --> 00:50:22.590
good bad ugly you know all the things all the

00:50:22.590 --> 00:50:25.250
things I'm here for it I'll keep you guys updated

00:50:25.250 --> 00:50:27.489
and like this is a topic that we will keep revisiting

00:50:27.489 --> 00:50:30.250
yeah get out from surgery more and more things

00:50:30.250 --> 00:50:32.949
happening we'll cover it um I want to do another

00:50:32.949 --> 00:50:35.070
episode on this where Steph can talk about not

00:50:35.070 --> 00:50:38.250
just relationships but having young girls oh

00:50:38.250 --> 00:50:41.289
that's a whole that's a whole bucket right there

00:50:41.980 --> 00:50:43.880
having daughters and going through surgery, I

00:50:43.880 --> 00:50:46.159
think is like an amazing topic that I would love

00:50:46.159 --> 00:50:49.559
to hear about. Um, but yeah, I thank you for

00:50:49.559 --> 00:50:51.980
letting me be vulnerable and talk about my, my

00:50:51.980 --> 00:50:54.860
dating, my fears. I'm like, this is not easy

00:50:54.860 --> 00:50:58.099
guys at all, but I hope to start making progress

00:50:58.099 --> 00:51:01.260
here. I really do. Thank you. Well, it's one

00:51:01.260 --> 00:51:03.659
step at a time, right? One step at a time, baby

00:51:03.659 --> 00:51:07.300
steps, baby steps. You got it. You got this.

00:51:07.320 --> 00:51:10.420
And then we'll find you a farmer, Hannah. Hey,

00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:11.940
listen, I'm going to come out that way. And if

00:51:11.940 --> 00:51:13.980
I can get me a nice farmer with a... Get some

00:51:13.980 --> 00:51:15.739
chicken wings and a farmer all in one night.

00:51:16.019 --> 00:51:18.420
And hey, I'll live in the middle of nowhere.

00:51:18.500 --> 00:51:22.119
So I'm okay with that. But yeah, listen, just

00:51:22.119 --> 00:51:23.880
know it doesn't matter how much weight you've

00:51:23.880 --> 00:51:26.639
lost or what you look like. Oh my God, we all

00:51:26.639 --> 00:51:28.400
have insecurities that you wouldn't even ask.

00:51:28.420 --> 00:51:30.000
It doesn't matter if you've been married for

00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:32.699
a year, for 50 years, if you're dating, if you're

00:51:32.699 --> 00:51:37.119
not dating. It's there and it's real and it's...

00:51:38.199 --> 00:51:39.699
even if you haven't had weight loss surgery,

00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:41.639
I think any woman can relate to how we're feeling.

00:51:41.760 --> 00:51:45.219
A hundred percent. It's, it's all such a mental,

00:51:45.300 --> 00:51:48.519
it's all such a mental game and it takes time.

00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:51.719
And so give yourself that time. But I think,

00:51:51.739 --> 00:51:53.900
like I said, even when it comes to dating and

00:51:53.900 --> 00:51:55.739
like I said, being afraid, not knowing, being

00:51:55.739 --> 00:51:57.300
afraid of what do I tell these people? How do

00:51:57.300 --> 00:51:59.579
I have the conversation? I think so much of this

00:51:59.579 --> 00:52:02.800
boils down to communication. And again, not saying

00:52:02.800 --> 00:52:04.360
you have to come out with a billboard saying

00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:08.219
I had pediatric surgery. But just being open

00:52:08.219 --> 00:52:10.539
about communication and letting it flow. And

00:52:10.539 --> 00:52:12.679
if it comes up, it comes up. And if you're having

00:52:12.679 --> 00:52:14.320
surgery or you're thinking about having surgery,

00:52:14.420 --> 00:52:16.119
having those honest discussions with the people

00:52:16.119 --> 00:52:18.059
around you or the people you're in a relationship

00:52:18.059 --> 00:52:22.739
with, super key. Super, super, super key. Thank

00:52:22.739 --> 00:52:25.099
you guys for listening to our kind of raw conversation.

00:52:25.199 --> 00:52:28.219
Please submit questions on this episode. We'd

00:52:28.219 --> 00:52:29.920
love to know what we missed, what we didn't cover,

00:52:30.019 --> 00:52:32.139
what you want to hear. Would you guys be interested

00:52:32.139 --> 00:52:36.739
in me covering dating on Instagram? I know we

00:52:36.739 --> 00:52:39.000
do day in our lives and what we eat. And like

00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:41.880
Steph has said, I started a new job. I'm back

00:52:41.880 --> 00:52:44.139
in influencer marketing. It's just been really

00:52:44.139 --> 00:52:46.559
busy as I juggle leaving my old job for my new

00:52:46.559 --> 00:52:48.920
job. So I will be back on Instagram very soon.

00:52:48.980 --> 00:52:51.719
In June, I'll be posting a lot more. is this

00:52:51.719 --> 00:52:54.599
what you'd like to see from me? Like my, my dating,

00:52:54.679 --> 00:52:57.199
my, my app usage, if I'm going, so like, let

00:52:57.199 --> 00:52:59.659
me know. And I'm happy to cover it. I do not

00:52:59.659 --> 00:53:01.659
hide this side of my life. They know I run a

00:53:01.659 --> 00:53:05.199
podcast. It's in all my profiles. So bonus points

00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:07.679
to whoever listens to this podcast and then mentions

00:53:07.679 --> 00:53:09.900
it in our first messages. That would be awesome.

00:53:09.940 --> 00:53:13.340
There you go. But yeah, we're going to be back

00:53:13.340 --> 00:53:15.260
next week with another episode. We'll let you

00:53:15.260 --> 00:53:17.739
know. That one will be a secret, but we'll be

00:53:17.739 --> 00:53:20.719
back with what that is. Some exciting news on

00:53:20.719 --> 00:53:23.969
our end is. We've been accepted into a creator

00:53:23.969 --> 00:53:28.090
lab, which is kind of cool, where they can help

00:53:28.090 --> 00:53:30.510
us grow the podcast and get it out in front of

00:53:30.510 --> 00:53:33.250
more people. So stay tuned for more info there.

00:53:33.409 --> 00:53:36.190
But we're both really excited about posting it

00:53:36.190 --> 00:53:38.929
on a new platform. You won't lose any access

00:53:38.929 --> 00:53:40.489
to it. You'll find it everywhere. You've always

00:53:40.489 --> 00:53:43.289
found it. But this might help us reach more people.

00:53:43.489 --> 00:53:45.769
Which would be awesome. specifically for small

00:53:45.769 --> 00:53:48.389
people like us so we're really excited to have

00:53:48.389 --> 00:53:50.369
gotten into the creator lab we're really excited

00:53:50.369 --> 00:53:52.710
they accepted us and we'll we'll share what that

00:53:52.710 --> 00:53:54.469
looks like for you but there might be some small

00:53:54.469 --> 00:53:56.869
changes over over the couple of weeks but it

00:53:56.869 --> 00:53:59.329
won't be any changes to our publication days

00:53:59.329 --> 00:54:01.670
or how we're not going anywhere we're not going

00:54:01.670 --> 00:54:05.929
anywhere so and Bo is sneezing up a storm so

00:54:05.929 --> 00:54:07.989
I love it that is my cue that it's time to go

00:54:07.989 --> 00:54:11.079
um But thanks, everybody, for listening and stuff

00:54:11.079 --> 00:54:13.260
like always. Just thanks for being my co -host.

00:54:13.280 --> 00:54:16.460
My gosh. Anytime. I love it. Love it. All right,

00:54:16.460 --> 00:54:18.340
everybody. We'll see you next week. Bye.