Episode 4: Family, Friends, and Saying Goodbye to Haters

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Hey Steph, welcome to episode four of the Bariatric Banter podcast.

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I can't believe we're on episode four.

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I know, I didn't really think we would, okay, I thought we'd stick with it, so that's terrible

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to say, but I didn't think anybody would listen.

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I'm super pumped.

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There's a ton of people.

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I know.

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Super pumped.

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I love it.

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I like it too.

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I think we've got a great topic today, but more importantly, how was the past week for

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you?

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Still winter.

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Hey, it is.

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Yeah, surprise, that didn't change.

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I know.

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So winter, I couldn't believe we already have to sign up for Summer Sports.

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I got that email this week.

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Yeah.

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So, I mean, that's like my, on one hand, I was like, really?

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But it's my glimmer of hope that we're cresting the hill.

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Winter is working its way out and we're going to get past this.

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Yeah.

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I feel the same.

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I am starting my 10K training program this week.

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Amazing.

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Tis the time because-

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So exciting.

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It is, and it's also like, okay, yeah, I guess I have to get back to exercising now.

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Like, yes, this is a real thing.

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But did past Hannah ever think she would run a 10K?

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No.

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Right?

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I think I'm going to restart this week because it's officially two months to the date that

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my race is.

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So, no, I never thought that I'd be here.

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The pneumonia is just still kicking my butt a little bit.

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So I think it's more just anxiety and fear that like, oh no, what if this is hard?

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It's going to be hard.

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I don't think anybody runs a 10K and is like, you know what that was?

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Slice of life right there.

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So it's going to be hard for sure.

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That's so exciting though.

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Yeah.

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I think it's not like-

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Goals.

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Drop and never get up hard.

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But-

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No, gosh, no, you'll crush it.

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I think it'll be good.

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And just the fact, even like, let's be real.

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Even if you just, let's say you don't crush it, but even to just do it and finish it,

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it's such, like look at where you were two years ago.

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No.

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To even be entering a 10K and to even be doing it and putting yourself out there and like

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going for it, that is hashtag goals right there.

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Thank you.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It is pretty exciting.

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I'm pretty, yeah, I hope it goes well.

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So this week was just a lot of getting the plan ready to go.

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I use a cool app called Runa.

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Nobody sponsors this podcast because we have like a hundred people that listen, but I like

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Runa.

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It's pretty much, it's my favorite app.

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It's pricey, but I have found the value in it.

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So it was exciting to get back into that, to get it all set up again and to kind of,

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I fell into my pre pneumonia groove where I was like, Oh man, yeah, I kind of loved

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having my plans and being at the gym and doing all this stuff.

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So it was, yeah, it was a good week because I'm both excited and nervous to get back into

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training.

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Love it.

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Love it.

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It's going to be good.

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Are you excited about this week's topic?

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You know what?

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It's going to be, it's going to be interesting.

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I think this is going to be last week's topic and this week's topic, I think are going to

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be somewhere I'm going to get some messages and this is a good thing.

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Like please don't hesitate.

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Okay.

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But after our first episode, and I think this is part of, I have to cut, I have to go back

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and listen to it again too because it's been at some time now, but I think it's one of

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those things where we're getting into the personal stuff.

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We're getting into some things that maybe people didn't know about us or realize about

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us.

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And I had a couple people reach out to me after our first episode and say, people that

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I've grown up with for my entire life, reach out and say Steph, like I have to tell you,

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it broke my heart to hear you talk about when you were a kid and you felt alone because

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I didn't know that that's how you felt.

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And I don't, number one, I appreciate it.

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I appreciate the reach outs and the messages, but I have to go back and listen because I

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don't even, I don't even remember what I said.

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But I think this is going to be another one of those episodes where we just put stuff

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up on the table and people might be surprised, people may not like it.

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But I think as we get into these episodes now, you're going to start to maybe learn

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things you didn't know or see sides of us that you didn't know.

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And I think that's good for people to hear.

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I think that's good for us to talk about as somebody who's going through the journey.

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Therapy is a part of the journey.

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And I think getting a lot of this out is really good for us too.

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So I'm excited to talk about this one.

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Yeah, I can't wait.

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So this week we're going to be talking about family, friends and saying goodbye to the

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haters.

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Bye Felicia.

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Yeah, peace out.

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Bye Karen.

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See you Felicia.

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I love that movie.

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It's such a good movie.

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It's going to be a hot topic in the sense that we are going to recommend that you cut

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people out of your life.

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Now we'll get to that when we get to it and it's not going to be as harsh as it sounds.

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It might be.

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But there may be some goodbyes.

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Yeah, there might be.

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And I think that's part of the thing that you just kind of have to come to terms with.

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And it has nothing to do with bariatric surgery.

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This could be if you were trying to lose weight, if you were, I don't know, trying to quit

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smoking, if you were going to do xyz, any big life change, there is a really large chance

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that you're going to need to say goodbye to people who just are no longer going to support

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that journey or support you.

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And we'll talk about kind of the detriment of maybe not saying goodbye to them as well.

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But yeah, this is an episode that, oh boy, I would say overwhelmingly everybody has asked

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me to talk about, you know, how did you tell your family?

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When did you tell your family?

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How did your family react?

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Are they supportive?

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Are they not supportive?

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What about your friends?

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So I know Steph has had the same.

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We've had different reactions.

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We've had similar reactions.

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I think we each have horror stories and good stories to share, but we felt like it was

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the right time to talk to everybody about, you know, how do you announce this?

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How do you handle objections and questions?

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What questions are appropriate?

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And then how do you say goodbye to people that will not build you up on this journey?

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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It's going to be a tough one, I think, for some people to hear.

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It was tough for me to hear because I was kind of an oblivion to it and then realized,

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yeah, there's...

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And by saying goodbye, we don't mean that you have to be like, hey, bud, you can no

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longer ever speak to me.

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You're deleted out of my phone and you're dead to me.

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It's more like, do you really need to spend your time with that person as much?

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Probably not.

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And should you maybe just do group outings with that person?

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Probably.

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More of an outer circle than an inner circle.

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You don't need to do it in your everyday vicinity.

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Exactly.

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That's a great way to do it.

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But I think that the best part for us to start with is at the very beginning, how do you

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announce this?

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So do you even announce it?

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How did we tell our family?

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How did we tell people we were doing it?

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I think a lot of people want to know how we did it and then would we do it differently

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and what's our advice to them?

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Yeah.

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Steph, you did yours most recently, so...

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I kind of did it in stages, I guess you could say.

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I told my mom first.

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And then obviously she told my dad.

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So I told my parents first and then I kind of brought it up from there.

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I kept it very small at the beginning.

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Part of that was because I was presented with the option for surgery and I didn't make my

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decision on the spot.

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But after my doctor appointment, I called my mom and I said, this is what was suggested

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and there was a little bit of shock from her and from me.

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To be totally honest, I did not expect that to come out of my doctor's office because

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it had never been something that had been brought up to me.

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I hadn't really thought about it.

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I was not expecting it.

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So I was also a little bit shocked, but intrigued and curious.

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So I started there.

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Then I told my brother and my sister-in-law, my immediate family, let that kind of simmer

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for a little bit.

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And then I thought I'm going to leave it there for a little bit because I still had to figure

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out what I was doing.

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And once I...

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That process took a lot of time, as we talked about on the last episode, because you're

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worried about what people are going to think and the judgment and et cetera.

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So I decided that, you know what, I'm not going to go out and tell any more individual

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people.

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I had a couple of really close friends that I was kind of chatting about and saying, hey,

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I'm thinking about doing this.

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I don't know.

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Just kind of feeling it out and getting some of their thoughts and feedback to help me

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make my decision.

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But I hadn't told a lot of people in my family or circle.

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And I decided, you know what, if I'm going to do this, I'm just going to do this.

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So I'd been talking to my friend Denise, who's listening.

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Hi, Denise.

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I've been talking to her about it and she's really great at...

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She's been very great and is still very great at helping me with my whole issue about always

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worrying what people are going to think.

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And she was one of the people that really nailed into me that only I know what's best

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and I have to make the decision that's best for me and blocked out everything else.

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And I knew kind of deep down that I was going to go through it.

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I knew that this was the right thing for me.

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So I decided, you know what, I'm going to do it.

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And it was the day that I was actually going to her...

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She does a health and wellness retreat, which is amazing.

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And I was at her house.

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We were getting ready for the retreat.

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And I said to her, I'm like, okay, you know what, I'm going to do this.

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I'm going to put it out there.

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I'm going to put it on social media.

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I'm doing this.

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I'm just going to blast it.

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I'm going to go for it.

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And she was like, really?

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I said, yeah, if I'm going to do it, then I'm just going to bite the bullet and do it.

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I'm not going to go tell all these one off people because somebody is going to say something

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that I'm going to second guess it again.

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That like, I don't, I'm just going to rip off the band-aid.

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So I went on Instagram from her house.

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I did a story and I said, here's the deal.

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I'm having my surgery.

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I'm having bariatric surgery.

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This is what's happening.

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And I hit post and let it go.

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And then I remember going to her retreat that afternoon.

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And it was really funny because we pulled these cards.

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They're like Oracle cards.

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You've never heard of Oracle cards.

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They have little like guidance sayings on them and stuff.

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And you flip them over and you shuffle them and you kind of seal around on them and you

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pull one and it's supposed to give you your intention for the day or something to think

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about.

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And it was really creepy because I hadn't pulled up on my board.

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But the one card that I pulled that day is it says, your intention wants to be heard,

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given space to flourish.

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Reminder, you have to get quiet in order to hear what your intuition is telling you.

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And I was like, it's telling me I have to do this.

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Like I know what my body is saying.

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I know what my intuition is saying.

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I made the right decision.

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I'm going to do this.

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And from there, I didn't have any individual conversations from people.

248
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,760
I just kept sharing on social media.

249
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,160
And I would have some people message me here and there, but I decided if I'm going to do

250
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,400
it, I'm just going to do it.

251
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,160
I'm going to tell those, tell my parents.

252
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:25,160
I told my brother, my sister-in-law, like I said, a couple of really close friends.

253
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,880
I told you, obviously.

254
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:32,640
And then I just went to the masses because I personally knew that if I kept having those

255
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,320
individual conversations, I knew I was going to get some negative feedback.

256
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,040
I knew the stigma was out there.

257
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:43,480
I didn't want my seer of judgment to cloud that.

258
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,020
And I knew that if I heard more of that than positive, it would.

259
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:53,200
So I just went the mass route, put it on my social media, and that was it.

260
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,200
And away she goes.

261
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,200
Yeah, I knew you were doing it because you had been following me.

262
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:04,920
And so you had definitely reached out to me to say, hey, I'm thinking of doing this.

263
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:11,320
And I gave you a lot of insight and info, which is really as much as I could.

264
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:17,320
I really should have maybe written this down to remember it because it was years ago.

265
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,680
But I remember I didn't want to tell anybody.

266
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,000
I wanted to keep it to myself.

267
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,640
So I had just gone to my doctor and said, hey, I think I want to do this.

268
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:28,640
What do you think?

269
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:36,920
I had actually told a neighbor who happens to be taking her PhD in like, not nutrition

270
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,840
or something, but around kind of health and movement and stuff for the government.

271
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,120
So I just remember I'm going to tell her and see what her initial reaction is.

272
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,440
And she was like, oh, OK.

273
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:48,680
But I did a lot of my own research and read what a lot of people had said and watched

274
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,880
a lot of online things.

275
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:55,960
And so I really didn't want to tell my mom because I thought she's going to be super

276
00:12:55,960 --> 00:13:00,920
judgmental and like if she's listening, sorry, but you can tend to be judgmental.

277
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,280
So I thought for sure I was going to tell her.

278
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,960
And I don't know, I thought she was going to be like, no, this is so dumb.

279
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:07,960
Don't do this.

280
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,240
And I don't know why I thought that.

281
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,600
But I did.

282
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,680
So I really drugged my feet for a while.

283
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:17,360
And then I finally remember we were home one day and I think we were just sitting outside

284
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,360
in the backyard.

285
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:23,760
And I was like, hey, so I talked to my doctor about bariatric surgery and I think I might

286
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,120
do this.

287
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,920
And then I went into this very long spiel about everything I had learned about it because

288
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:33,800
I like with anxiety, was it completely anxious to be like, I have to tell her everything

289
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,040
about surgery so she knows I'm really serious about this and that I'm going to blah, blah,

290
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,040
blah, blah.

291
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,000
So I just kind of outright ranted that this is what I was doing.

292
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,760
But she was super fucking supportive of it, thought it was a really great idea.

293
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:45,760
She's a retired nurse.

294
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,720
So I think she knows a lot about it.

295
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,920
She asked questions.

296
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,440
I think initially she thought maybe she's not actually going to do this.

297
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:54,520
I think she was supportive.

298
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,280
But at the same time, I felt like there was a little like, yeah, okay, sure.

299
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,280
We've been down this road before where she said she's going to do something and then

300
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,600
doesn't do it.

301
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:08,200
And because of COVID, I must add, I was in the program for well over like a year and

302
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,200
a half.

303
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,920
So there was, I'm sure there were moments where a lot of people were like, she's not

304
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,160
actually doing this.

305
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,160
Like she lied.

306
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,160
No, it was just COVID.

307
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,160
Thanks so much.

308
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,360
So I told her and she was really supportive.

309
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:26,160
And then I remember thinking, okay, I got to tell my friends and I really didn't want

310
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:33,500
to because I, it was almost like admitting I was obese and like I, you know, to an extent,

311
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:36,120
you know you are, but you don't ever want to admit it.

312
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,760
So it was just like, I don't want to tell them because then they're going to be like,

313
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,520
oh my God, you're fat.

314
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,600
It's like, yeah, that's, that's going to be what makes them think you're fat a hundred

315
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,600
percent.

316
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:51,480
So I told everybody individually, just kind of slowly, like if we were out for lunch or

317
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:56,160
out somewhere, I was like, so I'm looking into this, like I'm looking into kind of doing

318
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,280
this and this is what it's going to be like.

319
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,280
And yeah.

320
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,880
And they were like, oh, overwhelmingly really supportive.

321
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,800
Oh, I had a friend of a friend who did it.

322
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,200
I had a friend of a friend who did it.

323
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,840
And I was like, yeah, everybody now seems to know someone who did it.

324
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,160
So yeah, I just kind of told people individually.

325
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:18,820
And then I don't remember the exact day, but I'm pretty sure I ripped the bandaid off and

326
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,840
posted it socially.

327
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,160
I actually, and this is terrible.

328
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,880
I should have researched before the podcast.

329
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,880
Sorry folks.

330
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,440
Steph's more prepared than me.

331
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,440
I might not have.

332
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:34,900
I genuinely might not have put it out on social that I was doing this until it was like really

333
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,200
close to happening.

334
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:41,800
Cause I definitely documented like my two week pre-op liquid diet.

335
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,400
I took photos at the hospital.

336
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,880
Like at that point it was definitely there, but I think I almost just told all my friends.

337
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,080
And so I just casually started mentioning that I was having this on social.

338
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:55,720
Cause at that point everyone in my life knew I was doing this.

339
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:56,860
And I told work.

340
00:15:56,860 --> 00:16:00,480
So this is a very interesting one as well.

341
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,080
Work knew very well in advance.

342
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,360
I had a great boss at the time shout out to Roger at hashtag.

343
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,840
He was a great boss at the time.

344
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,080
Wonderful human, but I thought I'm going to need a lot of time off from work.

345
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,280
And I was excited.

346
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,380
Like I genuinely was so excited to do this.

347
00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:21,320
So I did reach out and say like, just so you know, like I'm entering a bariatric program.

348
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,680
I'm going to have bariatric surgery.

349
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,840
I don't know the date yet, but I will need time off.

350
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,160
And I just wanted to let you know, you know, do I need to let HR know?

351
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,680
So it took so long to have surgery.

352
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:35,480
I ended up not actually even working at that company that had surgery, which is kind of

353
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:41,040
funny, but yeah, I, I just started to not care.

354
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:45,640
And it was in a good way, like work had so many questions, but in the best possible way.

355
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,920
And they were so excited for it.

356
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,720
I remember the only sentiment I can remember because I can't remember exact details from

357
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:57,580
three years ago, but the sentiment I remember was just like, well, this is going to be so

358
00:16:57,580 --> 00:17:00,440
big for you in a really good way.

359
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,080
And like really great questions.

360
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,480
And there are things that we'll cover in a few minutes in the podcast that, you know,

361
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:12,080
maybe could have gone better, but overall I chose to tell people individually and I

362
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,400
just kept it as like, yeah, I'm exploring doing this.

363
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,400
I'm talking to my doctor.

364
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,560
We're both really excited about it, but it's something that, yeah, I'm probably going to

365
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,120
do.

366
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:25,480
And that's just kind of how I told them, except for my mom, who I went into great, great elaborate

367
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,000
detail with out of fear that she would be like, I'm judging you.

368
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:34,160
She wasn't, I just kept it really vague and open and told everybody, yes, what I'm doing.

369
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,200
And they were like, oh, okay, cool.

370
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,200
And I was like, yeah, cool.

371
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,200
Perfect.

372
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,200
Cool.

373
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,640
And then eventually like questions and things came up after, but we're going to cover that.

374
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:49,560
But that's, I think how both of us did our announcements, which I mean, very similar.

375
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,160
There was a social element to it.

376
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:57,520
We told people individually and we kind of just told them what we felt like doing.

377
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:02,720
So I think the big question that we always get here, Steph, is twofold.

378
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,240
Do I have to tell my family?

379
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,280
There's a lot of people on social who are like, I just think I'm not going to tell anybody.

380
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,560
Yeah, I'm just not going to tell them.

381
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,760
And then the other question that we get overwhelmingly is like, well, what advice would you have

382
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,380
for me to tell my family?

383
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:21,000
So I think before we go into the messy side of this, I think it's probably good just to

384
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,440
cover what would we recommend for announcing to people?

385
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,440
Yeah.

386
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,960
I think, I mean, we kind of chatted about this last week too.

387
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,760
And I think for me, my advice is just own it and put it out there.

388
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:39,360
It's hard because like I said, for us, a lot of the time this is admitting that we need

389
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:44,000
help and it's admitting that we failed when we tried to do it ourselves and we couldn't

390
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,000
and we need that extra tool and we need that extra support and help.

391
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:52,240
And I think the first part is realizing that that's okay.

392
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,240
And that's not a bad thing.

393
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,800
And so for me, announcing it was part of the process.

394
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,880
It was part of me admitting that this is where I am.

395
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,560
This is where I got myself.

396
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,460
But now I'm ready to pull up my bootstraps and fix it.

397
00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,800
And this is how I'm fixing it.

398
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:14,840
And I wanted to be transparent and honest because obviously I'm going to be going through

399
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,440
changes both mentally, emotionally, physically.

400
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,960
I didn't want those changes to seem like they were out of nowhere.

401
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,360
I wanted there to be context.

402
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,440
I wanted people to know where this was coming from.

403
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:29,680
I wanted them to see the work that was going into this, that this is not easy, but that

404
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,440
I am doing this.

405
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:39,320
I wanted to also have that level of accountability for myself because if I shared it, everybody

406
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,360
knew what I was doing and I knew that they'd be watching.

407
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:45,680
Number one, because people are nosy and because of the stigma.

408
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,860
But Janet, we are just nosy as human beings.

409
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:51,340
So I knew that if I put it out there, people are going to watch.

410
00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:53,120
And then I have to be accountable.

411
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:57,920
So there was a lot of reasons why it wasn't easy to do.

412
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,440
It wasn't easy to record that video and put it out there.

413
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,640
But I knew that for me, it was the right thing to do.

414
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:10,960
And I think personally, it's just a key part of the journey and of the process and just

415
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:16,040
owning who you are, owning your story, owning how you got here and what you're going to

416
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,320
do about it moving forward.

417
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,140
And like we said, you're going to lose weight.

418
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:22,140
It's going to happen.

419
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:23,140
You're going to change.

420
00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:26,280
It's going to be obvious that you've done something.

421
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,720
So I don't think this is something you should be ashamed of or hide.

422
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,080
I think you should own it.

423
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,080
I've got scars.

424
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,200
I'm going to own those scars.

425
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,280
For me, I say 100% you put it out there.

426
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:43,120
Yeah, I think my advice is probably going to be very similar.

427
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,920
I think you own the story.

428
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,280
It's something that I tell companies when I work for them.

429
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,480
If you don't own the story, somebody else is going to.

430
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,320
And that's 100% here.

431
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,400
If you don't want to tell people, people are going to talk.

432
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,400
People are going to make assumptions.

433
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,480
They're going to say things.

434
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,520
Sure, you might not hear it because it'll be behind your back, which is honestly worse.

435
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,520
Nobody wants that.

436
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:08,520
But wouldn't you rather just control the story and the narrative and show confidence and

437
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,480
excitement that you chose to do this and this is what you're doing versus having people

438
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,760
nonstop talk behind your back or say things that...

439
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,000
So control the story yourself.

440
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,040
I think however you want to do it's your choice.

441
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,560
I don't think it needs to go out on social.

442
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,880
I don't think everybody and their mom needs to know that you're doing this.

443
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,420
Choose who you want to tell and why you want to tell them.

444
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:33,040
But I think just know going into it when you're talking to them, if this is something that

445
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,400
you're absolutely going to do, then lead with that.

446
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,800
I'm doing this.

447
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:44,280
This is something that I am doing so that this isn't open for interpretation.

448
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:48,320
I'm not here for your general consensus unless you are.

449
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,000
If that's what you're going into it, then just be clear with them what you're looking

450
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000
for.

451
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,720
Are you looking for their feedback on should I do this, which is how I approached it with

452
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:57,720
my mom?

453
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,360
Or is it, hey, I've made this decision.

454
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,360
My mom's on board.

455
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,360
My doctor's on board.

456
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:04,440
I just wanted to let you know that this would be happening and I'm excited.

457
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:09,440
I think it's always important to maybe add that part on at the end that this is something

458
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,360
that you are excited for.

459
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:16,320
You don't want to just have people blow smoke up your ass, but I do think it's important

460
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,120
to set the tone that this is something that's exciting for me.

461
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:25,080
And then if somebody chooses to knock you down, okay, well, I just told you that I'm

462
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:30,880
very excited for this, but thanks so much for continuing to try to drag me down.

463
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:35,360
So yeah, I'd say tell people it's going to be very odd if you just all of a sudden start

464
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:37,080
dropping a ton of weight and you're not.

465
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,080
People will be worried for your health.

466
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,080
They're going to be worried about what's going on.

467
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,000
But also just think about don't you want to celebrate this and be excited?

468
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000
Look what you did.

469
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,480
Yeah, be really... And sure, you could try to tell people it's through exercise and weight

470
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,040
loss, but they're going to watch you and they're going to see that you're barely eating.

471
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,160
You aren't going to be exercising as much as you should be for the massive amount of

472
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,260
weight loss you're going to have at the beginning.

473
00:22:57,260 --> 00:23:01,000
And it's just going to lead to people being very concerned for your health and your wellbeing.

474
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,920
And God forbid anything goes wrong.

475
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,560
God forbid you struggle with recovery after, or you need some support to get moving.

476
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:08,560
You're having surgery.

477
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,080
You're in the hospital, you're under general anesthetic.

478
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,500
You are having surgery.

479
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:15,040
You will need help for a day or two.

480
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,920
You can't drive home.

481
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,480
There are certain people you have to tell.

482
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,640
You don't have to tell the world, but you got to tell somebody.

483
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,800
And I know there's the fear of the comments you're going to get.

484
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:30,000
When I told people directly, was it all positive?

485
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,160
No.

486
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,000
Was there initial shock?

487
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000
Yes.

488
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,720
Were there comments made about, well, what about Ozempic instead?

489
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:44,200
Or, can you just keep eating really clean and exercise instead?

490
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,880
Do you really have to go this route?

491
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:52,160
There were those conversations, yes, but they were important conversations and they still

492
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,380
needed to be had.

493
00:23:54,380 --> 00:23:55,800
And those people still needed to be told.

494
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,680
So it wasn't all bright and sunny, but it was still important for me to put that out

495
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,040
there and like you said, Anna, to tell them that I'm doing this for me.

496
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,800
I'm excited for this.

497
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:10,960
This is a decision that I am making and this is happening.

498
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,560
Exactly.

499
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:19,560
And so I do recommend you tell people and that's how I would probably tell them.

500
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:25,120
And like we said, you don't have to tell everybody, but we recommend that you just tell somebody

501
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:26,920
that this is what you're doing.

502
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:32,000
And this is something that you've decided that you're going to kind of move forward

503
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,000
on.

504
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,880
They're going to ask you these questions if you're a Canadian anyway, they're going to

505
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,720
ask you these questions.

506
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,600
Are you getting support?

507
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,240
Did you tell your family?

508
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,360
How are they taking it?

509
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,560
So it will, I think, make it harder.

510
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,560
It will come up.

511
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:54,880
But I think that leads into like a really great conversation about, I don't want to

512
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,480
tell them because they're going to be, they're going to object to it or what types of questions

513
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,280
are they going to ask and how do I handle that?

514
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,980
And I think we're not trying to sugar coat it.

515
00:25:03,980 --> 00:25:04,980
It will happen.

516
00:25:04,980 --> 00:25:08,320
I don't think it's safe to say that everybody in your life is going to support this and

517
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,600
be happy about it.

518
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:13,920
And it can be intimidating to want to tell people things because you're excited and you

519
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,760
know that there's a potential they're going to bring you down and they're going to try

520
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:22,200
to dissuade you and say things that really suck.

521
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:27,680
So yes, we support you announcing it and we do encourage you finding your own way to tell

522
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,440
at least someone that you're doing this.

523
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,200
It doesn't have to be on social until you're ready and you might never be ready and that's

524
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,400
okay.

525
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:41,520
But be prepared that there will be objections and questions.

526
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,920
You're going to get people who are shocked.

527
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,040
Almost everybody I told was shocked.

528
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,080
Like they never knew what was that.

529
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,080
Right?

530
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,160
And that's what kind of boggled my mind.

531
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,960
I was like, you've been there my whole life.

532
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,320
You've seen what I've gone through.

533
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,600
You've seen what I've tried.

534
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,580
You've seen me do this XYZ diet.

535
00:26:00,580 --> 00:26:05,400
And then when I tell them this, a lot of overwhelming response was, really?

536
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,440
You're what?

537
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,320
You're going to do that?

538
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,720
Well, I don't know.

539
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,160
I didn't expect people.

540
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:18,360
I expected some judgment, but I didn't expect that many people to be surprised.

541
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:29,840
Yeah, I think there was a little like, whoa, okay, whoa, whoa, this is happening.

542
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,280
And so there was a little bit of that.

543
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,560
I'm not going to deny it.

544
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,320
There definitely was a little bit of like, whoa.

545
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:40,480
I don't think I had any objections from anybody.

546
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:48,320
I think, yeah, the main person I wanted info from was my mom and she was very, very supportive

547
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:49,560
of this makes sense.

548
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:50,560
Let's get going.

549
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,480
You know, whoop, whoop, whoop.

550
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:59,240
But there were objections that came from interesting other places.

551
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:04,720
I remember I had a friend and they happened to be in the healthcare industry and I kind

552
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,360
of told them I was doing this and immediately they wanted to talk about all the negative

553
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,800
side effects and things that they have seen.

554
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,120
You know, well, I see all these people coming into the ER and they do this and they do this

555
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,800
and you know, this and they're that and like telling me horror stories about how dehydrated

556
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,200
they are and they're super malnourished and they're just, they're not allowed to eat anything

557
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,400
they want to eat and they're all miserable and they all end up in the ER and like just

558
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,240
decided like that was the time to tell me these stories.

559
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,120
And I remember thinking, okay, well, you're in the ER.

560
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,960
So of course you're going to see the worst.

561
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,080
But like a lot of people do really well with it.

562
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,520
And I was like, I'll take that risk, but I think I'm going to be, I'm going to be okay

563
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,960
doing this.

564
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,520
But I just remember being like, okay, come on.

565
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,280
Like why did you choose that time to tell me all of this?

566
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,920
Like way to bring me right down.

567
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,400
Like I don't want to hear that.

568
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:56,240
So I am a bit more lucky than some where I didn't have outright objections.

569
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,400
I didn't have anybody say you shouldn't be doing this.

570
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:00,640
There's other ways to do this.

571
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,960
Like, are you sure you need to do something so severe?

572
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,280
I was lucky that most of my friends at this point had known someone that had done it.

573
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:11,120
I'd say that was the only major hurdle to overcome was that one person.

574
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:15,400
And for a split second, I said that one person will no longer be in my life if this is how

575
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:20,320
they're going to be because I don't want people lying to me, but I want people that are excited

576
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:21,320
for my journey.

577
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,320
Like I never want people to hide the truth.

578
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,320
Yes.

579
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,960
But like you can tell me that you have concerns, but not like that.

580
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:30,960
Like you don't need to...

581
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:31,960
There's a right way to do it.

582
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:32,960
Exactly.

583
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,120
Like you could have been like, whoa, yeah, like, you know, make sure you drink your water

584
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:39,840
or like stay really, you know, follow their advice because I do see a lot of people come

585
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:44,400
into the ER that aren't in the best state because, you know, they didn't listen, for

586
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:45,400
example.

587
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:46,400
Oh, thank you.

588
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,400
Yeah.

589
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,160
I do know that if I don't take my vitamins and blah, blah, blah, like there are ways

590
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:55,080
to express your concern that isn't like the way that happened with this person who is

591
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,080
still in my life.

592
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:57,080
Yeah, that's too bad.

593
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,440
But it was, I didn't like it.

594
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,960
But outside of that, I'd say almost everybody, everybody was like really supportive.

595
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:08,440
I'm sure they talked about it behind my back and I didn't realize, I'm sure they were messaging

596
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,400
each other being like, oh my God, can you believe this is happening?

597
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:12,400
What?

598
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,400
Holy shit.

599
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,840
Everybody was like, yeah, super supportive, like good for you, good luck, hope you do

600
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:17,840
it.

601
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,400
And then obviously after the fact, no matter what their thought was, boy, does their tune

602
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,160
change as soon as they see the results and the success and they see you shedding the

603
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,160
weight.

604
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,680
Like all these people that I've never heard from for years have come out of the woodworks

605
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,120
to be like, I watch your stories and I see you do this.

606
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:36,400
And like people I used to work with who like I don't speak to at all have sent me these

607
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,040
massive novels about, oh my God, you look so good.

608
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,840
You're so attractive now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

609
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:46,880
And I'm like weird, weird thing to tell a colleague, but yes, thank you.

610
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:52,400
I've had, I've had people, this is, this gets me and I don't know how to take it because

611
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,800
part of me is super appreciative of the message and part of me just sits there with this look

612
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,400
on my face, like the nerve.

613
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:04,920
I have had people, a couple now, I'd probably say, I don't know, three or four who have

614
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:10,920
reached out of people who I went to, I guess you call it senior public school, like grade

615
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:18,600
seven, eight, like that middle and early high school who were not the nicest people to me,

616
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:23,880
who were in that group that didn't quite let me in, but I had like overlapping friends.

617
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,440
So they kind of had to deal with me.

618
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:32,480
I've had quite a few of those individuals reach out over the past couple weeks and months

619
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,880
since the surgery with those kind of, oh my gosh, you, this is amazing.

620
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,720
Like you look phenomenal.

621
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,320
You should be so proud of yourself.

622
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:41,360
Thanks so much for sharing.

623
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,880
I'm following your stories all the time.

624
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,880
This is fantastic.

625
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,080
And so part of me is like, thanks for reaching out.

626
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,880
Like, you know, thanks for taking the time to do that.

627
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,040
On the flip side, what the hell?

628
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:58,080
Like I haven't heard a word from you since you made fun of me in grade seven, but now

629
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,360
you want to throw me praise.

630
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:06,360
Like it's, it's been very interesting, very interesting.

631
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:12,280
Yeah, so be prepared that there could be objections.

632
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:13,480
And it's not rare.

633
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,880
So if you have objections, just know you're not alone.

634
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,800
A lot of people do face objections.

635
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:23,320
And I think it's okay for people to be concerned about surgery.

636
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,280
Like, oh, that's a major surgery.

637
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:26,600
Do you know the risks?

638
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:30,840
Are you like, I think it's okay for people to question, like, are you prepared for this?

639
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,980
Like, did you just run into this head first or do you know, you know, what could happen?

640
00:31:34,980 --> 00:31:36,320
And I think that's okay.

641
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,620
And I will say that the risks are very, very minimal for surgery like this, but they're

642
00:31:40,620 --> 00:31:42,120
not zero.

643
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,120
There's always a risk.

644
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,160
It's still surgery at the end of the day.

645
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:46,160
Yep.

646
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,240
So you have to understand too, that I think sometimes objections are coming from a place

647
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,760
of well, I'm, I'm worried about you going under the knife.

648
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:53,760
I'm worried about, yep.

649
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,680
And that's, that's what I find.

650
00:31:55,680 --> 00:32:01,920
But the main questions that I think you're going to get are going to be, okay, tell me

651
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:02,920
about the surgery.

652
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:03,920
What are the risks?

653
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:04,920
Have you thought about it?

654
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:05,920
What's going to happen?

655
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,040
Like all things that you can, I think, easily answer the questions that are going to be

656
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:13,800
a bit harder and definitely did come up are, well, do you need it?

657
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,320
Well, do you need to have the surgery?

658
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:17,320
Can't you just do this on your own?

659
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:18,320
Do you really need to go that extreme?

660
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:19,320
Yeah.

661
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:20,800
Oh, it's pretty invasive.

662
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,320
Don't you think you should try something else first?

663
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:31,400
So it did come up and what I told people was I had been trying to do this on my own for

664
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,120
over 30 years.

665
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,380
If it was going to work, it would have worked by now.

666
00:32:35,380 --> 00:32:40,140
And I don't want to spend another 30 years trying and failing to get this to work.

667
00:32:40,140 --> 00:32:42,400
I want to start living my life.

668
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,420
I want to be able to do all the things I want to do.

669
00:32:45,420 --> 00:32:48,780
You've seen me try and fail and get bigger.

670
00:32:48,780 --> 00:32:52,840
You've seen this happening for the last 30 years and the last five years have been the

671
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:53,840
worst.

672
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,240
So I don't want to spend another 30 years doing this.

673
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,960
I don't want to spend another 30 years single, alone, unable to do the things that I want

674
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,680
to do and hating my body and struggling to lose weight.

675
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:11,400
It's just not a life that I want to spend 30 years constantly thinking about my weight

676
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,840
and not actually getting where I want to get to.

677
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,900
So that's how I handled major objections and questions like couldn't you have just done

678
00:33:17,900 --> 00:33:19,020
it yourself?

679
00:33:19,020 --> 00:33:23,640
And then the final way that I handled a lot of it was I said, I have a lot of things that

680
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:24,920
you can't see.

681
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,260
I have high blood pressure.

682
00:33:26,260 --> 00:33:27,440
I have high cholesterol.

683
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:28,720
I'm pre-diabetic.

684
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:34,640
I'm losing feeling in my right leg due to neuropathy and I've got a bulging disc in

685
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:35,880
my back.

686
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,040
And nobody can see this obviously.

687
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:43,000
And while my answer should be good enough to just say I'm doing it, sometimes people

688
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,000
need more.

689
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:48,560
And so I would constantly lean on those to say, you want to know why I'm having surgery?

690
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,560
These reasons.

691
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,760
And that almost was enough where they went, oh, Hannah, I had no idea.

692
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:53,760
Oh my goodness.

693
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,520
Oh, it's so smart of you to do this.

694
00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:01,320
So when in doubt, throw the health statistics at them.

695
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:04,040
Because I think a lot of people look at this as, oh, you just want to be skinny.

696
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:05,320
Yeah, I do.

697
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,320
Like you are skinny.

698
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:07,320
You don't get it.

699
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:08,320
Yes, I do.

700
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:12,040
Yes, I desperately want to not be in a big body, but that's not good enough for a lot

701
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,040
of people.

702
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,560
They think you should just be fine with how you are and who you are.

703
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,440
But once you start throwing major, major health issues at them, they immediately change their

704
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,040
tune to, oh my God, I'm so proud of you.

705
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:23,960
Oh, good for you.

706
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,560
So even if you don't have any, just if you have to, the easiest way to get people off

707
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,640
your back is to talk about the health things that are going to happen.

708
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,400
So I did say I have all those things and this is going to reverse them.

709
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:35,400
Oh my God, it is.

710
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,400
Yeah, it actually will reverse.

711
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,160
But then you can totally do it.

712
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,240
Oh my God, that's incredible, Hannah.

713
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:41,800
Though what an incredible opportunity.

714
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,120
You should definitely do it.

715
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:44,120
Thank you so much.

716
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,520
I'm also going to lose a lot of weight and feel fine as fuck.

717
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:47,600
But yeah, thank you so much.

718
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:48,600
Thank you.

719
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:49,600
So I did.

720
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,000
I pulled out the health statistics and my final thing was I would tell people, I would

721
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:58,600
rather walk into the operating room because I choose to rather than because I am forced

722
00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,800
into it.

723
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,840
And I was coming very quickly to a head where I would have had a stroke, a heart attack,

724
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,440
I would have lost my leg, I would have had to have back surgery.

725
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,040
Like something was coming that would have led me to have to have a surgery.

726
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:15,200
And I would rather go into this on my own accord with excitement because I chose to

727
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,760
then be forced to have surgery where I don't think I would have recovered as much.

728
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:19,760
Yeah.

729
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,560
And I think that ties really well into, like you said, there's going to be people who are

730
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:29,400
going to ask questions and be concerned out of love and concern for your safety because

731
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,640
you're having surgery, which is totally valid.

732
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:37,040
But then you're also going to get those people who are asking because they don't necessarily

733
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:38,560
want you to change.

734
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:44,520
And those aren't what we mean by when we say you may need to say goodbye to some people.

735
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:51,280
Because whether we like to admit it or not, as somebody who is obese or morbidly obese

736
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:58,400
in a group of friends, when most of them are, we'll say skinny or average, and you are always,

737
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,260
hate to say it, but you are the fat friend.

738
00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:02,260
You are.

739
00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:07,960
And whether those people want to admit it or not, some of them don't want that fat friend

740
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:09,840
to disappear.

741
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,480
And that is a reality.

742
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,720
If you want, you don't want to admit it, that's fine.

743
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:20,600
But that is a big part of it too is you're no longer the fat friend.

744
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,600
Yeah.

745
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,840
And that's been your identity for so long.

746
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:24,840
Yeah.

747
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:30,200
And that's the part of the podcast about, well, how do I say goodbye to those that don't

748
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,560
build me up?

749
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,080
And there'll be a lot of people that say, well, I don't have to say goodbye to those

750
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,160
people.

751
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:37,240
You do.

752
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:38,720
My advice will be you do.

753
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:42,800
And Steph, I'll let you weigh in here in a minute on how you feel about it.

754
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:47,400
But I personally, and I don't come to this lightly, but if you have friends that won't

755
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,600
build you up, they need to go.

756
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,080
And they won't always be outright in your face.

757
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:56,040
They're not going to look at you and go, hey, Steph, it's absolutely stupid that you're

758
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,600
having this surgery and we're not going to be friends.

759
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,560
They're going to pull the, you're no longer the fat friend card.

760
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:06,480
And so whether you want to admit it or not, you probably are the fat friend in the group.

761
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,560
And so what happens is when you say that you're having bariatric surgery and you're excited

762
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,760
about your weight loss and they start Googling it and go, oh my God, Hannah's going to lose

763
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,120
like a hundred to 150 pounds or more.

764
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:21,240
Oh my God, Hannah's going to go from being three X and the biggest one in the group to

765
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,760
the smallest one in the group.

766
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,760
Oh no, I'm going to be the fat one in the group.

767
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,040
Like this is just not okay.

768
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,860
Like it's not, they don't say any of this out loud, but they start to super internalize

769
00:37:30,860 --> 00:37:33,520
and freak out that you're better in your life.

770
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,240
And it means that they're not going to do that.

771
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:37,740
They're not going to lose weight.

772
00:37:37,740 --> 00:37:40,520
They're not going to have the same success you are having.

773
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:46,120
And there's an anger and a resentment and a jealousy that comes out in different ways.

774
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:51,800
And how it comes out a lot for this is, oh, I don't think you should do that.

775
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,400
Well, I've heard a lot of people fail.

776
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:57,040
Well, a lot of people that I know have gained all the weight back and then some, well, have

777
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:01,360
you seen how much people fail and all the bad things that happen?

778
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:06,040
Like they immediately want to tell you the negative outcomes of the surgery because they

779
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,280
desperately want you to not do this.

780
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,320
And sometimes they're the friends that will just have a bite.

781
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:13,320
You can just have a bite.

782
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,480
Well, you don't have to give that up forever.

783
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:19,320
I went to the movies with a friend, a good friend that you also know as well.

784
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:23,360
And subconsciously he did not mean to do this, but it was like, I wasn't even able to eat

785
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:24,780
anything at the movie theater at this point.

786
00:38:24,780 --> 00:38:27,040
I was still on like the soft food diet.

787
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:31,200
Popcorn was off limits and every two minutes he was like, he wants some M&Ms.

788
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,800
And at one point in the movie, I was like, if you don't stop offering me M&Ms, I'm going

789
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,440
to punch you right in the face.

790
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,920
And it was just subliminal that he was like, you want some of my popcorn?

791
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:38,920
You want some of my M&Ms?

792
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,520
I was like, I can't eat any of this.

793
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,160
So you'll have people that do that.

794
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:44,480
And that doesn't mean they're toxic.

795
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:45,480
Oh my gosh.

796
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,880
My dad still to this day goes, you want some wine?

797
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,520
No, dad, I haven't had alcohol in three years, but thank you so much.

798
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:52,520
Thank you.

799
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:57,520
But you'll have friends that do this maliciously without even thinking.

800
00:38:57,520 --> 00:38:58,520
We'll just have a bite.

801
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,360
Well, you can just have some.

802
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,480
Well, I bought this for you and I want you to try it.

803
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:05,440
Well, I want you to have some of it.

804
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:06,720
It's a nice, you don't want it?

805
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,200
You don't find you don't want it.

806
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,200
Fine.

807
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:10,200
I'll just throw it away.

808
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,280
And you'll have people that try to get you to eat things you're not supposed to eat.

809
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:14,920
We'll try to get you to break the rules.

810
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:20,320
And as former obese people, we like when people give us permission to break the rules because

811
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,900
we feel like it means that it's okay.

812
00:39:22,900 --> 00:39:29,920
So be wary of the people that want you to remain their fat friend that push breaking

813
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:34,280
the rules on you that always want to talk about the negative side effects.

814
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,480
Just start watching how often it happens once or twice.

815
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:42,760
You can chalk it up to their concern, but if it's the continual pattern, they are trying

816
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:43,840
to sabotage you.

817
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,640
They aren't happy for your growth.

818
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,320
They aren't thrilled that you're bettering yourself.

819
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,160
And there is a jealousy and we've all been there.

820
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:55,680
I've been very jealous of people who have managed to lose weight quickly and I don't

821
00:39:55,680 --> 00:40:01,360
mean to be jealous of them, but it's my own insecurity and my own anger and I don't know

822
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,360
where to place it.

823
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,880
And I don't know how to deal with it because I was obese and I didn't know how to deal

824
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:06,880
with it.

825
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:11,080
And so there were times I was so mad that somebody else was skinny and losing weight

826
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,360
and thinner and doing better.

827
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:19,120
And even early in my career when people would get promoted before me and it was justified,

828
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,680
I would still be so angry.

829
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,480
How are they getting further ahead than me?

830
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:26,080
And I'm so far behind, but I would take it out as they didn't deserve that.

831
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,840
Oh my God, they're going to fail at that promotion.

832
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:34,460
And it was bitter and disgusting and I did not like the person I was, but it's your choice

833
00:40:34,460 --> 00:40:35,800
what you want to do here.

834
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:40,680
If you want to pull them aside and say, listen, I'm really excited about this surgery, but

835
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,160
you keep bringing up a lot of negative things about it.

836
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,520
Like you're my friend and I don't want to have to focus on these negative things.

837
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,180
Like is something wrong?

838
00:40:48,180 --> 00:40:51,300
Like are you really concerned about me having surgery?

839
00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:55,160
Or you can do what I recommend if they're not a close friend, they're now in the outer

840
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,160
circle.

841
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,080
They only get to come when there's a group outing, you're not hanging out with them one

842
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,720
on one and they no longer get an opinion on surgery.

843
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:06,000
They no longer get to send you messages and texts about all the negative things that are

844
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,000
going to happen.

845
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:10,600
They can be a friend from the outside until they can prove that they can behave indoors.

846
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:11,840
They're an outdoor friend.

847
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:17,440
Like you can stay out there and you have to be comfortable doing this because it does

848
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,480
not take much to derail you.

849
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:24,420
And this isn't just friends, it could be family that's pulling you down.

850
00:41:24,420 --> 00:41:27,020
My family's been really wonderful with supporting me.

851
00:41:27,020 --> 00:41:29,480
My mom looks for sugar-free desserts to make.

852
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:30,980
She asks if I can have things.

853
00:41:30,980 --> 00:41:33,460
She always checks with the menu before I'm coming to visit.

854
00:41:33,460 --> 00:41:36,960
They send me flowers on my anniversary of surgery.

855
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,800
She even mailed me cards and I still have it hanging in my office right now.

856
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,960
It says, Hannah, can't have you walking to the mailbox for nothing.

857
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:44,960
You are doing great.

858
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:45,960
You're my hero.

859
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:46,960
Keep moving.

860
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:47,960
Did you fart?

861
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:48,960
That's an inside joke.

862
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:49,960
Love, mom.

863
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:54,360
Because I said, I'm going to walk to the mailbox and back for a week after surgery.

864
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:58,960
So find people that do stuff like that for you, that blow your mind, that love you, that

865
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,960
support you, that love hearing about what's going on, that want to hear about your weight

866
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:08,440
loss, that want to hear about recipes and things because they continuously ask me.

867
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,800
And I've heard my mom say on the phone, I love what we're learning from Hannah.

868
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,360
Like she's teaching us so much that we didn't know.

869
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,840
That's who you need to surround yourself with.

870
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,760
And that's my long-winded rant to say, you got to say goodbye to those who do not build

871
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,600
you up, whether they're family or friends.

872
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:28,480
If you want to be successful, do it, at least until you're really secure in your weight

873
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,760
loss journey to invite them back in.

874
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:31,760
Yeah.

875
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:37,640
And I think part of it, not part of it, but a lot of the onus is on us too, because there's

876
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,040
going to be people, like you said, who are doing it maliciously.

877
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:45,960
There's going to be people out there who are doing it subconsciously, but continually do

878
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:46,960
it.

879
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,760
And there's going to be people that whether they want to admit it or not, they like that

880
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,440
you're always the friend that would go out for dinner with them.

881
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,640
You're the friend who would always go get nachos with them.

882
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,520
You're the friend who would always go out for drinks.

883
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,360
You're the friend that when you went shopping, you didn't really like shopping.

884
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:06,080
So you would go along and just hold the bags and hold the jackets while they tried on the

885
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,840
clothes and give your opinion.

886
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:13,400
And you are always just that reliable person that was there for what they'd want to do.

887
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,400
Exactly.

888
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:18,080
And that's going to change because your priorities are going to change.

889
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,680
Your outlooks are going to change.

890
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:24,720
We're not saying you can't go eat nachos, but more than likely, you're not going to

891
00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:25,720
be eating the nachos.

892
00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:27,080
You're not going to want to go out every week.

893
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,320
You're not going to be the one who wants to go out for the drinks and the snacks and the

894
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:34,920
parties and the this and the that, or you're now going to have the confidence to want to

895
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,660
go out and do your own shopping and do your own this and that.

896
00:43:38,660 --> 00:43:43,200
So they may not realize they've been doing this.

897
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,200
They may not cautiously be doing it.

898
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:49,560
So you need to also be on the lookout for that and say, hang on a second here.

899
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,800
I need to pull myself back.

900
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,880
I need to make sure that I'm going to the things I want to go to.

901
00:43:55,880 --> 00:44:01,460
I'm doing the things I want to do and that I'm going to things that are going to fill

902
00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:05,200
my cup as well and that I'm here because I want to be here.

903
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:11,080
So your personality is going to change because your outlook is changing.

904
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:17,840
You're going through so many mental and mindset shifts during this process that you as a person,

905
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:23,240
it's inevitable that you're going to change because my goal and hopefully the outcome

906
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:25,880
is that this is I'm going to have the confidence.

907
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,320
I'm going to want to go out.

908
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,840
I'm not going to be making so many decisions based on food.

909
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,720
I'm going to be wanting to go out and do activities.

910
00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:34,800
I'm going to be wanting to go and be physical.

911
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,000
I'm going to want to go to the beach.

912
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,640
I'm going to want to go for walks.

913
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,560
I am going to change and change is scary.

914
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:45,640
And so some people just don't know how to handle that.

915
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:50,720
And if they're not willing to have a conversation with you about it, if they're not willing

916
00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:55,960
to support that change, if they're not willing to come to the table to find out how to make

917
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:01,040
that new relationship work, then as Hannah said, that's maybe when that particular relationship

918
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,280
needs to take a step back a little bit.

919
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:08,240
And it doesn't mean the relationship needs to be over, but maybe the priorities have

920
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:09,360
shifted.

921
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:14,880
Maybe the frequency has shifted, but you need to, as Hannah said, have those people in your

922
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:19,720
corner that message you randomly on your Instagram stories and say, holy crap, have you looked

923
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:21,840
at your face lately?

924
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:22,840
Like the amount of messages.

925
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:23,840
I send you that all the time.

926
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,040
I'm like, look at that slim ass face.

927
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:31,560
I've had so many messages being like, holy crap, look at you.

928
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,000
Or the I was so, as I said, I don't wear shorts.

929
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,880
I don't wear t-shirts.

930
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,440
Lord knows I don't wear tank tops in public.

931
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:44,600
I don't think I even own, like I have an undershirt tank top, but I don't even own like an actual

932
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,200
tank top.

933
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:50,440
And I had somebody message me, a friend of mine messaged me the other day and she goes,

934
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,960
Steph, you better believe I've been noticing those Instagram stories.

935
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,800
And I said, what do you mean?

936
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:03,680
She goes, you've posted a story every day this week in a tank top.

937
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,680
And I said, what?

938
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,600
And she goes, you've been in a tank top every day on Instagram that you posted.

939
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:16,120
And I honest to God, I didn't even realize like the fact that I didn't even think twice

940
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:22,840
to record that video and post it was just this huge like aha moment for me.

941
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,360
And so those are the people that you need in your corner.

942
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:29,920
The ones that are going to cheer you on, that are going to help you realize those goals,

943
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:35,120
help you realize that success and reiterate that for you and continue to push you along.

944
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,600
That's where your energy and focus needs to be.

945
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,760
Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree.

946
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,380
That's where you need to focus.

947
00:46:42,380 --> 00:46:47,440
You don't need to focus on those that are going to continuously ask you, just try a

948
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:51,120
bite, just have a drink, just do this.

949
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,000
You don't need to keep asking the question, is that all you're going to eat?

950
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,400
Answering it once or twice makes sense.

951
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,760
But if you're continuously going to harp on me that you need to be eating more, you need

952
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:03,000
to eat more, you have to remind these people I had surgery and that's, you know, just let

953
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,000
me do my thing.

954
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,000
There's a reason I did this.

955
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,120
Yeah, please step back.

956
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,440
And now you have to have those conversations once or twice.

957
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:09,480
That's normal.

958
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,840
But if it's been a year or more and they're still doing it, you need to be like, you have

959
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:13,840
to stop.

960
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:14,840
I'm not going to come here.

961
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:15,940
I'm not going to eat here.

962
00:47:15,940 --> 00:47:20,640
So I think friends and family at the end of the day, for the most part, they're going

963
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:21,920
to love you and support you.

964
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,620
They are, but you know them best.

965
00:47:23,620 --> 00:47:27,920
If you know you don't have a supportive network, find that one person that will support you

966
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:29,040
through this.

967
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,680
And then, you know, just choose the distance that you feel most comfortable at.

968
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:34,320
Again, not all friends are indoor friends.

969
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,480
Some of them can be outdoor friends.

970
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,120
And that's not that they're outdoors forever.

971
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:42,040
They're outdoors till they learn how to behave and can come on into your circle.

972
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:45,880
And you're not trying to say that everybody has to change to fit your motive and your

973
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:46,880
narrative.

974
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:47,920
That's not at all healthy.

975
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:52,040
But what you're saying is you have something that you need to address with me.

976
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,360
And if you're not willing to talk through it with me, then you can't be here till we

977
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:56,460
talk through it.

978
00:47:56,460 --> 00:48:02,520
And it is okay for people to reflect on your journey and go, this makes me feel less than.

979
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:07,040
The one thing you'll need to know as we wrap up this week is just making better choices

980
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:08,120
make people feel bad.

981
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,960
And it's nothing on you at all.

982
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:15,440
But one thing I've noticed is if I'm at home and there are squares and there was squares

983
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,680
at Christmas and it's, well, you can have a bite, right?

984
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:21,680
And it's like, no, I really shouldn't because I know for me that's a really slippery slope,

985
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:25,760
but also like I'm in active training for running and no, I'm not going to have one, but you

986
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:31,480
guys have one and no way was I saying it in a shitty way or was I going, yeah, fatties,

987
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,480
go eat your squares.

988
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:36,620
I was just saying for me, I'm in my training for running and personally it's a slippery

989
00:48:36,620 --> 00:48:37,620
slope.

990
00:48:37,620 --> 00:48:38,620
I won't be able to just stop at a bite.

991
00:48:38,620 --> 00:48:39,620
So no, that's okay.

992
00:48:39,620 --> 00:48:40,640
I've brought my bill bar.

993
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:44,280
I'm actually going to microwave it pro tip best way to eat.

994
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:45,280
And I'm going to have that.

995
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,680
But immediately nobody else had a square, not a single person else.

996
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,300
And I was like, you were all about to eat this.

997
00:48:50,300 --> 00:48:51,420
So please eat it.

998
00:48:51,420 --> 00:48:53,000
So just know that will happen too.

999
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,280
And you'll have to get over the fact that you feel guilty about that because I felt

1000
00:48:56,280 --> 00:49:00,200
horrible, but there were many times where people would go, well, you try some.

1001
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:01,280
No, it's okay.

1002
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,560
I can't, but I really want you guys to eat it.

1003
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:08,000
They'll shut down and not want to eat it because now they'll feel like, well, if they're not

1004
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,060
eating it on fat for doing that.

1005
00:49:10,060 --> 00:49:14,240
So there are things you'll have to overcome with family and friends that we will definitely

1006
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:16,320
cover in another episode.

1007
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,360
But for now our advice is you are not the fat friend.

1008
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,880
You're not there to make others feel good about themselves.

1009
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,780
It's not your fault if they feel bad about themselves.

1010
00:49:24,780 --> 00:49:31,200
Your choice to better you in no way is hurting or denying or impacting anybody in your life

1011
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:36,460
of a life that they want to go live and surround yourself with those that will build you up

1012
00:49:36,460 --> 00:49:40,420
and bring them back in when you think it's appropriate.

1013
00:49:40,420 --> 00:49:42,360
And that might be never.

1014
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:46,760
And that's okay because you're on a new journey and you're not doing this maliciously because

1015
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:50,040
you think you're better than your old friends.

1016
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:54,600
You are surrounding yourself with those that are positive in there to help you to tell

1017
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:59,600
you the truth still, but not looking to keep you where you're at because it makes them

1018
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,080
feel comfortable.

1019
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:02,960
Exactly.

1020
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:03,960
You have to look out for yourself.

1021
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:08,840
Bottom line, at the end of the day, through this whole process, you have to look out for

1022
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:09,840
you.

1023
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:10,840
Yep.

1024
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,920
We are going to cover in some other podcast episodes relationships because that is a different,

1025
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:19,160
it's a whole other avenue than family and friends.

1026
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:24,480
How hard it is to be married and go through this and why a lot of women struggle when

1027
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,700
they're doing it and their husband isn't.

1028
00:50:26,700 --> 00:50:31,320
And then dating, how a lot of women immensely struggle to date after and still pick people

1029
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,840
that are not appropriate and how a lot of people get thrown off because they start dating

1030
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:39,640
and all of a sudden all their training and planning goes out the window because they're

1031
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,520
too embarrassed to say, I can't eat that.

1032
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:45,840
Or because their partner keeps telling them, you can, you're beautiful, gain some weight.

1033
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:49,360
So we're going to talk about how hard it is going to be to date, to be in a relationship

1034
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:51,680
and to be married while going through this.

1035
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:56,600
But next week, I'm excited that we're going to be talking about the things that we keep

1036
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:57,600
getting asked.

1037
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:02,760
Polycystic ovary syndrome, comorbidities, which ones did we have?

1038
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,040
Are they reversed?

1039
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,840
What's our health looking like now?

1040
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,920
So we're going to tell you all about how bad our health was before surgery.

1041
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:13,160
We'll give you an update on where we are currently with our health and we'll answer some of the

1042
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:18,520
myths and misconceptions around what does bariatric surgery reverse, cure, tackle, deal

1043
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:22,080
with and is it a magic bandaid for everything?

1044
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:23,080
Yeah.

1045
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:24,080
It's a big one.

1046
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:25,960
It's going to be a good one.

1047
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:29,120
Well Steph, thanks for joining me again for another week.

1048
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:34,120
It's always just fun to chat with you about all of this and yeah, this was a hard topic,

1049
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,200
but one that was much so needed.

1050
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:37,200
Important.

1051
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:38,200
Yeah, important.

1052
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:42,120
We want every single one of you who continue to listen and like we always say, share topics,

1053
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:43,400
themes and ideas on social.

1054
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,440
We want to tackle everything you want to hear.

1055
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:47,440
Perfect.

1056
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,440
See you next week, everybody.

1057
00:51:50,440 --> 00:52:09,300
Bye.