Episode 3: Breaking Stigmas & Busting Myths

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Well, hey there, Steph.

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Welcome to our third session of Bariatric Banter podcast.

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We're back.

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I know we're still doing this if people were curious.

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We're still here.

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We're back to talk about more trends and topics and things to do with weight loss, bariatric

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surgery and all the things in between.

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All the juicy stuff today.

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All the juicy stuff today.

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How was your week though?

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Good bad?

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Well, you know, it was pretty quiet.

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We're still in like the throes of winter and we got just like beyond slammed.

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I'm so over it.

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Beyond slammed with snow.

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Oh, shit.

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Like to the point of where it's like more than halfway up my back door.

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I can't even open my slider door to let the dog out.

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So it was a lot of snow, a lot of cold, a lot of canceled buses at schools, you know,

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that kind of stuff.

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So honestly, I haven't really left the house in probably about a week.

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So that might come out in the podcast today.

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I might be going a little bit crazy.

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But it's okay.

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How are you?

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It happens.

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Listen, I haven't left the house much this week either just due to the fact that it's

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like minus 23.

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Oh, so cold.

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Minus 24.

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It is bitterly, bitterly cold.

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So to leave the house requires like two pairs of pants, snow pants, you know, jacket hat,

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two pairs of mittens.

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It's the worst.

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So no, just been laying low.

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It has been just like a week at work, you know?

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It's just like, boy, why is this never ending this week?

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Why am I working late hours and working the weekends?

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Like, yeah, it has just been never ending.

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And so I can't wait to record this podcast and just veg out.

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Get a break, not think about work for a hot minute.

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My dog is 150 pounds and he's a big boy and he's like struggling to poop outside because

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the snow is like up to his butt.

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Oh, yeah.

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And he just looks at me.

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He's like, really?

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Yeah, I don't want to do this.

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This is supposed to happen?

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Bo is not that big.

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He's 60 pounds.

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But I'm always scared because I'm like, you're peeing way too close to the snow.

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And if that thing gets stuck, I'm not sure what you expect me to do.

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So I really hope that it just melts the snow because you're right up in there.

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You're making some interesting choices there, buddy.

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Yeah, great life choices, Bo.

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Just shoving your little wiener into the snow and peeing is probably not great.

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I love it.

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I'm just going to let him do what he wants to do.

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Right?

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He'll figure it out.

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Yeah.

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One way or the other, he'll figure life out.

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But I'm excited for the podcast this week.

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I need to focus on this.

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Me too.

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It's a good one.

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It's a really good topic.

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I think this is a topic that we've been asked several times, not even just directly asked,

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but a lot of the comments we see literally always seem to focus on this.

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And it's something that even if you're not in the bariatric surgery program, you're going

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to relate to this episode hard, but it's something that you are not going to be able to avoid.

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And I'd say it's probably tied with the number one reason people don't do this surgery.

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Yes.

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So this week we're going to talk about stigma, shame, and if bariatric surgery is the easy

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way out.

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And I think this is a good one too, because these are all items that you will have to

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deal with from the moment you decide you're having surgery, the moment you announce you're

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having surgery, and the entire journey afterwards.

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So this is a continual challenge and a continual struggle in the bariatric journey.

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So I think this is a really good topic today.

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Yeah.

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And this came up on our TikTok.

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I think it also came up on our Instagram.

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But regardless if you're having weight loss surgery or not, there's always going to be

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haters out there that want to diminish the work that you're doing.

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So whether it's all the people who are going to the gym for the first time, who might be

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overweight or obese, and then constantly get met with comments like, gross, why are you

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doing this?

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Terrible form.

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You don't know what you're doing.

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You're talking about people who are in calorie deficits and dieting for the first time.

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Same comments.

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You're not doing it right.

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Why are you eating that?

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You're hiding what you're really eating.

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You're eating more than that.

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So it is not just a unique thing to the bariatric surgery community, which is a shame.

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But hopefully a lot of people can relate to the stigmas, the shames, the easy way out.

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Just sub the word bariatric surgery for anything else.

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And I think our advice will be the same.

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Yeah, I agree.

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I want to start with the big one, which is the easy way out.

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Oh, it makes me so angry.

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It gets me so heated.

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And I'm trying to do my best this week to be good on the podcast, not get all angry

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and heated.

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Good luck, she says.

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But the easy way out.

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I...

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It infuriates me.

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And I try to give people grace because I know part of it...

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It's part of a bigger picture.

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I know that people think it's the easy way out a lot, not all the time, but a lot of

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time because they don't understand the surgery.

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They don't understand the pre-op process, the post-op process.

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They don't get the ins and outs of it.

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They kind of just think you have the surgery and then your life's back to normal and you

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call it a day.

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So I try to give people grace, but there's also times when you can tell that it's not

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coming from a nice place and it's coming from a very judgmental place.

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And hopefully if people have listened to our first episode and they learned a little bit

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about what the process looks like, hopefully if that was their thought before that we've

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changed that a little bit.

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Because it in no way, shape or form is the easy way out in any part of the process.

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No.

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I mean, I applaud you for giving grace because I certainly don't.

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There are other areas that we're going to talk about in this podcast where I absolutely

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give grace.

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When it comes to the easy way out, I don't.

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There is no nice way to tell me, oh, that's the easy way out.

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That's a real kind of jerk thing to say.

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There is no nice way that you're going to paint that and try to tell me that you meant

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that nicely or you didn't mean it the way you sounded.

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But I am very tired of seeing it.

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Now I didn't have anybody directly tell me that this was the easy way out, but it was

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everywhere I went.

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It was in every Reddit community, every Facebook group, every social post.

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Every online, everywhere.

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Every influencer who's posted.

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And now I know people are going to say, oh, that's the internet.

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It is.

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I agree.

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If you're going to be on the internet, you open yourself up to deal with trolls.

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But that's exactly what I attribute saying this is the easy way out to.

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You're a troll.

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Well, and that's where we have to turn for a lot of our resources.

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So we're kind of forced to go to the internet.

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And so you start to hear the easy way out a lot.

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You see it written.

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You hear it.

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You see others talk about it.

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Even when you're watching influencers, again, in the bariatric space or not, you're going

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to see a lot of videos like, was this the easy way out?

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Is this the easy way out?

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So you're going to start to get bombarded by it.

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No matter what you do, it is going to sneak in and you're going to think to yourself,

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is this the easy way out?

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It's not.

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We'll talk about that in a minute, but like, who cares if it was?

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Who cares?

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Why does that matter?

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If somebody came up to me and said, I've got the easiest way for you to lose weight guaranteed.

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Here's this magic pill.

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Out you go.

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All right, cool.

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Yep.

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I'll take it.

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Thank you.

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Yeah.

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So even if it was the easy way out, why does that matter to you?

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Why do you care?

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I was thinking about this the other day.

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I forget when I was watching where this came up and the easy way out kind of discussion

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about bariatric surgery and if you just want to change the way you look, then just eat

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less or just exercise more.

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But then I was thinking, and people going right to the, you really have to go to the

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extreme of surgery to change the way you look.

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But then on the flip side, I'm thinking how many people out there get plastic surgery

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to change the way they look?

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And we don't, I mean, we maybe judge them a little bit from a far.

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We judge women.

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Yeah, but I don't go over to them and say, oh, I don't go attack them.

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I don't go attack them for having a nose job or a facelift or instead lip filler, Botox.

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They're taking steps that are medical steps, surgical steps to alter their appearance.

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So why, and that's a medical profession.

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Why are we so judged?

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Yeah.

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So why are we so judged for taking a medical route or surgery?

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Do what you want to do.

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For our health.

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Yeah.

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Thank you.

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I don't judge you for doing it for your appearance.

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Often times it's like, yeah, that was probably the right choice for you in the nicest way.

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Much better nose now.

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I get why you did it.

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I totally get it.

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But like, yeah, we're literally doing it for health reasons.

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Like the whole purpose of bariatric surgery is not based in vanity.

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I'm not trying to judge plastic surgery because I eventually will probably get it for my loose

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skin.

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But what I'm saying is bariatric surgery was not based in vanity because people wanted

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to be skinnier and it's not liposuction.

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Bariatric surgery is here to keep the drain off the healthcare system.

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So I want to save my heart.

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I want to save my heart.

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I want to be here for my kids.

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I want to have a healthy life.

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Yes.

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And if anybody wants to deny it, cool, come to the comments and we can go at it about

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what I'm about to say.

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But obesity is a disease and it is a massive, massive drain on the healthcare system because

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obesity leads to provenly major comorbidities, which are things like heart disease, stroke,

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diabetes, just high blood pressure, thyroid, blood clotting, not DVT, but basically like

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pulmonary edema.

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It can lead to narrowing of your arteries so that you lose all feeling in your legs.

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And similar to how diabetics need to have limbs amputated.

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Now yeah, my painting the worst case scenario, I sure am, but it has been proven over and

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over and over and over.

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You don't live long while obese and you are at a high risk of draining the healthcare

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system because you're in for constant things.

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And I say that as someone who was in constantly.

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I have to get my heart checked.

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I have heart palpitations.

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My heart doesn't feel right.

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My blood pressure's through the roof.

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Now I have high cholesterol.

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Oh, now I'm pre-diabetic.

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Now I'm losing feeling in my right leg.

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Now I can't move because I've pinched a nerve in my back due to all the excess weight I'm

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carrying.

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There was so many things.

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And the medications and the doctor visits and the x-rays and oh my god.

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It's a spiral.

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It is.

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And they know you'll be leading to probably something to do with your heart if it's not

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a stroke or something else.

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And so they would rather not have that be a huge burden on the healthcare system.

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And I agree with them and that's where bariatric surgery becomes a huge advantage for us because

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it is there to make sure that we don't adopt those and it reverses them.

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And if you want to debate me on that, again, come to the comments.

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But I had high blood pressure.

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I had high cholesterol.

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Also genetic might I add.

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It does run in my family.

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So for all those people who want to be like, but genetics.

250
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,360
Yeah, that runs in my family too.

251
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:34,280
I had polycystic ovary syndrome and I would go six to seven months without a period.

252
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,920
I maybe had two periods a year.

253
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,520
So I was at high risk for ovarian cancer.

254
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:40,840
So I had all these things.

255
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,000
I'm no longer on blood pressure medication.

256
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,320
It's now stabilized normally.

257
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,120
I'm not on cholesterol medication.

258
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,120
It's now back to a normal range.

259
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:54,040
My blood sugar is completely down from pre-diabetic and it is now in a normal healthy range.

260
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:59,640
I have a normal monthly set your watch to it period and it's like a healthy cycle and

261
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,520
a healthy period.

262
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,560
I don't have numbness in my legs anymore.

263
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:07,960
I don't have a bulging disc in my back anymore.

264
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,000
I run, I walk, I feel great.

265
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:18,640
So it can reverse a lot of damage and prevent that damage from taking hold at 30.

266
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,640
Will it come back?

267
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,640
Probably.

268
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,640
It is genetic.

269
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,640
I will probably have high blood pressure in my 50s or 60s.

270
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,400
You're going to be aging, let's be honest.

271
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,400
It will happen.

272
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,480
Things are going to start to break down.

273
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,480
Let's be honest.

274
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,840
But you can live a much longer life if your high blood pressure from genetics catches

275
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:37,100
you at 50, then it does at 30.

276
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:42,900
So I want to give my body the best possible chance to be as healthy as it can for as long

277
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,440
as it possibly can.

278
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,500
And I know I have genetics working against me, but you should not be inheriting a lot

279
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,520
of this at 30.

280
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,920
No.

281
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:57,040
And living like that is not easy by any means.

282
00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:03,200
So if there's an option out there that is going to help with that, like you said, even

283
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,140
if it was a magic pill, sign me up.

284
00:13:05,140 --> 00:13:06,600
I will take it.

285
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:10,000
And if people want to judge for that, go right ahead.

286
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:14,720
But I think a lot of it comes to if you've never been in that situation, you've never

287
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:20,660
lived that life, you've never felt those things every day, then I don't necessarily

288
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:22,380
think you have a right to judge.

289
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:29,660
And just the fact that anyone would think this process is easy or anyone would allude

290
00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:33,580
to that, because at the end of the day, it is surgery.

291
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,560
They are cutting into your body.

292
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:39,240
You are changing the anatomy of your body.

293
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,240
Not a pill.

294
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,240
It's not a shot.

295
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,240
It's surgery.

296
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,240
No.

297
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:49,920
The mental work that goes into this, I would argue for certain people, at least for me,

298
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:55,200
knock on wood, the physical healing and the surgery part was very easy and smooth.

299
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,840
The mental part is the hard part, more so than the surgery.

300
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:04,800
But to just to think that going through the appointments, having to lay all your shit

301
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:12,560
out on the table, having to admit to how you got here, why you got here, admit how you

302
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:19,000
messed up, admit where you went wrong, be willing to change that, put all your, do all

303
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:24,280
your medical testing, go on a liquid diet, have actual physical surgery, heal from a

304
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,400
surgery, be able to eat like barely anything.

305
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,400
Change your whole life.

306
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,440
What part of that sounds easy?

307
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,440
I would love to know.

308
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,720
Yeah, I would love to hear how this is that easy.

309
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:42,560
That I had to go on a two week liquid diet before I walked into that operating room while

310
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:50,280
I was still 315 pounds, having never successfully dieted or lost weight on my own before.

311
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:55,680
So I now have to spend 14 days completely just drinking liquids.

312
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,520
And there's going to be people being like, oh, well, good.

313
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,520
Well, yeah.

314
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:02,560
Do you know what that's like for someone that obviously over consumed and over aged to then

315
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,800
have to go cold turkey for two solid weeks?

316
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800
To nothing.

317
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,720
To nothing.

318
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,680
And like what it does to your body to literally go from probably, I don't know, probably close

319
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,040
to 3000 calories a day to down to 300.

320
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,040
900.

321
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,040
Yeah.

322
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,040
Well, 900 during the-

323
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,040
Not at the total.

324
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,040
Sorry.

325
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,800
900 total during the pre-liquid stage.

326
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,640
But then as soon as you come out of surgery, you're down to like 300.

327
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:32,320
And you're not hungry, but what it does to your body, all my hair started to fall out

328
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,160
and it was really hard to look at myself and to feel-

329
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,160
No energy.

330
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,880
Attractive, zero energy.

331
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,600
Your attitude sucks because you're just grouchy.

332
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,200
Your hormones are kind of all over the place for a hot minute.

333
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:48,280
So it's basically like going through a mini menopause for a hot minute because your hormones

334
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:52,120
are all over the place and you just don't know if you're going to bounce back and forth

335
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,120
from this.

336
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,720
But like you still, you don't feel bad.

337
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,200
I don't want people thinking of having surgery to be like, Jesus, no, no, no.

338
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,240
You're still living that like I'm so excited and I'm exercising life.

339
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,320
But there's a lot that goes through your body mentally and physically.

340
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,960
And they cut me open.

341
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,240
Like I was under a head major surgery.

342
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,240
That's generally anesthetic.

343
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,240
Yeah.

344
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,360
Anybody who thinks that I walked in and thought, oh, this is so fucking easy.

345
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,200
It's like same day service.

346
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,760
Lift the hood, cut the stomach, away we go.

347
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,440
If you think there wasn't fear and anxiety and nerves-

348
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,080
Because of people like you.

349
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,080
Second guessing.

350
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,840
And yeah, the sitting there as they're about to wheel you and going, am I making the right

351
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,840
decision?

352
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:31,840
Is it too late?

353
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,480
Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?

354
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,520
But before surgery, because I went into this really excited and I think my positive attitude

355
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,400
like really helped with the recovery.

356
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:43,460
Because I was so excited to do this.

357
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:48,040
But it's a shame that there was even an ounce of brain space taken up by going, I'm going

358
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,200
to be so judged for this though.

359
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,260
Like people are going to say such shitty things.

360
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:56,560
And even before we started the podcast, I was like, man, I just don't want to deal with

361
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,080
the people who are going to say shitty things to us.

362
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,840
That was the biggest thing when I was trying to decide whether to have the surgery or not

363
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,440
after my doctor recommended it.

364
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:12,040
It sad to me and I'm somebody who I've lived my life caring what other people think.

365
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,040
Oh yeah.

366
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,080
To a fault, like to a massive fault.

367
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,440
That's the reason why I don't wear shorts and t-shirts.

368
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,160
Part of it is because I'm self-conscious.

369
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:27,320
But the reason if I really get down to the root of it, yeah, the reason I'm self-conscious

370
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:33,640
is because I worry about what the people out there who see me in the shorts and t-shirt

371
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,480
are going to think and say.

372
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,480
I have lived my life under that fear.

373
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:48,840
And so when I was trying to, when I was given this option, I got kind of excited for a second,

374
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:55,040
but initial, like right away shot down with, oh my God, what are people going to say?

375
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,600
And holy crap, are you going to be judged for this?

376
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:07,560
And that almost stopped me from having this because that is such a big fear of life when

377
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,640
you're obese is constantly what other people are going to think.

378
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,640
What are they saying?

379
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:12,640
How are they judging me?

380
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,120
And I knew that the stigma was around this and I knew that I was going to get the, can't

381
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,120
you just eat less?

382
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,400
Can't you keep dieting?

383
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,520
I've seen you lose weight on diets before.

384
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,340
Well, yeah, I can.

385
00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:25,600
And I've had this conversation with people that I have lost weight before.

386
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,440
I have done all the diets before.

387
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,920
Number one, and we talked about this a little bit as you know, when you have PCOS and other

388
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,960
things, the excuses that fall behind there, does that stop you from losing weight?

389
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,960
No.

390
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:37,960
Does it make it harder?

391
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:38,960
For sure.

392
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,600
So yes, I've lost weight in the past, but it has taken me a very long time to hit those

393
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,600
goals and hit those milestones.

394
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:53,360
So for me it was, yeah, you know what, I can continue to have a massive calorie deficit,

395
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,700
work out for an hour or more every day.

396
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,640
And I know people are going to say, you don't have to work out for an hour.

397
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,360
Well, with some hormonal issues you do.

398
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,760
You got to work harder more than others.

399
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:08,640
So if I wanted to achieve those results, and I said this to people, you know what, I probably

400
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:09,640
could have done it.

401
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:15,680
I could continue to do shakes and a liquid type diet, which would have made me hate my

402
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,680
life.

403
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:21,760
But if I would have done that and worked out a shit ton for a long time, then you know

404
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,800
what, yeah, maybe I could have lost this weight, but it would have taken me a heck of a long

405
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:26,800
time.

406
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,440
And I'm talking like years to do it.

407
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:35,680
So if I had the option to get this surgery and jumpstart that process, add that tool

408
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:42,160
with my tool belt and hit my goals in a quarter, a third of the time, why would I not get my

409
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:48,280
body to that healthy state as absolutely quickly as possible, leveraging as many tools as I

410
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,080
can if that offer is presented to me?

411
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,000
Like I don't understand where the bad is in that.

412
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,480
Yeah, I don't either.

413
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:03,800
And this like, if more people maybe just kind of understood the people who often talk about

414
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:08,160
the easy way out or ones who just I don't think have ever had to struggle with this.

415
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,220
And now there are people who've successfully lost weight on their own.

416
00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:12,400
And I do get that.

417
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,820
And it does involve like a massive overhaul and changing your lifestyle and everything

418
00:20:17,820 --> 00:20:20,140
that we're basically doing as well.

419
00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:23,020
And it's worked for them and it's been hard work and away they go.

420
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:25,040
We have to do the exact same hard work.

421
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,800
We are just adding one extra step in.

422
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:31,740
So it's not like we go in, we have surgery and then we get to sit on our butts and lose

423
00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:35,120
all this weight and not have to lift a finger ever again.

424
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,880
We consistently have to check in with dieticians, nutritionists.

425
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,000
We have to eat specific calories and macros.

426
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,000
We have to exercise and work out specific numbers every day.

427
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,320
We are putting in the exact same work as people who lost the weight on their own.

428
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:54,800
We literally just needed to put in a restriction so we didn't overeat because we struggle with

429
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,960
either binge eating or making poor choices.

430
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,920
Like there's a reason we were obese to begin with and we tried and we tried and we tried

431
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,520
to do it ourselves.

432
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:08,720
And being able to go back to our old habits is what made sure that the weight never stayed

433
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,960
off or that we rebounded or that we regained.

434
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,760
And so yeah, we just added one extra step.

435
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:20,000
And I'd argue we are working just as hard as someone who did it themselves.

436
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:25,840
Literally just as fucking hard because we still have the ability to regain.

437
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,960
It is still huge in the bariatric community that you can gain all your weight back and

438
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:29,960
then some.

439
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,880
The purpose of this surgery is to give you a kickstart.

440
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:37,200
It is to restrict you so much that within the first year you have no choice but to completely

441
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,040
change your body and your brain and your lifestyle because you have no choice.

442
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,080
You cannot possibly overeat.

443
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,760
You cannot eat high fat and high sugar.

444
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,480
It makes you really sick and ill.

445
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,120
So it forces your body into a brand new, this is how we live for an entire year.

446
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,760
And then after that year, you have a lot less restriction and you can kind of let some things

447
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,320
slide and away you go.

448
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:01,200
But the goal is that that year where you saw major success, you worked your butt off, you

449
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,400
learned what it felt like to exercise without carrying 300 extra pounds.

450
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,560
You learned that you could breathe, that you could do this and you weren't judged because

451
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:16,080
you finally looked quote unquote normal is what helps us continue with our weight loss

452
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,080
journey.

453
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:22,320
But we will always for life be counting calories, watching our macros, exercising and make no

454
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,320
mistake.

455
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:28,240
We will never forget where we came from and we will always be watching over our shoulder

456
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,760
for that version of ourself to come back.

457
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:35,740
So this isn't the easy way out because it's something that I will have to control and

458
00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:38,440
work on for the rest of my life.

459
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:43,720
And I'm happy about that because I love the decision I made, but it was no way easy nor

460
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,880
is it still easy.

461
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:49,760
I've entered what I would argue is the hardest part of my journey now, which is two years

462
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:54,960
post op on my own, needing to maintain and figure life out while also trying to figure

463
00:22:54,960 --> 00:23:02,640
out how do I eat to now sustain a much bigger athletic part of my life where I'm training

464
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:07,760
for half marathons now and I need to make sure that I do that safely and accurately

465
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,200
and it's hard because I am restricted with how much I can eat.

466
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,200
So there's a lot.

467
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:17,040
I spend weekends meal prepping, doing mental math, figuring stuff out, looking for high

468
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,040
protein, low calorie, low fat.

469
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:24,080
And if one more person comments that bariatric surgery is such an easy way out, you know

470
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,080
what, bud, whatever.

471
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,080
Okay.

472
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,080
You want to think it is whatever.

473
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:33,400
Why is it that society just cannot ever be happy about weight loss?

474
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,080
And I'm here we go.

475
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,360
I'm getting all heated again.

476
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,360
Oh boy.

477
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:42,440
I'm going to throw the fat acceptance community into this comment too because I have being

478
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:43,440
formally obese.

479
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,040
I think I'm allowed to call them out.

480
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,220
I have major problems with them as well.

481
00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:50,180
So they're not getting by unscathed in this convo.

482
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,940
But why does society hate weight loss?

483
00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:56,760
Why does everybody pick apart people trying to better themselves in the gym and trying

484
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,440
to get out there and do stuff and trying to reduce calories and sharing this on social,

485
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:05,800
which is great for others to see and yet tears them down because they're stupid.

486
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:06,800
They're lying.

487
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,040
They're eating when we don't see it.

488
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,560
There's no way you're losing weight.

489
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,040
You're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat.

490
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,840
Well, that's why they're at the gym and calorie restricting.

491
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,960
But yeah, thank you so much for that great observation.

492
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,800
And then on the flip side, the fat acceptance community hates weight loss.

493
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,860
This is fat phobic.

494
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,480
You're fat phobic for losing weight.

495
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,280
And then started this whole nonsense, which infuriated me that we're not allowed to talk

496
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,640
about or celebrate weight loss.

497
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,400
And I was like, I did not just go through all of this for none of you to comment on

498
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,400
my weight loss.

499
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,320
So no comment away.

500
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,760
I didn't lose 150 pounds for people to go.

501
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,240
I like to better obese.

502
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,240
You looked better before.

503
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,440
I've had people say, I literally have had a friend say, well, I thought your face was

504
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,440
fine before.

505
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,440
I'm sorry.

506
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:54,520
The face where my neck and my chin blended together into one blob.

507
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:59,600
The face that was continuously flushed because I was out of breath standing up from sitting

508
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:06,200
down because I was 315 pounds on a five foot four frame.

509
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,640
You liked that face better.

510
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,920
So yeah, society hates weight loss.

511
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:13,920
It's true.

512
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:18,200
And these videos now where you see what I eat in a day as a fat person, not trying to

513
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,960
lose weight.

514
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,960
I came across that the other day.

515
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:27,240
It was the first time I saw it and I kind of, I was scrolling mindlessly and I hurt,

516
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:32,240
I wasn't really looking at it, but I heard it and I scrolled up and then went, wait,

517
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,240
what?

518
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,240
And I scroll back down.

519
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,240
Yeah.

520
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,440
And I was like, this is a thing.

521
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,960
And don't get me wrong.

522
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:39,960
Okay.

523
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:45,840
I'm all for confidence at your current size because that is something I never had.

524
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,800
I always wore baggy clothes.

525
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,560
I mean, right now off, I wear baggy clothes still, but I wear baggy clothes.

526
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,560
I wear black.

527
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:53,560
I don't wear forefitting.

528
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:54,560
I don't wear color.

529
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,140
I don't have confidence.

530
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,480
Is it growing now?

531
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:58,480
Yes.

532
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,440
But the majority of the time, confidence was not a thing.

533
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,440
Oh, same boat.

534
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:09,500
And so I've always been jealous of people, but mainly women, girls who were overweight

535
00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:13,280
and confident and would go out in their shorts and their t-shirts and their tank tops and

536
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,760
look, not whether they were again, who knows, but looks like they were having a great time

537
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,040
and they loved to go shopping.

538
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,040
Oh my God, how I hate shopping.

539
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,040
I hated shopping.

540
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:27,960
The, I, oh, I have some funny stories about how much I hated shopping, but just, I would

541
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,380
be so jealous of those people.

542
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:30,640
So don't get me wrong.

543
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,600
I am all for confidence.

544
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,600
Sure.

545
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:41,040
However, I know what most likely is going on behind the scenes.

546
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:49,380
As you said, the pain, just the physical pain of being that size, it's not healthy.

547
00:26:49,380 --> 00:26:50,640
It's not good for your joints.

548
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,920
It's not good for your heart.

549
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,720
It's just not good.

550
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,240
So I'm all for being happy with who you are, being confident with who you are, but why

551
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:05,960
can we not want to be healthy and why is it bad and shameful to feel that way, to care

552
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:13,800
about somebody, to want them to be the best, happiest and healthiest version of themselves?

553
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:20,000
And this, this goes back to my thought on this and people are going to be like, well,

554
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:25,240
because I'd say overwhelmingly, I'm not going to paint everyone with the same brush, which

555
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:32,520
I tend to do, but overwhelmingly it's people don't have stigma and shame towards you.

556
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,240
This is absolutely internalized coming out.

557
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,960
And I know there'll be people being like, oh, you sound like you're saying bullies really

558
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:39,960
hate themselves.

559
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,060
They do.

560
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,900
They do.

561
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:43,900
This is literally that.

562
00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:47,440
Like it is a bully who hates themselves and they don't know how else to express it because

563
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,360
they're never going to look internally and be like, I'm the problem.

564
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:55,360
So when you say that you're doing this, I'll see you as the fat acceptance community as

565
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:59,280
a, it's just such a silly fat acceptance community.

566
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:04,600
I'll use them as an example because they were, they were so, so detrimental to my wellbeing.

567
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:09,880
Oh, losing weight is fat phobic and you need to love your body and love yourself and blah,

568
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,080
blah, blah, blah, blah.

569
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:16,760
You don't like when people lose weight because it immediately makes you reflect on yourself.

570
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:21,480
Like when Lizzo started losing weight and I spice and all like Adele and Mindy Kaling

571
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,900
and you immediately wanted to say they're on Ozempic and they're horrible people.

572
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:26,000
Who cares how they lost the weight.

573
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,320
I don't care if they're on Ozempic.

574
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:28,720
I don't care if they had liposuction.

575
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,360
I don't care if they went to a spa in Switzerland and came back super, super light.

576
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:38,280
Like who cares how rebel and Mindy and Adele and Lizzo and ice lost the weight.

577
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:43,640
You're upset because they are basically saying it was better for my health to do this.

578
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,080
I feel better.

579
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,720
And I know this sucks with society.

580
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,120
It now treats them better for being thinner.

581
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,400
And you can't stand that because it means that you don't get to keep living the lifestyle

582
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,400
you want.

583
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,600
This lifestyle that you're desperately trying to push as normal and healthy and that there's

584
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,400
nothing wrong with being morbidly obese.

585
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,000
There's nothing wrong with being chubby.

586
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,840
It's nothing wrong with having a little extra weight.

587
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:05,840
Oh gosh.

588
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,280
Morbidly obese is dangerous.

589
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,940
And I'm tired of that being presented as the way to go.

590
00:29:09,940 --> 00:29:14,720
But what happens is you see these people do this and you're mad at yourself because you're

591
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,520
like, oh my God, oh my God.

592
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,920
That was, that was someone that we could all say, see, it's okay to be this way.

593
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,160
And now they're saying it's not.

594
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:22,640
And they've changed.

595
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,080
They're horrible people.

596
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,960
Instead of they're not horrible people.

597
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,200
You're just upset because now instead of good for them for making themselves a priority

598
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,080
and taking their health into their hands.

599
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,720
And then on the flip side, the people who make fun of fat people trying to get better,

600
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:43,040
it's also, it is this kind of like territorial aggression where you're really concerned that

601
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,120
they're going to do better than you.

602
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,680
For some reason people just don't like others getting better.

603
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:53,200
I have surrounded myself with amazing cheerleaders, you being one of them who have nonstop supported

604
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:57,240
this journey of mine and have never sat there and been like, well, what if Hannah loses

605
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,240
more weight than me?

606
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,360
Or what if this happens to Hannah?

607
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,080
Like, they're just like, oh my God, like I'm so happy.

608
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:03,360
This is so cool.

609
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:07,280
But there, and we'll talk about it in the next podcast episode next week, but there

610
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:13,160
are people who are going to be like, no, people can't, no, I don't want people getting better

611
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,640
because then they're going to be better than me and then I'm going to get left behind and

612
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,840
I don't want to end like that's where you get a lot of the shame and stigma is from

613
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:25,360
people that don't like that you're getting more attention than them and that you're potentially

614
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,720
doing better than them.

615
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:31,760
So when you get these people saying easy way out, you're upset that I have lost more weight

616
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,560
than you or that I am further ahead in my journey than you.

617
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:39,700
So you're trying to find any way you can to diminish my journey, to make yourself feel

618
00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:42,600
better about yours.

619
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,520
You can't compare our journeys, bro.

620
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:45,760
Like do what you want to do.

621
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,560
I'll do what I want to do.

622
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:51,240
But you can't just come out hating on people because they took the time to share this socially,

623
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,400
build a following, gain a lot of confidence.

624
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,440
People like following them and you're jealous that you're not an influencer.

625
00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:03,200
What matters is that people are taking their needs, their health themselves and making

626
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:04,200
it a priority.

627
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:11,060
And I would argue we have had, this is not an easy way out in the sense that if anything,

628
00:31:11,060 --> 00:31:14,440
it's one of the harder ways because I could diet myself, I could go to the gym myself,

629
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:20,760
I could keep trudging along and having my slow progress and going up my hills and valleys

630
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,040
that I had and that was just kind of the norm.

631
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:28,160
But in order for me to go to the, I'm going to say the extreme of surgery because it is

632
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:35,080
a big deal, I had to admit that I failed and I had to admit that I needed help and I had

633
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:43,520
to admit that I couldn't do it on my own and then put that out there for everyone to see

634
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:49,760
and to know and that I have to sit there and say in order, like you said, regain in order

635
00:31:49,760 --> 00:32:00,160
for this to succeed, I need to change my entire mental outlook on food, on myself, on my life,

636
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,880
on my priorities.

637
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:10,240
It is, I think again, anything but easy to have to say, to have to say I failed and I

638
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,440
can't do it and I need help.

639
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:18,200
That to me is one of the hardest things to do in any area of your life is to admit failure

640
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,800
and to ask for help.

641
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:20,800
For some people.

642
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:26,160
And that takes more strength than suffering through alone and trying to do this.

643
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,800
And listen, not everything works for everyone.

644
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:33,240
If it did, we'd have no alcoholics, we'd have no smokers, we'd have everybody running

645
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:37,120
marathons and be able to build their own cars and do what they need to do.

646
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:38,840
Not everything works for others.

647
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,840
That's why some of us do better in school and others do better in creative fields.

648
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,960
That's why some of us are better athletes at one sport, not the other.

649
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,680
I cannot ice skate for the life of me.

650
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,240
My dad was almost a semi-pro hockey player and I think it broke his heart when I was

651
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,860
like, I don't want to do this because my bangs are in my eyes and my feet hurt.

652
00:32:54,860 --> 00:32:58,280
And he looked at my mom like, we need to have a boy.

653
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,720
But I was amazing at softball, like baseball.

654
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:01,840
Like I excelled at it.

655
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,200
He's like, none of us, we're, huh?

656
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:05,360
And then my brothers played hockey.

657
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,560
Like you're all different at different things.

658
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:12,800
So great that you can go to the gym and do this on your own, but other people learn and

659
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,140
grow in different ways.

660
00:33:14,140 --> 00:33:17,480
So let them do whatever they have to do to get where they're going.

661
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,240
I think the big thing that we should cover too in this episode before it wraps up is

662
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,400
the stigma.

663
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,240
So we talked about the shame and, but I'm sure there's people being like, well, how

664
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,240
do I deal with it?

665
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,000
Should I even post that I'm doing this?

666
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:35,320
And so the answer's not going to be great for some, but it's going to be, yes, post

667
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:36,400
it, post it.

668
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:37,400
And who cares?

669
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,400
Ignore the haters.

670
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,000
And that's not easy because a lot of us who were obese have major self-esteem issues.

671
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,000
I still do.

672
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:47,600
I still don't look at myself when I pass mirrors.

673
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,600
I messaged you, what was it, like two weeks ago?

674
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,840
And I was like, yep.

675
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,600
So just feeling real fat today.

676
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:53,600
Like this is horrible.

677
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,600
I feel so off.

678
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,600
And you were like, you had pneumonia.

679
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,200
And I was like, doesn't matter that I had pneumonia.

680
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,200
Like something's wrong.

681
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,200
I'm gaining weight.

682
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,200
I went on the scale.

683
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:07,240
I am in fact not gaining weight, but I just, I have mental, mental, mental self-esteem

684
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:11,600
is a, she's, she's the worst, but I know it's going to be hard to hear us say who cares

685
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:15,720
what people say because you probably have judgment issues and self-esteem issues.

686
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:19,560
But what I'm going to say is you can block a lot of words and Instagram and I highly

687
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,440
recommend you do so they don't even come up in your comments, go surround yourself with

688
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,320
your cheerleaders and people that are really excited.

689
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:32,520
Now I don't mean blindly never hear criticism, but find those that are happy about your growth

690
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:33,520
and don't see it as-

691
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:34,520
You're going to need the support.

692
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,520
Yeah.

693
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,520
Don't find people that are going to compare themselves against you because it will always

694
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,240
lead to negativity.

695
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:42,540
And it's a really hard thing to work through with friends.

696
00:34:42,540 --> 00:34:46,920
So unless they're like an amazingly close friend, it is really hard to work through

697
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:51,260
and it's on them, not you, but it's really hard to work through that they feel less than

698
00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:53,160
and that you're leaving them behind.

699
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:57,200
So find your cheerleaders, find your community, but absolutely celebrate that you've had this

700
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,200
surgery.

701
00:34:58,200 --> 00:34:59,200
This is a hard, hard surgery.

702
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,200
And you know what?

703
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,200
It's a big decision.

704
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,980
Post everything that led up to that surgery, post why you're excited.

705
00:35:04,980 --> 00:35:09,560
My therapist had me do a really, really great exercise before I entered the program and

706
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:10,560
started.

707
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:11,560
She said, okay, why are you doing this?

708
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:17,080
And I was like, well, health reasons, I should be healthier, high blood pressure, blah, blah,

709
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,080
blah.

710
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,680
She's like, all right, so everybody's going to say health reasons and sure, that's important.

711
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:22,680
Get to the real stuff.

712
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,680
But like, what is it?

713
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,160
And I was like, well, I want to ride a horse for the first time.

714
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,960
I want to fly on an airplane and not need an extender.

715
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:29,960
I want to exercise.

716
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,920
Sit in a chair and not worry if it's going to break.

717
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:33,920
I want to date.

718
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:34,920
I want to get married.

719
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,440
Like, I want to find a husband.

720
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,080
Like all things that I felt my weight was holding me back from.

721
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,040
I was like, I want to look at myself and feel really good about myself.

722
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,800
Like, I just started making lists and she was like, focus on why you're doing this surgery.

723
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,680
And she wouldn't let me put like, I want to be skinny.

724
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,020
That wasn't allowed.

725
00:35:51,020 --> 00:35:53,520
But she said, you know, write the list and then focus on that.

726
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,000
And so that's my advice.

727
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,200
When you're feeling like stigma is coming for you and you feel shame about putting this

728
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:03,560
out socially or talking about it, remember why you're doing it and make that list of

729
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:04,560
things.

730
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,560
Not health related, not because you want to look skinny.

731
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:11,840
Yes, those are important, but like there's more that's motivating you to do this.

732
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:16,120
And that's what you focus on when you post and you share because nobody's going to be

733
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,520
able to take it away from you.

734
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:22,280
No bro from the gym being like easy way out, yo, stop eating, yo.

735
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,840
No fat acceptance person saying you're fat full.

736
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,980
But like, it doesn't matter how loud they yell that stuff.

737
00:36:27,980 --> 00:36:31,440
You push right through it and go, I'm going to ride a horse and I'm going to be able to

738
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:35,360
be on an airplane without an extender and I'm going to be able to ride the rides at

739
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:39,280
Disney and I'm probably going to run for the first time in my life.

740
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,440
And I can tell you, I did every single one of those things.

741
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,800
And I cried when I rode a horse for the first time.

742
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,920
I don't doubt it.

743
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,400
And I posted that all over social.

744
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,400
And you know what was funny?

745
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:54,560
When I posted that trip, I didn't get any easy way out sir, you know, fat phobic.

746
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,560
I got, Oh my God, look how happy you look.

747
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,200
And this is so amazing and great photos.

748
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:04,340
The literal and proverbial weight that comes off your shoulders when you can do those things

749
00:37:04,340 --> 00:37:06,320
in life without having to worry.

750
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:10,640
And we kind of touched upon it on the first episode and we'll dig into it more in another

751
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:11,640
one.

752
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:18,560
And it's constant when you are obese and morbidly obese, being obese is, I'm not even exaggerating.

753
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:22,720
It is on your mind from the minute you open your eyes to the minute you close them.

754
00:37:22,720 --> 00:37:26,720
Every element of your day focuses around being obese.

755
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:33,740
And when you can eliminate that and you can take that off your shoulders, that is such

756
00:37:33,740 --> 00:37:36,360
a massive win.

757
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:40,280
And I mean, if we just strip it down to the bare level about sharing surgery, the one

758
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:47,640
thing that I kind of come and jokingly made to Devin, but also was true was I know that

759
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,240
no knock on wood if everything goes well, I'm going to lose a significant amount of

760
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,240
weight rather quickly.

761
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:53,240
Yeah, of course.

762
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:57,920
It's going to be blatantly obvious that something has happened.

763
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:04,080
Especially, especially for me because I was doing, I was busting my butt working out for

764
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:05,360
the last year and a half.

765
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,840
I was, had an amazing group of women behind me.

766
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,400
I was, however you feel about beach body and body, feel however you want.

767
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,960
But I'm part of that community.

768
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:13,960
I was busting my butt.

769
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:14,960
I was doing the workouts.

770
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:19,520
I was seeing little results, but I was sharing that on social media.

771
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,480
I was being very transparent about that.

772
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,360
So for me, it was, I can't now all of a sudden after showing that journey and my struggles

773
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:29,840
with hormones and PCOS and perimenopause and how I'm trying to push through that and showing

774
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:36,000
my real results, I can't then all of a sudden not share that I had bariatric surgery.

775
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:40,200
Oh, look at it, it's been three months and I'm down 58 pounds.

776
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:41,200
Magic.

777
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:42,200
I can't do that.

778
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:43,200
I have to be transparent.

779
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:49,040
I'd rather them know why versus them being like, Hey guys, we should probably go talk

780
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,040
to Steph.

781
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,040
She might not have long to live.

782
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,040
Like I don't want people to be like, Uh-oh.

783
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,040
What has she caught?

784
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,040
Yeah, right?

785
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,040
Like, Oh no.

786
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,520
Because people will talk without clarifying.

787
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,120
Oh my gosh, 100% they will.

788
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:05,000
I had a friend tell me a story where she adopted a dog and her husband just couldn't come with

789
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,320
them to pick the dog up.

790
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,080
And when you adopt the dog, they take a photo the day you take the dog home.

791
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,280
So it was her and her kids and the dog and they were so excited.

792
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,940
Oh my gosh, she got divorced.

793
00:39:12,940 --> 00:39:16,880
Her husband wasn't in it and the entire community was talking about them getting a divorce and

794
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:17,880
then she over.

795
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,200
So people will talk.

796
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,200
So you know what?

797
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:21,740
Own it, be proud of it.

798
00:39:21,740 --> 00:39:25,980
In next week's episode, we're actually going to talk about family and friends, how to announce

799
00:39:25,980 --> 00:39:29,600
it to them, how to get rid of the ones that you need to get rid of and it'll happen.

800
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,880
And we'll talk all about that.

801
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:36,240
But you, if you're ashamed and hiding it, I think it will drastically impact your success

802
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:37,240
here.

803
00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,640
And so you know what?

804
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,040
Go ahead and use Stefani.

805
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,000
You know what our Instagram handles are.

806
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,720
And by all means, you can tell everybody that we're friends.

807
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:48,000
You can say, Oh, I have a friend or I have a colleague use me however you need.

808
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,000
I do not mind.

809
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,160
But you can absolutely use us to say, yeah, I've actually been talking to or know someone

810
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:57,500
who's done this and they've seen great success and you know, I'm proud to do this too.

811
00:39:57,500 --> 00:39:59,520
So if you need to use us, you use us.

812
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:00,520
That's not a problem.

813
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:01,520
We'll be your fake friend.

814
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:02,520
We'll be your coworker.

815
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:07,600
We'll be your, you know, cousin thrice removed, whatever you need to do it, but share it,

816
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:08,600
be proud of it.

817
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,280
I proudly put it in my Instagram channel and I will say, sure, we're not big influencers

818
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,200
now and I'm sure if we ever blew up, we would get more hate than we do.

819
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,400
But you know what's a wonderful thing?

820
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,800
A delete button, just delete it.

821
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,880
The other thing is any comment drives engagement.

822
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:28,400
So you could just use that to continue getting money and making what you need to do.

823
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:29,400
But delete, block.

824
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,440
Don't, yeah.

825
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,800
People are worse on line than they ever will be in your face.

826
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:38,200
I've never had anybody come up to me and say anything negative in my face about this being

827
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:39,320
the easy way out.

828
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,240
I don't care if they talk behind my back about it.

829
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:42,800
Cause at the end of the day, I'm losing weight.

830
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,800
I look amazing.

831
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,600
I'm about to run a half marathon.

832
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,720
I got to do a ton of stuff that I've never done.

833
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:52,640
And if they spend their time talking about me, damn, your name's not come out of my mouth

834
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,720
once, but I'm your topic of conversation.

835
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:55,720
How flattering.

836
00:40:55,720 --> 00:41:01,320
So you kind of got to adopt, you got to adopt this stigma of we are now a community.

837
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,920
Congratulations and welcome to the bariatric community.

838
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:11,440
We've got your back and be proud to wear that surgery as a really hard, really impressive

839
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,920
step that you did to love yourself.

840
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:19,920
Like you put yourself first, even with the fear of stigma, shame and self doubt.

841
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,240
And you should be damn proud of that.

842
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:23,240
Yeah.

843
00:41:23,240 --> 00:41:26,200
Because you can make the decision and only you know what's best for you.

844
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:32,240
And ultimately deep down, you know what's right and you know what's behind it.

845
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:39,000
And it just really comes down to is the pain of staying the same, right?

846
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:43,640
Which is worse, the pain of staying the same or the pain of dealing with some stigma as

847
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:44,640
you improve.

848
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:45,640
That quote.

849
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:50,840
It's, and I, I, I butchered it and I know I will, but that's what it comes down to.

850
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,880
And that's what I had to sit there and I had to literally sit there and think, okay, I

851
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,160
have PCOS.

852
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,740
I am morbidly obese.

853
00:41:57,740 --> 00:41:59,240
My body hurts.

854
00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:00,600
I am not healthy.

855
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,200
I have perimenopause.

856
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,560
My thyroid goes back and forth between out of whack.

857
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:06,820
My cortisol is through the roof.

858
00:42:06,820 --> 00:42:08,280
I am constantly tired.

859
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,460
Like on and on and on.

860
00:42:10,460 --> 00:42:18,740
Is it worth dealing with that every single day while trying to be a mom, have a good

861
00:42:18,740 --> 00:42:22,560
relationship with my kids, be there for my kids, play with my kids?

862
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:29,240
Is that pain worse than dealing with a little bit of possible blowback and stigma?

863
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:30,240
Not.

864
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:35,080
It's definitely a hundred percent not.

865
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,040
It's a great quote.

866
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,640
One that's heavily shared in tech.

867
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,940
So as soon as you said it, I went, oh my God, I remember.

868
00:42:41,940 --> 00:42:45,520
Because that's what we would say when we were, you know, looking to overhaul a website or

869
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:46,520
do something.

870
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:53,120
And listen, is the pain of how bad things are now worse than the pain of overhauling

871
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,240
this and redoing it?

872
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:55,600
So Steph is right.

873
00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:00,080
Is the pain of everything that you go through on a daily basis, and don't think about just

874
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:04,120
your good days, because there were good days, but think about the days where you hate how

875
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,640
you look, you're not able to do what your friends are doing.

876
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:11,880
You know, maybe you're single and struggling to date while obese, but is the pain of that

877
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:18,680
life harder than entering the surgical program and dealing with maybe some stigma?

878
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,360
I guarantee you it's not.

879
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:21,760
So I found it.

880
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,240
So I've got two, I've got two for you as we wrap up.

881
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:25,240
Here we go.

882
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:26,840
Ending the podcast with some strong quotes.

883
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:27,840
Right.

884
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:28,840
Okay.

885
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,440
So the pain of staying the same needs to be more than the pain of change.

886
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,040
So that's the first one.

887
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:39,600
So if that means you need to sit down and make a list, sit down and make a list.

888
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,800
And it may not be a decision that you make overnight.

889
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:47,640
I went back and forth with this for a long time, but with the weeks between when I was

890
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:52,860
presented with the surgery option to when I went into the program was a constant battle.

891
00:43:52,860 --> 00:43:58,800
And a lot of it was around the stigma, the judgment, more so than the benefits and the

892
00:43:58,800 --> 00:43:59,800
health side.

893
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:01,520
So I did, I sat down and I made a list.

894
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,560
So that's what you need to do.

895
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:04,560
Do it.

896
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,920
Then the second one is your goals and dreams don't care if it's inconvenient.

897
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,640
So think about that one.

898
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:16,880
If your goal and your dream is to go on that horseback ride, right?

899
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:22,720
Go on that canoe ride, go on the Disney rides, be able to run in the soccer field with your

900
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:27,960
friends, be able to go up the stairs without being winded, be able to get up off the couch

901
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:32,520
and your knees don't crack and hurt.

902
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:38,520
If that's what it is, then they don't getting rid of those and being healthy doesn't care

903
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:43,080
if there's a little bit of inconvenience where you have to go through post-op and you have

904
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:47,440
to recover or where you have to maybe defend your choice to a couple of people.

905
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,080
It doesn't matter.

906
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,320
If it was easy, everybody would do it.

907
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,280
You have to do what's best for you.

908
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,840
You have to put what other people think aside and you have to say, you know what?

909
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:04,800
And you have to say, you know what, for once or for this time, I am making myself a priority.

910
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:10,520
I am putting myself first and I am doing this for me.

911
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,080
Nobody can tell you that's wrong.

912
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,080
Nope.

913
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,160
There's no argument against that.

914
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,720
That's what we're going to cover next week.

915
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:21,200
In our next episode, we're going to talk about family, friends, the haters, but we're going

916
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,440
to cover how do you announce it to them?

917
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,600
How do you deal with objections and questions?

918
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:30,960
And ultimately for some, how do you say goodbye to those friends and family members that will

919
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:32,720
not serve you on this journey?

920
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:39,280
So it's going to be a deep topic, I think, but one that really needs to be covered.

921
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:44,260
So I'm excited about next week and I'm excited to chat with you all about that.

922
00:45:44,260 --> 00:45:48,080
But I think Steph ended this podcast beautifully with those quotes.

923
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:49,080
Oh, thanks.

924
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,080
It was good.

925
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,760
Something to think about between now and next week.

926
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,860
Yeah, something to noodle on, but we'll see you next week.

927
00:45:55,860 --> 00:45:56,880
Thanks for listening along.

928
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,600
We absolutely love all of you on this journey.

929
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:03,540
Let us know in the comments on social what topics and things you want us to tackle and

930
00:46:03,540 --> 00:46:04,540
talk about.

931
00:46:04,540 --> 00:46:09,080
No matter how big, no matter how small, no matter how potentially controversial they

932
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:13,360
are, we want to make sure that we bring you all the knowledge and personal experience

933
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:14,360
we can.

934
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:15,360
But just thanks for being a listener.

935
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:16,360
Thanks guys.

936
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:17,360
See you next week.

937
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:30,160
Bye everybody.