Episode 15: When Nothing Worked: Our Bariatric Backstories

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Hey, Steph. Hey, Hannah. Welcome back to another

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episode of Bariatric Banter Podcast. We're still

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here. Is this 15? 15. This is 15. Yep. I know.

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I know. 15 ,000 downloads. Like, look at us go.

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Look at this little podcast that could. I love

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it. I do too. I have big hopes that one day we'll

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be laughing about, you know, getting a thousand

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downloads in a week instead of 15 episodes. But

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that's three months for us, like give or take.

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That's not bad. Yeah. I'm more than happy with

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how it's going. Yeah. If it doesn't go anywhere

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from here, I couldn't even care because it's

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just been a blast. And I just like talking with

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everybody. So it's great. Right? No, and I was

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talking to somebody the other day too. And I

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said, even, you know, even if it didn't take

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off, it's just so like fun and cathartic and

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therapeutic just for us to get this stuff off

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of our chest and out there and talk about it.

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So selfishly, I like it either way. Cathartic

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was the word of the day because I was literally

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going to say it's cathartic to just talk through

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this talk to you. I literally was. walking with

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a friend who lives near here we walk our dogs

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together and she was saying oh I listen she listens

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and listens in Spanish and I was like oh I didn't

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even know that I didn't even know we were in

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Spanish like very cool I love that. But she like,

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yeah, she was reciting parts of episodes. She's

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like, oh, when you started talking about an estetol,

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like, it's really funny. I just talked to my

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doctor about it. And I was like, and then I listened

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to your episode. And like, you guys talked about

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how it's a supplement you've tried. And I was

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like, that's it. Okay, gonna try it. And I was

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like, okay, we're not medical experts. Just gonna

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throw that out there. But no, she was like, I

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love listening. And I went, oh, my God, there's

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people that I would never. never have imagined

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listening to this podcast that's amazing yeah

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I just I want to know what we sound like in Spanish

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I know it's gonna be great I want to know what

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my accent sounds like and what voice they picked

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for me right that's that's what I want to know

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and do do we get like Spanish names I don't even

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know what a Spanish Hannah would be but like

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I don't know I was gonna try and then I was like

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let's not get canceled on episode 15 let's just

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not do that so we'll uh we'll see what it's like

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That's really cool. Very cool, right? So that's

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kind of where today's topic came from, actually,

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was something she mentioned. And I said to Steph,

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oh, my gosh, I think we should jump on this for

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today's podcast episode. She kind of said to

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me, so you tried everything before surgery, right?

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And nothing worked. And then you found surgery.

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And I very quickly was like, oh, no, no, I did

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not try everything. And she was like, oh, what?

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I thought that's why you had surgery. And I was

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like, well, I tried things and they weren't working,

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but like. There was a lot of other reasons that

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led me to surgery. And I was like, and if I reflect

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now on what I was like before surgery, I absolutely

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did not try. I wasn't trying consistently because

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she made a comment like, were you as disciplined

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back then as you are now? And I could have spit

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take in the middle of the street and laughed

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so hard. I was like, no, I wasn't. I thought

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I was, but I was like, no, I was so no. So I

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messaged Steph and I said, I, uh. I think we

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need to talk about us before surgery and what

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life was really like before surgery and what

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led us to surgery. Cause there's kind of this

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misconception that Steph and I must've been these

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like super athletes, literally trying everything

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in the world and dieting like crazy and it just

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didn't work. And so we turned to surgery. No,

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we tried like, don't get me wrong. There's a

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reason we picked surgery. I don't want people

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to think that they have to try the entire world

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before surgery, like there's some sort of prerequisite.

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But also I want people to maybe kind of hear

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from our reflections now. And it might be a hard

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truth, but maybe they'll reflect and go, oh,

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I'm doing that right now because I was in a very

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big state of denial and lack of oblivious signs

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back before surgery. Yeah. I think you made a

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good point when you said the word consistently

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because, yeah, like we did try things and we

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did do diets and we did exercise. But number

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one, was it consistent? Probably not. And when

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you made the comment, you know, like were we

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this disciplined back then? No, I thought – I

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went through phases where I was disciplined.

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Sure. this discipline. Like I went through phases

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where I busted my butt with a personal trainer.

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I worked with a nutritionist. I worked with a

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mindset coach. And during those stints, yeah,

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I busted my butt and I was dedicated. Could I

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have given more looking back on it now? In some

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of those instances, yes. But if you would have

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told previous Steph that she'd be getting up

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every morning at 4 .50, to work out I would have

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exactly I would have spit like I said I would

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have spit my water or whatever all over you and

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burst out laughing like there is no way god's

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green earth none that Steph's ever getting up

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at 4 45 to work out no I once tried to work out

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before work back when we had to be in the office

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for work one day that's going to date me very

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much when someone listens to it And it was miserable,

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even though I am a morning workout person. I'm

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not going to lie. I am a roll out of bed, walk

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the dog, strap my shoes on, go for a run runner,

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which there's opinions on how bad that is to

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not fuel before you go. But I tried to work out

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before work and I just like I give up miserably.

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I also think I started multiple workout plans

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in the winter because, you know, January, new

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me, new year. Nobody's going to. build and stick

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a workout plan in January. It's cold. It's dark.

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It's miserable. We all feel like pure shit. Don't

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start in the middle of winter. But it's true.

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It's exactly what you said. There was no discipline.

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And I can admit that now there was sporadic attempts.

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But the thing is, those sporadic attempts were

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always and I'd be curious to hear what you think,

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Steph. They were always like zero to 100. There

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was no in between. It was like, OK, now I'm on

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keto. what the fuck like just full keto out of

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nowhere like cold turkey or it's like well now

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i'm seeing a personal trainer five days a week

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and it's like i'm training for an iron man and

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we're gonna lift heavy weights and run like crazy

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and do hill sprints and i look back on that now

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and i go there was no way you were gonna stick

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with any of that because you went from obese

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to fucking the rock in your mind like you thought

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that this was going to be sustainable and I look

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back now and go, whoa, I went too hard, too fast

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every single time. Every time. Yeah. It's funny

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because I did the same thing. I was like, okay,

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we're going to do this. We're going to go keto.

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And same thing, full in, like empty the fridge,

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empty the cupboard, go go shopping, full in keto.

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And it was a mix of. I would say that like going

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all into something, thinking that was the way

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to succeed. And then the other part was when

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I did have somebody to rein me in, like when

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I did, I did personal training once a week, same

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thing before work. I would go to his place, do

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the workout, go home, get ready and head to work.

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And I love having my workout done in the morning

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now. I don't like getting up at 4 .45, but I

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love the feeling of having my workout done. It's

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off my list. And I love the energy it gives me

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throughout the day and the difference in my morning,

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yada, yada. That's a whole nother discussion.

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However, like I said, it was either I would go

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all into something or when I did work with somebody

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to rein me in, it was disappointment because

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I had unrealistic expectations. Way unrealistic.

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I would think that. Right. Okay. Well, if I'm

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going to work with a trainer, I should be able

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to do this and lift this and do this and do this

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and do this. And I should see this movement on

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the scale and I should lose this much weight.

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And I, that's why I always say now, like if you

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watch my Instagram stories, I always talk about

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small achievable goals and not five of them.

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Two of them. Set yourself up with small achievable

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goals so that you succeed, so you see success,

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so you build confidence, you build the excitement,

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you have the wins, and then go from there. So

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I either went balls to the wall or had total

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unrealistic expectations when I had somebody

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trying to tell me, Steph, this is the realistic

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approach, and I just didn't want to hear it.

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I would combine both oftentimes, balls to the

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wall, unrealistic expectations. In reality, like

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two pounds a week is considered like a really

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accelerated, insane weight loss plan. Two pounds.

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a week. And yet here I was thinking, I'm going

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to work out like crazy and drop a hundred pounds

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in three months, right? Like the truth was I

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probably was losing weight, but I'd give up before

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I ever saw anything happen because in my mind

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it should have been happening faster and sooner.

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And here we go. The other thing is I did exactly

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what you said. I'd go all in. So I'm going to

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do keto and there's an excitement. And I'm sure

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we should get a therapist on to talk about this.

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There's an excitement when you're like, oh, I'm

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going to do keto and look at all the success

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everyone else has had. Oh my God, I'm going to

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be skinny and this is going to be great. And

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I know a friend of a friend of a friend who did

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it and they had great success with it. I can't

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wait. So I'm going to go buy all these products

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and that's going to make me feel really good

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because I bought these products and oh my God,

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did you know they make keto pizza and keto chicken

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wings and keto stuff. And so I'm going to buy

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all these things. Yeah, that like. I wasn't buying

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chocolate bars before, but sure, it's keto. So

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I'm going to buy chocolate bars. So I'm going

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to buy all these things and like eight different

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cookbooks and all this meal prep stuff. And I'm

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so excited. And then you start keto and you realize

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this is the most miserable fucking diet I've

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ever been on. It doesn't taste good. There's

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no flexibility. The second you eat a fruit or

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you fall out of ketosis, you have to refucking

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start and you start to lose the excitement and

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the thrill and the instant gratification you

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got because you. thought it was going to be really

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easy. Like in your mind, you knew it was going

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to be work, but you convinced yourself, well,

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look at all the stuff I bought and I'm going

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to get this off the ground. This is going to

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be so good. And it's going to change my whole

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life. And you are like front -loading major expectations.

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This would be like, if you were dating and you

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were like, I'm going to get on a dating app and

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I'm going to have a husband by tomorrow and stuff.

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I just chatted with him and I'm going to marry

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him and we're moving here. And my last name is

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going to be Smith. You'd be like. Whoa. But we

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do it with diets. Like we immediately go way

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to the end of the road and assume like I'm going

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to get that and it's going to be great. And this

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is why I'd fail. I could do a meal plan and a

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meal prep or diet for a bit. And then it didn't

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address any of the underlying problems. I didn't

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think about any of the underlying problems. And

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so there would be a binge day. there'd be a day

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i fell off the wagon i wouldn't really know what

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i was doing because i didn't research in the

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right ways so like you think you're healthy and

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you're not counting calories or tracking anything

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and some of the healthiest food is the worst

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food and in the sense that like is a carrot bad

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for you no but what i mean is marketed as low

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fat healthy high protein they're often way off

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the record with calories and a great example

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is One of the things I thought would help me

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lose weight was the meal box services. I'm about

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to call some people out. So, you know, HelloFresh,

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Make Good Food, Chef's Plate, things like that.

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They'll never sponsor us, Steph, so just buckle

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up. I thought, well, this is how you get healthy.

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Because everybody said, oh, Hannah, it's like

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pre -made. It's really good for you. And I went,

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it's pre -made. It's portioned. Everything's

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awesome. You don't have to think about it. No,

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this is so great. So I bought them and I would

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like I just thought because they were there,

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they must have all been healthy. And I spent

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probably three months eating this stuff. And

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then one day I kind of was like, I need to look

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at the macros a little closer. Maybe, you know,

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just I want to check something because I had

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just kind of started to learn about macros more

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than just calories. And I looked at these things

00:13:02.610 --> 00:13:06.629
and I could have died like the serving size.

00:13:07.470 --> 00:13:11.970
some of the calories were 1200 calories a serving.

00:13:12.230 --> 00:13:15.610
And I sometimes would eat both servings. But

00:13:15.610 --> 00:13:19.330
it's not a big serving. The serving is like this

00:13:19.330 --> 00:13:23.250
big for those meal delivery services. So you

00:13:23.250 --> 00:13:25.950
would definitely be eating two. And I was like,

00:13:25.990 --> 00:13:30.990
I'm eating 900 calories in one fucking meal a

00:13:30.990 --> 00:13:34.190
day. And at that point I went, oh, never again.

00:13:34.929 --> 00:13:39.309
Never again. So I'm not blaming others because

00:13:39.309 --> 00:13:42.809
we will get to accountability in a minute, but

00:13:42.809 --> 00:13:47.009
you go for it. I was going to say the other thing

00:13:47.009 --> 00:13:49.370
with keto that I've learned now, things like

00:13:49.370 --> 00:13:52.269
keto or any of those types of Atkins, whatever

00:13:52.269 --> 00:13:55.730
they are. And especially with my kids now, I'm

00:13:55.730 --> 00:13:58.509
really starting to hone into good food and bad

00:13:58.509 --> 00:14:02.269
food and labeling foods. And that's one of the

00:14:02.269 --> 00:14:05.549
things with diets like keto that you have to

00:14:05.549 --> 00:14:09.019
be. cautious of because that's when you start

00:14:09.019 --> 00:14:11.299
getting into the mindsets of, well, I can't have

00:14:11.299 --> 00:14:13.120
carbs. They're bad for me. I can't have fruit.

00:14:13.179 --> 00:14:15.120
It's bad for me. I can't have this. It's bad

00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:20.960
for me. And that really messes with you and it

00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:23.700
messes with your mindset. It leads to things

00:14:23.700 --> 00:14:27.139
like binging because a lot of us are those people

00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:28.860
where if you tell me I can't have something,

00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:33.590
you damn well bet I'm going to go have it. I'm

00:14:33.590 --> 00:14:36.490
really cognizant now, like I said, especially

00:14:36.490 --> 00:14:41.370
with my kids, is not labeling foods as good and

00:14:41.370 --> 00:14:45.509
bad, labeling foods as better than others or

00:14:45.509 --> 00:14:50.129
better choices and explaining why they're a better

00:14:50.129 --> 00:14:55.549
choice. But I'm really not a fan anymore of the

00:14:55.549 --> 00:15:00.009
diets that say one food is bad for you than the

00:15:00.009 --> 00:15:02.519
other. I don't like that mindset. And I think

00:15:02.519 --> 00:15:05.500
it sets you up for problems down the road. It

00:15:05.500 --> 00:15:08.840
does. And there was a great Instagram that said

00:15:08.840 --> 00:15:12.279
she was a binge eater or something like that.

00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:14.820
And the dietician made her go out and buy her

00:15:14.820 --> 00:15:17.259
binge food and keep her binge food in the house.

00:15:17.340 --> 00:15:18.820
And a lot of people were like, this is stupid.

00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:22.580
Fire her. And she said, I actually love it because

00:15:22.580 --> 00:15:25.059
her whole goal is I will eventually eat so much

00:15:25.059 --> 00:15:26.820
of this. I'll be sick of it and it will no longer

00:15:26.820 --> 00:15:30.029
be a novelty. And that was a huge turning point

00:15:30.029 --> 00:15:33.870
for me when I realized I have novelty foods that

00:15:33.870 --> 00:15:37.149
are too easily accessible that because I think

00:15:37.149 --> 00:15:40.769
of them as bad and shouldn't have or as a reward,

00:15:40.970 --> 00:15:45.710
I will overeat them. versus just making better

00:15:45.710 --> 00:15:47.830
choices that I'm always going to crave a sweet

00:15:47.830 --> 00:15:50.169
treat. I'm always going to crave popcorn or stuff.

00:15:50.309 --> 00:15:52.789
So don't buy chips by popcorn. You need a sweet

00:15:52.789 --> 00:15:55.129
treat. Why don't you get like, actually wagon

00:15:55.129 --> 00:15:57.570
wheels are pretty low calorie and they are graham

00:15:57.570 --> 00:16:00.090
cracker, marshmallow and chocolate. So I, now

00:16:00.090 --> 00:16:02.470
I keep alternatives that I never would allow

00:16:02.470 --> 00:16:07.370
in the house before. Yes. Right. You still have

00:16:07.370 --> 00:16:08.690
them. You just don't have them as often. And

00:16:08.690 --> 00:16:10.190
that's why I tell my kids, I'm like, it's guys,

00:16:10.269 --> 00:16:13.250
it's not that you can't have this. But this is

00:16:13.250 --> 00:16:16.029
what the sugar does to your body or this is how

00:16:16.029 --> 00:16:18.690
your body – explain to them. When you put this

00:16:18.690 --> 00:16:21.490
in your body, this is how your body reacts and

00:16:21.490 --> 00:16:23.830
this is what you do. And so, you know, if you

00:16:23.830 --> 00:16:26.350
want to have that ice cream, okay, that's fine.

00:16:26.429 --> 00:16:29.370
But just know your body is taking the sugar.

00:16:29.450 --> 00:16:31.730
It's doing this. It's turning it into this. And

00:16:31.730 --> 00:16:34.970
then explain in tandem with that how moving your

00:16:34.970 --> 00:16:39.350
body is key. to helping your body process that

00:16:39.350 --> 00:16:41.850
stuff and just explain it to them. Like be honest

00:16:41.850 --> 00:16:44.629
and we'll tell them that, you know, no, it's

00:16:44.629 --> 00:16:46.850
not the best choice. I know you want it. So maybe

00:16:46.850 --> 00:16:48.710
we'll have it today, but then we're not going

00:16:48.710 --> 00:16:52.330
to have it for a while. Right. I don't, I don't

00:16:52.330 --> 00:16:55.190
want to put that label on everything moving forward

00:16:55.190 --> 00:16:58.350
because I know it was, that's how I looked at

00:16:58.350 --> 00:17:01.419
food. Through most of my life. And then, like

00:17:01.419 --> 00:17:04.460
you said, it becomes those items when, oh, that's

00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:07.240
so bad for me. I'm going to go get it. And I'm

00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:11.839
going to have five of them. Because that's just

00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:15.880
how our brain works, right? It is. I'm very big

00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:19.500
believer of all things in moderation. And just

00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:22.759
teach the kids. Teach people. Because there's

00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:24.099
so many people out there who don't understand.

00:17:24.299 --> 00:17:27.839
There is. Good and bad. Better choices. Just

00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:30.609
teach people about it. Yeah, I do gelato. You

00:17:30.609 --> 00:17:32.089
want the ice cream, have the ice cream, but have

00:17:32.089 --> 00:17:33.950
a little bit. Have it once a month. Exactly.

00:17:34.109 --> 00:17:36.769
I do gelato once a month. It is literally my

00:17:36.769 --> 00:17:39.069
treat. And I don't care. I'm like, once a month,

00:17:39.089 --> 00:17:42.829
gelato isn't going to break the bank. Yeah. So,

00:17:42.869 --> 00:17:44.170
yeah, I like this idea of not good versus bad.

00:17:44.170 --> 00:17:45.349
No, but I think that's what got us into a lot

00:17:45.349 --> 00:17:49.750
of our issues. Yeah. And for me, like, I know

00:17:49.750 --> 00:17:51.769
that's why I did a lot of this, right? Because

00:17:51.769 --> 00:17:54.009
I would do the keto and then I would binge on

00:17:54.009 --> 00:17:57.200
this stuff. And then I would do. the Weight Watchers

00:17:57.200 --> 00:17:58.980
or whatever, and then I would binge on this stuff.

00:17:59.079 --> 00:18:02.279
And it's this continual up and down and up and

00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:06.380
down and up and down. Yeah. So when it comes

00:18:06.380 --> 00:18:09.859
to food, that kind of explains where we were

00:18:09.859 --> 00:18:15.759
at before surgery. Diets weren't working. Everybody

00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.319
knows diets don't work. They weren't long -term.

00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.700
They weren't something you were going to be able

00:18:20.700 --> 00:18:23.640
to stay with forever. No, and they don't take

00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:25.740
into account real life, eating out with friends,

00:18:25.819 --> 00:18:28.539
going on a vacation, having a bad week, um, budgets,

00:18:28.819 --> 00:18:32.039
meal prepping, feeding children. They're never

00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:37.119
going to work. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I tried dieting.

00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:42.720
I tried eating better. Yeah. That was the big

00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:46.210
thing. I would still binge. Um, I would still

00:18:46.210 --> 00:18:48.069
eat what I needed to eat. One of the very big

00:18:48.069 --> 00:18:50.549
things that I told people right up until surgery,

00:18:50.789 --> 00:18:53.349
oh, I don't actually eat enough. I'm in starvation

00:18:53.349 --> 00:18:55.349
mode. I actually skip breakfast and lunch and

00:18:55.349 --> 00:18:58.210
I barely eat. So, you know, I actually need to

00:18:58.210 --> 00:19:02.609
eat more. And that's the problem. And like delusional

00:19:02.609 --> 00:19:06.789
is all hell about this. But I wouldn't eat breakfast

00:19:06.789 --> 00:19:09.589
and lunch. I would wake up and just not be hungry.

00:19:09.670 --> 00:19:11.670
And I would sit at my computer and work all day.

00:19:12.410 --> 00:19:14.130
And then by 3 .30, I'd be like, great, I'm going

00:19:14.130 --> 00:19:16.150
to eat a whole bag of goldfish crackers. And

00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:17.970
then I'm going to eat like three ice cream bars.

00:19:18.069 --> 00:19:19.390
And then I'm probably going to order something.

00:19:20.109 --> 00:19:21.970
But I don't realize that. There's going to be

00:19:21.970 --> 00:19:23.450
people in the comments being like, yeah, well,

00:19:23.549 --> 00:19:25.490
of course, like, look at what you were eating.

00:19:25.809 --> 00:19:28.990
I didn't know. Like, I didn't, I wasn't able.

00:19:28.990 --> 00:19:32.009
More of it like that in the moment. No. Tell

00:19:32.009 --> 00:19:33.630
me right off the top of your head how many calories

00:19:33.630 --> 00:19:35.890
in a whole bag of goldfish. You don't know. And

00:19:35.890 --> 00:19:39.829
you will always underestimate. Always. You will

00:19:39.829 --> 00:19:43.549
never calculate calories correctly. So I always

00:19:43.549 --> 00:19:45.910
underestimate it. And I wouldn't think of calories.

00:19:45.930 --> 00:19:48.730
I would just go, I only really had a club sandwich

00:19:48.730 --> 00:19:51.009
and some french fries today. That's not bad because

00:19:51.009 --> 00:19:53.829
like I didn't have breakfast or lunch. Oh, right.

00:19:53.950 --> 00:19:56.109
The bag of goldfish. And I did have some ice

00:19:56.109 --> 00:19:58.250
cream bars. And then before bed, I did, you know,

00:19:58.250 --> 00:19:59.910
need to have something else because I was still

00:19:59.910 --> 00:20:03.549
kind of hungry. And I forgot that that one meal

00:20:03.549 --> 00:20:08.910
that I ordered out was like 1500 calories. Right.

00:20:09.049 --> 00:20:11.750
And a lot of the eating is mindless eating too

00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:13.849
when you're in that state, right? So like when

00:20:13.849 --> 00:20:16.829
you talk about a big goldfish, you typically,

00:20:17.210 --> 00:20:19.730
and I think this is why too, like our program

00:20:19.730 --> 00:20:21.910
has said when you're eating to like sit at the

00:20:21.910 --> 00:20:24.970
table, not sit in front of the TV, to not have

00:20:24.970 --> 00:20:26.589
anything else going on. Because a lot of the

00:20:26.589 --> 00:20:29.180
times... we're sitting on the couch watching

00:20:29.180 --> 00:20:31.960
TV, we're working, we're doing whatever, it becomes

00:20:31.960 --> 00:20:34.599
mindless eating. And you don't realize how much

00:20:34.599 --> 00:20:36.740
of that bag of goldfish you've eaten or how many

00:20:36.740 --> 00:20:39.920
of those chips you've eaten. And that quickly

00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:41.420
adds up. And that's why you're like, well, I

00:20:41.420 --> 00:20:43.799
only had a few. But then if you really look at

00:20:43.799 --> 00:20:45.799
the bag, three quarters of the bag is missing.

00:20:46.700 --> 00:20:49.640
And a lot of that also then, like I never, oh

00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:51.880
my gosh, I have never been a breakfast person.

00:20:51.960 --> 00:20:54.500
I never ate breakfast. I am now forcing myself

00:20:54.500 --> 00:20:56.759
post -workout to eat breakfast. And literally

00:20:56.759 --> 00:20:59.519
like, I am forcing myself to eat the yogurt.

00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:02.740
I don't want to do it. It doesn't feel great

00:21:02.740 --> 00:21:06.660
for me, but I have to do it. Yeah, but a lot

00:21:06.660 --> 00:21:09.839
of that too, it's empty calories. That's the

00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:11.559
other thing. Because the relationship with food

00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:13.839
is so shitty and because we don't understand.

00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:16.859
the better foods and the better choices and how

00:21:16.859 --> 00:21:19.319
those foods impact our body we don't know that

00:21:19.319 --> 00:21:21.400
we should be focusing on protein we don't know

00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:23.880
that we should be mixing these types of carbs

00:21:23.880 --> 00:21:25.920
and these types of vegetables whatever it may

00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:29.880
be so you end up eating all these empty calories

00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:31.720
and you're like yeah okay maybe i did only eat

00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:34.619
xyz today but if there's barely any protein in

00:21:34.619 --> 00:21:36.700
there you're still going to be starving you're

00:21:36.700 --> 00:21:38.819
just going to keep trying to fill that hunger

00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:42.460
not knowing how to do it properly And then all

00:21:42.460 --> 00:21:44.920
of a sudden you've had 3 ,500 calories, but you're

00:21:44.920 --> 00:21:47.579
still hungry and you can't figure out why. Yeah.

00:21:47.660 --> 00:21:49.960
And that's a lot of problem with most people

00:21:49.960 --> 00:21:53.380
going into bariatric surgery is you don't know

00:21:53.380 --> 00:21:55.799
how to track your calories. A great example I

00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:58.579
used with Steph the other day was crumble cookie.

00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:01.539
They're opening a couple of crumble cookies in

00:22:01.539 --> 00:22:04.279
Canada, but I said, did you know, right? Did

00:22:04.279 --> 00:22:07.900
you know crumble cookie is technically four servings

00:22:07.900 --> 00:22:11.160
per cookie? So most of the cookies are 900 to

00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:14.480
1200 calories a cookie. How many people are just

00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:17.059
having a cookie, right? Also, how many are having

00:22:17.059 --> 00:22:20.059
a cookie a week, a couple cookies a month, right?

00:22:20.160 --> 00:22:23.099
Like it's a cookie and the calories are almost

00:22:23.099 --> 00:22:26.640
nine to 1200 in most of them. So this is where

00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:28.849
it happens. You don't realize that. When you

00:22:28.849 --> 00:22:30.630
went out to the restaurant and got that salad,

00:22:30.710 --> 00:22:33.910
that salad's 900 calories. Like you didn't realize

00:22:33.910 --> 00:22:36.430
that you ordered something or you bought something

00:22:36.430 --> 00:22:38.829
because we're just not used to portion sizes

00:22:38.829 --> 00:22:41.369
and calorie counting. So I think that's been

00:22:41.369 --> 00:22:44.170
the biggest help after surgery for me is being

00:22:44.170 --> 00:22:46.609
way more hyper aware of what a normal portion

00:22:46.609 --> 00:22:50.170
size is because my portion sizes were fucked

00:22:50.170 --> 00:22:53.750
before surgery. I think the other big thing was,

00:22:53.950 --> 00:22:59.640
yes, we worked out. We just didn't do it consistently.

00:23:00.180 --> 00:23:03.299
We didn't do the right workouts. We tried to

00:23:03.299 --> 00:23:06.759
go too hard. So I had a trainer. She had a trainer.

00:23:06.819 --> 00:23:09.299
Her trainer was a bit better. Not that mine was

00:23:09.299 --> 00:23:11.079
bad. It's just there's no way I was going to

00:23:11.079 --> 00:23:14.000
achieve anything two hours a week. Like that's

00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.259
not enough because I would go to this personal

00:23:16.259 --> 00:23:19.839
trainer. two hours a week and I would work out

00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:21.640
to the point of wanting to vomit throw up and

00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:24.259
die like I was going hard and I remember being

00:23:24.259 --> 00:23:27.799
angry that like if you could only see what I'm

00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:29.980
doing in these sessions you wouldn't judge me

00:23:29.980 --> 00:23:32.380
or think I was fat because like I am working

00:23:32.380 --> 00:23:34.900
out harder than I've ever seen other people work

00:23:34.900 --> 00:23:37.759
out and I'm so physically weak and on the verge

00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:42.000
of vomiting and dying like I must be working

00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:45.730
out so well and the truth was Because I was working

00:23:45.730 --> 00:23:48.529
out so hard, I couldn't work out for three or

00:23:48.529 --> 00:23:50.950
four days after. I was in excruciating pain.

00:23:51.089 --> 00:23:54.309
I was fucking exhausted. I overate like a motherfucker

00:23:54.309 --> 00:23:57.769
to make up for how horrible I just treated my

00:23:57.769 --> 00:24:00.509
body because I was not fueling before or after.

00:24:01.900 --> 00:24:04.980
That led to more weight gain because I wasn't

00:24:04.980 --> 00:24:06.660
actually doing what I should have been doing,

00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:10.059
which was get out and walk every day for 30 minutes.

00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:12.799
And I would have actually lost more weight than

00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:15.779
doing two hours of the most high intense, insane

00:24:15.779 --> 00:24:20.220
workouts ever with no plan for how to do things

00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:23.019
on my off days, eat better, fuel my body for

00:24:23.019 --> 00:24:25.019
that workout. And also no real understanding

00:24:25.019 --> 00:24:27.900
of why in the fuck would that cause me to lose

00:24:27.900 --> 00:24:31.930
weight? And it didn't. And I got pissed off and

00:24:31.930 --> 00:24:37.730
quit. And the key there too, totally, because

00:24:37.730 --> 00:24:39.269
you're not seeing the results, right? And I think

00:24:39.269 --> 00:24:42.390
the other key thing there is a lot of us go into

00:24:42.390 --> 00:24:44.390
this thinking, well, if I'm working out, that

00:24:44.390 --> 00:24:47.849
should solve everything. Not understanding that

00:24:47.849 --> 00:24:52.650
nutrition plays such a huge part in the equation.

00:24:53.130 --> 00:24:56.180
Exercise is just a small part of it. It's much

00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.980
more nutrition than it is exercise. And I remember,

00:24:59.180 --> 00:25:02.720
like, I would always think, and I don't, I, like

00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:04.960
I said, I loved, Hannah and I have a little bit

00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:06.380
different, we'll talk about this in an episode,

00:25:06.420 --> 00:25:08.119
we have a little bit different opinion on trainers

00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:11.339
and our experiences, which is totally fair. I

00:25:11.339 --> 00:25:13.700
had great success with my trainer. I loved my

00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:16.480
trainer. I would still go see him today if I

00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:19.279
could, but I live too far away. But COVID hit,

00:25:19.339 --> 00:25:21.740
all of that kind of stuff happened. I let myself

00:25:21.740 --> 00:25:24.920
go. I dropped the ball. And I didn't continue

00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:27.220
on with that accountability on myself. However,

00:25:27.519 --> 00:25:31.680
I definitely had the mindset of, oh, well, I

00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:33.839
went to see him this morning and I worked out

00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:35.720
and I did all my workouts at the gym. So of course

00:25:35.720 --> 00:25:37.779
I can have pizza and this and this and this because

00:25:37.779 --> 00:25:40.859
my workout cancels it out. Well, no, that's not,

00:25:40.940 --> 00:25:43.809
that's not how it works. I can't remember the

00:25:43.809 --> 00:25:46.170
percentage, but it's like 80 % nutrition, 20

00:25:46.170 --> 00:25:49.490
% exercise. Like the majority, I've always heard

00:25:49.490 --> 00:25:51.829
the saying, not that I care about having six

00:25:51.829 --> 00:25:53.970
pack abs and I probably never will have them,

00:25:54.009 --> 00:25:58.369
but six pack abs are made in the kitchen. Right?

00:25:58.849 --> 00:26:01.930
You never know. You never know. But this one

00:26:01.930 --> 00:26:04.930
trainer that I follow now on my online workouts,

00:26:05.130 --> 00:26:08.079
the program I'm doing now. At the end of every

00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:11.400
episode, it's funny because there's two versions

00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:13.500
of his workout program. There's an explicit version

00:26:13.500 --> 00:26:16.559
of the workouts and then a non -explicit version.

00:26:16.779 --> 00:26:19.640
But I like when he swears, it just, I don't know.

00:26:19.700 --> 00:26:21.160
I love this trainer. I've seen him in person.

00:26:21.319 --> 00:26:23.180
Something about him swearing and his demeanor

00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:25.700
just like riles me up. I love it. So I watch

00:26:25.700 --> 00:26:28.420
the explicit ones. And he says in every episode,

00:26:28.500 --> 00:26:30.180
I'm going to swear, he says in every episode.

00:26:30.840 --> 00:26:33.859
Now, don't go fuck this up with your crap ass

00:26:33.859 --> 00:26:37.220
nutrition. Because he always says, because you

00:26:37.220 --> 00:26:39.539
busted your ass in this workout, don't go fuck

00:26:39.539 --> 00:26:43.519
it up in the kitchen. Because so much of it is

00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:45.859
food. And I never knew that. I never understood

00:26:45.859 --> 00:26:48.160
that. I knew everybody and I knew the trainers

00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:49.380
and everybody was always like, you got to eat

00:26:49.380 --> 00:26:51.500
healthy, you got to eat healthy. But I didn't

00:26:51.500 --> 00:26:54.079
realize the impact. And I just always thought,

00:26:54.180 --> 00:26:55.740
well, I'm working out. It's fine. I'm working

00:26:55.740 --> 00:26:57.140
out. I can eat that. It's fine. I burned off

00:26:57.140 --> 00:27:00.660
the calories. It's fine. That's not. how it works.

00:27:00.859 --> 00:27:03.680
I hate to burst the bubble, but that's not reality.

00:27:04.059 --> 00:27:06.920
Burst the bubble because it is true, but nutrition

00:27:06.920 --> 00:27:10.900
is more important. And so I think for most of

00:27:10.900 --> 00:27:13.160
us, we just don't want to admit it. But nutrition

00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:15.440
is what's holding us back and what was holding

00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:17.180
us back. It doesn't matter if I went out and

00:27:17.180 --> 00:27:20.680
ran marathons at 320 pounds. My nutrition was

00:27:20.680 --> 00:27:23.140
shit. And I'm still learning to overcome that

00:27:23.140 --> 00:27:25.099
just because I'm two and a half years post -op.

00:27:25.180 --> 00:27:27.720
I am in no way an expert and I still struggle.

00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:31.740
And I see why regain is so popular. Not popular,

00:27:31.819 --> 00:27:35.240
wrong word, but why it's prevalent. Because even

00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:37.859
I struggle with like, yeah, there's more that

00:27:37.859 --> 00:27:40.900
I need to be doing and I'm not. The biggest thing.

00:27:41.640 --> 00:27:44.680
that led me to surgery was the fact that I knew

00:27:44.680 --> 00:27:46.900
I wasn't going to stick to another diet, that

00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:49.319
I was lazy. Like eventually you kind of have

00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:51.940
to wake up and stop blaming mystery illnesses,

00:27:52.059 --> 00:27:56.019
stop blaming PCOS, stop blaming that you're working

00:27:56.019 --> 00:27:58.180
out too hard. Stop saying you're in starvation

00:27:58.180 --> 00:28:01.160
mode. Like, yeah. Like I eventually just said.

00:28:01.939 --> 00:28:04.200
it's me and I'm never going to be able to change

00:28:04.200 --> 00:28:07.099
on my own. I'm not going to be able to stick

00:28:07.099 --> 00:28:09.319
to a diet. I don't know how to work out properly.

00:28:09.500 --> 00:28:11.779
I don't know what I'm doing. If I could just

00:28:11.779 --> 00:28:14.440
get some of this excess weight off my body, I

00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:17.259
am committed to doing what I need to do to keep

00:28:17.259 --> 00:28:19.779
it off. And sometimes you have to start from

00:28:19.779 --> 00:28:22.039
the back and work your way forward. And for me,

00:28:22.059 --> 00:28:25.640
that's what I had to admit was I'm lazy. I'm

00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:30.059
lazy. I'm obese. I eat terribly. And I am the.

00:28:31.369 --> 00:28:34.170
problem. You can't be a victim forever and expect

00:28:34.170 --> 00:28:36.869
this to work. And there are things that didn't

00:28:36.869 --> 00:28:39.150
help like PCOS didn't help, but you've heard

00:28:39.150 --> 00:28:43.069
me say before, it didn't make me obese. I just

00:28:43.069 --> 00:28:45.849
chose instant gratification over work. Yeah.

00:28:45.950 --> 00:28:48.329
It just makes it harder. I chose instant gratification.

00:28:48.470 --> 00:28:51.910
I was more interested in feeling good from eating.

00:28:52.789 --> 00:28:55.809
Yeah. You have to admit that you can't do it.

00:28:55.849 --> 00:28:58.109
Like for me, I think the hard part was same thing,

00:28:58.150 --> 00:28:59.690
admitting, taking ownership and accountability.

00:29:00.860 --> 00:29:02.779
Um, admitting that I wasn't doing what I was

00:29:02.779 --> 00:29:06.779
supposed to be doing. Um, and then, yeah, I definitely

00:29:06.779 --> 00:29:09.319
like the PCOS, the hormone issues, the thyroid

00:29:09.319 --> 00:29:13.960
definitely made it way harder. Um, because we

00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:16.000
know it is harder to lose weight with PCOS. It's

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:18.539
not impossible. Um, but it is harder. And like

00:29:18.539 --> 00:29:21.759
with my thyroid, I was literally so exhausted

00:29:21.759 --> 00:29:23.640
all the time. The last thing I wanted to do was

00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:27.720
work out. Okay, fair. But it was up to me. to

00:29:27.720 --> 00:29:30.720
put on my big girl pants and go do it anyway,

00:29:30.940 --> 00:29:35.819
but I didn't. And so it's admitting that you're

00:29:35.819 --> 00:29:37.339
not doing what you're supposed to be doing, but

00:29:37.339 --> 00:29:40.119
then it's also admitting that I need help. I

00:29:40.119 --> 00:29:44.220
can't do this. I can't get it done by myself.

00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:48.700
I need help. And that's a scary thing for a lot

00:29:48.700 --> 00:29:50.640
of people. You need drastic help. To admit defeat.

00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:55.319
Yeah. Yeah. And that was a big thing for me was

00:29:55.319 --> 00:29:58.039
to be able to finally say, okay, I can't do this

00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:02.299
by myself. No. And it's, this is important help.

00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:04.500
We're not talking about people that have an extra

00:30:04.500 --> 00:30:08.460
20 pounds to lose who are like, Oh, it like,

00:30:08.519 --> 00:30:11.180
not that losing 20 pounds is not that that's

00:30:11.180 --> 00:30:12.720
a lot. Congratulations. But you know what I mean?

00:30:12.740 --> 00:30:15.420
Like these are people we, we, so we were people

00:30:15.420 --> 00:30:18.480
that like needed to lose over a hundred pounds.

00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:20.339
Like I had to lose over a hundred pounds. Like

00:30:20.339 --> 00:30:25.220
I'm glad I've gone past that. Because 320 pounds

00:30:25.220 --> 00:30:28.359
is. absurd absurd that i let myself get that

00:30:28.359 --> 00:30:31.339
bad but like the thing that steph kind of nailed

00:30:31.339 --> 00:30:34.779
here is it's very easy to give up when you're

00:30:34.779 --> 00:30:37.039
obese. Very easy. Because literally the scales

00:30:37.039 --> 00:30:39.299
are stacked against you. Like literally you can

00:30:39.299 --> 00:30:40.900
be like, well, what does it matter? I didn't

00:30:40.900 --> 00:30:42.559
lose an inch of, like, I'm going to be this weight

00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:44.319
anyway. Might as well eat that burger. Who gives

00:30:44.319 --> 00:30:45.799
a shit? Like, it's not like I'm going to be skinny

00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:48.640
tomorrow. So here you go. And you always hold

00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.299
that against you that like, it's fine to quit.

00:30:50.359 --> 00:30:52.140
It's fine to give up. What does it matter? You're

00:30:52.140 --> 00:30:54.859
already big to begin with. And surgery gives

00:30:54.859 --> 00:30:57.150
you the power to be like. And I know a lot of

00:30:57.150 --> 00:30:58.369
people are going to hate that I'm saying this,

00:30:58.430 --> 00:31:00.009
but the days that you didn't want to work out

00:31:00.009 --> 00:31:01.809
because you were tired, it was easy when you

00:31:01.809 --> 00:31:03.470
were obese to be like, oh, well, who gives a

00:31:03.470 --> 00:31:05.589
fuck? I'll be obese tomorrow. We'll do it tomorrow.

00:31:05.869 --> 00:31:08.650
Now that you've had surgery, I still have days

00:31:08.650 --> 00:31:10.589
where I'm tired. And that has led me to realize

00:31:10.589 --> 00:31:13.609
it wasn't just obesity. Like I got to take my

00:31:13.609 --> 00:31:16.190
vitamins. I got to shake myself out. I got to

00:31:16.190 --> 00:31:18.630
stop like giving into these things. Because when

00:31:18.630 --> 00:31:20.109
I was obese, I was like, well, it's because I'm

00:31:20.109 --> 00:31:22.029
obese. It's because I'm obese. I'm so tired.

00:31:22.089 --> 00:31:24.049
It's because I'm fat. It's not me. It's because

00:31:24.049 --> 00:31:28.349
I'm fat. The truth was. Yeah. I'm the truth is

00:31:28.349 --> 00:31:30.650
I'm sleeping like shit. I'm staying up too late.

00:31:30.710 --> 00:31:32.990
There was a lot of other factors. So now when

00:31:32.990 --> 00:31:34.789
I'm tired, cause it still happens, there'll be

00:31:34.789 --> 00:31:38.789
the middle of the day where I'm like, now I say

00:31:38.789 --> 00:31:41.670
to myself, yeah, but you're thin now. And if

00:31:41.670 --> 00:31:43.529
you don't get out and do this, like you will

00:31:43.529 --> 00:31:45.490
go back to the way you were before. And I know

00:31:45.490 --> 00:31:46.849
people are going to be like, Hannah, what the

00:31:46.849 --> 00:31:50.329
fuck? But when I was obese, I, I used to just

00:31:50.329 --> 00:31:52.289
give up because I was fat and who cares? Like

00:31:52.289 --> 00:31:55.769
I, now that I'm not. Yeah, that definitely gets

00:31:55.769 --> 00:31:57.609
me to put my shoes on and get the hell out the

00:31:57.609 --> 00:31:59.849
door because I don't want to go back to that.

00:31:59.990 --> 00:32:02.650
I really don't because it was a miserable way

00:32:02.650 --> 00:32:07.230
to live. There's a really good quote and I'm

00:32:07.230 --> 00:32:10.130
going to try and pick it up on my phone. But

00:32:10.130 --> 00:32:13.869
it's true because it's the pain of staying the

00:32:13.869 --> 00:32:16.670
same needs to be more than the pain of change.

00:32:17.170 --> 00:32:21.410
And that's one that I always have in my head

00:32:21.410 --> 00:32:24.369
because I don't want to go back there. I don't

00:32:24.369 --> 00:32:29.509
want to go back to that constant pain and tiredness

00:32:29.509 --> 00:32:33.269
and soreness because now my tiredness and my

00:32:33.269 --> 00:32:36.049
pain and my soreness come from good things. They

00:32:36.049 --> 00:32:39.769
come from getting up at 445 and busting my butt

00:32:39.769 --> 00:32:43.049
and working out and getting my walks in and moving

00:32:43.049 --> 00:32:47.029
more and doing things and being more active versus

00:32:47.819 --> 00:32:50.240
I'm tired, I'm sore, and I'm in pain because

00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:53.779
my body is carrying over 300 pounds every day

00:32:53.779 --> 00:33:00.799
doing nothing. And I'm physically breaking my

00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:07.819
body in a non -positive way. So no, I don't want

00:33:07.819 --> 00:33:09.799
to go back to experiencing those things for those

00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:12.700
reasons. If I'm in pain and tired and sore, I

00:33:12.700 --> 00:33:14.380
want it to be because I was productive, because

00:33:14.380 --> 00:33:17.349
I did something good for my body. There's a positive

00:33:17.349 --> 00:33:21.150
outcome at the end of it. Not just because I

00:33:21.150 --> 00:33:24.049
have finally determined. Yeah. Or because like,

00:33:24.170 --> 00:33:26.490
oh, maybe now I should talk to my doctor because

00:33:26.490 --> 00:33:28.490
guess what? That pain wasn't weight related.

00:33:28.589 --> 00:33:30.789
You know, like that's the other thing. I know

00:33:30.789 --> 00:33:33.390
people get really upset about having to talk

00:33:33.390 --> 00:33:35.410
about weight during this process and just in

00:33:35.410 --> 00:33:38.430
general. And I do agree. When I was obese and

00:33:38.430 --> 00:33:41.670
I was very morbidly obese, my weight was a constant

00:33:41.670 --> 00:33:44.400
topic. Any doctor's appointment I went to. I

00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:46.700
can now reflect back on that and say it was so

00:33:46.700 --> 00:33:52.559
bad. But I can definitely admit and be the bigger

00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:55.640
person, no pun intended, to say it was very childish

00:33:55.640 --> 00:33:58.319
of me to get upset about that and to think that

00:33:58.319 --> 00:34:01.119
that had anything to do with fat phobia or like,

00:34:01.180 --> 00:34:04.460
which is just absurd. After losing the amount

00:34:04.460 --> 00:34:06.680
of weight I've lost, they were absolutely right

00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:08.960
to think that the weight was the number one cause

00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:11.219
because the weight was the literal number one

00:34:11.219 --> 00:34:14.449
cause of the majority of my issues. My blood

00:34:14.449 --> 00:34:17.230
pressure, my cholesterol, the numbness in my

00:34:17.230 --> 00:34:21.349
leg, the back sciatica, like all weight related.

00:34:22.130 --> 00:34:26.130
Yeah. There may have been a better way to approach

00:34:26.130 --> 00:34:29.889
it in some of the doctors I've seen. I mean,

00:34:29.929 --> 00:34:32.190
the bedside manner could have been a little better.

00:34:32.329 --> 00:34:34.869
But at the end of the day, what they're getting

00:34:34.869 --> 00:34:38.010
at is they're not wrong. And it's funny because

00:34:38.010 --> 00:34:42.190
I don't know if you've had this too. Right. Um,

00:34:42.190 --> 00:34:44.829
what I've had recently with people that I haven't

00:34:44.829 --> 00:34:46.610
seen in a while, and now I'm seeing them again,

00:34:46.710 --> 00:34:49.090
or just in conversation with like family and

00:34:49.090 --> 00:34:51.289
friends is they'll say, they'll talk about, oh

00:34:51.289 --> 00:34:52.829
my gosh, you've lost so much weight. Look at

00:34:52.829 --> 00:34:56.949
you. And then they'll say, well, how much, how

00:34:56.949 --> 00:34:58.869
much more are you going to go? Like, are you

00:34:58.869 --> 00:35:00.670
done yet? How much further are you going to go?

00:35:00.789 --> 00:35:04.420
And I was like, okay. Before, when I was over

00:35:04.420 --> 00:35:06.940
300 pounds, it was always, oh my gosh, you need

00:35:06.940 --> 00:35:08.719
to lose weight. Oh my gosh, your health. Oh my

00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:09.679
gosh, we're worried about you. Oh my gosh, this.

00:35:09.860 --> 00:35:11.500
And then when you start to lose weight, now they're

00:35:11.500 --> 00:35:13.599
like, oh my gosh, are you losing weight? Are

00:35:13.599 --> 00:35:15.760
you losing too much? Are you done? Are you going

00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:18.780
to stop? I'm like, well, which is it, guys? Like

00:35:18.780 --> 00:35:22.239
when I was morbidly obese, you were down my throat

00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:23.960
all the time to lose weight and to look after

00:35:23.960 --> 00:35:26.219
myself. And now I'm doing it. And now it's like,

00:35:26.260 --> 00:35:30.570
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And so I... Usually my

00:35:30.570 --> 00:35:33.710
answer is, and this isn't incorrect. Like I personally

00:35:33.710 --> 00:35:36.989
don't have a number. I don't have, I don't have,

00:35:37.050 --> 00:35:38.969
okay. I want it to be X number of pounds. I think

00:35:38.969 --> 00:35:40.670
because I don't know, because I've never been.

00:35:41.150 --> 00:35:44.070
Yeah. X number of pounds. I don't know. Yeah.

00:35:44.349 --> 00:35:46.329
For me, it'll be, it's kind of the answer as

00:35:46.329 --> 00:35:50.269
well. My body will stop when it's done. Like

00:35:50.269 --> 00:35:53.090
it will figure itself out. And I'll just know

00:35:53.090 --> 00:35:54.889
when I hit a place that I'm comfortable, I'm

00:35:54.889 --> 00:35:57.190
confident, I'm happy, but no, I'm not done. And

00:35:57.190 --> 00:35:59.929
it's just, it. It just makes me laugh every time

00:35:59.929 --> 00:36:02.469
this comes up now with people and just the shock

00:36:02.469 --> 00:36:07.050
of, wow, how much more? Well, there's just no

00:36:07.050 --> 00:36:09.090
pleasing people it seems sometimes. There is

00:36:09.090 --> 00:36:12.150
not. On either end of the spectrum. It's very

00:36:12.150 --> 00:36:15.309
interesting. I think a lot of it too comes from,

00:36:15.349 --> 00:36:18.469
we talked about it in an episode before, the

00:36:18.469 --> 00:36:21.309
notion of, oh, you can't get better than me.

00:36:21.739 --> 00:36:24.159
You can't be thinner than me. You have to remain

00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:27.059
the fat friend forever. So because there are

00:36:27.059 --> 00:36:28.760
times I've mentioned to people, I still have

00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:30.780
about 15 more pounds to lose. And the response

00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:33.519
I get is, oh, my God, no. Like, how are you losing

00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:35.039
more weight? Like, oh, you have nothing left

00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:37.639
to lose. And I'm like, first of all, fuck off.

00:36:38.500 --> 00:36:41.940
Second of all, yeah, I have a goal. Yeah, I have

00:36:41.940 --> 00:36:43.960
a goal that I am aiming for. And if I want to

00:36:43.960 --> 00:36:46.260
aim for it, I'm going to aim for it. But I do

00:36:46.260 --> 00:36:49.260
think some of it comes from like. If they continue

00:36:49.260 --> 00:36:50.960
to keep losing weight, then I need to reflect

00:36:50.960 --> 00:36:54.079
on my own lifestyle. And like, I think we said

00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:56.079
it before, guilt through association. They feel

00:36:56.079 --> 00:36:57.579
like we're shaming them or guilting them and

00:36:57.579 --> 00:36:59.980
we're not. But like, yeah, when you're obese,

00:37:00.260 --> 00:37:01.980
it's just your health, your health, your health.

00:37:02.119 --> 00:37:04.139
And now that you're skinny, it's still somehow

00:37:04.139 --> 00:37:06.599
your health and you're not making the right choices

00:37:06.599 --> 00:37:09.019
and you're not eating enough or you should eat

00:37:09.019 --> 00:37:11.659
more or you're running too much and that's going

00:37:11.659 --> 00:37:13.619
to kill you. And it's like, I run three days

00:37:13.619 --> 00:37:18.000
a week. How is that going to kill me? Yeah. Well,

00:37:18.039 --> 00:37:20.920
yeah. So I've had family talk about how they

00:37:20.920 --> 00:37:24.039
think I'm excessively exercising and that there

00:37:24.039 --> 00:37:25.980
must be something wrong with me. And I was like,

00:37:26.039 --> 00:37:28.559
so you never said a word when I'd sit on the

00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:30.599
couch and binge eat and never, you know, don't

00:37:30.599 --> 00:37:34.320
leave my house for a whole week. And that was

00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:38.280
fine. Literally three days a week. And you seem

00:37:38.280 --> 00:37:40.159
to think that that's excessive. So people will

00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:43.559
just never be happy. But I think that's what

00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:46.659
led me to surgery as well. is Steph mentioned

00:37:46.659 --> 00:37:48.860
like carrying the extra weight, the pain in your

00:37:48.860 --> 00:37:51.739
body, all that crap. The other big thing when

00:37:51.739 --> 00:37:54.320
you're obese is the mental load you carry. And

00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:56.739
I know this is shitty. I'm going to say, I'm

00:37:56.739 --> 00:37:58.539
going to just like trigger warning. This is shitty

00:37:58.539 --> 00:38:00.780
to say you're treated like shit when you're obese.

00:38:01.039 --> 00:38:03.280
Sorry, but like the boys aren't looking at you.

00:38:03.320 --> 00:38:06.019
They're not really flirting with you. You're

00:38:06.019 --> 00:38:08.880
treated, you're just treated differently. Yep.

00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:13.420
Yeah. The judgment. When you go to a restaurant,

00:38:13.519 --> 00:38:15.260
people look and see what you're ordering. They

00:38:15.260 --> 00:38:17.079
see how much of your plate you finish. Oh, you're

00:38:17.079 --> 00:38:18.519
eating that? When you go to try clothes on and

00:38:18.519 --> 00:38:22.860
you walk into a store to check if it has plus

00:38:22.860 --> 00:38:25.579
size and it doesn't, the look you get from, it's

00:38:25.579 --> 00:38:29.480
constant. Constant. And I think the reason that

00:38:29.480 --> 00:38:31.179
some of those comments come to is, and this is

00:38:31.179 --> 00:38:33.679
what I try to tell myself also is, people don't

00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:35.739
deal well with change in general. They don't.

00:38:35.739 --> 00:38:38.280
Change is hard for people. So not only are you

00:38:38.280 --> 00:38:41.260
making. You're making a lot of changes physically.

00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:44.739
But as we've said, I'm not the same person I

00:38:44.739 --> 00:38:47.500
was six months ago, let alone three months ago.

00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:52.199
I'm a very different person. And so you are changing

00:38:52.199 --> 00:38:56.960
on all fronts very quickly. And especially for

00:38:56.960 --> 00:38:59.219
people who I haven't seen in a while, that's

00:38:59.219 --> 00:39:02.840
a big change to see all of a sudden. And that

00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:06.829
causes fear and panic. And people just, people

00:39:06.829 --> 00:39:09.329
don't deal with change well. So you have to also

00:39:09.329 --> 00:39:13.670
remember, or I try to remember that I've known,

00:39:13.809 --> 00:39:15.650
I've been through this process for a long time.

00:39:15.710 --> 00:39:17.889
I was in the process for a year before surgery.

00:39:18.070 --> 00:39:21.050
I have been going through this for ages. These

00:39:21.050 --> 00:39:25.210
people, it's kind of a shock to them. So I have

00:39:25.210 --> 00:39:27.110
to also keep that in my mind sometimes and be

00:39:27.110 --> 00:39:29.750
like, okay, okay, I get it. This is very new

00:39:29.750 --> 00:39:33.719
to you. This is very foreign to you. Which is

00:39:33.719 --> 00:39:37.139
kind of funny, but it's just, yeah, I don't,

00:39:37.139 --> 00:39:39.619
there's a lot of different pieces to it, right?

00:39:39.920 --> 00:39:41.719
Yeah, you're not wrong. It's foreign. They have

00:39:41.719 --> 00:39:45.559
a lot of questions they don't understand. They

00:39:45.559 --> 00:39:47.039
think it's the easy way out. They think that

00:39:47.039 --> 00:39:50.019
we went too extreme, but the truth is everything

00:39:50.019 --> 00:39:52.619
we told you about what we were like before surgery.

00:39:53.469 --> 00:39:55.489
You don't understand what that's like unless

00:39:55.489 --> 00:39:57.869
you're obese. And I'm not talking chubby, overweight.

00:39:58.130 --> 00:40:00.590
I'm talking morbidly obese. And if one more person

00:40:00.590 --> 00:40:03.630
tells me, well, Hannah, you weren't. Yes, I was.

00:40:03.670 --> 00:40:05.889
I was 320 pounds, guys. You've seen the before

00:40:05.889 --> 00:40:08.510
and after photos. Like I am a completely different

00:40:08.510 --> 00:40:10.909
person. And I didn't even realize what life was

00:40:10.909 --> 00:40:14.030
like to be this thin. And when you're obese.

00:40:14.750 --> 00:40:17.789
And you can tell me I'm wrong, but you know I'm

00:40:17.789 --> 00:40:19.969
not wrong because I was you. When you're obese,

00:40:20.090 --> 00:40:22.230
all you dream about is being skinny. And I know

00:40:22.230 --> 00:40:23.369
there's going to be people being like, no, we

00:40:23.369 --> 00:40:25.389
dream about a lot of other things. Sure, I'm

00:40:25.389 --> 00:40:27.730
not saying that was the only thought in my fucking

00:40:27.730 --> 00:40:31.610
head, but all I dreamed about was wearing a bikini,

00:40:31.610 --> 00:40:35.550
being skinny, having a guy flirt with me, just

00:40:35.550 --> 00:40:38.869
not being fat because you carry your society.

00:40:39.110 --> 00:40:42.809
Yeah, you carry your obesity. in your head more

00:40:42.809 --> 00:40:46.789
than on your body. And the world is not designed

00:40:46.789 --> 00:40:48.989
for us. And I'm not looking for sympathy and

00:40:48.989 --> 00:40:51.550
pity because truthfully, I knew I was unhealthy.

00:40:51.809 --> 00:40:54.010
I knew that this was not the lifestyle I should

00:40:54.010 --> 00:40:56.570
have had. I didn't expect society to conform

00:40:56.570 --> 00:40:58.449
and all of a sudden start loving me because the

00:40:58.449 --> 00:41:00.130
truth was I did not love myself. I did this to

00:41:00.130 --> 00:41:03.840
myself. Yes, I didn't love myself. At all. And

00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:06.900
I didn't. I fucking hated how I looked. I wouldn't

00:41:06.900 --> 00:41:08.719
look in mirrors. I didn't want to. I was miserable.

00:41:08.820 --> 00:41:11.420
My mom said, remember this vividly. Now, this

00:41:11.420 --> 00:41:13.469
is a. argument my mom and I are gonna have to

00:41:13.469 --> 00:41:15.110
have out one day but she was like you were such

00:41:15.110 --> 00:41:16.869
a bitch when you were fat and I was like what

00:41:16.869 --> 00:41:20.110
in the fuck who says that to someone she's like

00:41:20.110 --> 00:41:22.550
you were just so mean you were so spiteful and

00:41:22.550 --> 00:41:24.349
so mean and I was like I'm still spiteful and

00:41:24.349 --> 00:41:26.250
mean I guess I can just get away with it being

00:41:26.250 --> 00:41:28.449
thin but she was like you just weren't a pleasant

00:41:28.449 --> 00:41:32.550
person to be around and I wasn't and I had another

00:41:32.550 --> 00:41:34.730
friend say have you looked at like everything

00:41:34.730 --> 00:41:37.519
you've posted recently because All you do is

00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:40.340
smile. You show your teeth like you're so happy

00:41:40.340 --> 00:41:42.760
and it just comes through in your photos. Now,

00:41:42.840 --> 00:41:47.539
do I still have days? Yeah. Crazy. It is. It's

00:41:47.539 --> 00:41:50.239
just like people pick up on your confidence.

00:41:51.440 --> 00:41:54.940
Yeah. Yeah. I get messages all the time now from

00:41:54.940 --> 00:41:56.980
people when I post like my workout selfies, people

00:41:56.980 --> 00:41:59.780
will be like, I don't don't you think I'm not

00:41:59.780 --> 00:42:02.239
noticing that you're posting in a tank top? Yeah.

00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:04.679
And I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, I am. Hey, you

00:42:04.679 --> 00:42:06.239
look really good in that outfit. I would get

00:42:06.239 --> 00:42:10.159
changed before posting something. Yeah. Or it's

00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:12.139
like, look at this. Look at it. You're glowing.

00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:14.219
The amount of times I get messages from people

00:42:14.219 --> 00:42:17.820
saying, oh my God, you're glowing. And it's funny

00:42:17.820 --> 00:42:21.300
because when I'm trying to put together like

00:42:21.300 --> 00:42:26.059
before and afters, do you think I can find before

00:42:26.059 --> 00:42:30.039
photos? No. Because I would do everything in

00:42:30.039 --> 00:42:33.239
my power to not be in a photo. I have lots of

00:42:33.239 --> 00:42:35.400
photos of my kids. I have lots of photos of Devin

00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:37.039
and the kids. I have lots of photos of everybody

00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:41.519
else. I, for the life of me, when I went shopping

00:42:41.519 --> 00:42:43.400
the other week and I took pictures in the fitting

00:42:43.400 --> 00:42:45.179
rooms, I was like, oh, I should do before and

00:42:45.179 --> 00:42:49.219
after. I could not find one photo head to toe

00:42:49.219 --> 00:42:53.139
of me before. Not one. I'm either behind people

00:42:53.139 --> 00:42:56.909
or this. Yes. I was like, I can't, I can't even

00:42:56.909 --> 00:42:59.070
do a before and after because I don't, I don't

00:42:59.070 --> 00:43:01.409
have one. I'm trying to do more because like

00:43:01.409 --> 00:43:04.590
mentally it really helps me realize like when

00:43:04.590 --> 00:43:06.750
we talk body dysmorphia in a couple of weeks,

00:43:06.769 --> 00:43:09.889
like I need the photos to, to tell me like I'm

00:43:09.889 --> 00:43:11.809
doing good. And I know that's fucked up, but

00:43:11.809 --> 00:43:14.550
I need them. I do not have before photos. I never

00:43:14.550 --> 00:43:17.650
bothered to take photos. I literally. think I'm

00:43:17.650 --> 00:43:20.130
gonna have to message people in my life and say

00:43:20.130 --> 00:43:22.489
if you have photos of me can you send them to

00:43:22.489 --> 00:43:25.230
me because I really need some more before photos

00:43:25.230 --> 00:43:29.550
to be like what the fuck but you need the reassurance

00:43:29.550 --> 00:43:31.969
that you're on the right track and because we've

00:43:31.969 --> 00:43:34.230
talked about this because we see each other yeah

00:43:34.230 --> 00:43:36.630
because you see yourself every day all the time

00:43:36.630 --> 00:43:38.630
all the time you don't notice the changes right

00:43:38.630 --> 00:43:41.429
so and I'd say you need those before and after

00:43:41.429 --> 00:43:46.110
yeah I'd say this year If I can give anybody

00:43:46.110 --> 00:43:48.110
advice, we got kind of a topic about what led

00:43:48.110 --> 00:43:51.050
us to surgery, but I said to Steph and I hold

00:43:51.050 --> 00:43:53.289
this true and maybe I'm manifesting this myself,

00:43:53.409 --> 00:43:55.829
but I think this will be the hardest year of

00:43:55.829 --> 00:43:58.809
surgery is this year is this is going into this

00:43:58.809 --> 00:44:01.210
third year because I just started my third year.

00:44:01.289 --> 00:44:03.929
Right. I just hit my two year anniversary a couple

00:44:03.929 --> 00:44:06.789
of weeks ago. This, I think, will be my hardest

00:44:06.789 --> 00:44:09.010
challenge because I'm kind of back to normal.

00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:12.099
The weight loss has slowed down. A lot could

00:44:12.099 --> 00:44:13.980
go wrong. It's not going to because I'm very

00:44:13.980 --> 00:44:16.820
disciplined. We're going to be fine. But this

00:44:16.820 --> 00:44:19.900
is that time where you just came off of like

00:44:19.900 --> 00:44:22.320
two years, mainly one year. Your first year is

00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.460
just like celebrations and people commenting

00:44:25.460 --> 00:44:27.860
on your weight loss and you just being amazed

00:44:27.860 --> 00:44:30.460
and amazed and amazed. And like every other month,

00:44:30.460 --> 00:44:32.460
you're like, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,

00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:35.530
holy shit. Like you're dropping weight. you're

00:44:35.530 --> 00:44:38.210
rapidly changing dress sizes which is awesome

00:44:38.210 --> 00:44:40.510
then you get to this point where you're like

00:44:40.510 --> 00:44:45.010
okay so i'm not rapidly dropping and i'm not

00:44:45.010 --> 00:44:47.090
rapidly losing weight and it's almost like a

00:44:47.090 --> 00:44:49.530
really big mind fuck for me and we'll do a whole

00:44:49.530 --> 00:44:52.630
episode on this to shit we'll do it in body dysmorphia

00:44:52.630 --> 00:44:56.630
to shift to yeah but you you know like you can

00:44:56.630 --> 00:44:58.789
celebrate other things now like it's almost like

00:44:58.789 --> 00:45:01.650
the most fuckery of like I still really love

00:45:01.650 --> 00:45:03.429
my life and I'm a really happy person now and

00:45:03.429 --> 00:45:05.710
I love being able to like thrift and try on clothes

00:45:05.710 --> 00:45:07.750
and like I'm doing all these clothes haul now

00:45:07.750 --> 00:45:10.210
and I never thought I would but there are days

00:45:10.210 --> 00:45:12.929
where I'm like I don't get to celebrate as much

00:45:12.929 --> 00:45:15.369
as I used to and that's bullshit because I should

00:45:15.369 --> 00:45:17.130
be celebrating every day how much weight I've

00:45:17.130 --> 00:45:18.949
lost and tell people to go fuck themselves but

00:45:18.949 --> 00:45:21.090
it's just this like you don't wake up in the

00:45:21.090 --> 00:45:23.250
mirror and go oh my god we're down another 20

00:45:23.250 --> 00:45:26.349
pounds like it's weird because it's like oh now

00:45:26.349 --> 00:45:31.119
you're just normal And that's kind of tough to

00:45:31.119 --> 00:45:34.739
lose the like whole celebratory, really exciting

00:45:34.739 --> 00:45:41.179
part of it. But yeah, I think this is why I was

00:45:41.179 --> 00:45:43.159
never successful before. If we brought it back

00:45:43.159 --> 00:45:46.500
to the main topic, why did we have surgery? Couldn't

00:45:46.500 --> 00:45:48.219
we have done this on our own? And didn't we try

00:45:48.219 --> 00:45:50.699
everything? I did not try everything. I did not

00:45:50.699 --> 00:45:53.420
try hard enough. And I am big enough to admit

00:45:53.420 --> 00:45:55.840
that I did not stick anything through. I had

00:45:55.840 --> 00:45:58.210
no discipline because. and i don't know what

00:45:58.210 --> 00:46:00.210
it's not for it's not everybody but when you're

00:46:00.210 --> 00:46:03.710
obese It is hard to stick to a plan, to have

00:46:03.710 --> 00:46:05.889
discipline and to see anything through because

00:46:05.889 --> 00:46:08.389
you're very used at that point to instant gratification.

00:46:08.590 --> 00:46:10.489
You're obviously eating because it gives you

00:46:10.489 --> 00:46:12.289
joy or you're eating because you are depressed.

00:46:12.409 --> 00:46:14.570
There's a reason you're overeating and you're

00:46:14.570 --> 00:46:17.269
not addressing it. And it's usually instant gratification.

00:46:17.429 --> 00:46:19.449
You eat because it makes you feel better or you're

00:46:19.449 --> 00:46:22.269
eating because you're celebrating something versus

00:46:22.269 --> 00:46:25.230
I'm just eating to sustain myself. I would never

00:46:25.230 --> 00:46:27.369
stick with a workout plan because I didn't see

00:46:27.369 --> 00:46:32.380
instant results. Ever. So I didn't bother sticking

00:46:32.380 --> 00:46:34.039
with it because in my mind I should have been

00:46:34.039 --> 00:46:35.920
skinny faster. And this was just some straight

00:46:35.920 --> 00:46:38.860
up bullshit. But if I look back at the times

00:46:38.860 --> 00:46:43.300
I did exercise, I was healthier looking. I did

00:46:43.300 --> 00:46:46.559
shed some pounds. I just did not pick anything

00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:49.239
sustainable. Yeah. I'm trying to go to the gym

00:46:49.239 --> 00:46:51.840
every morning at 8 a .m. in January in Ottawa.

00:46:51.960 --> 00:46:53.760
Yeah. Because I'm going to drive through that

00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:58.789
to get to the gym versus like. I tell everybody

00:46:58.789 --> 00:47:01.070
there was one year that I actually did lose a

00:47:01.070 --> 00:47:03.670
lot of weight. I lost 50 pounds on my own and

00:47:03.670 --> 00:47:05.469
they were like, whoa, how? And I was like, oh,

00:47:05.570 --> 00:47:08.230
I walked to and from work in Toronto. I walked

00:47:08.230 --> 00:47:10.889
30 minutes to pick up the bus and I walked 30

00:47:10.889 --> 00:47:13.590
minutes home. And here's what I ate. McDonald's,

00:47:13.590 --> 00:47:15.849
McDonald's, Chinese takeout, McDonald's, McDonald's.

00:47:15.849 --> 00:47:18.769
Yeah. And all I ate was shitty fast fucking food

00:47:18.769 --> 00:47:21.369
because I was like a camp counselor with a low

00:47:21.369 --> 00:47:24.409
budget and I ate nothing but bullshit. And people

00:47:24.409 --> 00:47:26.409
were like, no way. And I was like, yes, fucking

00:47:26.409 --> 00:47:29.489
way. Like I walked my ass off, was in a calorie

00:47:29.489 --> 00:47:32.369
deficit because of how much walking I did. And

00:47:32.369 --> 00:47:35.110
I, you know, I ate shit food, but I didn't eat

00:47:35.110 --> 00:47:37.909
a lot of it. And I'm not, I do not do what I

00:47:37.909 --> 00:47:40.650
did. I was a camp counselor living on dollar

00:47:40.650 --> 00:47:42.750
drinks and french fries. It was horrible for

00:47:42.750 --> 00:47:45.599
me, but I digress. I knew my body could lose

00:47:45.599 --> 00:47:49.880
the weight. And I felt good. Like I wasn't hungry.

00:47:50.039 --> 00:47:51.820
I was eating what I wanted to eat, but I was

00:47:51.820 --> 00:47:53.820
like busting my ass with the walking, but it

00:47:53.820 --> 00:47:55.920
didn't feel like it. I'd call my friend Kyle

00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:58.159
after work and I'd be like, chat with me for

00:47:58.159 --> 00:48:01.260
30 minutes while I walk home. And it was great.

00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:03.800
And that's why everybody's like, oh, I can't.

00:48:04.079 --> 00:48:06.500
I'm too big to work out. I'm too old to work

00:48:06.500 --> 00:48:10.099
out. My joints are too bad to work out. I get

00:48:10.099 --> 00:48:12.449
it. Everybody has it in their mind. And I think,

00:48:12.449 --> 00:48:15.590
again, to tie it back, I was the same. Everybody

00:48:15.590 --> 00:48:17.889
has it in their mind that, again, you've got

00:48:17.889 --> 00:48:19.929
to go balls to the wall, and it's got to be this

00:48:19.929 --> 00:48:24.849
insane, intense, hardcore dieting, working out,

00:48:24.929 --> 00:48:27.349
or you're not going to see success. We make it

00:48:27.349 --> 00:48:31.030
so overcomplicated. Yeah. We overcomplicate it.

00:48:31.070 --> 00:48:33.389
We set unrealistic standards and unrealistic

00:48:33.389 --> 00:48:36.769
goals for ourselves, and it's not necessary.

00:48:37.329 --> 00:48:41.230
Like, tone it back. Start small. If all you can

00:48:41.230 --> 00:48:43.409
do is walk for five minutes, then walk for five

00:48:43.409 --> 00:48:45.050
minutes because it's five minutes more than you

00:48:45.050 --> 00:48:46.730
would have moved if you would have sat your ass

00:48:46.730 --> 00:48:50.110
on the couch. So all of this, I can't do that

00:48:50.110 --> 00:48:52.510
workout. I can't do this. Nobody's telling you

00:48:52.510 --> 00:48:55.550
to. Like just pay attention to what you're eating.

00:48:56.230 --> 00:49:00.050
Focus on your protein. Make better choices and

00:49:00.050 --> 00:49:02.969
just start moving a little bit. Yes. A little

00:49:02.969 --> 00:49:05.630
bit. But so much of it I think comes down to

00:49:05.630 --> 00:49:10.340
just. Not understanding things, not paying attention,

00:49:10.460 --> 00:49:14.159
and having unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic

00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:16.519
expectations for what you should be doing as

00:49:16.519 --> 00:49:18.119
well. So not even just how much you're going

00:49:18.119 --> 00:49:20.539
to lose, but get off the internet, stop watching

00:49:20.539 --> 00:49:22.280
all those people that work out seven days a week.

00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:25.079
Please do not do what I'm doing. I had somebody

00:49:25.079 --> 00:49:28.480
say, oh, well, you know, like you're my inspiration.

00:49:28.539 --> 00:49:30.860
I should work out like you do. No, you absolutely

00:49:30.860 --> 00:49:32.840
should not. Do you know how long it took me to

00:49:32.840 --> 00:49:35.880
start running? When I had surgery, the literal

00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:39.730
only thing I did. was walk walk walk walk walk

00:49:39.730 --> 00:49:42.050
walk walk walk now strength training probably

00:49:42.050 --> 00:49:43.510
should have been thrown in there just for like

00:49:43.510 --> 00:49:46.750
so my muscles didn't waste away as much not because

00:49:46.750 --> 00:49:49.050
I think you need to be working out 18 different

00:49:49.050 --> 00:49:51.739
times a week but walk. And Steph's right. Start

00:49:51.739 --> 00:49:54.780
small, but eventually you have to scale up. You

00:49:54.780 --> 00:49:57.260
cannot walk for 10 minutes a day and go, well,

00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:58.980
Steph and Hannah said I'd lose weight and I'm

00:49:58.980 --> 00:50:02.159
not losing weight. No, start small, but your

00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:04.840
goal needs to eventually to be getting to 40

00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:07.639
minutes, roughly. Like you should be trying to

00:50:07.639 --> 00:50:11.420
aim for a 5K, which is roughly like a 45 minute

00:50:11.420 --> 00:50:14.460
walk. That sounds crazy, but it is like a 45

00:50:14.460 --> 00:50:17.420
minute walk. Challenge yourself. Yes, because

00:50:17.420 --> 00:50:19.380
again, it is exercise. So you can't be like,

00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:21.719
well, I did 10 minutes a day. It's not enough.

00:50:22.629 --> 00:50:25.190
So start small, but eventually you need to get

00:50:25.190 --> 00:50:27.690
yourself to a good spot and then just walk. And

00:50:27.690 --> 00:50:29.349
walking is something you can do in the rain,

00:50:29.369 --> 00:50:31.210
in the snow, with bad hips, with bad joints.

00:50:31.510 --> 00:50:35.730
You can go to places that it works. Get a walking

00:50:35.730 --> 00:50:38.090
pad for home. Go to an indoor walking track.

00:50:38.309 --> 00:50:40.030
If you have a dog, you're probably already hitting

00:50:40.030 --> 00:50:42.570
your goals. If you need to use a walker, use

00:50:42.570 --> 00:50:44.989
a walker. If you need to bring some hiking poles,

00:50:45.110 --> 00:50:47.210
bring some hiking poles. We're not saying you

00:50:47.210 --> 00:50:50.630
need to hike Everest or run, walk. And I did

00:50:50.630 --> 00:50:54.420
not. wake up and run right after surgery. It

00:50:54.420 --> 00:50:57.320
was not until a year after surgery and it was

00:50:57.320 --> 00:51:00.059
well past a year. It was a year and a half that

00:51:00.059 --> 00:51:01.980
I said, I'm going to slowly start training to

00:51:01.980 --> 00:51:05.099
run. And that was my personal decision. And I

00:51:05.099 --> 00:51:07.760
still hold true. You probably won't lose weight

00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:10.079
running. So make sure you don't do it right away

00:51:10.079 --> 00:51:12.679
because the hunger that comes with it and the

00:51:12.679 --> 00:51:15.440
need to fuel your body properly with carbs and

00:51:15.440 --> 00:51:18.800
sugar, you need somebody to help you figure that

00:51:18.800 --> 00:51:21.000
out. Or you're literally going to do a Michael

00:51:21.000 --> 00:51:23.260
Scott and eat some fucking carbonara and try

00:51:23.260 --> 00:51:25.960
to run a 5k. You have to talk to someone who

00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:28.300
can teach you like how many carbs are appropriate,

00:51:28.539 --> 00:51:32.900
how to fuel after your run. The hunger that comes

00:51:32.900 --> 00:51:36.679
from running could derail you if you don't have.

00:51:37.539 --> 00:51:42.099
proper control so walk walking never spiked my

00:51:42.099 --> 00:51:45.380
blood sugar it never spiked my hunger i could

00:51:45.380 --> 00:51:47.800
go at my own pace i could stop and breathe and

00:51:47.800 --> 00:51:50.159
take a rest you also don't have to do the whole

00:51:50.159 --> 00:51:52.820
like stop pause tie your shoes sit down look

00:51:52.820 --> 00:51:56.119
at the sky um But don't emulate other people.

00:51:56.239 --> 00:51:59.019
Do not go all in. Wait until you've lost some

00:51:59.019 --> 00:52:01.139
substantial weight to try harder things like

00:52:01.139 --> 00:52:04.360
CrossFit or running or cycling. Just because

00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:05.960
you see other people do it doesn't mean that

00:52:05.960 --> 00:52:07.619
your body is going to look like theirs either.

00:52:07.679 --> 00:52:09.440
There's a lot of people I used to be like, well,

00:52:09.440 --> 00:52:11.760
they spin and I want a body like that. So I should

00:52:11.760 --> 00:52:14.659
spin. And the exhaustion and the pain and the

00:52:14.659 --> 00:52:18.139
fatigue on my body doing spin when I was fat

00:52:18.139 --> 00:52:25.389
was horrible. So slow, slow. Go slow. The other

00:52:25.389 --> 00:52:29.590
big thing is like, yeah, weight training is important.

00:52:29.769 --> 00:52:32.409
But when we say weight training, we mean get

00:52:32.409 --> 00:52:35.170
some weights, lift some weights. When you feel

00:52:35.170 --> 00:52:37.349
good about that, try a slightly higher weight.

00:52:37.389 --> 00:52:40.150
I don't mean go to the HIIT class or the TRX

00:52:40.150 --> 00:52:43.369
class or the body pump or the CrossFit. Like

00:52:43.369 --> 00:52:46.730
what ends up happening is injury, overexertion.

00:52:46.849 --> 00:52:50.440
You aren't fueling enough. Are they fun? Sure.

00:52:50.579 --> 00:52:52.539
But are they going to cause massive weight loss?

00:52:53.219 --> 00:53:00.260
No. So go slow, have a realistic goal. And then

00:53:00.260 --> 00:53:03.530
like Steph said. nutrition has to be involved.

00:53:03.730 --> 00:53:05.150
And like the biggest thing my therapist would

00:53:05.150 --> 00:53:07.510
tell me is you can't just, you can't set unrealistic

00:53:07.510 --> 00:53:09.730
expectations. Like when I was trying to figure

00:53:09.730 --> 00:53:11.329
out how to log my food and I was like, well,

00:53:11.369 --> 00:53:12.929
I'll log it every day. She's like, that's not

00:53:12.929 --> 00:53:14.650
a realistic goal. You're not going to do it every

00:53:14.650 --> 00:53:16.889
day. Why don't we start with three days? Try

00:53:16.889 --> 00:53:18.849
to aim for three days a week, logging what you

00:53:18.849 --> 00:53:22.030
eat, and then we'll go from there. And so I always

00:53:22.030 --> 00:53:24.110
listen to that voice in my head that goes, do

00:53:24.110 --> 00:53:25.829
you really think it's realistic to get out and

00:53:25.829 --> 00:53:28.929
start doing this every single day? No, that's

00:53:28.929 --> 00:53:31.329
why I don't run every day. Because I knew I would

00:53:31.329 --> 00:53:34.570
never stick with that. Is it sustainable? Yeah.

00:53:35.050 --> 00:53:37.969
Is it sustainable? And if the answer is no, don't

00:53:37.969 --> 00:53:41.429
do it. Don't do it. And then you're just going

00:53:41.429 --> 00:53:44.230
to step up to fail. You're going to get frustrated.

00:53:44.389 --> 00:53:46.989
You're going to say, forget this. And you're

00:53:46.989 --> 00:53:51.090
done. Yep. Sustainable, small, achievable goals.

00:53:51.349 --> 00:53:53.829
Yeah. And then just be realistic with yourself

00:53:53.829 --> 00:53:57.559
that. It's not everybody else's fault. Yes, there

00:53:57.559 --> 00:53:59.900
are things, but it's not everybody else's fault

00:53:59.900 --> 00:54:03.199
that you're obese. At some point, you kind of

00:54:03.199 --> 00:54:06.139
have to give your life a look and really determine

00:54:06.139 --> 00:54:09.139
what is it that's causing you to be obese and

00:54:09.139 --> 00:54:13.719
don't lean on medical issues or medication. Yes,

00:54:13.780 --> 00:54:16.139
they're definitely making you overweight, but

00:54:16.139 --> 00:54:20.670
just take a look and go. What am I really eating?

00:54:20.730 --> 00:54:22.809
Do I actually know the calories going in and

00:54:22.809 --> 00:54:24.409
going out? And the other big thing with that

00:54:24.409 --> 00:54:26.889
too is when you're looking at, don't pick random

00:54:26.889 --> 00:54:30.630
stupid fad diets. Eat high protein, eat clean

00:54:30.630 --> 00:54:33.769
foods. Do not pick calorie deficits out of thin

00:54:33.769 --> 00:54:36.869
air. The amount of people. that I see posting

00:54:36.869 --> 00:54:39.730
on social being like, so I'm eating 1400 calories

00:54:39.730 --> 00:54:41.849
a day. Are you a bariatric patient? Because if

00:54:41.849 --> 00:54:45.190
you're not, that's absurd. Because most women,

00:54:45.230 --> 00:54:48.269
a calorie deficit for most women is 1800 calories.

00:54:48.309 --> 00:54:51.889
For some women, it's 2000. Like going down to

00:54:51.889 --> 00:54:57.130
14, 13, 12 makes no sense unless you are a bariatric

00:54:57.130 --> 00:55:01.590
patient. do not do that either that was a huge

00:55:01.590 --> 00:55:04.590
thing for me i would calorie restrict and that's

00:55:04.590 --> 00:55:06.269
why you hear people say don't count calories

00:55:06.269 --> 00:55:08.269
no you should be counting calories if you're

00:55:08.269 --> 00:55:10.789
a bariatric patient but i would try to restrict

00:55:10.789 --> 00:55:14.329
before being educated and while being obese and

00:55:14.329 --> 00:55:16.469
i'd go okay 1200 that's what i should be eating

00:55:16.469 --> 00:55:18.309
that's going to cause the biggest amount of weight

00:55:18.309 --> 00:55:21.909
loss not sustainable makes literally no sense

00:55:21.909 --> 00:55:24.670
at all and you need to calculate it based on

00:55:24.670 --> 00:55:27.030
how big you are today because you're probably

00:55:27.030 --> 00:55:31.119
eating 28, 3000 calories. And there's no way

00:55:31.119 --> 00:55:33.679
your body can handle cutting that in half and

00:55:33.679 --> 00:55:35.960
feel good and still maintain what you need to

00:55:35.960 --> 00:55:39.420
maintain. So when it comes to eating well, start

00:55:39.420 --> 00:55:43.900
slow as well. Very slow. Don't even maybe think

00:55:43.900 --> 00:55:45.920
about calories right off the bat. Think about

00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:48.380
getting more protein. And then when you've mastered

00:55:48.380 --> 00:55:51.480
that, then maybe go, can I cut two or 300 calories

00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:55.469
out of my day and sustain that for a good. chunk

00:55:55.469 --> 00:55:58.789
of time before you cut it lower. You can't go

00:55:58.789 --> 00:56:01.110
from zero to 100 when it comes to eating. Your

00:56:01.110 --> 00:56:05.050
body is not ready and will not respond. Nope.

00:56:06.670 --> 00:56:10.929
Nope. Totally agree. Yeah. So that is our advice

00:56:10.929 --> 00:56:14.349
on... why we had surgery, because there was a

00:56:14.349 --> 00:56:16.789
lot that just didn't work. We did not try everything.

00:56:16.949 --> 00:56:19.750
We were not disciplined and we had a lot of problems

00:56:19.750 --> 00:56:21.989
we were not willing to maybe admit in the moment.

00:56:22.070 --> 00:56:25.510
And surgery gave us all the tools to continue

00:56:25.510 --> 00:56:27.869
to combat that. It did not solve it and it did

00:56:27.869 --> 00:56:30.269
not fight that fight for us. It just brought

00:56:30.269 --> 00:56:32.789
attention to what we really need to pay attention

00:56:32.789 --> 00:56:36.489
to for life to be successful. And allowed us

00:56:36.489 --> 00:56:39.980
to work through a lot of that. Yeah. And we're

00:56:39.980 --> 00:56:41.460
still working through it and you'll always work

00:56:41.460 --> 00:56:43.719
through it. No matter if you're six months or

00:56:43.719 --> 00:56:46.579
two years post -op, you will continuously work

00:56:46.579 --> 00:56:49.099
through that because this is a journey for life

00:56:49.099 --> 00:56:51.400
now. This is something that if you're looking

00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:53.719
for something that's one and done, sit back,

00:56:53.780 --> 00:56:55.559
it's done. I don't have to worry about it anymore.

00:56:55.659 --> 00:56:58.719
This is also not for you because the nutrition,

00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:01.639
the exercise, the thinking about, the paying

00:57:01.639 --> 00:57:04.000
attention, the listening to cues, the challenging

00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:10.300
bad habits will be for life. life. So this is

00:57:10.300 --> 00:57:12.639
a lot of work. If you're thinking about doing

00:57:12.639 --> 00:57:15.980
it, it's not easy. It's worth it. This was the

00:57:15.980 --> 00:57:17.960
best decision I ever made in my life. And I wish

00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:21.760
I did it sooner. But it is every day, there's

00:57:21.760 --> 00:57:24.420
something new to learn to do to challenge. And

00:57:24.420 --> 00:57:27.440
now I'm in one of the harder stretches, which

00:57:27.440 --> 00:57:31.519
is doing this on your own, knowing that you could

00:57:31.519 --> 00:57:35.039
potentially start gaining weight is a scary,

00:57:35.079 --> 00:57:40.179
scary place to be. But you'll crush it. Oh, fucking

00:57:40.179 --> 00:57:44.980
better. Speaking of, we are really excited that

00:57:44.980 --> 00:57:47.440
we have a guest joining us where we're going

00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:51.460
to be talking about body dysmorphia. So I'm really

00:57:51.460 --> 00:57:54.639
excited. I'm so excited. I followed her since

00:57:54.639 --> 00:57:58.280
before. Yeah. Yeah, I followed her since before

00:57:58.280 --> 00:58:03.320
surgery. And she was one of the people that I

00:58:03.320 --> 00:58:07.989
binged her content. before surgery. Um, so I'm

00:58:07.989 --> 00:58:10.730
super pumped that she's good. Yeah. Yeah. I'm

00:58:10.730 --> 00:58:13.010
very excited too. So we've posted all over Instagram,

00:58:13.190 --> 00:58:16.550
uh, that we're being joined by bypass, but is

00:58:16.550 --> 00:58:20.070
it bypass by. Yeah, there we go. Bypass Cass

00:58:20.070 --> 00:58:23.349
is joining us. Check her out on TikTok if you

00:58:23.349 --> 00:58:25.250
have not seen her. She's got some amazing videos

00:58:25.250 --> 00:58:27.369
out there. But we're going to talk about body

00:58:27.369 --> 00:58:30.190
dysmorphia because, like, she hitting us hard.

00:58:30.789 --> 00:58:34.510
So she had bypass. We had sleeve. So we're also

00:58:34.510 --> 00:58:37.489
really curious to hear about what bypass is like

00:58:37.489 --> 00:58:40.849
versus what sleeve is like. So send us your questions.

00:58:41.010 --> 00:58:43.489
Drop them on social media. Let us know what you

00:58:43.489 --> 00:58:45.449
want us to talk about, what you want us to ask

00:58:45.449 --> 00:58:49.170
her. That we're just so excited about this. So

00:58:49.170 --> 00:58:51.449
that episode will be out May 5th. We absolutely

00:58:51.449 --> 00:58:54.969
cannot wait for that. So just get excited that

00:58:54.969 --> 00:58:56.889
that is coming up and that will be one of our

00:58:56.889 --> 00:59:00.050
upcoming episodes. So yeah, send in those questions.

00:59:00.730 --> 00:59:05.170
I know it's great. Well, have a happy, I mean,

00:59:05.170 --> 00:59:06.969
I hope you had a happy Easter weekend cause it

00:59:06.969 --> 00:59:10.530
passed, but like always Steph, just thank you

00:59:10.530 --> 00:59:12.750
for joining me and thanks everybody who's listening

00:59:12.750 --> 00:59:14.949
for continuing to join us on this adventure.

00:59:16.839 --> 00:59:19.300
Anytime. We'll see you next week. See you next

00:59:19.300 --> 00:59:20.260
week, everybody. Bye.