Episode 14: Can I Ride a Horse Yet? And Other Bariatric Bucket List Dreams

WEBVTT

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Hey, Steph. Hello. How's it going? Good. How

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are you? Good. Back for 14. I know. Welcome to

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another edition of Bariatric Banter Podcast,

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episode 14. What is happening? It's flying by.

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It is. I can't believe it. Really doesn't feel

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like it's the middle of April. It really doesn't

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feel like we've been doing this for so long.

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But we have and we are back today. And we felt

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like just kind of keeping the fun, good vibes

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going. Not that our other podcasts aren't fun,

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but we wanted to just talk about some more of

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the good side of bariatric surgery. Yeah, the

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stuff you get to look forward to when you're,

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you know, six to years plus out of surgery. Yeah.

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Exactly. The bucket list item. Okay. So bariatric

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bucket list. This is different from NSVs. Nonscale

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victories are just things that happen while you're

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going through the whole process. The bucket list,

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that's kind of the reason you went into surgery,

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like the things that you're most looking forward

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to. And I remember my therapist, when we were

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talking about it, you know, why do you want to

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have this surgery? And I said, well, you know,

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to be healthy. And she was like, okay, so like

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everybody wants to be healthier. Is that really

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going to be motivating and get you excited? And,

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you know, why don't we actually talk about what

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it is that you're hoping you can do after surgery?

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And that became the bariatric bucket list. And

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I think it's something really cool you can build

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before. And it's just it gets you hyped and excited

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about the things that you don't realize that

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you are subliminally avoiding or not doing because

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you're obese. Totally. And I think a lot of it

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is like the things also that, you know, what,

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what weighs on your mind every day that you're

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excited to not have to worry about anymore or

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to cross off that mental load and to just be

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able to not have to think about that anymore

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and have that, that weight lifted, literally

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lifted off of you, right? What are those things

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that you're ready to part with and not? not have

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anymore yeah and it's kind of fun to be able

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to think about it because it's a bit hard I think

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before surgery to think about all that you can

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do but we all know that there's things that we

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avoid and that we maybe convinced ourselves we

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don't want to do or that we are limited to that

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deep down we're like I really I would really

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like to do something like this and it's not always

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big giant we're not talking like my list is to

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skydive and discover gold and you know South

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America. It's, you know, it's things that just

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we could never imagine that we'd be able to do.

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And now we kind of get the freedom to start and

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to think. So, yeah, we are in very different

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places. Two years post -op. What, six months

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now, I believe? Five. Five months post -op. So

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our lists will probably look different and they

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should evolve and scale over time. But I think

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we'll just go back and forth and just share.

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items off of each of our lists um they don't

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have to be physically written down but uh it

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helps i think to visualize these things and it

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also kind of just makes you feel it is kind of

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like a non -scale victory it makes you feel really

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accomplished when you're able to cross something

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off that list no matter how big or small that

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item might be um it's really fun to work towards

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that and kind of usually helps you focus on things

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that aren't the weight on the scale Away from

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just that number. Yeah, exactly. We know the

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feelings on that one. Yeah, you know how we feel

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about that. I'll start. One of the big things

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on my list was to horseback ride. I've kind of

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always wanted to horseback ride. I've let a few

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people know I wanted to ride a horse. I just

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wanted to ride a horse. I never actively went

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out and pursued riding a horse because I knew

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that there was weight limits. I knew I could

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not ride a horse. I subliminally avoided it because

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I just didn't want to have to tell someone how

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much I weighed and to have to deal with that.

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But there are weight limits on horses. I mean,

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believe it or not, like they are an animal and

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they actually Googled it the other day because

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I remembered our conversation about it and I

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was curious. I was like, yeah, and it exists.

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And I remember. very vividly at the time before

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surgery right around when I was thinking I need

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to get this done there was an influencer who

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went to ride a horse and they said no you're

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too overweight and she like put out this big

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rant and tirade on social about how unfair and

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fat phobic this was and it was just like this

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huge news story that just like consumed everything

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and people were like there's weight limits for

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a reason like reason you have to think about

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the animal I don't think it's the farm's fault

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for saying that you're not allowed to go. And

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like, she obviously didn't want to admit that

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she was obese and she just didn't want to be

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faced with reality. Yeah. And like immensely

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just like ranted and raved about it. But I remember

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thinking like, I don't even want to have that

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conversation. Like, I don't even want to, I don't

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even want them to have to weigh me when I'm there.

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Like I'll just die. And so I like very adamantly

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when my therapist was like, why do you want to

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have surgery? Like, stop talking about health

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reasons. Right. You know, what's going to motivate

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you? I was like, I want to ride a fucking horse.

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I was like, I just want to go horseback riding.

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She's like, OK, we're getting somewhere. So one

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of the things on my list, which I was able to

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do, was ride a horse. And at what point, how

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far? I remember when you did it, but how far

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were you? What point in surgery were you? Because

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I remember when you went, but when was that?

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Question. Okay. So I'm going to have to look

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it up. So bear with me, audio listeners. I am

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going to be looking this up so that I can, it's

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important, I think, to know like when during

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surgery. I remember when you did it, but I can't

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remember when. Did I do this? Yeah. And there

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was no like rhyme or reason for waiting. I just

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knew like, obviously post -surgery, I could not

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ride a horse at 320 pounds. It just wasn't going

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to happen. So, yeah, I kind of just was like,

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hey, this will be the year. Sometime this year

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would be great. Yeah, I'm going to go back through

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and take a look at it. No, it's OK. But like,

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yeah, I do want to remember when was it that

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I rode the horse? I don't think it was my first

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year, to be honest. I think it was my second

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year. And that was just because I didn't. Like

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timing wise, it was going to be when I was with

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my best friend in Ottawa. She's a horse trainer.

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That's just kind of like, hey, it's on the list.

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It's going to happen. So I actually did it in,

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oh, not very long ago, 34 weeks ago. So it was

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in my second year for sure. August, August of

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last year. So almost a full year ago. So yeah,

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this would have been. Oh, geez. Let's see. I

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had surgery March 2023. So this would have been

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a year and a bit post -op that I decided to do

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this. So I had definitely lost over 100 pounds

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at that point. So yeah, it was March, April,

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May, June, July, August. It was one year, six

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months post -op that I crossed one of the items

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off my bucket list and rode a horse. Love it.

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It was so good. And honestly, like I felt good.

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Like I felt so great. I like people were taking

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pictures and I genuinely wanted to have pictures

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taken. Like I think that's the other big thing.

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There'll probably be people saying like you could

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ride a horse at 300 pounds. I would have been

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super uncomfortable because I was told. It's

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not easy horseback riding. You got to have core

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strength. Like it is a bit hard on the body.

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Like wear jeans is another big thing. Don't wear

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leggings, wear jeans because you need, and I

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wasn't wearing jeans at that size. And I wouldn't

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have wanted any pictures. I would have been miserable.

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I probably wouldn't have been able to sit on

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that horse. Well, getting on the horse, first

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of all, would have been a challenge. Wouldn't

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have been able to hoist myself up. No, people

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forget, like, it's a workout on your own body

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to be on the horse, to hold on, to, like, with

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your upper body, with your legs, bouncing around,

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the clicks of the core strength, getting on and

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off. You would have. You would have been in pain.

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Would have been miserable. Yeah. And then wouldn't

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have wanted any photos taken. Would have been

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like, don't look. Don't take photos. This is

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the worst. Wouldn't have physically been able

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to do it. I'm almost convinced. I physically

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couldn't have gone. We went for an hour. And

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I just absolutely could tell you I probably would

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not have been able to sit on that horse for an

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hour. So I'm glad I did it when I did it. That's

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awesome. Yeah. I love it. They're just so pretty.

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It was like, honestly, I could have cried. I

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was so happy about being able to do this. So

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I'm glad I put it on my bucket list. Yeah. No

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kidding. Nice. That's a good one. What's one

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thing on your list? Because you are, again, you're

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really early in your journey here. So these are

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things that, you know, you probably are looking

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to do versus things that you've probably done

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yet. Yeah. And I think mine right now where I

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am. I'm not like an adventurous person. I'm pretty

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boring in that sense. For me right now, I think

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it's more of the things I'm looking forward to

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letting go or the things that I'm looking forward

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to on my bucket list not having to worry about

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anymore. Things that don't have to take up space.

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my day -to -day life. Um, so one of the things

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I know when you're obese or overweight, um, is

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like just weight limits on things, always having

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to worry about weight limits. Um, and I know,

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like, for example, there's a wine, a really nice

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winery, uh, in Grand Bend. And we have a group

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of friends that, a bunch of moms, and we try

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to go away at least once a year. We call it bad

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mom's weekend where we leave the kids at home

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with the husbands and we just go do whatever

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we want. We rent an Airbnb somewhere. We hang

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out. If you want to nap, you nap. You watch TV.

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You have some drinks. We go out. We just have

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no responsibilities for the weekend. And we went

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to one of these wineries. And we were booking

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our table beforehand. And they have swings at

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the table instead of chairs. And we're like,

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oh, that's so cool. And I remember everybody

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was so pumped to book this table. Yeah. And I

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kept. pushing back a little bit on booking the

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table because everyone's first instinct was,

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that's so cool. My first instinct was, can I

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sit on this swing? And I Googled it and I could

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not. I was over the weight limit for the swing.

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So it was this instant shit. How do I remove

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myself from this without missing out on anything,

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making it obvious? I don't want to put in the

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chat that I don't want to do this table because

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I'm too big for this. It's that constant weight

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on you, right? So then I remember I went into

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this like binge mode and tried to look at it

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and instantly went, okay, how can I lose this

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much weight before mom's weekend in two months

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so that I can sit on this damn swing? And then

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I like... deprived myself for eight weeks trying

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to lose enough weight to fit on this swing and

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then sure as shit the table holds six of us there

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were seven of us so of course I was like oh don't

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worry guys I'll see the other one out you enjoy

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the swing I'll sit on a stool so then everybody

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got to hang out around the table and I was back

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here on my little stool um so that like having

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to not worry about that or when we went to Banff

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last year and we went on a gondola And there

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was another couple we traveled with, myself,

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Devin, and Devin's friend. And my immediate first

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thing I did was Google the weight limit of the

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gondola. Because I was like, well, if everybody

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wants to go on the gondola together, what if

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we can't? Who do I go with? How do I like, again,

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try to nonchalantly work this into the conversation?

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So for me, that's something that I'm super excited

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to have on my bucket list is to not have to worry

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about. what's the immediate thought is what's

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the weight limit? Can I go on this? I think we

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don't realize like how much mental space is taken

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up subliminally thinking about these things.

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Because I have definitely thought about these

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things as well, like weight limits and doing

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things. And I think that is a good bucket list

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item to travel without needing to Google weight

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limits. Because you do an activity because you

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want to. You don't realize. that this is what

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this is like. A bucket list item for me, which

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like I know can technically be an on -scale victory,

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but a bucket list item for me was to be able

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to travel comfortably, specifically fly. So I

00:13:10.929 --> 00:13:15.230
had said like, I want to travel more and I want

00:13:15.230 --> 00:13:18.289
to feel comfortable while I do it. And so I.

00:13:19.049 --> 00:13:21.590
had just kind of really paused traveling without

00:13:21.590 --> 00:13:25.269
realizing it. I did go to Nova Scotia with my

00:13:25.269 --> 00:13:28.350
mom before I had bariatric surgery. And I was

00:13:28.350 --> 00:13:31.370
like, oh, my God, this is so uncomfortable. I

00:13:31.370 --> 00:13:34.450
don't like the planes. Like I've told the story

00:13:34.450 --> 00:13:36.929
of having to hide the seatbelt under my jacket.

00:13:37.169 --> 00:13:40.360
But I just remember like. I never felt great

00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:43.179
traveling and flying. And I used to just say

00:13:43.179 --> 00:13:46.039
that I had anxiety and I didn't want to fly because

00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:47.899
of anxiety. But the truth was like the whole

00:13:47.899 --> 00:13:50.399
thing was just you don't want to get stuck sitting

00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:52.320
next to someone and the seatbelt doesn't work

00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:55.659
and you just feel terrible. So I remember saying

00:13:55.659 --> 00:13:58.980
like I would like to travel more and genuinely

00:13:58.980 --> 00:14:03.259
just feel. like better about traveling. And I

00:14:03.259 --> 00:14:06.740
did get to do that fairly early on in my journey,

00:14:06.820 --> 00:14:08.639
which was nice. I actually went back to Nova

00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:12.149
Scotia, which was funny. And immediately you

00:14:12.149 --> 00:14:13.870
could see a difference. I got on the plane and

00:14:13.870 --> 00:14:17.269
I was like, oh my God, I fit in the seat. I don't

00:14:17.269 --> 00:14:19.070
have to worry, but this is so comfortable and

00:14:19.070 --> 00:14:21.669
fun. And I had enough energy and I could walk

00:14:21.669 --> 00:14:25.509
around and do things. So that was, I mean, kind

00:14:25.509 --> 00:14:27.730
of a longstanding bucket list item. But that

00:14:27.730 --> 00:14:30.809
item for me was like to actually enjoy travel

00:14:30.809 --> 00:14:35.350
again. I want to like it because I knew. i didn't

00:14:35.350 --> 00:14:37.149
want to live this life where i just didn't go

00:14:37.149 --> 00:14:40.610
anywhere and subconsciously i wasn't going anywhere

00:14:40.610 --> 00:14:44.649
like i would never have imagined booking cruises

00:14:44.649 --> 00:14:47.049
or trips or vacations because i was like oh well

00:14:47.049 --> 00:14:51.330
like i can't do it i can't i can't walk around

00:14:51.330 --> 00:14:54.610
you know theme parks and stuff and so i said

00:14:54.610 --> 00:14:56.730
no it's really not the life i want like i want

00:14:57.129 --> 00:14:59.649
I want to go to Disney again. That is on my bucket

00:14:59.649 --> 00:15:01.990
list. I want to ride a roller coaster again.

00:15:02.149 --> 00:15:05.070
But it all kind of culminated into I want to

00:15:05.070 --> 00:15:09.149
make travel a bigger part of my life. And for

00:15:09.149 --> 00:15:11.909
me, it was obesity that was holding me back.

00:15:12.549 --> 00:15:16.009
Obviously, finances. But like obesity was the

00:15:16.009 --> 00:15:17.730
reason like I just didn't want to go anywhere

00:15:17.730 --> 00:15:20.529
because you'd get there, be exhausted and just

00:15:20.529 --> 00:15:22.110
sit in the hotel room and binge eat the whole

00:15:22.110 --> 00:15:26.149
time. Like food was still my entire focus. Pretty

00:15:26.149 --> 00:15:28.649
early on after surgery, it was very easy to be

00:15:28.649 --> 00:15:31.110
like, whoa, I'm traveling for me again. It has

00:15:31.110 --> 00:15:34.190
nothing to do with food. I had a really great

00:15:34.190 --> 00:15:38.629
trip to Nova Scotia and that was it. Once I checked

00:15:38.629 --> 00:15:41.409
that off my bucket list, I was like, hell yeah,

00:15:41.629 --> 00:15:45.610
here we go. And then I spiraled that into massive

00:15:45.610 --> 00:15:50.070
travel, just doing a ton of shit that I was beyond

00:15:50.070 --> 00:15:54.460
happy to do. That was a bucket list item that

00:15:54.460 --> 00:15:57.080
I crossed off. I swear I have some that I haven't

00:15:57.080 --> 00:15:59.399
done yet, so don't worry, I'll get to them. But

00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:02.019
that was a big one for me, was travel that was

00:16:02.019 --> 00:16:05.919
comfortable and the focus was on travel, not

00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:09.419
food and not my weight. Yeah, that's a good one.

00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:11.980
That's good. That was a big one. I think I have

00:16:11.980 --> 00:16:16.360
to add, we talked about this earlier today, shopping.

00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:21.960
Shopping in any store I want to. Yep. That I

00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:26.879
think is going to be something that will be big

00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:29.600
because, I mean, I've never been a shopper. Like

00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:32.379
I'm never, if you know me, I'm not super girly.

00:16:32.379 --> 00:16:36.460
I'm not a girly girl. I'm not one of those people

00:16:36.460 --> 00:16:39.059
that wants to spend all afternoon shopping. But

00:16:39.059 --> 00:16:43.759
I also think a big part of that comes from the

00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:50.799
inability to really shop. having to always shop

00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:53.080
in a specialty store from the time i was a kid

00:16:53.080 --> 00:16:58.779
like i remember always having to go to um like

00:16:58.779 --> 00:17:01.980
plus size stores um and so when you know all

00:17:01.980 --> 00:17:04.819
your friends want to go out shopping and you

00:17:04.819 --> 00:17:06.920
can't shop in the stores that they're all in

00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:09.059
and i remember my sister -in -law is gonna laugh

00:17:09.059 --> 00:17:11.640
because this happened at uh a couple of this

00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:15.059
bad mom weekends we always end up shopping and

00:17:15.059 --> 00:17:17.099
again like If you don't want to do something,

00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:18.640
don't do something. But we always end up going

00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:20.440
out for lunch or brunch or whatever. And then

00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:22.480
it turns into, let's go shopping. And everyone

00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:24.599
gets all excited. And every time they all laugh

00:17:24.599 --> 00:17:27.960
because you can just see me go. Because they

00:17:27.960 --> 00:17:30.859
know I don't like shopping. But it's literally

00:17:30.859 --> 00:17:34.700
like I can't shop in any of those stores. And

00:17:34.700 --> 00:17:37.119
so I'm always the one standing there holding

00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:40.599
everybody's bags or jackets or giving the commentary

00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:44.430
of what looks good. And it's. I hate it. And

00:17:44.430 --> 00:17:46.390
I remember a couple of bad mom weekends ago,

00:17:46.450 --> 00:17:49.410
we were all in Winners or somewhere and same

00:17:49.410 --> 00:17:50.890
thing. I was just, we were on like our third

00:17:50.890 --> 00:17:54.009
store and I was like, I'm over it. Like, I don't,

00:17:54.009 --> 00:17:56.269
I know everyone's having fun, but like, I don't,

00:17:56.269 --> 00:17:58.930
and I don't want to be the downer. But my sister

00:17:58.930 --> 00:18:00.950
-in -law was coming. She couldn't come the first

00:18:00.950 --> 00:18:03.190
night. So she was on her way to London to meet

00:18:03.190 --> 00:18:05.789
us. And I remember calling, texting her and being

00:18:05.789 --> 00:18:08.339
like. where are you? She's like, I'm almost there.

00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:10.220
And I called her. I'm like, you need to come

00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:12.960
to Winters right now and pick me up and get me

00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:15.019
out of here. She laughed. She's like, what? I'm

00:18:15.019 --> 00:18:17.960
like, Christy, we've been shopping for hours

00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:21.240
and I am done. I'm like, I'm over it. I can't

00:18:21.240 --> 00:18:25.440
get me out of here. Oh, I love it. So she came

00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:28.000
to Winters. She pulled up. I jumped in the car

00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.660
and like I was gone and they kept shopping and

00:18:30.660 --> 00:18:33.799
that's cool. But the fact that even like when

00:18:33.799 --> 00:18:36.490
I went shopping. Just recently, the fact that

00:18:36.490 --> 00:18:39.309
I could go into some of these stores I normally

00:18:39.309 --> 00:18:42.109
wouldn't have. You're not always going to the

00:18:42.109 --> 00:18:45.630
back of the rack to find the biggest size. And

00:18:45.630 --> 00:18:49.849
can I even try this on? That I think is going

00:18:49.849 --> 00:18:52.930
to be a huge weight. And it'll make things fun

00:18:52.930 --> 00:18:55.549
again that weren't fun. And I actually had fun

00:18:55.549 --> 00:18:58.940
trying clothes on this time. And I was taking

00:18:58.940 --> 00:19:00.960
pictures in the change room and I was excited

00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:05.099
to go get another pair of jeans. So I think that'll

00:19:05.099 --> 00:19:09.140
be a big exciting. I'm not quite there yet. Almost.

00:19:09.319 --> 00:19:11.839
But to just be able to see something in a store

00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:15.000
window and love it and want to go try it on and

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:18.339
be able to. Right? Yeah. I think that's a great

00:19:18.339 --> 00:19:20.420
one. I think that's, yeah, that's a super good

00:19:20.420 --> 00:19:25.279
one. I agree so much on the like being able to

00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:28.839
go into any store. That one I definitely chalk

00:19:28.839 --> 00:19:32.160
up as like a big non -scale victory when I realized

00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.740
I could go anywhere and get anything. And like

00:19:35.740 --> 00:19:39.700
we said, not have just the floral print Moomoos

00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:42.440
to pick from because that's all the plus size

00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:47.160
is. Right. Okay, so one of my... And like my

00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:49.119
list grows. So like I recommend you guys just

00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:51.299
start it because you won't realize how much you

00:19:51.299 --> 00:19:54.180
want to put on it till you start it. One of my

00:19:54.180 --> 00:19:57.140
ones that I haven't done yet, but one of my bucket

00:19:57.140 --> 00:19:59.140
list items. And you can think of these almost

00:19:59.140 --> 00:20:02.059
like, hey, when I hit a certain goal, this is

00:20:02.059 --> 00:20:03.819
my reward. You know, some people do like, oh,

00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:05.759
if I lose 100 pounds, I'll get shoes or whatever.

00:20:06.099 --> 00:20:11.740
But one of my big ones is I want to buy like

00:20:11.740 --> 00:20:16.289
a designer clothing item. I don't know what designer

00:20:16.289 --> 00:20:19.049
or like, it's just more of the fact that like

00:20:19.049 --> 00:20:22.289
a bag or no, no, no clothing specifically, because

00:20:22.289 --> 00:20:25.890
when we used to be obese and go shopping, and

00:20:25.890 --> 00:20:28.390
I'm sure you can attest to this, everybody bought

00:20:28.390 --> 00:20:31.509
stuff and we'd be like, and I got a scarf, you

00:20:31.509 --> 00:20:36.099
know, or, Ooh, I got. this bag because there

00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:39.220
was never clothes that we could fit into um or

00:20:39.220 --> 00:20:41.160
you put it on and realize like i'm not coming

00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:43.420
out of the change room in this that's that is

00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:46.420
not happening um and so consistently like when

00:20:46.420 --> 00:20:48.480
we'd go to like the fancy consignment stores

00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:51.980
which is like fancy thrifting or we'd go to like

00:20:52.359 --> 00:20:54.319
the outlet malls and stuff, it was like, why

00:20:54.319 --> 00:20:56.920
am I here? Like, I can't wear Dior. I can't wear

00:20:56.920 --> 00:20:59.319
Gucci. I can't wear, I couldn't even wear the

00:20:59.319 --> 00:21:02.500
Gap. Okay. So I need to maybe dial it back. Couldn't

00:21:02.500 --> 00:21:05.400
wear the Gap. When everybody had Lululemon sweaters.

00:21:05.400 --> 00:21:06.779
Oh, and I couldn't wear Lululemon because like,

00:21:06.819 --> 00:21:10.440
surprise. With an arm in and be like, okay, I'm

00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:12.920
good. Yeah. They didn't have plus size for the

00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:16.930
longest time. I couldn't wear the Lululemon scuba

00:21:16.930 --> 00:21:19.609
jackets. Like I was never able to do like these

00:21:19.609 --> 00:21:23.410
trendy, cute things. So one of my bucket list

00:21:23.410 --> 00:21:25.509
items that I have not done yet, but one of them

00:21:25.509 --> 00:21:27.869
is that I absolutely want to buy myself like

00:21:27.869 --> 00:21:31.329
a designer dress. I want to finally have like

00:21:31.329 --> 00:21:33.950
a really cute cocktail dress or something in

00:21:33.950 --> 00:21:36.210
my closet that I'm sure is going to cost me a

00:21:36.210 --> 00:21:39.029
small goddamn fortune, but that I can be like,

00:21:39.170 --> 00:21:43.019
yeah, this, this. is something I want to cross

00:21:43.019 --> 00:21:46.160
off my list that not only did I buy it, but I

00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:48.500
was actually treated well. And I, you know what,

00:21:48.539 --> 00:21:51.000
we can get into that in a whole other, a whole

00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:52.720
other. You didn't get the look when you walked

00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:54.920
in. Like they know that I believe that I fit

00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:57.299
there and that it's not just, well, you can,

00:21:57.319 --> 00:21:59.380
we only have this one that would fit you. It's

00:21:59.380 --> 00:22:01.740
well, let's grab a few and see which one fits

00:22:01.740 --> 00:22:07.000
you best. Like that's what I want. Yeah. So that's

00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:11.559
a big bucket list item for me is. And it might

00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:13.640
seem silly, but like, yeah, I want to go buy

00:22:13.640 --> 00:22:19.079
a really expensive outfit and like actually feel

00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:22.099
like I fit in, I belonged and that I had choices.

00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:25.099
And then I'm going to be so proud of having that

00:22:25.099 --> 00:22:28.339
outfit in my closet. So not get that like super

00:22:28.339 --> 00:22:31.359
awkward feeling walking into that store with

00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:34.720
other people, knowing that they're judging you

00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:36.359
and they're looking at you going, you don't belong

00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:39.480
in here. Yeah. Or, you know, they. I don't know

00:22:39.480 --> 00:22:42.240
what we have in stock that's going to fit. I

00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:45.279
want to be able to go in and have them be like,

00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:47.079
well, we'll pull this and we'll pull this and

00:22:47.079 --> 00:22:51.099
let's see what fits you best. And I want to actually

00:22:51.099 --> 00:22:54.920
be able to buy something that is not a bag, is

00:22:54.920 --> 00:22:58.700
not a scarf, is not a pair of socks, is legitimately

00:22:58.700 --> 00:23:03.279
like I'm really excited about. Yep. So that's

00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:05.940
something I haven't done yet. I don't actually

00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:08.359
know why I'm waiting. So maybe I should just

00:23:08.359 --> 00:23:11.019
do that now. I know. Maybe I should go rip that

00:23:11.019 --> 00:23:13.299
bandaid and go buy something for myself now.

00:23:13.619 --> 00:23:17.059
You hit your two years. I did. You should just

00:23:17.059 --> 00:23:19.299
do it. I know. I probably should just like rip

00:23:19.299 --> 00:23:22.039
that bandaid and do it. But that's a bucket list

00:23:22.039 --> 00:23:24.619
item that I have not crossed off yet. Cross it

00:23:24.619 --> 00:23:27.339
off. I should. I'm excited about it being there,

00:23:27.400 --> 00:23:28.819
but yeah, I should cross it off because I still

00:23:28.819 --> 00:23:31.240
have tons of other things on there too. Right.

00:23:31.319 --> 00:23:34.000
And I think you hit your two year, right? I think

00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.880
that's a huge milestone. It is. Cross that off

00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:39.839
your list. Okay. I'm going to start looking into

00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:43.940
like. what do i want um what is going to be that

00:23:43.940 --> 00:23:46.940
like i already have a lululemon scuba it just

00:23:46.940 --> 00:23:49.160
ended up happening one day while thrifting and

00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:51.140
like that i counted as an on -scale victory i

00:23:51.140 --> 00:23:53.220
was like oh my god i'm wearing the lululemon

00:23:53.220 --> 00:23:56.200
scuba jacket and then i was like it was kind

00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:58.900
of overrated but it was great it was fine i think

00:23:58.900 --> 00:24:01.740
you could do it and that it's the feeling of

00:24:01.740 --> 00:24:04.200
fitting in of being and it's not the night i

00:24:04.200 --> 00:24:05.980
don't like to use the term but the feeling of

00:24:05.980 --> 00:24:08.930
being normal Yeah. Right? Yeah. That feeling

00:24:08.930 --> 00:24:13.269
of being like everybody else. Cool. Yeah. So

00:24:13.269 --> 00:24:16.269
that's one of mine. You made a good, you brought

00:24:16.269 --> 00:24:19.250
up a good comment. Okay. In Disney. That's on

00:24:19.250 --> 00:24:22.210
my list. We, I, well, I mean, I just want to

00:24:22.210 --> 00:24:24.930
go to Disney, period. I went when I was young.

00:24:25.009 --> 00:24:28.509
I want to take the girls so bad. Where we go,

00:24:28.549 --> 00:24:31.240
I don't know. Totally different topic, but they've

00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:33.539
changed a lot of like their pricing and their

00:24:33.539 --> 00:24:34.839
structure and all this stuff. So where we go,

00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:39.859
who knows? But we talked about it two years ago,

00:24:39.940 --> 00:24:44.519
I think, kind of here and there. And instantly,

00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:47.160
of course, as you do, start Googling and realizing

00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:49.880
at that point in time, I wouldn't be able to

00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:51.880
fit on a bunch of the rides. And I was like,

00:24:51.900 --> 00:24:55.180
I don't want to take my kids to Disney. and not

00:24:55.180 --> 00:24:56.700
be able to go on rides with them. And I'd say,

00:24:56.779 --> 00:24:58.740
sorry, girls, mom can't do this one. Sorry, girls,

00:24:58.740 --> 00:25:02.000
mom can't do this one. So then I started panicking

00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.980
because I'm pretty sure this was like before

00:25:03.980 --> 00:25:07.799
surgery was even a thought. And I remember panicking,

00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:10.500
thinking, oh, crap, we can't go to Disney. Like,

00:25:10.500 --> 00:25:13.039
we can't. I need more time. I need more time.

00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:16.559
And then luckily, just we ended up deciding it

00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:17.779
was not the right time to go to Disney anyway.

00:25:17.960 --> 00:25:21.180
Okay. But that would be a buck, is being able

00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:25.529
to take the kids to. whether it's Disney, whatever,

00:25:25.849 --> 00:25:29.250
Universal, whatever it is, right? And not have

00:25:29.250 --> 00:25:31.950
to do all those, oh, I got to go do the test

00:25:31.950 --> 00:25:35.670
and see if I fit in the ride. Just being able

00:25:35.670 --> 00:25:39.750
to jump on whatever ride with them, walk around

00:25:39.750 --> 00:25:42.890
all day, not have to take a break and just keep

00:25:42.890 --> 00:25:45.730
up. keep up with them. So some sort of theme

00:25:45.730 --> 00:25:47.789
park, Disney, Universal, something like that

00:25:47.789 --> 00:25:50.809
is on my list. Okay. I love that. I also have

00:25:50.809 --> 00:25:53.130
that on my list too, that I do want to go to

00:25:53.130 --> 00:25:56.529
a theme park again, because I obviously don't

00:25:56.529 --> 00:25:59.029
have to Google like, will I fit? Will I not fit?

00:25:59.190 --> 00:26:00.369
I'll be able to walk. I won't go on the roller

00:26:00.369 --> 00:26:02.789
coasters no matter what, even if I fit. Oh, that's

00:26:02.789 --> 00:26:04.789
fine. I will go. I will still be a jacket holder

00:26:04.789 --> 00:26:07.150
for the roller coasters no matter what. Okay.

00:26:07.210 --> 00:26:10.450
That I get. I'm going to go on them because I'm

00:26:10.450 --> 00:26:14.589
kind of pumped. But that is on my list too. I

00:26:14.589 --> 00:26:16.690
think a big one that was on my list that is kind

00:26:16.690 --> 00:26:19.410
of around travel that I did get to cross off

00:26:19.410 --> 00:26:22.410
my list was wearing a bathing suit in public.

00:26:23.049 --> 00:26:26.009
Even at the gym, even though it was like a women's

00:26:26.009 --> 00:26:28.130
only pool, there was always a t -shirt over my

00:26:28.130 --> 00:26:31.369
body. And I was like, no, I'm not doing this.

00:26:31.470 --> 00:26:34.430
So six months after surgery, I went on a cruise

00:26:34.430 --> 00:26:37.849
with my best friend at the time. And at the time,

00:26:37.849 --> 00:26:39.430
she's still my best friend, Jesus, with my best

00:26:39.430 --> 00:26:43.500
friend. I bought a two piece bathing suit and

00:26:43.500 --> 00:26:46.019
it came with like a mesh shirt that went over

00:26:46.019 --> 00:26:47.960
it, but the bathing suit itself was neon. So

00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:50.279
you could see that it was a two piece. And I

00:26:50.279 --> 00:26:53.839
actually took the shirt off over top and was

00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:55.619
like, well, and this was only six months post

00:26:55.619 --> 00:26:57.819
-op. Like I still had lots of weight to lose,

00:26:57.859 --> 00:27:01.000
but I was like, no, I'm doing this. And I feel

00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:03.640
really good about doing this. And I did, I didn't

00:27:03.640 --> 00:27:06.789
feel. Like uncomfortable. I didn't feel like

00:27:06.789 --> 00:27:08.490
I pushed myself into it because there was no

00:27:08.490 --> 00:27:11.130
time frame on that. My bucket list has no time

00:27:11.130 --> 00:27:13.869
frame. It's just things that you've never done

00:27:13.869 --> 00:27:16.250
that you kind of want to do after surgery. Like

00:27:16.250 --> 00:27:19.630
there's got to be tons of things that you haven't

00:27:19.630 --> 00:27:21.990
done because of weight. And those are your bucket

00:27:21.990 --> 00:27:25.930
list items. So I said, OK, a two piece I'm going

00:27:25.930 --> 00:27:28.170
to wear or just a bathing suit in public in general.

00:27:28.230 --> 00:27:31.130
And I kind of went full force and was like, let's

00:27:31.130 --> 00:27:33.390
make it a two piece. Why not? Let's do it. And

00:27:33.390 --> 00:27:40.670
I did it. And I was like, OK, OK, I did this.

00:27:40.970 --> 00:27:43.309
Yeah. Walk to the little beach in it. I went

00:27:43.309 --> 00:27:47.269
in a pool with other people, which was like,

00:27:47.349 --> 00:27:51.829
whoa. So I did that. And I've never felt more

00:27:51.829 --> 00:27:54.430
proud crossing that motherfucking item off my

00:27:54.430 --> 00:27:57.410
bucket list than in that exact moment where I

00:27:57.410 --> 00:28:00.690
was like. this was super worth it this was so

00:28:00.690 --> 00:28:04.190
awesome um and I've since like evolved my bucket

00:28:04.190 --> 00:28:07.190
list so then the next thing I'd like to do is

00:28:07.190 --> 00:28:12.730
um actually wear a bikini on a beach so like

00:28:12.730 --> 00:28:14.529
yes I went into the pool on the cruise and I

00:28:14.529 --> 00:28:17.730
did wear it around but I'd like to yeah I'd like

00:28:17.730 --> 00:28:21.569
to buy a bikini and just like strut the beach

00:28:21.569 --> 00:28:25.509
and wear it so um that was such a cool bucket

00:28:25.509 --> 00:28:28.470
list item that especially before surgery, I was

00:28:28.470 --> 00:28:32.869
like, this is never going to happen. Like I put

00:28:32.869 --> 00:28:35.289
it on my Instagram. Like there is a photo on

00:28:35.289 --> 00:28:37.390
my Instagram of me in this bathing suit because

00:28:37.390 --> 00:28:41.569
I was like, I did the damn thing. Went to the

00:28:41.569 --> 00:28:43.710
Bahamas, wore this motherfucker. It's crazy how

00:28:43.710 --> 00:28:47.230
empowering it feels. Yeah. So that is one that

00:28:47.230 --> 00:28:50.529
I got to cross off my list. And yeah, that one

00:28:50.529 --> 00:28:52.609
made me really happy. Most of my bucket list

00:28:52.609 --> 00:28:55.200
items. I didn't really focus on you'll notice

00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:57.680
I didn't focus on weight or like a goal or being

00:28:57.680 --> 00:29:00.900
skinny. It was more like you'll hit a point where

00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:03.759
you're confident enough to wear this. And I didn't

00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:06.200
wait till my lowest weight, which would be now.

00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:08.480
Obviously, I did it six months post -op because

00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:11.500
I was like, I feel awesome. You were ready. I

00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:14.880
feel awesome. So you have to take advantage of

00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:16.500
those moments, right? When you feel like that

00:29:16.500 --> 00:29:18.339
and you have to build on that because they are

00:29:18.339 --> 00:29:21.660
so empowering. And that's what. builds that drive

00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:24.339
to keep going and to continue on. And that's

00:29:24.339 --> 00:29:28.799
what fuels that determination to keep going.

00:29:28.940 --> 00:29:30.799
So you have to be up on those moments when they

00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:35.500
happen for sure. I did wear a two piece bathing

00:29:35.500 --> 00:29:38.900
suit. Okay. So this was before surgery. I haven't

00:29:38.900 --> 00:29:40.519
done it since. So when I was working out with

00:29:40.519 --> 00:29:42.759
a good friend of mine is a personal trainer in

00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:45.500
the KW area. And when I was working out with

00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:48.250
him, I lost a good amount of weight. And I remember

00:29:48.250 --> 00:29:50.430
we were in Cuba and I bought a two -piece bathing

00:29:50.430 --> 00:29:52.349
suit and I took it along, but I was like, I am

00:29:52.349 --> 00:29:54.109
not, I'm not wearing this, I'm not doing it.

00:29:54.289 --> 00:29:56.690
And yeah, just, I woke up one day and I was like,

00:29:56.750 --> 00:30:00.150
you know what? Screw it. Screw it. I've worked

00:30:00.150 --> 00:30:02.289
hard. I'm putting it on. Now I have like a wrap

00:30:02.289 --> 00:30:05.289
over top or whatever. And same thing. I posted

00:30:05.289 --> 00:30:07.769
it on Instagram because I was like, I have, I

00:30:07.769 --> 00:30:09.869
have to commemorate that this has happened or

00:30:09.869 --> 00:30:12.609
no one's going to believe me. Yes. And then.

00:30:13.470 --> 00:30:15.309
I did that. Then COVID happened. All this other

00:30:15.309 --> 00:30:16.809
stuff happened. The weight comes back on. The

00:30:16.809 --> 00:30:19.450
confidence goes away. And I didn't wear it for

00:30:19.450 --> 00:30:22.009
long. I put it on. I took the picture. We went

00:30:22.009 --> 00:30:23.609
down to the pool. And about 20 minutes later,

00:30:23.730 --> 00:30:26.029
I was like, nope, I'm out. I can't do this. I

00:30:26.029 --> 00:30:27.650
was just so uncomfortable. And I went and changed.

00:30:28.109 --> 00:30:33.109
So I will wear it again. But same thing. But

00:30:33.109 --> 00:30:36.039
I want to wear it and be comfortable in it. keep

00:30:36.039 --> 00:30:38.319
it on, not worry about it, not have to think

00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:40.019
about, oh my God, who's looking, who's looking,

00:30:40.059 --> 00:30:43.319
who's looking. And tied to that, I am putting

00:30:43.319 --> 00:30:46.799
shorts on my bucket list, wearing shorts. Okay.

00:30:46.940 --> 00:30:53.539
I have not. So up until probably about a year

00:30:53.539 --> 00:30:57.180
ago, I did not own a pair of shorts at all. Okay.

00:30:57.240 --> 00:31:01.079
I had not worn shorts in public since I was probably

00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:05.329
like five. Um, I don't own shorts. I don't wear

00:31:05.329 --> 00:31:09.210
shorts. Um, it will be 40 degrees out and I will

00:31:09.210 --> 00:31:12.269
be in jeans or now finally I've progressed to

00:31:12.269 --> 00:31:14.009
like leggings and tights, but that took a long

00:31:14.009 --> 00:31:15.890
time. Sure. I didn't do that for years either.

00:31:16.230 --> 00:31:18.549
Um, but yeah, it'll be 40 degrees out and I will

00:31:18.549 --> 00:31:21.210
be in black leggings, black tights or jeans.

00:31:21.809 --> 00:31:27.210
Um, so about a year ago I bought a pair of workout

00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:33.559
shorts. Um, but, and I wear those at home. to

00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:35.779
do my workout and that's it. I don't wear them

00:31:35.779 --> 00:31:37.940
out in public. So I did at least buy a pair of

00:31:37.940 --> 00:31:40.700
shorts about a year ago. But my bucket list is

00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:45.480
to put on a pair of shorts, walk around town,

00:31:45.740 --> 00:31:48.900
take my kids to school, do whatever, and not

00:31:48.900 --> 00:31:51.640
give two shits that I'm wearing shorts. Good

00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:54.680
for you. That's on my bucket list. Good for you.

00:31:55.210 --> 00:31:58.490
I love it. And you inspired me to put wear a

00:31:58.490 --> 00:32:02.210
tank top on my bucket list. That's like, that's

00:32:02.210 --> 00:32:03.890
a bucket list item, but that's going to be like,

00:32:04.049 --> 00:32:07.130
that's way down. That's my bucket list. Trust

00:32:07.130 --> 00:32:09.190
me, mine is way down there as well. Cause like

00:32:09.190 --> 00:32:12.250
the loose skin is loose skin. Oh my God. I don't

00:32:12.250 --> 00:32:14.670
wear t -shirts in the summer either. But you've

00:32:14.670 --> 00:32:16.730
inspired me that I am going to put wear a tank

00:32:16.730 --> 00:32:20.930
top out in public on my bucket list. We'll go

00:32:20.930 --> 00:32:22.849
for a walk. You'll wear your tank top. I'll wear

00:32:22.849 --> 00:32:26.960
my shorts. Yeah. I love it. Okay. So one that

00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:28.799
won't be a surprise to anybody that was on my

00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:30.940
bucket list. And again, it was a recent addition

00:32:30.940 --> 00:32:33.700
as of June of last year was that I was going

00:32:33.700 --> 00:32:37.180
to run a 5k. I had kind of started getting into

00:32:37.180 --> 00:32:39.299
running and I was like, this is it. I'm going

00:32:39.299 --> 00:32:43.069
to do this. Like I kind of like. running I've

00:32:43.069 --> 00:32:45.630
been walking for a bit so eff it I'm gonna do

00:32:45.630 --> 00:32:48.930
this and I did September of last year do a 5k

00:32:48.930 --> 00:32:51.910
which was awesome I have then since challenged

00:32:51.910 --> 00:32:58.150
myself to do a 10k and I did run a 10k last weekend

00:32:58.150 --> 00:33:01.089
the weekend before uh one hour 14 minutes set

00:33:01.089 --> 00:33:03.009
a personal best which is exciting you've done

00:33:03.009 --> 00:33:05.549
it twice now right i've done it twice on my own

00:33:05.549 --> 00:33:08.190
so i will say the 5k was like an actual race

00:33:08.190 --> 00:33:10.990
with a medal the 210ks that i've done have just

00:33:10.990 --> 00:33:13.710
been me out on the road doing it still counts

00:33:13.710 --> 00:33:16.289
but okay i'm i'm not going to check the bucket

00:33:16.289 --> 00:33:20.099
list off until i get a medal like an official

00:33:20.099 --> 00:33:23.420
one yeah official so in may is when i will officially

00:33:23.420 --> 00:33:25.940
probably get a medal for that and so obviously

00:33:25.940 --> 00:33:29.019
i went back to the bucket list and i added that

00:33:29.019 --> 00:33:31.640
i'd like to do a half marathon and that's probably

00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:34.200
probably where it will stop to be perfectly fucking

00:33:34.200 --> 00:33:38.420
honest um but that one has been stupidly fun

00:33:38.420 --> 00:33:41.319
if you had told me before surgery that i'd have

00:33:41.319 --> 00:33:43.420
bucket list items that were fitness based i'd

00:33:43.420 --> 00:33:47.140
be like get bent like i if you told me it was

00:33:47.140 --> 00:33:49.380
like bench press x amount i'd be like okay whatever

00:33:49.380 --> 00:33:52.299
because mass moves mass and i was able to lift

00:33:52.299 --> 00:33:54.759
a lot and you know i'd be like but if you told

00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:58.740
me there'd be a cardio based like distance and

00:33:58.740 --> 00:34:01.700
that i'd you know change it multiple times i

00:34:01.700 --> 00:34:05.180
would have said you're lying so I still have

00:34:05.180 --> 00:34:08.219
the bucket list goal of running a Disney rate,

00:34:08.219 --> 00:34:11.199
whether that's a 10K or a half marathon. Pneumonia

00:34:11.199 --> 00:34:14.179
has set me off of my bucket list there. But yeah,

00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:16.599
I do have fitness bucket list goals, which are

00:34:16.599 --> 00:34:22.260
focused on running. 10Ks, half marathons, Disney

00:34:22.260 --> 00:34:24.820
being a specific race that I would love to achieve.

00:34:24.980 --> 00:34:27.320
I also would love to do the Detroit half marathon.

00:34:27.639 --> 00:34:29.900
That will be on pause for at least the next four

00:34:29.900 --> 00:34:32.599
years until things get a wee bit better with

00:34:32.599 --> 00:34:35.320
our relationship with the US. But I do have some

00:34:35.320 --> 00:34:39.159
pretty cool races that I would love to run in

00:34:39.159 --> 00:34:42.900
my life. One was to run in my hometown, and I'm

00:34:42.900 --> 00:34:44.420
actually going to be able to check that off my

00:34:44.420 --> 00:34:46.980
bucket list in June. I'm going to be doing a

00:34:46.980 --> 00:34:49.300
10K through my hometown in Nova Scotia, which

00:34:49.300 --> 00:34:51.619
is really cool. really cool but that's been fun

00:34:51.619 --> 00:34:54.960
to actually look at like not even just like trying

00:34:54.960 --> 00:34:57.079
to beat times none of my bucket list items are

00:34:57.079 --> 00:34:59.960
time -based it's more where are some of the coolest

00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:03.500
fucking races that would just be really fun items

00:35:03.500 --> 00:35:07.280
to say like i did that um toronto zoo you get

00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:10.440
to run through the zoo um there's one called

00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:12.639
i'm gonna butcher this but it's like the moses

00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:15.400
race or something basically it's in nova scotia

00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:18.079
again and you basically are racing the tide so

00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:20.400
you're running on mud which like already sounds

00:35:20.400 --> 00:35:23.480
horrible that sounds horrible but basically you

00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:25.039
got to do it in a certain amount of time before

00:35:25.039 --> 00:35:28.000
the tide comes back in like horrible away she

00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:33.130
goes so horrible but kind of cool um And to watch

00:35:33.130 --> 00:35:35.230
somebody else, somebody else do it. And then

00:35:35.230 --> 00:35:37.449
I thought, and this isn't on my bucket list yet,

00:35:37.489 --> 00:35:39.909
but wouldn't it be cool to run a race on every

00:35:39.909 --> 00:35:42.670
continent too? And be like, that would be cool.

00:35:42.730 --> 00:35:44.789
I ran a race in every continent. And then I was

00:35:44.789 --> 00:35:48.630
like, would I survive the heat of Africa? I doubt

00:35:48.630 --> 00:35:51.809
it. So like, but, but that's kind of cool. Like

00:35:51.809 --> 00:35:53.769
maybe that pairs with like my life bucket list

00:35:53.769 --> 00:35:56.710
of just traveling more places because now I actually

00:35:56.710 --> 00:35:58.510
feel like. Again, we said it at the beginning,

00:35:58.690 --> 00:36:00.889
travel is so much more fun for me now that I

00:36:00.889 --> 00:36:03.409
actually want to go to a ton of places and I

00:36:03.409 --> 00:36:05.909
don't need to worry about exhaustion, overheating,

00:36:05.929 --> 00:36:07.150
blah, blah, blah. I mean, Africa is different.

00:36:07.230 --> 00:36:09.010
I think the heat would literally kill me regardless

00:36:09.010 --> 00:36:13.090
of how big or small I am. But I'm really proud

00:36:13.090 --> 00:36:15.670
that I have fitness bucket goals and that they

00:36:15.670 --> 00:36:18.849
aren't, none of my bucket goals are lose more

00:36:18.849 --> 00:36:22.610
weight, wear a size two, you know, blah, blah,

00:36:22.630 --> 00:36:26.519
blah. It's all like things that. are going to

00:36:26.519 --> 00:36:29.659
make me feel really good about myself to do and

00:36:29.659 --> 00:36:32.039
could do at any time. There's no time frame.

00:36:32.139 --> 00:36:34.380
Like I think setting something like a weight

00:36:34.380 --> 00:36:37.320
goal in a bucket list is just not, not, not good.

00:36:37.539 --> 00:36:40.519
Um, not setting yourself up to succeed. No. So

00:36:40.519 --> 00:36:44.360
yeah, I have fitness bucket goals and just saying

00:36:44.360 --> 00:36:47.659
that is, is cool as hell. Like just saying, Holy

00:36:47.659 --> 00:36:51.469
crap. I have health and fitness bucket goals.

00:36:52.170 --> 00:36:54.550
The Toronto Zoo one sounds cool. I know. You

00:36:54.550 --> 00:36:56.329
get to run through the exhibits and they're open

00:36:56.329 --> 00:36:58.710
so you can like watch them. Like that's the cool

00:36:58.710 --> 00:37:02.329
thing. Is that a 10K? Oh, they have a 5K, a 10K

00:37:02.329 --> 00:37:06.170
and a half. And the cool thing with it is like.

00:37:07.230 --> 00:37:09.730
because i'm not focused on like my distance and

00:37:09.730 --> 00:37:13.269
my speed my speed i can stop so like in disney

00:37:13.269 --> 00:37:15.949
when you run the races in disney every mile there's

00:37:15.949 --> 00:37:17.969
like characters you can get photos with them

00:37:17.969 --> 00:37:19.869
and so like obviously if you're like i gotta

00:37:19.869 --> 00:37:23.010
finish in an hour you miss out on all of that

00:37:23.010 --> 00:37:26.519
and so for me it would be more actually having

00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:29.079
fun doing it and that's that'd be cool to like

00:37:29.079 --> 00:37:31.599
run stop take a break look at the monkeys okay

00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:35.760
cool run like um the half marathon a marathon

00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:38.300
in disney you can ride the rides so some of them

00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:40.039
are open during the marathon they have a marathon

00:37:40.039 --> 00:37:42.800
line and you get to literally run into the line

00:37:42.800 --> 00:37:45.260
get the front ride the matterhorn get off and

00:37:45.260 --> 00:37:47.440
keep going and i was like bucket list bucket

00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:51.460
list fucking item like would that be cool i mean

00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.880
for you that that sounds like my worst nightmare

00:37:55.880 --> 00:38:00.280
making me run 10k and then putting me on a roller

00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:03.800
coaster while running the 10k literally sounds

00:38:03.800 --> 00:38:07.440
like what if my nightmare what if like we did

00:38:08.409 --> 00:38:10.869
uh, like a 10 K cause you can walk in Disney.

00:38:11.090 --> 00:38:14.090
Um, cause they have Pacers set for walking. What

00:38:14.090 --> 00:38:17.429
we did it where like you walked it, I ran it.

00:38:17.469 --> 00:38:19.170
Um, or if you want to run it, you can run it.

00:38:19.210 --> 00:38:20.969
Cause the tech, like you don't do roller coasters

00:38:20.969 --> 00:38:23.030
on the 10 K there's just not enough time, but

00:38:23.030 --> 00:38:25.269
we could do like. We could do some of our bucket

00:38:25.269 --> 00:38:27.750
list stuff in Disney. We could do like an episode

00:38:27.750 --> 00:38:30.469
of the, you know, go for like a weekend, zip

00:38:30.469 --> 00:38:32.849
down, do this thing, do an episode of the podcast

00:38:32.849 --> 00:38:35.329
on site and then like show a picture of us doing

00:38:35.329 --> 00:38:37.809
the non roller coaster rides like we did. Right.

00:38:38.150 --> 00:38:41.530
Right. I would I would like to put running on

00:38:41.530 --> 00:38:44.610
my bucket list for sure. I've always thought

00:38:44.610 --> 00:38:47.170
I know I've always thought it would be cool to

00:38:47.170 --> 00:38:48.949
just be one of those people that are like, I'm

00:38:48.949 --> 00:38:51.590
going to go for a run. Yes, it's cool because.

00:38:52.219 --> 00:38:54.320
Part of me, I think for me, because it's, it's

00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:56.940
like, it's a stretch goal because I hate cardio.

00:38:57.079 --> 00:39:00.880
Yeah. With anybody who knows, I hate cardio with

00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:04.000
a passion. Part of the reason I know I hate it

00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:09.320
is because I'm out of shape. Um, my. I get so

00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:11.699
mad when my phone pops up and it's like, low

00:39:11.699 --> 00:39:14.340
cardio activity or whatever it is. And I'm like,

00:39:14.420 --> 00:39:18.099
I know. Thank you. I know I can barely breathe

00:39:18.099 --> 00:39:20.880
right now as I'm walking up this hill and feel

00:39:20.880 --> 00:39:22.599
my life flash before my eyes. Thanks so much.

00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:25.179
Yeah. I don't need the reminder on my phone that

00:39:25.179 --> 00:39:29.159
I have low cardio fitness. So I do want to build

00:39:29.159 --> 00:39:31.500
that up. Like one of my goals is to build up

00:39:31.500 --> 00:39:36.219
my VO2 max, my cardio, and actually not. look

00:39:36.219 --> 00:39:38.360
at my workout for the day, see it's cardio and

00:39:38.360 --> 00:39:40.639
immediately go, Oh shit, I don't want to do this.

00:39:40.980 --> 00:39:44.300
Um, but I would love to be one of those people

00:39:44.300 --> 00:39:46.760
who's is like, I'm going to go for a run. Cause

00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:50.159
I just think it's a good stretch goal for me.

00:39:50.420 --> 00:39:52.480
Um, I think it would be good for my mental health.

00:39:52.539 --> 00:39:57.800
I really do. Um, but right now, like if I run

00:39:57.800 --> 00:39:59.320
for like 10 seconds, I feel like I'm going to

00:39:59.320 --> 00:40:03.679
die. Oh, and so I have goals to build up to.

00:40:04.669 --> 00:40:08.070
I felt that way too. I would love to put a 5K.

00:40:08.150 --> 00:40:11.010
I've walked a 5K. Okay. This was a long time

00:40:11.010 --> 00:40:12.789
ago. I thought I was going to die. There's nothing

00:40:12.789 --> 00:40:14.909
wrong with walking. You don't have to run. No,

00:40:15.070 --> 00:40:16.769
there was a group of us that did it. And I remember

00:40:16.769 --> 00:40:20.110
being like, yeah, we did it. It was a cancer

00:40:20.110 --> 00:40:23.789
5K in Toronto. Nice. And my brother, my sister

00:40:23.789 --> 00:40:26.909
-in -law, Devin and I did it for my OPA. And

00:40:26.909 --> 00:40:28.449
then family friends of ours did it for their

00:40:28.449 --> 00:40:30.690
OPA and we did it together. We're like basically

00:40:30.690 --> 00:40:32.710
cousins. And I remember being like, yeah, let's

00:40:32.710 --> 00:40:35.980
do this 5K. not realizing what 5k was. And at

00:40:35.980 --> 00:40:39.440
the time I was morbidly obese still. And I remember

00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:41.900
like, I can, it's walking. I can walk. It's 5k

00:40:41.900 --> 00:40:43.500
walk. And then I remember my mom being like,

00:40:43.559 --> 00:40:47.960
do you realize how far 5k is? It's a walk. And

00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:50.300
then I remember wherever we lived at the time,

00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:53.619
I remember, I think it was when we lived on in

00:40:53.619 --> 00:40:57.340
Fisher Hallman area. Yeah. And I remember then

00:40:57.340 --> 00:41:00.420
realizing that 5k was like going from my house

00:41:00.420 --> 00:41:04.519
down to whatever down Fisher Hallman and back

00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:07.699
again like twice and then all of a sudden I was

00:41:07.699 --> 00:41:10.739
like oh it's a lot yeah like I had no I had no

00:41:10.739 --> 00:41:13.400
idea then the panic set in right and so I remember

00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:18.880
a couple of the people um ran some walked some

00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:21.820
and then I remember I was just walking and I

00:41:21.820 --> 00:41:23.639
remember my one cousin being like come on let's

00:41:23.639 --> 00:41:25.619
go let's go let's go and trying to be all cool

00:41:25.619 --> 00:41:28.800
about it meanwhile like tasting blood in my lungs

00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:32.909
like it's the worst So I did it a long time ago.

00:41:33.690 --> 00:41:39.610
But a 5K run would be cool. There is in our town.

00:41:39.769 --> 00:41:41.409
I'm going to keep coughing for some reason. You're

00:41:41.409 --> 00:41:45.010
good. In our town. They did it last year. And

00:41:45.010 --> 00:41:48.090
I inadvertently ended up helping with it. We

00:41:48.090 --> 00:41:50.369
have a small, really awesome, small local gym.

00:41:51.349 --> 00:41:53.969
And the gym owner, she's awesome. She organized

00:41:53.969 --> 00:41:57.570
like a little mini color run in town. Okay. And

00:41:57.570 --> 00:42:01.159
I think it was. was 5k in total. I think it was

00:42:01.159 --> 00:42:03.320
3k and 5k. You could pick, but basically like

00:42:03.320 --> 00:42:05.840
around the soccer, where our soccer fields are

00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:08.440
laps there. And every time you hit a certain

00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:10.380
lap, we would, people would be there with the

00:42:10.380 --> 00:42:12.880
color and like flicky with the color and stuff.

00:42:13.219 --> 00:42:16.159
And so I ended up just going to say hi to somebody

00:42:16.159 --> 00:42:19.079
and ended up like helping with it. And it was

00:42:19.079 --> 00:42:21.039
so fun. And everybody looks like they were having

00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:23.619
so much fun. And so she's doing it again in October.

00:42:24.709 --> 00:42:28.090
But she's doing a 1K, like a family version.

00:42:28.150 --> 00:42:30.349
So if you have kids that want to come do it.

00:42:30.349 --> 00:42:32.449
Oh, that's so nice. Right? So she's doing a 1K

00:42:32.449 --> 00:42:35.329
version. And then she's doing, I think, a 3K

00:42:35.329 --> 00:42:38.110
and a 5K. Okay. But you can walk it if you want

00:42:38.110 --> 00:42:39.809
to. You can rent it if you want to. But, yeah,

00:42:39.849 --> 00:42:41.010
I thought it was really cool that she's doing

00:42:41.010 --> 00:42:43.869
a 1K. So if you're a beginner or, like I said,

00:42:43.929 --> 00:42:45.750
if you have kids that want to do it, that kind

00:42:45.750 --> 00:42:48.530
of stuff. So then I got a little, like, overzealous.

00:42:48.570 --> 00:42:50.730
And I was like, maybe I could do that. Maybe

00:42:50.730 --> 00:42:52.869
I could do, like, it's October. But then I was

00:42:52.869 --> 00:42:55.599
like, eh. that might be pushing it. I don't know.

00:42:55.619 --> 00:42:57.199
So I have to think about it. I have to think

00:42:57.199 --> 00:42:59.800
about it. Yeah. I honestly, I'm going to add

00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:02.019
a 5k to my list. I love it. That's what pushed

00:43:02.019 --> 00:43:03.880
me was I just like signed up for it and was like,

00:43:03.960 --> 00:43:06.440
okay, well you're going to have to do this now.

00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:08.519
Yeah. And I was like, worst case, like I will

00:43:08.519 --> 00:43:11.699
walk if I have to walk, like who cares? But like,

00:43:11.760 --> 00:43:17.059
yeah, I think, I think it's just very cool. Well,

00:43:17.059 --> 00:43:19.380
yes and no. Like I ran mine in leggings because

00:43:19.380 --> 00:43:21.920
like, but like a t -shirt at a bare minimum.

00:43:22.460 --> 00:43:26.420
Yes. Yes. But I think it's very, very cool that,

00:43:26.420 --> 00:43:29.019
and I think it will happen for most of you, that

00:43:29.019 --> 00:43:33.099
there'll be some sort of physical goal that ends

00:43:33.099 --> 00:43:34.820
up on your bucket list. It doesn't have to be

00:43:34.820 --> 00:43:37.960
running, but it could be, I want to hike a trail.

00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:40.840
I want to go on like a half day hike somewhere.

00:43:41.420 --> 00:43:45.429
I want to. Play a sport. Canoe. There's things

00:43:45.429 --> 00:43:48.969
that will end up on there that will surprise

00:43:48.969 --> 00:43:53.789
you in the best possible way. And we still have

00:43:53.789 --> 00:43:55.869
a bunch of stuff on our bucket list we haven't

00:43:55.869 --> 00:43:58.250
done. And we're going to always play and iterate

00:43:58.250 --> 00:44:01.929
and change it. I want to go on like a big canoe.

00:44:04.090 --> 00:44:06.010
vacation where you basically like canoe around

00:44:06.010 --> 00:44:09.050
Nova or kayak around Nova Scotia. Like now I

00:44:09.050 --> 00:44:11.250
can actually fit in a kayak and could actually

00:44:11.250 --> 00:44:14.969
like sustain the energy needed to do this. Lots

00:44:14.969 --> 00:44:16.750
of just different things too. Like it's not always

00:44:16.750 --> 00:44:18.889
about like fun, big adventures. It's things like,

00:44:18.889 --> 00:44:20.570
I want to buy, you know, buy that dress. You

00:44:20.570 --> 00:44:24.139
want to go to Disney. You don't, you know. Don't

00:44:24.139 --> 00:44:25.980
think about it when we travel anymore. It could

00:44:25.980 --> 00:44:28.239
be you want to do a photo shoot. Like that's

00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:30.460
a pretty cool one that I have been kind of debating.

00:44:30.699 --> 00:44:33.760
I've been putting off family photos for a while

00:44:33.760 --> 00:44:35.519
because I don't want them. I've debated. Like

00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:38.400
maybe I want to get a nice set of photos. A big

00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:40.940
one that you will all come along on the journey

00:44:40.940 --> 00:44:43.880
on for me is like. Now it's time to start dating.

00:44:44.780 --> 00:44:48.500
So that's a big bucket list item. So am I on

00:44:48.500 --> 00:44:50.619
the apps? Yeah, I'm not going to tell you which

00:44:50.619 --> 00:44:51.920
apps. Send them in your applications through

00:44:51.920 --> 00:44:54.460
our DMs. Yeah, send them in now if you have single

00:44:54.460 --> 00:45:00.599
friends in your area. But yeah, I am dating as

00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:02.480
a bucket list thing. It's a terrifying motherfucking

00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:05.820
bucket list thing. But like, yeah, I'm kind of

00:45:05.820 --> 00:45:07.820
tired. I want to find a husband. I'm just throwing

00:45:07.820 --> 00:45:10.219
it out there. Like, I just, I never really. thought

00:45:10.219 --> 00:45:12.760
that that was going to happen. Um, because vulnerability

00:45:12.760 --> 00:45:17.719
piece that when you're obese, it's not so appealing.

00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:20.840
Nope. And you just kind of feel like you kind

00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:22.340
of convince yourself, like you'll be fine on

00:45:22.340 --> 00:45:25.179
your own. Um, not that I need a man. It's that

00:45:25.179 --> 00:45:27.639
now I actually feel like I want a man because

00:45:27.639 --> 00:45:30.480
I genuinely love the life I'm building. And,

00:45:30.559 --> 00:45:32.719
um, there are some other great bucket list ideas.

00:45:32.980 --> 00:45:35.860
Um, I think that's, yeah, some, some ideas if

00:45:35.860 --> 00:45:37.889
you're thinking. Health and fitness obviously

00:45:37.889 --> 00:45:40.449
could be one, running, walking, could be travel

00:45:40.449 --> 00:45:42.250
and adventure. Like maybe you want to ride roller

00:45:42.250 --> 00:45:44.110
coasters like me, or maybe you just want to be

00:45:44.110 --> 00:45:46.449
able to enjoy with your children and your family

00:45:46.449 --> 00:45:49.010
walking around. Maybe you want to be comfortable

00:45:49.010 --> 00:45:51.369
on a plane, which both Steph and I have admitted

00:45:51.369 --> 00:45:53.389
is, you know, something that we're really happy

00:45:53.389 --> 00:45:56.449
about. I'm very curious when I travel. at the

00:45:56.449 --> 00:45:59.730
end of may i haven't been on a plane since surgery

00:45:59.730 --> 00:46:02.650
it's gonna be good stuff very excited and i'm

00:46:02.650 --> 00:46:05.030
nervous because we're split up because we're

00:46:05.030 --> 00:46:06.969
going with the family right so it's gonna i would

00:46:06.969 --> 00:46:11.090
always sit with devon um and that way like if

00:46:11.090 --> 00:46:13.550
i had to encroach on somebody it was just devon

00:46:13.550 --> 00:46:15.809
it was fine um and i would always try and get

00:46:15.809 --> 00:46:17.530
the window because then i could squeeze into

00:46:17.530 --> 00:46:20.250
the window but now devon and the girls are over

00:46:20.250 --> 00:46:23.150
here and i am over here on the aisle by myself

00:46:24.089 --> 00:46:27.309
So I'm very curious. I can't wait for the photos.

00:46:27.369 --> 00:46:29.630
It's going to blow your mind. I'm very curious

00:46:29.630 --> 00:46:32.550
to see. But there's a great one, right? No seatbelt

00:46:32.550 --> 00:46:34.670
extender. Travel with confidence. I'm actually

00:46:34.670 --> 00:46:37.030
not going to pack my seatbelt extender this trip.

00:46:37.269 --> 00:46:39.489
It'll be the first trip in years that I won't

00:46:39.489 --> 00:46:42.690
sneak it into. I always sneak it into my knapsack.

00:46:42.710 --> 00:46:44.269
Even when I travel with Devin, I wouldn't tell

00:46:44.269 --> 00:46:46.630
him I had it. I would sneak it into the front

00:46:46.630 --> 00:46:48.849
pocket of my knapsack. And then when I sat down,

00:46:48.909 --> 00:46:50.590
I would pull my knapsack up, pretend I'm getting

00:46:50.590 --> 00:46:53.030
my headphones, whatever. Yeah. And try to sneakly

00:46:53.030 --> 00:46:56.489
reach in. Yeah. Pull the extender out and then

00:46:56.489 --> 00:46:59.070
like hide under my sweater. Oh, what a pain.

00:46:59.230 --> 00:47:02.829
Yep. Like it's just so stressful. It is. It's

00:47:02.829 --> 00:47:06.050
not good. So there's a bucket list item. Travel

00:47:06.050 --> 00:47:08.090
without an extender has nothing to do with your

00:47:08.090 --> 00:47:10.389
weight or like it's just travel without needing

00:47:10.389 --> 00:47:13.329
it. Maybe it's some. go to the beach because

00:47:13.329 --> 00:47:15.909
a lot of us avoid beach and water. Maybe it's,

00:47:15.909 --> 00:47:19.329
um, maybe it's go on a water slide. Like I, I

00:47:19.329 --> 00:47:21.130
really want to go on a water slide so bad. So

00:47:21.130 --> 00:47:24.269
maybe it's go on a water slide or go kayaking

00:47:24.269 --> 00:47:26.769
or canoeing, or maybe try scuba diving, like

00:47:26.769 --> 00:47:31.789
things that you kind of don't realize. Oh, go

00:47:31.789 --> 00:47:35.630
skiing, go on a four wheeler. Um, maybe it is,

00:47:35.630 --> 00:47:38.639
maybe you have a goal to. And again, bucket list

00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:41.260
goals can be anything, but maybe it's that you

00:47:41.260 --> 00:47:45.239
develop your own meal prep system and plan. Maybe

00:47:45.239 --> 00:47:47.800
it's you're going to actually try new foods and

00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:50.460
cuisines now. Maybe that's a really cool thing

00:47:50.460 --> 00:47:52.320
that like, oh, I'm going to try to get more into

00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:54.039
seafood or I'm going to try to get more into

00:47:54.039 --> 00:47:57.139
this. Maybe it's, you know, you're going to teach

00:47:57.139 --> 00:47:58.760
your family how to cook your favorite recipe

00:47:58.760 --> 00:48:01.960
or you're going to create your own recipes. I

00:48:01.960 --> 00:48:04.599
might actually make that a goal for me is to

00:48:04.599 --> 00:48:08.019
like. redo X amount of recipes in a year or something.

00:48:08.079 --> 00:48:11.159
Cause I find that fun. Hydration is a big one

00:48:11.159 --> 00:48:13.199
that I need to add to my goal list for sure.

00:48:14.349 --> 00:48:16.309
you can do stuff around mental health as well.

00:48:16.429 --> 00:48:18.989
So again, I know that the therapist was like,

00:48:19.010 --> 00:48:21.050
don't make it all health -based because we all

00:48:21.050 --> 00:48:22.610
know we need to be healthier, but that's not

00:48:22.610 --> 00:48:24.949
going to really get you out of bed. So maybe

00:48:24.949 --> 00:48:27.130
it's riding a horse for the first time or playing

00:48:27.130 --> 00:48:30.469
in a sports league. Maybe it's, you know, becoming

00:48:30.469 --> 00:48:33.070
a runner or a walker. Maybe it is buying that

00:48:33.070 --> 00:48:34.929
fancy outfit that you've always wanted to buy

00:48:34.929 --> 00:48:37.670
or traveling to Europe. Yeah. Wearing color.

00:48:38.170 --> 00:48:41.110
That's a huge one for me on my bed. If I can

00:48:41.110 --> 00:48:44.800
go, I like. Black, black, black, gray, black,

00:48:44.940 --> 00:48:46.380
black, black, black is my whole closet, right?

00:48:46.460 --> 00:48:48.760
That's a good one. For me, yeah. Stepping out

00:48:48.760 --> 00:48:52.159
in color because it draws attention to you, right?

00:48:52.260 --> 00:48:54.360
And that's something that we often try to avoid.

00:48:54.519 --> 00:48:59.119
Okay, Steph. So if I can wear color this summer

00:48:59.119 --> 00:49:03.699
and actually go, if I can go three days without

00:49:03.699 --> 00:49:09.179
wearing black, that will be cute. Okay. That's

00:49:09.179 --> 00:49:11.409
a really cool bucket list. Yeah, so simple things

00:49:11.409 --> 00:49:13.929
like that, right? Very cool. Yep. Steph had another

00:49:13.929 --> 00:49:17.550
great one, shop off the rack. I think that's

00:49:17.550 --> 00:49:21.070
a great one to be a bucket list item. Yeah. That's

00:49:21.070 --> 00:49:25.510
very cool. Okay, and in the same vein, wear more

00:49:25.510 --> 00:49:29.369
colors, but also maybe wear styles you've always

00:49:29.369 --> 00:49:32.909
wanted to wear. So crop tops. Not just the boxy

00:49:32.909 --> 00:49:36.579
t -shirts that are... Yeah, or like... I have

00:49:36.579 --> 00:49:39.059
to buy a dress for a wedding in June. I've always

00:49:39.059 --> 00:49:41.599
thought strapless dresses were stunningly beautiful.

00:49:42.460 --> 00:49:46.579
Never, ever gonna buy them because of my arms,

00:49:46.780 --> 00:49:49.179
right? But now it's like, okay, but they're not

00:49:49.179 --> 00:49:52.000
the arms that you had before. So I like this

00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:54.599
idea of shop off the rack, wear the damn bright

00:49:54.599 --> 00:49:58.380
ass colors, wear styles you've always wanted

00:49:58.380 --> 00:50:02.429
to wear. Yeah. Try and wear – don't always just

00:50:02.429 --> 00:50:04.869
go for the oversized. Like all my t -shirts are

00:50:04.869 --> 00:50:07.889
oversized. All my sweaters are oversized. Okay.

00:50:07.889 --> 00:50:12.250
All my shirts would have like a cardigan over

00:50:12.250 --> 00:50:15.090
top or a sweat over top. And it was really funny

00:50:15.090 --> 00:50:17.449
because I forget what I had on the one day. And

00:50:17.449 --> 00:50:19.889
I was trying – I think it was a dress or something.

00:50:20.050 --> 00:50:22.090
Anyway, I had something on. Okay. And it was

00:50:22.090 --> 00:50:23.909
like a baggier style. And I remember being in

00:50:23.909 --> 00:50:25.449
front of the mirror and Devin just – I could

00:50:25.449 --> 00:50:27.670
see him behind me like shaking his head. Yeah.

00:50:28.010 --> 00:50:31.110
What is your – what? And he goes, just because

00:50:31.110 --> 00:50:34.389
you wear a baggy shirt doesn't mean people don't

00:50:34.389 --> 00:50:37.809
know your size. And I was like, what? He goes,

00:50:37.949 --> 00:50:40.949
Steph, the baggy shirt doesn't hide the fact

00:50:40.949 --> 00:50:45.250
that you're overweight. And I was like, ugh.

00:50:46.010 --> 00:50:49.509
No, but it's all mind tricks, right? It is. Looking

00:50:49.509 --> 00:50:52.110
back, if anything, that actually makes you look

00:50:52.110 --> 00:50:54.469
bigger. When you don't wear things that are your

00:50:54.469 --> 00:50:57.210
size. You're hiding it because you're wearing

00:50:57.210 --> 00:50:59.769
tights and an oversized t -shirt. No, now you

00:50:59.769 --> 00:51:02.170
just look twice as big. But in your head, you're

00:51:02.170 --> 00:51:04.150
like, oh, they can't see this. They can't see

00:51:04.150 --> 00:51:06.230
this. So skinny. Yeah. And you're not. Oh, you're

00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:09.510
fat. Like, and I just remember looking at him

00:51:09.510 --> 00:51:12.349
and being like, God, you're not wrong. And being

00:51:12.349 --> 00:51:14.690
so mad. I know. Like being so mad that he was

00:51:14.690 --> 00:51:17.500
right. Yeah. And here I was in like my oversized

00:51:17.500 --> 00:51:19.840
t -shirt thinking it was so great. Everybody.

00:51:20.599 --> 00:51:24.599
Yeah. So I think there's a lot of things that

00:51:24.599 --> 00:51:27.500
can go on your bucket list. I think my advice

00:51:27.500 --> 00:51:30.440
and it's just advice is I wouldn't make them

00:51:30.440 --> 00:51:33.500
set around a certain weight goal or a size of

00:51:33.500 --> 00:51:37.429
clothing. This is more about. aspirational feel

00:51:37.429 --> 00:51:39.110
good things that you didn't realize that you

00:51:39.110 --> 00:51:41.710
weren't doing or avoiding. And we all know, like

00:51:41.710 --> 00:51:44.710
we, to other people, we pretend, but internally

00:51:44.710 --> 00:51:47.670
we all know that it upsets us that we can't do

00:51:47.670 --> 00:51:49.489
these things, even though we have really convinced

00:51:49.489 --> 00:51:51.550
ourselves, we don't need it. I convinced myself,

00:51:51.849 --> 00:51:55.309
I don't need to date. I am totally happy by myself.

00:51:55.710 --> 00:51:58.010
It's fine. Some people just don't get married.

00:51:58.090 --> 00:52:00.349
I don't need a husband. You know, I don't need

00:52:00.349 --> 00:52:03.030
no man. I can do it on my own. But like, truthfully

00:52:03.030 --> 00:52:06.280
to myself, it's like, it's. it's shit. Like I

00:52:06.280 --> 00:52:08.159
want someone to enjoy my life, but I didn't enjoy

00:52:08.159 --> 00:52:10.579
my life. I wasn't going and doing anything. I

00:52:10.579 --> 00:52:12.559
wouldn't travel, barely left the house, didn't

00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:14.719
play sports, didn't run, didn't do a single goddamn

00:52:14.719 --> 00:52:17.519
thing. All of my activities revolved around eating.

00:52:17.679 --> 00:52:19.039
You know, when are we going out for dinner? What

00:52:19.039 --> 00:52:21.000
could we eat? When could we eat? Blah, blah,

00:52:21.019 --> 00:52:22.960
blah. Like even my hobbies kind of revolved around

00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:26.300
sitting, doing nothing. So now I can be, now

00:52:26.300 --> 00:52:29.119
I feel ready. I'm still scared as fuck guys.

00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:31.480
And I'll do a whole episode on it. Like it scares

00:52:31.480 --> 00:52:34.480
the shit out of me. You're in such a better place

00:52:34.480 --> 00:52:38.619
to - I like my life now. And that previous life,

00:52:39.059 --> 00:52:41.780
you didn't want somebody that was going to, I

00:52:41.780 --> 00:52:42.980
mean, at the time you didn't look at it this

00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:44.500
way, but that would enable that or that would

00:52:44.500 --> 00:52:46.880
be in that lifestyle with you. Yep. Because where's

00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:48.559
the opportunity for change and growth, right?

00:52:48.639 --> 00:52:51.579
But now that you're where you want to be, you're

00:52:51.579 --> 00:52:53.239
in a better place. You're happier. You want to

00:52:53.239 --> 00:52:55.059
share that with somebody and you want somebody

00:52:55.059 --> 00:52:58.179
who's going to want to do those things with you

00:52:58.179 --> 00:53:01.710
and help you. grow in those things stay on track

00:53:01.710 --> 00:53:04.429
build those things you're just in a better This

00:53:04.429 --> 00:53:06.949
is the life I kind of always wanted but just

00:53:06.949 --> 00:53:09.050
didn't think was possible. So there's still a

00:53:09.050 --> 00:53:11.090
lot of things I still want to accomplish and

00:53:11.090 --> 00:53:12.670
do. It's not like, all right, time to pack it

00:53:12.670 --> 00:53:15.170
in. We're good. We've done it all. Kick back

00:53:15.170 --> 00:53:17.710
and retire at the retirement home for the next

00:53:17.710 --> 00:53:20.769
30 to 40 years. We're done. So much left to do.

00:53:20.809 --> 00:53:23.730
But now I feel like I know what I want to do

00:53:23.730 --> 00:53:26.030
too. So I wouldn't take a backseat to a relationship.

00:53:26.210 --> 00:53:29.030
I wouldn't feel like I had to take whatever I

00:53:29.030 --> 00:53:32.409
thought I was worthy of. I know. what I bring

00:53:32.409 --> 00:53:34.510
to the table now. And I know that like, I want

00:53:34.510 --> 00:53:37.550
a genuine partner, not someone to take care of

00:53:37.550 --> 00:53:40.250
me or that has to baby me through things. Like

00:53:40.250 --> 00:53:43.849
someone that is also excited to ride roller coasters

00:53:43.849 --> 00:53:48.309
at Disney. Experience things with and make memories

00:53:48.309 --> 00:53:50.690
with and enjoy life with versus just sitting

00:53:50.690 --> 00:53:53.150
at home all the time. Yeah. Yeah. And that's

00:53:53.150 --> 00:53:55.570
the thing. I would have picked someone who wouldn't

00:53:55.570 --> 00:53:57.590
have wanted to change their life to match my

00:53:57.590 --> 00:53:59.630
new life, which, you know, I get it. It's not

00:53:59.630 --> 00:54:02.130
fair on them either. But I don't want someone

00:54:02.130 --> 00:54:04.710
that's at the gym 17 hours a day. I just want

00:54:04.710 --> 00:54:06.289
someone who genuinely is like, let's take the

00:54:06.289 --> 00:54:08.309
dog for a walk. Do you want to go on a trip?

00:54:08.329 --> 00:54:10.309
Do you want to travel places? Like, well, you

00:54:10.309 --> 00:54:11.849
go for a run. I'll go for a walk. Like, they

00:54:11.849 --> 00:54:14.369
don't have to match my life, you know, step for

00:54:14.369 --> 00:54:16.880
step. But, you know. I can't be coming home and

00:54:16.880 --> 00:54:18.619
having them eating chicken wings and pizza every

00:54:18.619 --> 00:54:20.239
night and then encouraging me that I need to

00:54:20.239 --> 00:54:22.760
do the same. And like someone who really just

00:54:22.760 --> 00:54:26.139
kind of respects the journey that we're on, but

00:54:26.139 --> 00:54:28.960
isn't a clone of me. So plus also I just want

00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.500
help with the goddamn dog. So if you want to

00:54:31.500 --> 00:54:34.179
come be my dog walker, that's really the, that's

00:54:34.179 --> 00:54:37.280
where the bar is at right now. Come help with

00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:40.639
the dog. And I'm tired. Yeah. I don't want to

00:54:40.639 --> 00:54:42.219
carry groceries all the way in from the car.

00:54:43.079 --> 00:54:46.179
But no, I'll take you guys on this journey. I'm

00:54:46.179 --> 00:54:48.159
going to be very open with it because I think,

00:54:48.300 --> 00:54:53.000
how do I say this nicely? I think a lot, okay,

00:54:53.059 --> 00:54:55.579
so a lot of body positive people that I did follow

00:54:55.579 --> 00:54:57.920
before surgery that I maybe don't follow now

00:54:57.920 --> 00:55:01.940
are lovely human beings, very lovely. They were

00:55:01.940 --> 00:55:04.059
not obese when they met their husbands, most

00:55:04.059 --> 00:55:06.400
of them. Yeah. They were not overweight when

00:55:06.400 --> 00:55:08.139
they met their husbands. Or if they were, they're

00:55:08.139 --> 00:55:10.940
like Ashley Graham's most stunning, beautiful

00:55:10.940 --> 00:55:14.280
woman in the world. She was my goal for a long

00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:16.000
time. Yeah, that was my goal because she wasn't

00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:19.719
obese. She was just a bit curvy. So if I could

00:55:19.719 --> 00:55:22.300
look like her. Oh, my God. She's I want to look.

00:55:22.380 --> 00:55:24.659
She's stunning. But this was a bit of my problem

00:55:24.659 --> 00:55:27.780
was these body positivity people who were meant

00:55:27.780 --> 00:55:29.880
to make me feel good about being morbidly obese

00:55:29.880 --> 00:55:33.269
and fat met their husbands while skinny. met

00:55:33.269 --> 00:55:35.630
their husbands in high school or met them after

00:55:35.630 --> 00:55:39.309
their first husband. But they were skinny. And

00:55:39.309 --> 00:55:41.530
so I know that they want to point out that they're

00:55:41.530 --> 00:55:45.170
big now or that they have flaws now. But I think

00:55:45.170 --> 00:55:47.630
if they were single and dating, it would be a

00:55:47.630 --> 00:55:50.929
completely different body positivity story where

00:55:50.929 --> 00:55:52.670
it would be a little bit harder just to sit there

00:55:52.670 --> 00:55:54.750
and go, oh, there's a man out there for you.

00:55:54.769 --> 00:55:57.090
He's going to love you. okay, but you found your

00:55:57.090 --> 00:55:59.710
man while skinny and you found your man in high

00:55:59.710 --> 00:56:01.610
school while skinny and you found your man in

00:56:01.610 --> 00:56:03.909
high school while skinny. Like majority of them

00:56:03.909 --> 00:56:06.969
that are now currently obese met their partner

00:56:06.969 --> 00:56:08.989
before that had happened. And that's a lovely

00:56:08.989 --> 00:56:10.730
story of how their partner supports them and

00:56:10.730 --> 00:56:13.429
doesn't care because we grow and we change together.

00:56:13.829 --> 00:56:16.590
But it is not the same advice as someone who

00:56:16.590 --> 00:56:19.110
is morbidly obese trying to date. The world is

00:56:19.110 --> 00:56:23.010
not that easy and there is not a lineup of men

00:56:23.010 --> 00:56:26.300
that just love you for you. I get a little annoyed

00:56:26.300 --> 00:56:28.119
when I see them preach how much they love their

00:56:28.119 --> 00:56:29.739
husbands and how great it is and how you'll find

00:56:29.739 --> 00:56:31.820
someone who loves you just like this when the

00:56:31.820 --> 00:56:34.139
truth is that's not how you met them and fell

00:56:34.139 --> 00:56:36.219
in love with them or found them. That's what

00:56:36.219 --> 00:56:38.420
you look like now because you've grown together

00:56:38.420 --> 00:56:40.880
in love and strength, but that's not how you

00:56:40.880 --> 00:56:43.719
started that journey. So it's very hard to tell

00:56:43.719 --> 00:56:46.099
your obese followers that they'll find this too

00:56:46.099 --> 00:56:48.119
when that's not what you looked like when you

00:56:48.119 --> 00:56:50.840
guys started dating. I'm going to take you through

00:56:50.840 --> 00:56:53.519
the journey because I was morbidly obese and

00:56:53.519 --> 00:56:55.360
know what it's like. And it's scaring the shit

00:56:55.360 --> 00:56:58.719
out of me. And I avoid the apps because I just

00:56:58.719 --> 00:57:02.840
feel like I'm still not good enough for them.

00:57:02.940 --> 00:57:07.119
So this is a mental journey for sure. I know

00:57:07.119 --> 00:57:09.380
it's time to start. And I do have a lot of great

00:57:09.380 --> 00:57:11.360
support, including my therapist helping me through

00:57:11.360 --> 00:57:14.110
it. I'm going to take you guys with me because

00:57:14.110 --> 00:57:17.510
this is going to be a really hard challenge for

00:57:17.510 --> 00:57:20.269
my self -esteem, like really immensely hard for

00:57:20.269 --> 00:57:23.530
me and my self -esteem to go through this. But

00:57:23.530 --> 00:57:26.489
I think that the benefits outweigh the fear.

00:57:26.650 --> 00:57:30.650
Oh my gosh. Yes. It'll be nerve wracking and

00:57:30.650 --> 00:57:34.289
terrifying. I'm already so scared. I got put

00:57:34.289 --> 00:57:37.750
on an app by my cousin who we were having a party

00:57:37.750 --> 00:57:40.889
at my house. and i was downstairs and she was

00:57:40.889 --> 00:57:43.190
upstairs and she comes down giggling i'm like

00:57:43.190 --> 00:57:45.269
what's so funny and she's like you got to come

00:57:45.269 --> 00:57:48.110
see this and i was like why and i go up in my

00:57:48.110 --> 00:57:50.070
room she's on my computer and she signed me up

00:57:50.070 --> 00:57:55.110
oh god yeah and i instant thought was like i'm

00:57:55.110 --> 00:57:57.409
morbidly obese i'm like get me off of here get

00:57:57.409 --> 00:57:58.929
me off here i don't want my pictures on here

00:57:58.929 --> 00:58:00.469
i don't want to be on here i don't want because

00:58:00.469 --> 00:58:04.309
i immediately thought like that the messages

00:58:04.309 --> 00:58:06.230
i'm going to get are going to be just so horrible

00:58:07.009 --> 00:58:08.969
Horrible. Yeah. The internet's a horrible place.

00:58:09.489 --> 00:58:11.469
Yes. I was like, don't get me off, get me off,

00:58:11.510 --> 00:58:14.309
get me off. And at the time we may have been

00:58:14.309 --> 00:58:17.190
slightly intoxicated. We couldn't figure out

00:58:17.190 --> 00:58:20.269
how to delete my profile. Oh no. So we just left

00:58:20.269 --> 00:58:23.750
it and I forgot about it. Okay. For ages. But

00:58:23.750 --> 00:58:26.829
that's where I met Devin. And I remember like

00:58:26.829 --> 00:58:30.590
just consider being so thankful because like

00:58:30.590 --> 00:58:33.190
you said, I was always the single friend. Everybody

00:58:33.190 --> 00:58:35.989
had, I was in university when Devin and I met.

00:58:36.090 --> 00:58:38.800
Yeah. I had never had a real boyfriend. Everybody

00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:41.139
else had been on boyfriend number four or five,

00:58:41.260 --> 00:58:43.280
whatever. Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, I had never

00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:46.239
dated. I had never this, never this. And I remember

00:58:46.239 --> 00:58:48.860
just being, like, being terrified when I connected

00:58:48.860 --> 00:58:51.960
with him because same thing, right? Like, yeah,

00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:53.960
there were pictures, but you always put. I always

00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:55.820
put my best pictures and they were always only

00:58:55.820 --> 00:58:59.340
like this. Yeah. And I wouldn't go meet them

00:58:59.340 --> 00:59:02.219
in person because I was like, they're going to

00:59:02.219 --> 00:59:03.820
hate me. I remember like when I actually had

00:59:03.820 --> 00:59:08.059
to go meet him being just so incredibly terrified.

00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:11.320
That's my problem. I remember thinking like,

00:59:11.420 --> 00:59:15.610
I'm so lucky. that I found somebody who is accepting,

00:59:15.889 --> 00:59:18.409
who doesn't care, who loves you for who you are.

00:59:18.449 --> 00:59:20.869
And because it's not the norm when you're in

00:59:20.869 --> 00:59:22.929
that situation, you're always the one that's

00:59:22.929 --> 00:59:24.869
getting looked over. You've never really been

00:59:24.869 --> 00:59:27.110
flirted with. You've never been the one pursued.

00:59:27.289 --> 00:59:28.150
No, you're always the only man who goes along

00:59:28.150 --> 00:59:30.309
to help the other people and to hold the jackets

00:59:30.309 --> 00:59:32.510
and make sure they're okay. But like you go to

00:59:32.510 --> 00:59:34.289
the bars and you're always the one just standing

00:59:34.289 --> 00:59:35.570
there while everybody else is getting up. Nobody

00:59:35.570 --> 00:59:38.690
wants to dance with you. Right. So it's terrifying.

00:59:38.949 --> 00:59:41.429
But I think, like you said, the benefits will

00:59:41.429 --> 00:59:43.409
outweigh the cons. I think it'll be super exciting.

00:59:43.469 --> 00:59:47.150
It'll be such a good growth experience for you

00:59:47.150 --> 00:59:49.630
to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable,

00:59:49.909 --> 00:59:52.869
to embrace your new life and who you are now

00:59:52.869 --> 00:59:55.750
and all the growth you've had. But it's scary

00:59:55.750 --> 00:59:58.219
to put yourself out there no matter what. Rejection

00:59:58.219 --> 01:00:01.579
is hard. And when you've lost this much weight,

01:00:01.840 --> 01:00:04.559
body dysmorphia is like a huge motherfucker that

01:00:04.559 --> 01:00:07.760
I'm struggling with immensely this year. But

01:00:07.760 --> 01:00:10.000
being rejected, which probably will happen, by

01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:11.960
the way, you get rejected if you're skinny or

01:00:11.960 --> 01:00:14.960
not. It happens. You're not the right fit for

01:00:14.960 --> 01:00:16.800
that person. And it's probably because you're

01:00:16.800 --> 01:00:19.619
just personality -wise not a fit. But I will

01:00:19.619 --> 01:00:23.719
immediately internalize that. as not being thin

01:00:23.719 --> 01:00:27.579
enough, not being good looking enough. And so

01:00:27.579 --> 01:00:29.539
that's what scares me is like, I'll talk to them,

01:00:29.539 --> 01:00:31.420
but then I will never go meet them because I

01:00:31.420 --> 01:00:34.440
can't, in my mind, I can't have them look at

01:00:34.440 --> 01:00:38.500
me. and be disappointed or I can't see the look

01:00:38.500 --> 01:00:42.320
on their face that I'm fat. But that's your fat

01:00:42.320 --> 01:00:44.880
brain still talking. I know. And it kicks in

01:00:44.880 --> 01:00:46.900
all the time. It's still there. I still don't

01:00:46.900 --> 01:00:49.300
feel skinny. I said this to my therapist. I don't

01:00:49.300 --> 01:00:51.139
feel skinny enough and I feel like I need to

01:00:51.139 --> 01:00:53.780
tell them before I even meet them. Just so you

01:00:53.780 --> 01:00:55.900
know, I was 320 pounds and I've lost a lot of

01:00:55.900 --> 01:00:58.460
weight. So that they go, whoa, you look so good

01:00:58.460 --> 01:01:02.820
for someone who used to be obese. I feel like

01:01:02.820 --> 01:01:05.530
I need to carry that as a sign. into my back

01:01:05.530 --> 01:01:07.949
because I worry that people will look at me now

01:01:07.949 --> 01:01:10.469
and think, why is she, why is she posting photos

01:01:10.469 --> 01:01:12.710
of herself? Like she's still fat versus if they

01:01:12.710 --> 01:01:15.070
knew I had lost a lot of weight instantly, I

01:01:15.070 --> 01:01:18.690
become inspirational and how amazing. Do you

01:01:18.690 --> 01:01:22.650
want to be with somebody where you have to do

01:01:22.650 --> 01:01:24.829
that? No, no. And that's what she said. Like

01:01:24.829 --> 01:01:27.050
you're thinking of the worst possible dates and

01:01:27.050 --> 01:01:30.949
people you're looking for someone that will make

01:01:30.949 --> 01:01:33.449
this process easy and will make you realize.

01:01:34.039 --> 01:01:36.059
Whoa. Like you're not like I've had boyfriends.

01:01:36.059 --> 01:01:39.159
I've dated not a crazy amount of people, but

01:01:39.159 --> 01:01:41.739
I have. And I never, ever want to date those

01:01:41.739 --> 01:01:43.820
motherfuckers again. Like they were horrific

01:01:43.820 --> 01:01:47.000
because I settled. I took what I believe was

01:01:47.000 --> 01:01:49.219
best for me. They were some of the worst people.

01:01:49.500 --> 01:01:52.340
And she's reminding me, like, you don't have

01:01:52.340 --> 01:01:54.659
to settle. Like the person you're finding is

01:01:54.659 --> 01:01:58.579
for this life than this version of you. And it

01:01:58.579 --> 01:02:02.269
won't be. shitty and hard. Like it's not, you're

01:02:02.269 --> 01:02:05.030
not, you're not just settling for somebody that

01:02:05.030 --> 01:02:06.829
convinces you that that this is the best you're

01:02:06.829 --> 01:02:09.929
ever going to do. Um, and that kind of hit home

01:02:09.929 --> 01:02:12.489
to that. Like I'm, I've never even thought of

01:02:12.489 --> 01:02:15.150
what positive could look like. Like I've never

01:02:15.150 --> 01:02:17.489
even thought about what it would look like to

01:02:17.489 --> 01:02:19.150
find my dream person. Cause I'm still in the

01:02:19.150 --> 01:02:21.230
mindset of I'll just take whoever's interested.

01:02:21.590 --> 01:02:23.869
Um, and that's fucked and we will talk about

01:02:23.869 --> 01:02:26.530
it in another episode, but she's right. Like

01:02:26.530 --> 01:02:29.309
I'm not thinking of. the perfect person i'm thinking

01:02:29.309 --> 01:02:34.230
and that's that's some of like the mindset stuff

01:02:34.230 --> 01:02:36.130
that we talk about where like body dysmorphia

01:02:36.130 --> 01:02:40.449
it sucks the fat brain kicks in yep um even when

01:02:40.449 --> 01:02:42.789
shopping the other day like i immediately went

01:02:42.789 --> 01:02:45.210
to the back of the rack i immediately got nervous

01:02:45.210 --> 01:02:48.050
walking into the store because i knew there was

01:02:48.050 --> 01:02:50.309
a plus size section in the back but like you

01:02:50.309 --> 01:02:52.710
walk into the store and i immediately was like

01:02:52.710 --> 01:02:55.980
yep Right to the back. Or you see them look at

01:02:55.980 --> 01:02:57.800
you and your first thought is, yep, I know I

01:02:57.800 --> 01:02:59.639
have to go to the plus size. Thank you. It's

01:02:59.639 --> 01:03:02.260
not going to fit. I know. Right. And just immediately

01:03:02.260 --> 01:03:04.980
like the piles of the sweat of the shirts immediately

01:03:04.980 --> 01:03:07.059
going to the shirt on the bottom at the very

01:03:07.059 --> 01:03:11.920
bottom. And that that takes a long time to get

01:03:11.920 --> 01:03:14.500
out of you. Surgery won't just take that out

01:03:14.500 --> 01:03:17.030
of you. That is built into your brain. That is

01:03:17.030 --> 01:03:20.650
years of having to live in that life and in that

01:03:20.650 --> 01:03:24.989
body. And not feeling good enough. And that doesn't

01:03:24.989 --> 01:03:27.929
go away easily. And I think part of it is as

01:03:27.929 --> 01:03:29.829
you get into this experience and you start having

01:03:29.829 --> 01:03:31.630
some of those positive interactions. And like

01:03:31.630 --> 01:03:33.070
you said, there is going to be rejection, but

01:03:33.070 --> 01:03:34.929
there's still going to be positive conversations.

01:03:34.949 --> 01:03:37.070
And maybe you don't end up meeting them or you

01:03:37.070 --> 01:03:39.170
don't end up clicking, right? I reject them.

01:03:40.150 --> 01:03:42.929
100%. But I think as you start to have those

01:03:42.929 --> 01:03:46.670
positive. And in this whole journey, when those

01:03:46.670 --> 01:03:49.670
positive wins happen, the more of those you build

01:03:49.670 --> 01:03:53.929
up, the easier it is to kind of start to talk

01:03:53.929 --> 01:03:57.889
that fat brain down and back and back. But it

01:03:57.889 --> 01:04:01.449
takes a lot of time. It takes time. Yeah, it's

01:04:01.449 --> 01:04:04.630
not easy. And I'm sure there's a lot of people

01:04:04.630 --> 01:04:07.210
who would be like, Hannah, I would kill to, I

01:04:07.210 --> 01:04:11.909
get that. But I still feel inadequate and like

01:04:11.909 --> 01:04:15.489
it's not enough. And the other thing just to

01:04:15.489 --> 01:04:17.630
be prepared for is like people do treat you differently

01:04:17.630 --> 01:04:18.949
when you've lost weight. So I've actually been

01:04:18.949 --> 01:04:21.570
flirted with more and I've seen people look at

01:04:21.570 --> 01:04:23.289
me more, which is like really flattering and

01:04:23.289 --> 01:04:25.389
kind of nice because we haven't been pursued

01:04:25.389 --> 01:04:28.260
in most of our life. But you go on the apps and

01:04:28.260 --> 01:04:30.980
it's not like it's 100 million people busting

01:04:30.980 --> 01:04:32.960
down your door. Now, do I connect with more people?

01:04:33.079 --> 01:04:35.059
Absolutely. But I remember telling my therapist

01:04:35.059 --> 01:04:37.780
like, oh, I think I thought I'd go on here and

01:04:37.780 --> 01:04:40.300
have like 5 ,000 people just be like, yo, because

01:04:40.300 --> 01:04:41.739
like, isn't it supposed to be super easy for

01:04:41.739 --> 01:04:43.679
skinny people to date? And she was like, yeah,

01:04:43.719 --> 01:04:46.460
so it's not. And I was like, dating sucks no

01:04:46.460 --> 01:04:48.920
matter what. Like now, is there way more attention

01:04:48.920 --> 01:04:52.099
than I've ever gotten? Sure. But it wasn't kind

01:04:52.099 --> 01:04:54.900
of maybe what I thought it would be. So I internalize

01:04:54.900 --> 01:04:57.340
that as. Cause I messaged Steph and I was like,

01:04:57.380 --> 01:05:00.739
so like, are my eyes uneven? And I think I remember

01:05:00.739 --> 01:05:02.840
you going, what the fuck? And I was like, I just

01:05:02.840 --> 01:05:04.400
need to know, like, am I attractive? Cause like

01:05:04.400 --> 01:05:06.900
now I'm starting to think I look weird. Yeah.

01:05:07.079 --> 01:05:09.039
I literally asked you if my face was slanted.

01:05:09.059 --> 01:05:11.599
Cause I was like, I think I'm not attractive.

01:05:12.440 --> 01:05:14.920
You're going to wake up and have like 1500 messages.

01:05:15.039 --> 01:05:16.980
Like everybody and their mom, the salt in a Brunei

01:05:16.980 --> 01:05:19.320
coming to knock down the door. And I like, my

01:05:19.320 --> 01:05:22.500
therapist was like, calm down. But I, my immediate

01:05:22.500 --> 01:05:24.679
thought then was, Oh, am I still too fat? Oh,

01:05:24.719 --> 01:05:27.590
am I ugly? oh fuck like I've never had to think

01:05:27.590 --> 01:05:30.750
about that before and she's like stop first of

01:05:30.750 --> 01:05:32.670
all you're dating in your late 30s and I was

01:05:32.670 --> 01:05:35.409
like oh yeah okay so that's true you have higher

01:05:35.409 --> 01:05:37.690
standards you've like actually put work into

01:05:37.690 --> 01:05:39.690
this and you're not on tinder and I was like

01:05:39.690 --> 01:05:42.010
oh also very good point you're looking for a

01:05:42.010 --> 01:05:44.969
niche group of people yes you're not just open

01:05:44.969 --> 01:05:48.300
to anything yeah So it's going to take time.

01:05:48.360 --> 01:05:50.440
Now I have matched with way more people than

01:05:50.440 --> 01:05:52.519
I ever did before. So she's like, don't discredit

01:05:52.519 --> 01:05:54.920
that. But I had this weird notion in my head

01:05:54.920 --> 01:05:56.800
that it would just be like open floodgates. But

01:05:56.800 --> 01:05:59.039
then she's like, you also are now intimidating.

01:05:59.480 --> 01:06:01.800
And I was like, she's like, well, you have a

01:06:01.800 --> 01:06:03.739
podcast. You're a pub, you know, we're not a

01:06:03.739 --> 01:06:05.500
public figure, but like you have a public podcast.

01:06:05.579 --> 01:06:07.840
You're running 10 Ks. You're training for half

01:06:07.840 --> 01:06:10.340
marathons. You have a very high paying lucrative

01:06:10.340 --> 01:06:14.099
career. Like you again are also like. You know,

01:06:14.119 --> 01:06:15.980
you're not a 20 year old college student just

01:06:15.980 --> 01:06:19.539
looking for random people like you now are a

01:06:19.539 --> 01:06:21.380
bit intimidating for people to reach out to.

01:06:21.480 --> 01:06:22.880
You have set the bar on your side as well. And

01:06:22.880 --> 01:06:25.559
I was like, Dr. D, you say the perfect things.

01:06:25.559 --> 01:06:27.480
But I was like, yeah, that's a very good point.

01:06:27.539 --> 01:06:29.480
I forgot. Like there's multiple factors now working

01:06:29.480 --> 01:06:32.440
kind of against me, like especially being a very

01:06:32.440 --> 01:06:37.219
high paid executive female. Men don't like that.

01:06:38.139 --> 01:06:40.300
You've picked a lot of things off your list.

01:06:40.360 --> 01:06:42.219
I'm actively fit. You have also set the bar high.

01:06:42.300 --> 01:06:44.739
Yeah, I eat well. That's pretty well known. I'm

01:06:44.739 --> 01:06:46.380
training for half marathon. So I do understand

01:06:46.380 --> 01:06:47.579
that there's going to be people who are like,

01:06:47.619 --> 01:06:50.079
that is not the lifestyle that I am looking for

01:06:50.079 --> 01:06:52.199
at all. And that's OK, because I have to remind

01:06:52.199 --> 01:06:55.960
myself I'm looking for a partner so that we can

01:06:55.960 --> 01:06:58.420
have like this life that we just cannot believe

01:06:58.420 --> 01:07:01.199
we got lucky enough to share together. Life is

01:07:01.199 --> 01:07:04.619
not for everybody. Yeah. So I'm becoming more

01:07:04.619 --> 01:07:08.280
of the romantic I used to be. And I do I do really

01:07:08.280 --> 01:07:11.650
think there's a world where I just find my. better

01:07:11.650 --> 01:07:16.269
half and we live an amazing life, but I have

01:07:16.269 --> 01:07:17.969
to hold on to that. You have standards now and

01:07:17.969 --> 01:07:20.409
that takes time, right? Standards are okay. Right.

01:07:20.929 --> 01:07:22.610
You have standards. You've set the bar high for

01:07:22.610 --> 01:07:24.409
yourself as well. You know what you want. You

01:07:24.409 --> 01:07:26.630
have a certain lifestyle you're looking to match.

01:07:26.750 --> 01:07:29.510
You're not willing to settle. So now you got

01:07:29.510 --> 01:07:31.909
to give yourself a little bit of time to find

01:07:31.909 --> 01:07:34.789
the right person who will fit into that category

01:07:34.789 --> 01:07:38.539
versus just anybody. That's the thing, right?

01:07:38.820 --> 01:07:41.679
It's not just anybody. It's the right person.

01:07:42.139 --> 01:07:45.039
Which it should be. So like I said, I'm going

01:07:45.039 --> 01:07:47.480
to take you guys on this journey because this

01:07:47.480 --> 01:07:49.980
is a lot of what, even if you're not dating,

01:07:50.219 --> 01:07:52.699
Steph's advice is going to be phenomenal here

01:07:52.699 --> 01:07:54.699
because she'll be able to help me understand

01:07:54.699 --> 01:07:57.539
how to navigate a relationship after having surgery.

01:07:57.780 --> 01:08:00.360
And I'll take you guys. Those of you who are

01:08:00.360 --> 01:08:02.079
single will be able to kind of see what it's

01:08:02.079 --> 01:08:04.039
like dating after surgery, because I know the

01:08:04.039 --> 01:08:05.659
questions. What about the loose skin? Are you

01:08:05.659 --> 01:08:07.300
going to feel comfortable in front of? I don't

01:08:07.300 --> 01:08:09.099
want to talk about that right now because it'll

01:08:09.099 --> 01:08:11.360
prevent me from fucking going on a first date.

01:08:11.420 --> 01:08:14.500
But trust me, I've had very in -depth conversations

01:08:14.500 --> 01:08:17.380
with my therapist about, OK, so like we're not

01:08:17.380 --> 01:08:19.100
going to be able to go on a date after the first

01:08:19.100 --> 01:08:20.800
date because like the loose skin. And she was

01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:25.560
like, again, the right man. will not give a shit.

01:08:25.739 --> 01:08:28.579
No. And I can tell you in relationships, like

01:08:28.579 --> 01:08:30.640
that conversation has started to come up because

01:08:30.640 --> 01:08:34.039
it's something that is very like on my mind,

01:08:34.060 --> 01:08:35.579
right? And you're self -conscious about it. But

01:08:35.579 --> 01:08:38.359
yeah, dating through this is hard. Being in a

01:08:38.359 --> 01:08:40.800
relationship with somebody who is not in the

01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:43.920
same place that you are with this, it's hard.

01:08:44.500 --> 01:08:46.140
Dealing with this with kids is hard. Oh yeah.

01:08:46.460 --> 01:08:48.819
sneak sneak peek sneak peek I think this will

01:08:48.819 --> 01:08:51.659
be our next episode so send in your questions

01:08:51.659 --> 01:08:54.760
tell me which dating apps to be on also because

01:08:54.760 --> 01:08:57.600
like maybe I'm on the wrong ones um if you have

01:08:57.600 --> 01:09:00.560
any single friends uh divorced dads like go ahead

01:09:00.560 --> 01:09:02.880
send that through that's totally fine um but

01:09:02.880 --> 01:09:05.060
no send us your honest questions because I think

01:09:05.060 --> 01:09:06.560
we do need to start talking about relationships

01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:09.380
body body image issues like I think this is a

01:09:09.380 --> 01:09:11.819
big thing that a lot of people are genuinely

01:09:11.819 --> 01:09:15.289
curious about um So I think that's what our next

01:09:15.289 --> 01:09:17.329
episodes will be absolutely is like relationships

01:09:17.329 --> 01:09:20.430
and dating. And then, like I said, we want to

01:09:20.430 --> 01:09:22.529
do a big Q &A one with you. So stay tuned for

01:09:22.529 --> 01:09:25.390
us posting that. And then our guest episode.

01:09:25.430 --> 01:09:27.529
So send us anybody you want to see on the podcast,

01:09:27.750 --> 01:09:29.670
anything you want to see us cover on the podcast.

01:09:29.989 --> 01:09:32.649
This is truly being fueled by all of you. So

01:09:32.649 --> 01:09:34.850
all these topics have come from you, the amazing

01:09:34.850 --> 01:09:38.210
listeners. So just thank you. Thank you for listening

01:09:38.210 --> 01:09:41.250
to us. Let us spill our. Hopes, fears, desires,

01:09:41.409 --> 01:09:45.109
anxieties. We just hope that, yeah, we can show

01:09:45.109 --> 01:09:48.050
you what a normal bariatric process looks like

01:09:48.050 --> 01:09:51.329
for just two women going through it. And we're

01:09:51.329 --> 01:09:52.789
going to take you through this journey every

01:09:52.789 --> 01:09:56.029
single day you allow us to. So just thank you.

01:09:57.189 --> 01:10:00.369
Agreed. We wouldn't be on episode 14 if it wasn't

01:10:00.369 --> 01:10:03.090
for you guys. So definitely send us questions

01:10:03.090 --> 01:10:06.310
for next week and we will address them around,

01:10:06.590 --> 01:10:08.970
like I said, relationships, dating, marriage.

01:10:09.620 --> 01:10:12.100
Kids. Yeah. Send it through. The whole shebang.

01:10:12.600 --> 01:10:14.760
Yep. We'll definitely answer them. I love it.

01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:17.720
Well, we'll see you next Monday, folks. Thanks

01:10:17.720 --> 01:10:19.500
for listening. And Steph, like always, thanks

01:10:19.500 --> 01:10:23.159
for joining me. Anytime. Bye. Bye, guys.