Ep 19: We didn't get fat eating salads. Obesity, Accountability & the Hard Truths of Recovery

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Hey, Steph. Hello. Welcome to another episode

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of Bariatric Banter Podcast. Love it. Love it.

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I'm recording by an open window today, so sorry

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for everyone if... You know what? It's a beautiful

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day out. You got to take advantage of it. It

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is. I am waiting for a new podcast mic to arrive

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because in the summer I want to record it in

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different locations. And I, yeah, I want to be

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able to record near my open window. So for right

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now, bear with me, folks. I'm using my lovely

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Mac, but I will be having a new podcast mic arriving

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soon. It sounds fabulous. Yes, it is fine. It's

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not as nice as the big old office setup, but

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I just want to work by a window. I know. It'd

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be awesome too. Like I was thinking today too,

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it'd be so nice if we could, if I could do this

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outside, but living beside a farm who is getting

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ready for, to let the cows out, little noisy.

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Let the cows out. Sorry, that was so cheesy.

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I'm anxiously awaiting. I've lived here for like

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years now. And every time that the cows come

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out for the first time for the season, it's so

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exciting. So every morning I'm like opening the

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door quick at like 6 a .m. I'm like, are they

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out yet? No, not yet. But they're getting ready.

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I love it. Well, this is episode, God, we do

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this every time. What is it? I think so. 19?

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I think so. No, we need to get better with that.

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I think it's episode 19. I agree. And I'm just

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so happy to be back recording this episode. Me

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too. It's just so much fun. And we talked about

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it before. It's also good. It's cathartic for

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us. It's good therapy for us. It's accountability

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for us. But it's just fun. It's just fun. You

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know, at the end of the day, it is. It's just...

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It's a blast. And we love that you all reach

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out to us. So always, always hit us up. There

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is. Yeah. There's never going to be a day that

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we're like, don't reach out to us. No. Hit us

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up morning, noon and night. We love it. And this

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episode, this one's going to be a good one. I

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think so. We've kind of hinted at talking about

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a few times and we've said that we need to do

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it. Then we kind of put it off a little bit.

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But I think it's about time we have this conversation.

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Do it. This might. resonate really well with

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people it also might upset some people some feathers

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but you know but it it'll hopefully get some

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good conversation going and get some good thoughts

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yes and that's the goal so today's episode and

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i'm surprised we're actually getting to the episode

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five minutes into the start of this podcast but

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today's episode is we didn't get fat eating salad

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it's true it's true if you can't tell we like

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uh we like a good title around here right It's

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the same as, what is it? You don't make friends

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with salad is the one. And then you don't get

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fat eating salad. And the truth is we did not

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get fat eating salad. Would not have been in

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this predicament if my nutrition had been on

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point. End of discussion. End of discussion.

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And that's today's episode. And done. So basically

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this episode is, you know, really exploring how

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did we become obese? How did basically how did

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we stay obese is probably a more accurate title

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because it's not like we just woke up one day

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and boom, we were obese. We were obese for basically

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our whole lives. And I think a huge part of surgery,

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and I would argue it's probably the hardest part

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of surgery, is having those very honest, raw,

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real conversations with yourself that nobody

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wants to have. And sometimes you're just like

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forced to deal with the reality. But in weight

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loss surgery, one of the biggest things that

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you have to address, and as my therapist says,

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what resists persists, but it's either going

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to be you coming to the table to think about

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it or it's going to hit you like a sack of fucking

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bricks, is how did I get here? How did we get

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here? Yeah. We didn't get here overnight. No.

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We didn't get here eating salad. No. It took

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time to get to that point. But there's also...

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reasons behind it and like that's why we always

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talk about too why as much as we may have a few

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issues we'll say with our program and how it

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was run the fact that it was as lengthy as it

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was and there were so many as many conversations

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as there were because like we said at the end

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of the day we didn't get her overnight something

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got you to that point something was kicking around

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driving you to do what you did and it's important

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to Number one, figure out what that was. If you

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don't already know, acknowledge it, come to terms

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with it, and then figure out how to improve it.

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So that's a big part of getting ready for surgery

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and a big part of post -surgery. And I will say,

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if you don't do that before surgery, good luck

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being successful after. Yes. Because it's not

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going to happen. No, you're not. All those bad

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habits are still going to be there. The coping

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mechanisms which you used are still going to

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come into play. A lot of us are or have been

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emotion. I'd say probably emotional eaters and

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boredom eaters are probably the ones that come

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up the most like stress eaters, emotional eaters.

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I was a boredom eater for sure. And if you can't

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figure that out before surgery and acknowledge

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it and put things in place to. overcome that

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and fix and heal that relationship. The surgery

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doesn't fix that. We've said it before. The surgery

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doesn't change your brain and your habits. So

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that for me was one of the reasons why I was

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glad our program took as long as it did, because

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it gave me a good amount of time to work through

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that or at least start to work through it. Exactly.

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And I think I know we kind of joke with this

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title of, you know, we didn't get fat eating

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salad. Because like it's not we're not here to

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like necessarily shame our previous selves like

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we will we'll talk about the things that we obviously

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did because again kind of to Steph's point like

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if we don't put this out in the world and on

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the table, then we're doomed to repeat it. And

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we're doomed to make excuses and we're doomed

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to kind of just be like, well, you know, and

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so I think that's the main reason we want to

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talk about it is like, it is a huge part of recovery

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now. gross excuse me um that we have to kind

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of confront those demons it's it's no similar

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than somebody who has let's say a shopping addiction

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or you know is making bad life choices is financially

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not responsible or you know i hate to always

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use alcoholics because that's a that's a huge

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struggle and i'm not trying to equate what we

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do with that but it's kind of that right you

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can't get the help you need and move on if you

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don't sit down and say I am the failure here.

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At some point, I do have to take responsibility.

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And what I think is super hard is. a lot of us

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won't when we're obese and again Steph and I

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speak from being obese like I literally was obese

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my whole life I was an overweight child I think

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the only time I was thin was when I was in grade

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one and then it just kept going from there right

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so yeah I know people will go well it's not your

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fault when you're a kid and like sure but I also

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then became a functional adult that didn't make

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any good changes either so this is not me blaming

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my parents or blaming society But the problem

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is like when obese, we blame everybody but ourselves.

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It's all excuse after excuse after excuse after

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excuse. And even now you'll see people who have

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surgery that will not follow the rules and then

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make excuses. It's picos. It's thyroid. It's

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this. It's perimenopause. It's menopause. All

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the things. I get it. Those things fucking suck.

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But they make it really hard, but like, but there's

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a, but, but it's not impossible and it's not

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making you obese. Like I know the exhaustion

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and the fatigue. I have it. Yeah. No, that feeling.

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Yes. Do I have to push through it? I do. Does

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that suck? Because you're tired and you just

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want to eat and sleep and you don't really. Yeah,

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it does. But. that's the lot in life I've been

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given and I can either succumb to it and then

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have no right to complain about being obese or

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I have to push through it. And then I can say,

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this is so much harder than it is for other people.

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And it really is. But this is the path I have

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to take because this is what I've been given

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in life. Yeah. It's we've, we've said it before

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and that's just it. It doesn't make it impossible.

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It makes it a hell of a lot harder. Um, but.

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That just means, unfortunately, you have to work

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a little bit harder and you have to push a little

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bit harder. And it's probably going to go slower

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for you like we've talked about. And it means

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you might have to make more sacrifices than somebody

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else who doesn't have those issues or those hurdles.

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It may mean that you have to work a little bit

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harder than those people. You have to be a little

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bit more patient than those people. But it's

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not an excuse to make bad choices. I did it.

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I used them as excuses instead of just using

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them as struggles or extra hurdles. It was just

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a flat out excuse or I can't because of this.

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And that was a comfort, right? I could use that

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to justify things. I could use that to, oh, I'm

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so tired from my PCOS. I can't work out today.

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Well, yeah, you are really, really tired, but.

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you can still make the choice to get off the

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couch and go for a walk. Nobody's saying you

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have to put in a 60 -minute crazy weightlifting

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workout, but I'm pretty sure you could get off

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the couch for 15, 20 minutes, walk around the

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block, and call it a day. So it really comes

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down to what are you willing to put into it and

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how much accountability are you willing to take

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for your actions or your lack thereof. Exactly.

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And that's, you know, that's where the title

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kind of comes from because, well, I remember

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the excuses I would make and like, there were

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a lot of them. But things that I would say and

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say often with a straight face was I don't eat

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enough. Yeah. And you'll hear that a lot. And

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I even have people, I have people now that will

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say that to me, that will be like. no, trust

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me, the food is not the reason I'm fat or the

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food is not the reason I'm obese. You are painting

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this as black and white and there's so many other

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factors. Yet there's not. Like, and I'm sorry

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to be that blunt, but like there isn't, okay?

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It's... It is calories in, calories out. Fight

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me on this if you want. Be very wary of going

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and finding things that support your weight on

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the internet. And then like a lot of people will

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go and find communities that are, you know, going

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to make them feel good about their bad choices.

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Make them feel like, you know, it's not about

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eating and it's not about diet. And it is, it

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is. At the end of the day, it really, really,

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really truly is because the whole surgery is

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literally just built around calories in, calories

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out. You can pretend it's not, but the whole

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point of the surgery is eat less, lose weight.

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There's no other aspect to the surgery except

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eat less, lose weight. Like they don't go in

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and change any other part of your body. Your

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brain's not affected, your lungs, your heart.

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Literally, small stomach, eat less, lose weight.

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So I would tell people that I didn't eat enough.

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I would often say, oh, you know, I'm in starvation

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mode. And actually what happens when you're in

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starvation mode is you keep all the weight. And

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so anything you eat just gets turned into fat.

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And that's why you're fat, but like you're actually

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starving. such a fucking insult to people who

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literally starve and who don't eat and like just

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insane. Um, but I would convince people that

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I didn't eat enough because I wasn't eating breakfast

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and lunch and Oh, what was me? I'm wasting away

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to nothing. Um, and then I would convince myself

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that because I didn't have breakfast and lunch,

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like I was really, my blood sugar must be low

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and I must be wasting away and I'm going to need

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to eat right now. And I'm going to have to have

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a, you know, it's okay to have an appetizer,

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a main. Because I didn't eat all day. I didn't

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eat all day. And this is totally fine. And I

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wouldn't count calories. So I was just like,

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well, it's one meal. It's fine. 5 ,000 calories

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later. Exactly. It's not just one meal. Also,

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it's super calorie dense. It's not like I chose

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to go have a nice leafy salad and quinoa and

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roasted chicken. You know, I was, you know, having

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stuff that was crazy high in calorie. And Steph

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and I have said before. Just because you think

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it's healthy that you're going to a restaurant,

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it's not. Restaurants are not healthy. Even if

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it is a healthy restaurant, they are not healthy.

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You are not controlling the oil, the fat, the

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butter. And now in Canada, because it is required

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that you have the calories listed, you should

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start taking a look at things because a chicken

00:13:18.850 --> 00:13:21.809
salad is a thousand calories at a lot of restaurants.

00:13:21.850 --> 00:13:24.690
Like something that you don't even realize. Crumble

00:13:24.690 --> 00:13:26.309
cookie is the one I'm going to use because I

00:13:26.309 --> 00:13:27.909
think it's outrageous that something like this

00:13:27.909 --> 00:13:31.159
exists. A crumble cookie is four servings per

00:13:31.159 --> 00:13:34.639
cookie. And who's actually cutting that into

00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:36.259
four pieces? Who's like, I just want to have

00:13:36.259 --> 00:13:38.639
a little fourth of a cookie. Let's be real. Of

00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:41.639
a cookie. Yeah. And so their cookies are 900

00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:47.320
to 1 ,200 calories a cookie. Each. Each. So it's

00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:49.559
little things like, oh, okay, this was a great

00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:52.360
example. I had a friend who said. You know, her

00:13:52.360 --> 00:13:54.860
husband really liked candy and she didn't want

00:13:54.860 --> 00:13:56.500
him eating as much candy because it wasn't healthy

00:13:56.500 --> 00:13:59.320
for him. So instead, the little snack she'd bring

00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:01.600
home is just 10 Timbits. And, you know, it's

00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:03.279
really great because he's not eating all this

00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:06.120
candy anymore. Have you looked at how many calories

00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:09.700
a Timbit is? So one Timbit is 100 calories. I

00:14:09.700 --> 00:14:12.379
said that 10 pack of Timbits is 1000 calories.

00:14:13.019 --> 00:14:15.220
And we're not trying to shame people, but like

00:14:15.220 --> 00:14:17.399
I can look back and go, there were points in

00:14:17.399 --> 00:14:19.500
my life where I'd pound a box of 10 Timbits as

00:14:19.500 --> 00:14:21.610
a snack. Yeah, be like, oh, let's eat 10 little

00:14:21.610 --> 00:14:24.690
Timbits. Yeah. And like anybody can eat 10 little

00:14:24.690 --> 00:14:27.529
Timbits because there's nothing to them. They're

00:14:27.529 --> 00:14:31.269
a sugar fart. But I would eat, I would pound

00:14:31.269 --> 00:14:33.470
a box of 10 Timbits as a snack. Most of us did

00:14:33.470 --> 00:14:35.710
after soccer, after baseball, on a road trip.

00:14:36.029 --> 00:14:39.110
And that's a thousand calories. Most of you only

00:14:39.110 --> 00:14:41.330
need 2000 calories a day to survive. And that

00:14:41.330 --> 00:14:43.750
was a snack. Yeah. And it's like you said, it's

00:14:43.750 --> 00:14:47.269
not about shaming. It's about being aware. And

00:14:47.269 --> 00:14:50.090
I think that's something too is just. We were

00:14:50.090 --> 00:14:54.309
so busy justifying our behavior that we were

00:14:54.309 --> 00:14:58.549
oblivious to what was actually happening. Partially

00:14:58.549 --> 00:15:01.789
by choice, partially by choice, but I think partially

00:15:01.789 --> 00:15:04.149
just because we didn't give a shit. Like I would,

00:15:04.149 --> 00:15:06.909
I would literally be, I would be oblivious to

00:15:06.909 --> 00:15:09.070
how many calories were in the pizza I ate, but

00:15:09.070 --> 00:15:11.669
it was because I didn't care. Yep. Not because

00:15:11.669 --> 00:15:13.789
I didn't have a choice around it. It was because

00:15:13.789 --> 00:15:16.029
I didn't care or I found a way to justify it.

00:15:16.309 --> 00:15:18.490
Or like we would, oh, I worked out today. I can

00:15:18.490 --> 00:15:20.110
have dessert. Well, then what was the point of

00:15:20.110 --> 00:15:23.029
the workout, right? I'm not somebody who even

00:15:23.029 --> 00:15:27.070
today I don't eat my calories from a workout.

00:15:27.210 --> 00:15:29.129
So if I work out and it says – Yeah, I don't

00:15:29.129 --> 00:15:31.250
either. And it's – let's say, for example, you

00:15:31.250 --> 00:15:34.149
burn 300 calories. I don't add those 300 calories

00:15:34.149 --> 00:15:38.429
to my food. But there was definitely days where

00:15:38.429 --> 00:15:41.149
you justify, yeah, I know I went and saw the

00:15:41.149 --> 00:15:43.570
trainer today or I went to the gym and I did

00:15:43.570 --> 00:15:46.710
my workout. Yeah, I can go out for lunch or I

00:15:46.710 --> 00:15:51.419
can get – And that, not to say again, and we've

00:15:51.419 --> 00:15:54.559
said this before, we're not saying you can never

00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:56.740
do these things. We're not saying you can never

00:15:56.740 --> 00:15:58.740
go to a restaurant or you can never have dessert

00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:02.299
or you can never have pizza. Correct. You have

00:16:02.299 --> 00:16:06.460
to be accountable for your actions. You have

00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:09.700
to do things in moderation and you have to, this

00:16:09.700 --> 00:16:11.980
is again, we're tracking your food. If you can

00:16:11.980 --> 00:16:15.799
work it into your day, do it. Did I have two?

00:16:16.490 --> 00:16:18.750
Now, we're going to say, ooh, two. But did I

00:16:18.750 --> 00:16:21.090
have two McDonald's chicken nuggets the other

00:16:21.090 --> 00:16:24.710
day? Sure as hell did. But did I track them in

00:16:24.710 --> 00:16:28.149
my day? Yep. And did I build my day around it?

00:16:28.389 --> 00:16:31.070
Yeah. And I fit it into my day. Am I doing it

00:16:31.070 --> 00:16:34.250
all the time? No. But we were out. I knew we'd

00:16:34.250 --> 00:16:37.009
be busy. I knew everyone was going to McDonald's.

00:16:37.009 --> 00:16:39.629
And I thought, you know what? Yeah. I haven't

00:16:39.629 --> 00:16:42.009
had fast food. We haven't ordered pizza or anything.

00:16:43.320 --> 00:16:45.460
since surgery, since before surgery. So yeah,

00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:48.039
I'm going to have my two nuggets and I'm, it's

00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:52.279
fine, but I tracked it in my day. I worked it

00:16:52.279 --> 00:16:55.620
into my macros and it's not an everyday habit.

00:16:55.720 --> 00:16:58.120
And that's all we're seeing is you have to be

00:16:58.120 --> 00:17:02.639
vigilant and you have to be aware and accountable

00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:05.180
of what you're doing. And if you want to do it,

00:17:05.180 --> 00:17:06.799
do it, but then don't make an excuse for it.

00:17:07.019 --> 00:17:09.859
Yeah. And that, so like, that's the thing. When

00:17:09.859 --> 00:17:13.099
I was obese, I would make excuses for everything.

00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:16.319
So that's why I said like, was I aware? No, but

00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:19.079
was I? Yes. So like, I wouldn't count calories

00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:20.880
or look at anything because I knew in the back

00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:23.720
of my mind, you don't want to see what this is,

00:17:23.740 --> 00:17:25.160
right? I would just know it's going to be bad.

00:17:25.769 --> 00:17:28.309
I would think about volume versus calories, but

00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:30.509
even then I wasn't looking at my snacking, my

00:17:30.509 --> 00:17:33.750
grazing, you know, the gorging aspect of things.

00:17:33.990 --> 00:17:35.990
Oh, if everybody else is having a chocolate bar,

00:17:36.049 --> 00:17:37.289
it's a chocolate bar. Who cares? I'm going to

00:17:37.289 --> 00:17:39.970
have one too. Working in an office that had chocolate

00:17:39.970 --> 00:17:43.250
bars. Oh my gosh. Having fully stocked kitchens

00:17:43.250 --> 00:17:46.130
and beer and cider on tap and Peter lunch every

00:17:46.130 --> 00:17:48.289
day. Remember those days, Hannah? Remember those

00:17:48.289 --> 00:17:50.730
days. I never looked at the alcohol going in

00:17:50.730 --> 00:17:52.390
and out of my body either. And then I wouldn't

00:17:52.390 --> 00:17:54.789
work out. I would make excuses about, well, I'm

00:17:54.789 --> 00:17:56.690
tired. and I don't need to. And like, it's a

00:17:56.690 --> 00:17:58.349
double -edged sword because I would tell myself,

00:17:58.549 --> 00:18:00.829
oh, well, it's about my diet, not about exercising

00:18:00.829 --> 00:18:04.549
anyway. So who cares? And it's just, yeah, I

00:18:04.549 --> 00:18:07.049
didn't get this way because I just ate salad.

00:18:07.369 --> 00:18:10.309
And it's the reality that a lot of people just

00:18:10.309 --> 00:18:12.549
don't want to come to because I get it. When

00:18:12.549 --> 00:18:15.670
you're obese, you are so good at overlooking

00:18:15.670 --> 00:18:19.509
things, of convincing yourself, of really convincing

00:18:19.509 --> 00:18:22.269
yourself. And this was the big one that it's

00:18:22.269 --> 00:18:25.720
not you. It's not your fault. It's not your fault

00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:28.619
that you had nothing and have nothing to do with

00:18:28.619 --> 00:18:31.559
this, that it's your genetics, it's your medical

00:18:31.559 --> 00:18:34.039
history, it's all these others. And it's never,

00:18:34.140 --> 00:18:36.180
ever, ever, ever, ever on you. Everything's always

00:18:36.180 --> 00:18:38.559
working against you. Oh, right. And anybody who

00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:40.619
tries to tell you to eat healthy doesn't understand

00:18:40.619 --> 00:18:43.259
and doesn't get it. And you seek out groups that

00:18:43.259 --> 00:18:46.019
convince you that PCOS is why you're obese and

00:18:46.019 --> 00:18:47.480
you're never going to be able to - There's nothing

00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:51.839
you can do. And you actually will reach a point

00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:53.640
where, yeah, probably on your own, you won't

00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:55.369
be. able to get on top of this. Like my doctor

00:18:55.369 --> 00:18:58.630
was very honest with me. He said, I really don't

00:18:58.630 --> 00:19:00.690
think you can do this without surgery because

00:19:00.690 --> 00:19:03.450
you've got a lot of cards stacked against you.

00:19:03.529 --> 00:19:07.069
And he didn't mean PCOS. He meant you have now

00:19:07.069 --> 00:19:10.970
reached a critical weight limit where you got

00:19:10.970 --> 00:19:13.410
to do something really hard for you to get out

00:19:13.410 --> 00:19:15.230
and get walking because your joints are falling

00:19:15.230 --> 00:19:17.730
apart. Your legs are achy and there will be obese

00:19:17.730 --> 00:19:19.730
people going, well, I don't have high blood pressure

00:19:19.730 --> 00:19:22.690
and my joints don't ache. Okay. First of all,

00:19:22.690 --> 00:19:24.569
most of the things that you have while obese

00:19:24.569 --> 00:19:27.349
don't have symptoms until it's too late. Second

00:19:27.349 --> 00:19:29.809
of all, sure. If you want to convince yourself

00:19:29.809 --> 00:19:33.950
that being obese is healthy, fine. I can't convince

00:19:33.950 --> 00:19:35.809
you either way because you've convinced yourself,

00:19:35.990 --> 00:19:40.000
but it's not. And my doctor had said, you need

00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:42.500
surgery because I really just don't think with

00:19:42.500 --> 00:19:44.500
everything stacked against you, you're going

00:19:44.500 --> 00:19:46.519
to be able to do this. You've been trying and

00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:48.579
you're just you're not sticking with it. Now,

00:19:48.619 --> 00:19:51.039
he wasn't making excuses for me and he wasn't

00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:52.779
saying, oh, well, because you have PCOS, you'll

00:19:52.779 --> 00:19:55.980
never lose weight. He could see that I was never

00:19:55.980 --> 00:19:58.240
going to be able to stick to something. It spiraled

00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:01.240
too far at that point. And he knew he probably

00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:02.960
knew she was going to keep eating the way she

00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:06.160
wants to eat because it's so easy because it

00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:09.420
happens to me now. It's so ingrained and it becomes

00:20:09.420 --> 00:20:12.400
so ingrained within you and such a habit. And

00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.099
we talk about how habits are so hard to build

00:20:15.099 --> 00:20:18.259
and they are like habits are incredibly difficult

00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:20.140
to build. And that's why we always say, you know,

00:20:20.180 --> 00:20:23.119
like small achievable goals, one thing at a time,

00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:27.019
stack the habits as you go. But once you have

00:20:27.019 --> 00:20:30.559
those habits, they're very hard to break. And

00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.940
so when you've cycled through it for years and

00:20:33.940 --> 00:20:36.759
years. and you've given yourself the same talk

00:20:36.759 --> 00:20:41.359
track for years and years, it is incredibly hard

00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:43.339
to break it. And that's why we've talked about

00:20:43.339 --> 00:20:46.460
doing binge diets and where we see success for

00:20:46.460 --> 00:20:49.700
a little bit, and then those old habits just

00:20:49.700 --> 00:20:54.380
creep back in. And there's nothing wrong with

00:20:54.380 --> 00:20:57.319
saying, I need help. And I think... That's one

00:20:57.319 --> 00:21:00.200
of the big reasons why I think some people are

00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:02.460
afraid to go down this route. Number one, yeah,

00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:05.900
it's surgery. I get that. But it's hard to say,

00:21:05.940 --> 00:21:09.039
I can't do this. And it's hard to say, I need

00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:13.700
help. And to admit, I'm not going to say failure,

00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:17.920
but to admit defeat. And it's exhausting going

00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:22.119
through the cycle of binge diet and fad diets

00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:26.609
and this topic and trying this supplement. physically

00:21:26.609 --> 00:21:30.490
and mentally exhausting. And at some point for

00:21:30.490 --> 00:21:33.329
your own good, whether it's surgery, whether

00:21:33.329 --> 00:21:35.150
it's getting a personal trainer, whether you're

00:21:35.150 --> 00:21:37.950
going on a GLP -1, whether you just want to get

00:21:37.950 --> 00:21:39.809
your nutrition in check, at some point you need

00:21:39.809 --> 00:21:43.769
to say, okay, I need, something has to change.

00:21:44.009 --> 00:21:47.210
I need some help. I cannot do this alone. And

00:21:47.210 --> 00:21:49.769
there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing

00:21:49.769 --> 00:21:52.869
wrong with that. But in that journey, you need

00:21:52.869 --> 00:21:56.029
to sit down. and have some very hard conversations

00:21:56.029 --> 00:21:58.589
with yourself. And like, you're not going to

00:21:58.589 --> 00:22:00.509
like it because for some reason, when we're obese,

00:22:00.670 --> 00:22:05.509
we're so adverse to diet. And we like the fat

00:22:05.509 --> 00:22:07.509
acceptance community has done a wonderful job

00:22:07.509 --> 00:22:10.349
convincing everyone that diets are the pure enemy

00:22:10.349 --> 00:22:13.210
of the world. But you will convince yourself

00:22:13.210 --> 00:22:16.759
that. it's not diet and that you're starving

00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:18.740
and that you're doing a really good job and that

00:22:18.740 --> 00:22:20.420
you're eating really healthy because you're making

00:22:20.420 --> 00:22:22.920
things at home. But like, are you, or do you

00:22:22.920 --> 00:22:24.940
go out to eat once a week? Because that's the

00:22:24.940 --> 00:22:27.759
family thing that happens, you know, or are you

00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:29.799
ordering food that you think is healthy? Like

00:22:29.799 --> 00:22:31.920
spoiler, shawarma is not healthy just because

00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:33.839
there's salads and stuff and it's chicken. Like,

00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:36.380
are you convincing yourself that what you're

00:22:36.380 --> 00:22:38.839
doing is healthy? Like even the crackers that

00:22:38.839 --> 00:22:41.200
you buy, like. I do keep crackers in the house.

00:22:41.220 --> 00:22:43.420
I do know there are slider food, but I like to

00:22:43.420 --> 00:22:45.880
have my other than us who eats a normal portion

00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:48.279
of crackers. Let's be real. Okay. So that, right.

00:22:48.339 --> 00:22:50.039
And that's what I was going to say is like, I

00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:52.420
take a portion of crackers and that's almost,

00:22:52.519 --> 00:22:55.839
which is so small. So small. Some of them are

00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:57.519
200. So like there's little things you're not

00:22:57.519 --> 00:22:58.839
thinking of where you're like, well, it's just

00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:01.079
some crackers. Well, it's just some cheese. Like

00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:03.599
you. Anyway, if you're going to be successful

00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:05.579
in the surgery, you kind of just have to have

00:23:05.579 --> 00:23:08.140
a better mentality. But even if you're not having

00:23:08.140 --> 00:23:09.880
surgery and you want to lose weight, at the end

00:23:09.880 --> 00:23:11.660
of the day, the one thing I didn't do and that

00:23:11.660 --> 00:23:14.240
I avoided like the plague was taking fucking

00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:17.480
accountability. Even my mom was like, oh, my

00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:19.180
God, the amount of times you just lied about

00:23:19.180 --> 00:23:21.559
things and you just, you know, you were so convinced

00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:23.319
that this was going to fix it. And you spent

00:23:23.319 --> 00:23:25.599
all this time trying to diagnose what was wrong

00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:28.059
with you and convinced that it was this disease

00:23:28.059 --> 00:23:29.779
or this disease or this thing or that thing.

00:23:29.859 --> 00:23:32.079
You know, tests would come back. normal things

00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:34.319
would be fine but like you were so convinced

00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:37.220
and you like and you just instead of just going

00:23:37.220 --> 00:23:40.059
back to the basics walking yeah and that's what

00:23:40.059 --> 00:23:41.759
my mom said like getting you to go for a walk

00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:45.019
you had all these fucking excuses and you were

00:23:45.019 --> 00:23:47.900
too busy and oh I do a ton of exercise don't

00:23:47.900 --> 00:23:49.859
even oh I exercise all the time actually and

00:23:49.859 --> 00:23:52.839
it's like no you don't you get wind of taking

00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:55.640
the garbage out like I would I would pile all

00:23:55.640 --> 00:23:58.380
my garbage up and put it out in a little wagon

00:23:58.380 --> 00:24:01.099
outside of my apartment and then drag the wagon

00:24:01.099 --> 00:24:03.920
to the garbage and I remember my mom was like

00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:06.859
oh my god like this is ridiculous your garbage

00:24:06.859 --> 00:24:09.279
is on the corner around your condo but like I

00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:11.160
couldn't physically take my garbage out every

00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:13.799
day and I convinced myself I didn't need to well

00:24:13.799 --> 00:24:16.519
oh doesn't it just suck to have stairs oh everybody

00:24:16.519 --> 00:24:19.059
must hate taking this out and now I laugh because

00:24:19.059 --> 00:24:21.579
I take my garbage out probably twice a day yeah

00:24:21.579 --> 00:24:27.619
and I'm like wow embarrassing or my doctor is

00:24:27.619 --> 00:24:29.380
across the street literally across the street

00:24:29.380 --> 00:24:32.220
I would drive I would drive to my doctor's appointment

00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:34.900
and I would convince myself well my back hurts

00:24:34.900 --> 00:24:37.640
or my leg hurts or oh it's kind of cold out and

00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:41.180
oh it's quicker if I just drive like again subconsciously

00:24:41.180 --> 00:24:43.599
I would make these choices and convince myself

00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:47.559
that this was it um, that, you know, I was fine.

00:24:47.660 --> 00:24:49.880
I, you know, I was actually under eating and

00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:52.019
people were concerned. I didn't eat enough and,

00:24:52.039 --> 00:24:54.279
you know, I should treat myself and here I go

00:24:54.279 --> 00:24:56.400
and I need to fuel and blah, blah, blah. And

00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:58.339
now I look back and go, Oh my God, the amount

00:24:58.339 --> 00:25:00.220
that I ate out, the amount that I thought it

00:25:00.220 --> 00:25:02.539
was okay to have these things, the amount of

00:25:02.539 --> 00:25:05.180
bread that I fucking ate on a daily basis. And

00:25:05.180 --> 00:25:06.920
it's not that bread's bad. It's that literally

00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:09.579
I would just eat fucking burning it. If you're

00:25:09.579 --> 00:25:12.589
not doing anything to burn it. There's no vegetables,

00:25:12.650 --> 00:25:14.390
no protein. It was just like crackers, bread,

00:25:14.609 --> 00:25:17.029
crackers, bread, carbs, carbs. And I was like,

00:25:17.069 --> 00:25:19.730
holy shit. You sit there. Holy shit. Yeah. And

00:25:19.730 --> 00:25:22.589
even now, just because I've lost weight doesn't

00:25:22.589 --> 00:25:25.369
mean I don't have to slap myself a few times

00:25:25.369 --> 00:25:28.509
and say, you know, literally, but that I don't

00:25:28.509 --> 00:25:30.029
have to sit myself down and go, what the fuck

00:25:30.029 --> 00:25:31.869
are you doing? Like, are you, you're going to

00:25:31.869 --> 00:25:34.309
go, there's a bird on my windowsill. It's beautiful.

00:25:34.450 --> 00:25:37.089
Hello. Are you really going to be doing this?

00:25:37.130 --> 00:25:40.140
Like there was definitely a moment where. My

00:25:40.140 --> 00:25:42.339
neighbor has a friend over and like, do you want

00:25:42.339 --> 00:25:45.200
to go get gelato? And I was like, yes, I go once

00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:47.700
a fucking month for gelato. It is my treat. I

00:25:47.700 --> 00:25:50.599
love it. Let's go. And then literally two days

00:25:50.599 --> 00:25:52.640
later, it was like, oh, I think we might go back

00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.619
again. It was just so good. And I was like, oh,

00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:56.460
my God, let's do it. And then I was like, no,

00:25:56.599 --> 00:25:58.779
what are you doing? You had your gelato. You

00:25:58.779 --> 00:26:00.720
actually you can go with them and hang out. You

00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:03.279
don't need to go do this again. You're getting

00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:05.480
sucked into, well, everybody else is doing it.

00:26:05.500 --> 00:26:08.220
So I'm going to do it. Let's go. No, you don't

00:26:08.220 --> 00:26:10.660
have that luxury anymore. Not that you had it

00:26:10.660 --> 00:26:14.019
before, but no, you will not be doing that. And

00:26:14.019 --> 00:26:16.440
yeah, I had to kind of like hard reset myself

00:26:16.440 --> 00:26:19.259
to be like, and I have to do it often. Like,

00:26:19.259 --> 00:26:22.000
no, you're making bad choices. No, you don't

00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:23.920
need to be ordering food. I don't care how busy

00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:26.779
you are. You need to be meal prepping. No, that

00:26:26.779 --> 00:26:30.670
is not healthy. And I. the apps have to go I

00:26:30.670 --> 00:26:32.509
know I have to delete them but I every now and

00:26:32.509 --> 00:26:34.410
then like getting groceries delivered and I think

00:26:34.410 --> 00:26:37.410
that that is old obese Hannah's excuse sneaking

00:26:37.410 --> 00:26:40.029
home where I'm like well Steph I use it for groceries

00:26:40.029 --> 00:26:42.569
though and that's why I have to keep it exactly

00:26:42.569 --> 00:26:45.910
is I catch myself on there way more than I should

00:26:45.910 --> 00:26:47.750
where I'm like well I think I'll order something

00:26:47.750 --> 00:26:51.390
and I put it in the cart and then I go you don't

00:26:51.390 --> 00:26:54.730
need this go make something like are you seriously

00:26:54.730 --> 00:26:56.809
going to spend this much money and be eat that

00:26:56.809 --> 00:27:00.519
many calories oh man Looking back, when we lived

00:27:00.519 --> 00:27:04.279
in KW, because where we live now, we don't have

00:27:04.279 --> 00:27:08.700
Uber Eats and all of those things. Unless you

00:27:08.700 --> 00:27:10.680
could Uber Eat a carton of eggs from the farm

00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:14.140
next door. We don't have the luxury of takeout,

00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:18.640
really. We have a pizza place in town, and that's

00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:20.460
about it. We have a butcher shop, but we don't

00:27:20.460 --> 00:27:25.299
have fast food, which has been a huge godsend.

00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:30.640
looking back when we lived in kw the amount of

00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:34.799
times we would uber eats dinner because we were

00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:37.980
tired the kids the this we have this i don't

00:27:37.980 --> 00:27:40.000
feel like cooking i didn't oh i forgot to take

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:42.200
something out oh i don't feel like going to the

00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:45.799
store if i pulled up that history and i did pulled

00:27:45.799 --> 00:27:48.640
up that history and looked at the amount of number

00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:50.900
one the amount of money we spent but the amount

00:27:50.900 --> 00:27:54.819
of times a month that we would order but again

00:27:55.369 --> 00:27:58.769
oh, we're getting shawarma. It's fine. Or, oh,

00:27:58.910 --> 00:28:02.349
we're getting subs. It's fine. It wasn't convincing

00:28:02.349 --> 00:28:05.630
ourselves that it's not takeout. Like it's, yeah,

00:28:05.650 --> 00:28:07.430
it's takeout, but I mean, we're not getting like

00:28:07.430 --> 00:28:11.470
pizza and we're not getting fries and we're not

00:28:11.470 --> 00:28:12.910
getting all this stuff. It's okay because we're

00:28:12.910 --> 00:28:14.430
getting subs and it's okay because we're getting

00:28:14.430 --> 00:28:17.430
shawarma. We're making good choices. Well, yeah,

00:28:17.490 --> 00:28:19.269
okay, those are probably healthier than some

00:28:19.269 --> 00:28:21.329
of the other options. But again, when you're

00:28:21.329 --> 00:28:26.009
doing it once or twice a week, and then you're

00:28:26.009 --> 00:28:30.670
just sitting on the couch eating, it's really

00:28:30.670 --> 00:28:32.609
still not a good choice. And I've had people

00:28:32.609 --> 00:28:34.630
that I've talked to that have reached out to

00:28:34.630 --> 00:28:37.809
me about surgery and have conversations, and

00:28:37.809 --> 00:28:40.029
their comment is, well, I just can't do it because

00:28:40.029 --> 00:28:44.130
I love food too much. Well, obviously, those

00:28:44.130 --> 00:28:47.230
of us in this situation also love food. If we

00:28:47.230 --> 00:28:49.630
didn't, again, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

00:28:50.210 --> 00:28:53.759
And that goes back to... We're not saying you

00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:56.880
can't have those foods. Like Hannah just said,

00:28:56.920 --> 00:28:59.740
she goes out for gelato. I just had chicken nuggets.

00:29:01.180 --> 00:29:03.119
We're not saying you can't have those foods,

00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:06.059
but it just goes back to, again, like I said,

00:29:06.099 --> 00:29:08.799
being accountable, all things in moderation.

00:29:09.480 --> 00:29:12.099
Make some swap outs. Look for some healthier

00:29:12.099 --> 00:29:14.819
ways to do things. Look for some healthier options.

00:29:15.549 --> 00:29:18.630
Don't use the food as a reward or as a crutch.

00:29:19.609 --> 00:29:25.069
Or to show love or to show gratitude. You can

00:29:25.069 --> 00:29:28.789
still have those things. You just have to look

00:29:28.789 --> 00:29:32.670
at the food differently. You have to figure out

00:29:32.670 --> 00:29:35.309
your relationship with it, where those struggles

00:29:35.309 --> 00:29:37.869
are coming from, why you're making those choices,

00:29:37.930 --> 00:29:40.549
and get to the bottom of that first. And for

00:29:40.549 --> 00:29:43.890
me, it was, like I said, boredom was a huge thing

00:29:43.890 --> 00:29:49.130
for me. huge thing um also not paying attention

00:29:49.130 --> 00:29:51.769
to my hydration a lot of times when I was thirsty

00:29:51.769 --> 00:29:56.269
I would eat instead of actually being like oh

00:29:56.269 --> 00:29:58.670
it's three o 'clock and you've had one coffee

00:29:58.670 --> 00:30:01.289
today maybe you should drink some water instead

00:30:01.289 --> 00:30:04.589
of eating some food um but anytime I got a little

00:30:04.589 --> 00:30:09.150
bit bored food was the thing but you need to

00:30:09.150 --> 00:30:10.910
you need to figure that out and you need to come

00:30:10.910 --> 00:30:13.849
to terms with it Give yourself grace, as my friend

00:30:13.849 --> 00:30:16.730
Denise, as Denise always says, bless and release.

00:30:17.109 --> 00:30:20.049
Give yourself grace, right? Yes, we got to the

00:30:20.049 --> 00:30:22.230
position we were in. Is there anything up until

00:30:22.230 --> 00:30:24.829
then that we could do to change it? No. We did

00:30:24.829 --> 00:30:26.890
what we did. We put ourselves in the position

00:30:26.890 --> 00:30:29.109
we were in, but now it was time to put on our

00:30:29.109 --> 00:30:32.150
big girl panties, own up to it, admit what we

00:30:32.150 --> 00:30:36.910
did, and start fresh. Make those new steps, figure

00:30:36.910 --> 00:30:39.549
out what the problem is, work towards it, and

00:30:39.549 --> 00:30:42.039
then put the new steps in place. Put your hand

00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.039
up. Admit you need help. Admit defeat. It's not

00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:49.539
a bad thing. And then start the steps down the

00:30:49.539 --> 00:30:52.319
path to making those changes. And it's not hard.

00:30:52.519 --> 00:30:55.000
I mean, it's not hard. It's not easy. It's hard

00:30:55.000 --> 00:31:00.700
as shit. But it's so incredibly worth it. And

00:31:00.700 --> 00:31:05.569
it becomes so empowering. To be able to make

00:31:05.569 --> 00:31:08.069
those decisions and to be able to say no, you

00:31:08.069 --> 00:31:10.410
will be so much more proud of yourself saying

00:31:10.410 --> 00:31:14.490
no than feeling guilty and hating yourself after

00:31:14.490 --> 00:31:16.890
saying yes and sitting there on the couch going,

00:31:16.990 --> 00:31:20.269
why the hell did I just pound that back? That

00:31:20.269 --> 00:31:22.990
feeling compared to the feeling of knowing you

00:31:22.990 --> 00:31:25.410
made a good choice and you said no and you did

00:31:25.410 --> 00:31:27.130
something good for yourself, there's no comparison.

00:31:27.849 --> 00:31:32.400
Yeah, and it's not easy. There's a book. It's

00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:36.799
controversial. I liked it. But there's a book

00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:39.119
that I bought that I really liked called Never

00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:42.140
Binge Again. And I bought it before surgery because

00:31:42.140 --> 00:31:44.880
I was like, you know, I do that. I do sit and

00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.480
nest and I binge. And also I need to add huge,

00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:51.099
huge PSA over this whole episode. Please see

00:31:51.099 --> 00:31:53.880
a therapist. Yes. This is not something that

00:31:53.880 --> 00:31:56.240
you're going to be easily able to tell. You need

00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.140
help to talk through this. Yes. Because there's

00:31:59.140 --> 00:32:02.480
a lot that goes into like the binging. eating

00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:07.619
and it you know it's things like um well you

00:32:07.619 --> 00:32:10.200
know uh I'm doing it because I'm anxious or I'm

00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:13.000
bored or it's my reward or it's this or it's

00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:14.920
that like there's so much that goes into it but

00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:17.980
I don't realize that they can help pull out of

00:32:17.980 --> 00:32:19.640
the conversation and they can help you identify

00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:24.440
yes I bought this book and controversy or not

00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:26.079
aside whatever some people love it some hate

00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:27.740
it but I bought it before surgery to read it

00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:30.079
because I was like well Maybe it's just that

00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:33.200
simple. But I like how he framed it where, and

00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:36.079
I, again, maybe he didn't pick the best example,

00:32:36.180 --> 00:32:38.539
but basically he framed it as like, there's the

00:32:38.539 --> 00:32:41.220
you, you know, your goals, your logic, your vision,

00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:43.140
like there, and that is in you when you're obese.

00:32:43.259 --> 00:32:45.980
Like, you know what you're doing, you know what

00:32:45.980 --> 00:32:49.779
you want to do. And then. He labeled the other

00:32:49.779 --> 00:32:52.519
part and he said, pick your own animal. But he

00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:55.579
picked the animal for him as the pig. Some people

00:32:55.579 --> 00:32:57.759
pick a wolf. Some people pick a bear. I picked

00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:00.579
a wolf. But basically the other part of you that

00:33:00.579 --> 00:33:04.380
just wants like cake, chips, chaos, instant gratification,

00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:09.039
like work against you. The animal speaks in rationalizations.

00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:11.240
Like the animal will often say, you deserve this.

00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:14.220
It's just once. Start tomorrow. You're doing

00:33:14.220 --> 00:33:17.650
great. And you have to start saying like, oh,

00:33:17.690 --> 00:33:19.829
that's not me. That's not Hannah. That's the

00:33:19.829 --> 00:33:22.630
animal speaking like and I don't listen to that

00:33:22.630 --> 00:33:25.509
animal. So it was a way of him just kind of saying

00:33:25.509 --> 00:33:27.069
and I know people were like, why would he pick

00:33:27.069 --> 00:33:28.410
a pig? And I was like, I don't know. I kind of

00:33:28.410 --> 00:33:30.410
get it. It's funny. But it was his way of saying

00:33:30.410 --> 00:33:32.710
like there are two versions of yourself and you

00:33:32.710 --> 00:33:35.950
have to start kind of identifying when that voice

00:33:35.950 --> 00:33:38.470
comes in that that is not really you and that

00:33:38.470 --> 00:33:41.569
is not what you want. And then he kind of says

00:33:41.569 --> 00:33:45.049
like set rules and. they're they're you know

00:33:45.049 --> 00:33:46.750
don't do vague things like i'm just gonna eat

00:33:46.750 --> 00:33:50.589
healthy it's i don't eat after 8 p .m i yeah

00:33:50.589 --> 00:33:54.329
yeah i only have sweet treats on saturdays um

00:33:54.329 --> 00:33:58.130
i never eat on the couch while gaming like and

00:33:58.130 --> 00:34:00.130
this kind of takes me back to therapy where she

00:34:00.130 --> 00:34:03.170
was like i can't be vague you need to be clear

00:34:03.170 --> 00:34:06.210
um and so it was interesting because he doesn't

00:34:06.210 --> 00:34:08.269
believe in calorie counting and meal plans and

00:34:08.269 --> 00:34:10.570
things like that you know how we feel he believes

00:34:10.570 --> 00:34:14.750
in like you got to shift your mindset. Um, and

00:34:14.750 --> 00:34:18.150
you know, he, he believes that binge eating is

00:34:18.150 --> 00:34:20.210
not emotional. It's like a neurological habit

00:34:20.210 --> 00:34:23.110
that you can rewire now again, agree or disagree.

00:34:23.289 --> 00:34:26.190
Um, I kind of liked the idea for me. It kind

00:34:26.190 --> 00:34:29.780
of worked about, um, Separating the two. Having

00:34:29.780 --> 00:34:32.239
the animal. Yeah. And then telling myself that's

00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.159
not you. It's the animal. The animal literally

00:34:34.159 --> 00:34:37.699
thrives on ambiguity and chaos. And it wants

00:34:37.699 --> 00:34:40.500
to go back to doing all of that. Don't let it.

00:34:41.880 --> 00:34:44.539
And then I really like the notion of because

00:34:44.539 --> 00:34:45.960
you'll hear a lot of people say, oh, my God,

00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:48.179
Hannah, you need to give yourself more self -compassion.

00:34:48.179 --> 00:34:49.940
Like, oh, my gosh, you need to you know, you

00:34:49.940 --> 00:34:52.079
need to be you're going to slip up and fit. And

00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:54.400
it's like, I get that. But to me, self -discipline

00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:57.840
is self -love. Right. Being able to make the

00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.300
best decision for you is self -love. The animal

00:35:01.300 --> 00:35:03.239
thing is interesting, and it's funny because

00:35:03.239 --> 00:35:08.820
one of my daughters go to counseling too, which

00:35:08.820 --> 00:35:12.880
I think is great for kids. And they talk about,

00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.199
and I was just talking to her principal about

00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:16.840
it, and she just told me the book, and of course

00:35:16.840 --> 00:35:19.460
now I cannot remember the name of the book. But

00:35:19.460 --> 00:35:21.880
it uses the same type of analogy where they talk

00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:25.550
about the guard dog and the wise owl. And how

00:35:25.550 --> 00:35:28.150
when you have an outburst and somebody makes

00:35:28.150 --> 00:35:31.070
you angry or something bad happens and you initially

00:35:31.070 --> 00:35:35.909
burst out, that's your guard dog who is trying

00:35:35.909 --> 00:35:38.969
to defend you, trying to stick up, trying to

00:35:38.969 --> 00:35:44.170
bark, trying to scare versus stopping, taking

00:35:44.170 --> 00:35:48.250
a step back, taking a breath, analyzing the situation

00:35:48.250 --> 00:35:52.059
and using the wise owl to then think. Do I really

00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:54.760
need to react to this? Do I really need to give

00:35:54.760 --> 00:35:58.480
this space? And so we talk a lot about the guard

00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:01.420
dog and the wise owl and what we need to use

00:36:01.420 --> 00:36:05.019
more of in certain situations. So it's interesting

00:36:05.019 --> 00:36:07.960
that he's also kind of leveraging that, but it's

00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:09.920
true. You do have, it's like the angel and the

00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:12.619
devil, right? You have those two parts of you

00:36:12.619 --> 00:36:14.699
that are fighting and which one do you listen

00:36:14.699 --> 00:36:17.500
to and how do you talk the other one down? And

00:36:17.500 --> 00:36:20.159
again, I think that's why he said therapy, 100%.

00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:23.079
Because they can help pick out some of those

00:36:23.079 --> 00:36:25.820
things that you clearly either have not been

00:36:25.820 --> 00:36:28.260
able to identify yourself or have maybe been

00:36:28.260 --> 00:36:31.519
lying to yourself about or are trying to ignore.

00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:35.860
So having that outside person who's not biased

00:36:35.860 --> 00:36:39.239
listen and help you identify that. And then they

00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:42.619
can help you identify and acknowledge when those

00:36:42.619 --> 00:36:46.219
two parts of you are talking and how to. listen

00:36:46.219 --> 00:36:48.679
to one versus the other and the talk track to

00:36:48.679 --> 00:36:51.260
use for yourself. Because let's be honest, we

00:36:51.260 --> 00:36:55.440
don't have a record when most of us, not all

00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:57.239
of us, but most of us, when we're obese and in

00:36:57.239 --> 00:36:59.679
this situation, we're not very nice to ourselves.

00:37:00.460 --> 00:37:02.980
The talk track that we typically have for ourselves

00:37:02.980 --> 00:37:07.019
is, you messed up again. Why did you do that?

00:37:07.260 --> 00:37:10.139
Why are you making bad choices? Why are you doing

00:37:10.139 --> 00:37:12.219
this to yourself? Look at how bad you look. Look

00:37:12.219 --> 00:37:14.360
at how crappy you look in that outfit. Well,

00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.780
look at... The number on the scale that you did

00:37:16.780 --> 00:37:18.880
now. Look at the new role you got because you

00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:22.400
ate that cake again. We're not known for being

00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:25.320
kind to ourselves or speaking nicely to ourselves.

00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:28.679
And that's something that you have to work on

00:37:28.679 --> 00:37:30.639
with this as well. And that all comes together

00:37:30.639 --> 00:37:34.719
with how do I start to treat myself with respect?

00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:37.719
How do I start to give myself that self -love?

00:37:37.900 --> 00:37:41.159
How do I start to look at the positive side of

00:37:41.159 --> 00:37:43.559
things? How do I start to listen to that right

00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:47.730
voice? and talk nicely to the right voice, but

00:37:47.730 --> 00:37:51.969
also talk nicely to the not so nice voice to

00:37:51.969 --> 00:37:55.989
put it back out of my mind without demonizing

00:37:55.989 --> 00:37:59.210
myself. It's such a mental, as we said, it's

00:37:59.210 --> 00:38:04.050
such a mental game to this. And that's why it's

00:38:04.050 --> 00:38:06.190
really important to sit down, like you said,

00:38:06.329 --> 00:38:08.730
sit down and have that initial conversation with

00:38:08.730 --> 00:38:13.010
yourself and put it all on the table. Give yourself

00:38:13.010 --> 00:38:17.489
grace. Admit what you've done. There's nothing

00:38:17.489 --> 00:38:21.769
you can do about it. No. In the past. What's

00:38:21.769 --> 00:38:24.289
done is done. You can only move forward. That's

00:38:24.289 --> 00:38:26.550
a great thing to highlight here. We're not about

00:38:26.550 --> 00:38:30.289
beating up past Hannah. It is what it is. I praise

00:38:30.289 --> 00:38:33.670
past Hannah a lot. People who know me will know

00:38:33.670 --> 00:38:35.869
I've said I did not get where I am today without

00:38:35.869 --> 00:38:37.969
her. And I do mean that in a good and a bad way.

00:38:37.969 --> 00:38:40.000
It's part of your journey. wouldn't have gotten

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:41.980
to weight loss surgery without her but like I

00:38:41.980 --> 00:38:45.320
did try it's not that I didn't try I did try

00:38:45.320 --> 00:38:48.639
it's that if I truly think what held me back

00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:51.400
it's that I wasn't being honest with myself and

00:38:51.400 --> 00:38:54.260
that I wasn't maybe a little bit again more disciplined

00:38:54.260 --> 00:38:56.659
I don't think it's called beating yourself up

00:38:56.659 --> 00:38:59.500
I think like self -love is not just blindly letting

00:38:59.500 --> 00:39:02.039
you do whatever you want to do and going oh well

00:39:02.039 --> 00:39:04.579
like at some point I needed to sit down and go

00:39:04.579 --> 00:39:06.679
wake up Hannah probably should be a therapist

00:39:06.679 --> 00:39:09.139
and talk about food because I never wanted to

00:39:09.139 --> 00:39:10.739
talk about food I talked about everything else

00:39:10.739 --> 00:39:14.119
anxiety um always fucking anxiety like just you

00:39:14.119 --> 00:39:17.260
know work related but wouldn't talk about like

00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:19.980
I'm fat and I don't want to be, and I don't know

00:39:19.980 --> 00:39:24.079
why I'm fat and like unpacking, honestly, like,

00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:26.519
do I eat because I'm anxious? Yeah. Because I've

00:39:26.519 --> 00:39:28.880
now connected, oh, well I can cause my anxiety

00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:31.559
to feel better if I eat. Right. And like, even

00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:34.519
that tying my anxiety to, well, I bet it's blood

00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:36.420
sugar. I bet it's blood pressure. I bet it's

00:39:36.420 --> 00:39:39.699
like, it's now all food related. And yet I can

00:39:39.699 --> 00:39:41.900
clearly look at blood work and say, you have

00:39:41.900 --> 00:39:44.739
impeccable blood sugar. You have great blood

00:39:44.739 --> 00:39:48.670
pressure. it's excuse me anxiety because that

00:39:48.670 --> 00:39:52.550
old that old me wants to get back to binge eat

00:39:52.550 --> 00:39:56.690
eat eat eat here you go dude yeah and it happens

00:39:56.690 --> 00:40:00.369
now so like yeah I'll be honest uh Steph knows

00:40:00.369 --> 00:40:03.309
because I messaged her I have been in a stall

00:40:03.309 --> 00:40:05.170
and it's annoying as fuck and then all of a sudden

00:40:05.170 --> 00:40:08.750
I got on the scale and I like whoosh down five

00:40:08.750 --> 00:40:12.030
pounds I was like holy shit holy shit I'm like

00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:15.000
I'm so on the edge of like just 10 more pounds

00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:17.579
and I'm at my goal weight. And then all of a

00:40:17.579 --> 00:40:22.480
sudden the next fucking day I gained seven fucking

00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:25.219
pounds and I lost it to stuff. I was like, how

00:40:25.219 --> 00:40:27.360
in the fuck is that even possible? And now I

00:40:27.360 --> 00:40:29.980
must add like my scale must be broken because

00:40:29.980 --> 00:40:31.619
I've gotten on it again and I've gone down four

00:40:31.619 --> 00:40:33.400
pounds and I'm like, I can't fluctuate. It's

00:40:33.400 --> 00:40:36.159
not right here. I'd be dead. Um, so I think my

00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:38.940
scale is just on its fucking way out. But, um,

00:40:39.750 --> 00:40:42.230
did i immediately just want to be like well whatever

00:40:42.230 --> 00:40:45.429
let's eat junk food like my neighbor has a friend

00:40:45.429 --> 00:40:47.590
over and she's like we should hang out and like

00:40:47.590 --> 00:40:50.090
she orders food a lot and i can get into this

00:40:50.090 --> 00:40:51.670
habit of like well if she's ordering it i'll

00:40:51.670 --> 00:40:54.579
order it I was really close. And then I was like,

00:40:54.619 --> 00:40:56.519
you know what, dude, I can't like, I have to

00:40:56.519 --> 00:40:58.960
get back on track. We ordered the other day.

00:40:59.079 --> 00:41:01.539
I mean, it wasn't terrible food that we ordered.

00:41:01.579 --> 00:41:05.539
It was, we ordered chicken wings. And like, it

00:41:05.539 --> 00:41:07.900
felt good in the moment, but then I was like,

00:41:07.980 --> 00:41:10.780
no, I can see how slippery the slope is. And

00:41:10.780 --> 00:41:13.099
I see what's happening here. And so I had to

00:41:13.099 --> 00:41:16.010
say. We can definitely hang out, but I'm not

00:41:16.010 --> 00:41:18.329
ordering food. Like you guys can absolutely order

00:41:18.329 --> 00:41:21.250
it, but like, I'm not, I have to get back on

00:41:21.250 --> 00:41:25.329
track. I'm not tracking. I'm not following my

00:41:25.329 --> 00:41:27.610
meal prep. I'm kind of flying by the seat of

00:41:27.610 --> 00:41:30.010
my pants. I have a vacation coming at like, and

00:41:30.010 --> 00:41:33.550
I know what's going to happen here. So the old

00:41:33.550 --> 00:41:36.369
me is still here. Um, especially like when I

00:41:36.369 --> 00:41:38.550
have people over or I sit down to play video

00:41:38.550 --> 00:41:41.050
games or I'm just not feeling well because I

00:41:41.050 --> 00:41:43.349
haven't been feeling well lately. So it's like,

00:41:43.349 --> 00:41:46.070
well, you're sick. So you can have whatever you

00:41:46.070 --> 00:41:49.650
want to have sick. And it's like, shut the fuck

00:41:49.650 --> 00:41:54.489
up. No, I can't. No, like stop doing this because

00:41:54.489 --> 00:41:56.869
it's actually going to make things worse. So

00:41:56.869 --> 00:42:00.219
it, um, don't beat your old self up because my

00:42:00.219 --> 00:42:02.579
old self tried really hard but if you can take

00:42:02.579 --> 00:42:04.840
anything away from this what slowed my progression

00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:08.480
what slowed my success and what is still a massive

00:42:08.480 --> 00:42:12.260
challenge for me even now is being brutally honest

00:42:12.260 --> 00:42:16.159
with myself and saying yeah we're not in starvation

00:42:16.159 --> 00:42:19.119
mode you were not making the right choices you

00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:22.099
are not following the plans you don't have any

00:42:22.099 --> 00:42:24.840
right to be upset to talk about the stall to

00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:28.559
be mad like come on you know, this is not what

00:42:28.559 --> 00:42:31.159
you're supposed to be doing. And that's what

00:42:31.159 --> 00:42:33.360
tracking gives me. And I know people hate this

00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:35.179
idea and notion of it, and that's fine. You do

00:42:35.179 --> 00:42:37.840
you boo boo. What it gives me is the freedom

00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:41.199
to feel good about my choices. In a sense, I'm

00:42:41.199 --> 00:42:43.719
not saying good about food and I'm not, I'm not

00:42:43.719 --> 00:42:45.420
trying to, you know, go down that rabbit hole,

00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:48.099
but basically it gives me the ability to say,

00:42:48.239 --> 00:42:51.380
okay, cool. I'm not as off track as I think I

00:42:51.380 --> 00:42:53.800
am because without it. You really beat yourself

00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:56.559
up. You can really get in a negative place of

00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:58.139
you just had this weight loss surgery and why

00:42:58.139 --> 00:42:59.900
are you doing this? And this is so bad. And nobody

00:42:59.900 --> 00:43:02.760
knows how to accurately add up what you ate in

00:43:02.760 --> 00:43:06.199
a day. Full stop. You don't. And I will overestimate

00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:09.199
at this point, like because I'm for sure. And

00:43:09.199 --> 00:43:14.219
it's like, no, no. So, yeah, I like I still battle.

00:43:14.340 --> 00:43:17.639
I still battle emotional eating. I still battle

00:43:17.639 --> 00:43:21.940
sickness eating. I still just battle like. anxiety

00:43:21.940 --> 00:43:24.199
eating. Oh, your blood sugar must be low. Go

00:43:24.199 --> 00:43:25.880
eat some sugar. And it's like, it's not low.

00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:29.960
It's not low. Stop that. That's just it, right?

00:43:30.039 --> 00:43:33.920
The surgery doesn't solve all the brain stuff.

00:43:34.380 --> 00:43:38.480
Correct. All it does, literally all it does is

00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:39.840
depending on what you had done. But like for

00:43:39.840 --> 00:43:42.280
us, all we did was cut a portion of our stomach

00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:46.380
out. That's it. That's all we did. We made the

00:43:46.380 --> 00:43:50.219
container smaller. But all of the things that

00:43:50.219 --> 00:43:52.800
decide what go into that container are still

00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:56.179
there. Still there. So you need, that's why we

00:43:56.179 --> 00:43:58.199
always say like, it's not a magic pill. It's

00:43:58.199 --> 00:44:01.019
not a magic tool. I'll loop it back to all the

00:44:01.019 --> 00:44:02.940
people that say you cheated. You took the easy

00:44:02.940 --> 00:44:12.780
way out. Bullshit. Yeah. We still have to deal

00:44:12.780 --> 00:44:16.630
with all of the whys. Why are you doing this?

00:44:16.750 --> 00:44:18.369
Why do you want to put that in your body? Why

00:44:18.369 --> 00:44:21.110
are you making these choices? That's the hard

00:44:21.110 --> 00:44:23.849
part. And like whether you've had surgery or

00:44:23.849 --> 00:44:26.670
not, that is the hardest part of the journey

00:44:26.670 --> 00:44:32.190
is admitting why, coming to terms with it, admitting

00:44:32.190 --> 00:44:34.789
that, yeah, you messed up. You made some shit

00:44:34.789 --> 00:44:39.510
choices, but get over it. Start fresh. Today's

00:44:39.510 --> 00:44:42.869
a new day. Move on. Make those small achievable

00:44:42.869 --> 00:44:44.929
goals as to how you're going to move forward.

00:44:45.409 --> 00:44:49.349
Get some successes going. But forget about what

00:44:49.349 --> 00:44:53.530
you did. Stop dwelling on the past. Stop using,

00:44:53.650 --> 00:44:55.829
oh, well, I already messed up this week. I might

00:44:55.829 --> 00:44:58.710
as well keep going. No, you messed up yesterday.

00:44:58.869 --> 00:45:01.710
That was yesterday. Who gives a shit? Get over

00:45:01.710 --> 00:45:04.929
it and start again. Exactly. That's the big thing.

00:45:05.329 --> 00:45:09.409
That's the big thing. Have those slightly uncomfortable

00:45:09.409 --> 00:45:13.190
conversations with yourself and, you know, really,

00:45:13.349 --> 00:45:16.530
really look at stuff. Don't you're not allowed

00:45:16.530 --> 00:45:18.650
to make excuses and you're not allowed to self

00:45:18.650 --> 00:45:22.409
-soothe here. You have to have the hard conversations.

00:45:22.409 --> 00:45:25.880
And that will include like. what can you no longer

00:45:25.880 --> 00:45:27.860
buy and keep in the house? Because there are

00:45:27.860 --> 00:45:30.340
things that we can't be trusted with. It's, you

00:45:30.340 --> 00:45:32.039
know, what do we need to get rid of? And like,

00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:33.199
it's going to suck because you're not, you're

00:45:33.199 --> 00:45:36.159
going to immediately try to justify every decision

00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:39.300
here and you need to stop. So if that's things

00:45:39.300 --> 00:45:41.480
like, well, as a family, we eat out once a week,

00:45:41.619 --> 00:45:45.960
you probably shouldn't. you probably need to

00:45:45.960 --> 00:45:48.059
say, I think we need to get rid of that. And

00:45:48.059 --> 00:45:50.079
maybe it's, you know, we barbecue once a week

00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:52.920
or we do X, but like there's going to be traps

00:45:52.920 --> 00:45:55.019
sprinkled throughout that you're going to try

00:45:55.019 --> 00:45:59.019
really hard to justify. But I'd say like eating

00:45:59.019 --> 00:46:01.519
out in itself is not inherently bad, but eating

00:46:01.519 --> 00:46:03.780
out more than once a month, like I'm trying to

00:46:03.780 --> 00:46:07.030
limit. that I can only order out or eat out once

00:46:07.030 --> 00:46:09.789
a month because it's not good calories at all

00:46:09.789 --> 00:46:13.289
for me. And it's starting to like, again, really

00:46:13.289 --> 00:46:17.110
add up. And I just, that's not the reason I had

00:46:17.110 --> 00:46:18.849
the surgery because that's not the life I want

00:46:18.849 --> 00:46:20.929
to have anymore. There's a lot of other things

00:46:20.929 --> 00:46:22.829
I can do with my friends that don't involve eating.

00:46:22.949 --> 00:46:24.849
There's a lot of other great stuff that I can

00:46:24.849 --> 00:46:29.269
do. And so there's just have those hard conversations,

00:46:29.489 --> 00:46:32.929
be brutally honest, don't try to self -soothe

00:46:32.929 --> 00:46:36.150
or justify. keeping things that deep down you

00:46:36.150 --> 00:46:39.070
know you can't have and that's I think the hardest

00:46:39.070 --> 00:46:41.329
part about being obese you don't want to hear

00:46:41.329 --> 00:46:43.369
anybody tell you that you're not allowed to have

00:46:43.369 --> 00:46:45.670
this you're not allowed to do like you always

00:46:45.670 --> 00:46:47.650
will look for an excuse to be like that's crap

00:46:47.650 --> 00:46:49.730
that's bullshit I'm going to be able to do it

00:46:49.730 --> 00:46:51.630
in moderation it's going to be fine and it's

00:46:51.630 --> 00:46:54.489
like yeah if if we were able to handle this we

00:46:54.489 --> 00:46:57.550
wouldn't be in the situation we're in so just

00:46:57.550 --> 00:46:59.909
put that in the back of your head because Steph

00:46:59.909 --> 00:47:03.780
and I are seeing a concerning concerning rise

00:47:03.780 --> 00:47:08.539
of people on TikTok that are consistently breaking

00:47:08.539 --> 00:47:12.480
the rules like three, not even three, a month

00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:15.199
into their surgery, a month in, and they're having

00:47:15.199 --> 00:47:18.199
iced vanilla lattes from Tim Hortons, full sugar,

00:47:18.360 --> 00:47:20.579
that's like 25 grams of sugar. And they're like,

00:47:20.599 --> 00:47:23.539
oh, well, I didn't have this surgery to not treat

00:47:23.539 --> 00:47:27.019
myself. terrible mentality to have terrible you're

00:47:27.019 --> 00:47:29.159
a month post -op and that's not how you should

00:47:29.159 --> 00:47:31.019
be treating yourself no you're in the crucial

00:47:31.019 --> 00:47:36.059
phases of healing first of all let yourself heal

00:47:36.059 --> 00:47:40.659
like jesus but between being in the most crucial

00:47:40.659 --> 00:47:43.500
part afterwards of healing and that's we've said

00:47:43.500 --> 00:47:45.820
before that's when you have to set the well those

00:47:45.820 --> 00:47:47.380
habits should be put in place before surgery

00:47:47.380 --> 00:47:50.090
first of all but That's when you need to build

00:47:50.090 --> 00:47:52.409
that foundation and get those habits in place

00:47:52.409 --> 00:47:54.969
because if you're already, and there's a difference,

00:47:55.070 --> 00:47:57.170
we'll talk about this on another episode probably

00:47:57.170 --> 00:47:58.989
because we could go down a rabbit hole for ages

00:47:58.989 --> 00:48:01.510
on this one because we do every day to each other.

00:48:02.269 --> 00:48:04.090
But there's a difference between breaking the

00:48:04.090 --> 00:48:08.349
rules and bending the rules or manipulating the

00:48:08.349 --> 00:48:11.449
rules or full -on breaking them, right? Like,

00:48:11.730 --> 00:48:13.730
okay, they say don't use a straw, but I'm using

00:48:13.730 --> 00:48:16.110
a straw. Not such a big deal. But when you're

00:48:16.110 --> 00:48:18.030
four weeks out and you're still supposed to be

00:48:18.030 --> 00:48:21.250
on like purees and starting soft food and you're

00:48:21.250 --> 00:48:25.030
already eating chicken, beef, pulled pork, like

00:48:25.030 --> 00:48:28.869
you said, sugary vanilla lattes, then you clearly

00:48:28.869 --> 00:48:31.889
were not ready for this surgery. And then to

00:48:31.889 --> 00:48:35.630
then sit there and justify to the world that

00:48:35.630 --> 00:48:40.349
what you're doing is okay and to provide advice

00:48:40.349 --> 00:48:44.400
to others who are in the same situation. Hard,

00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:47.800
hard no. Hard no. Hard no. So you have to get

00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:51.900
your shit together before you have this surgery

00:48:51.900 --> 00:48:54.440
or if you're just looking to get on a weight

00:48:54.440 --> 00:48:56.320
loss or health and wellness journey, you got

00:48:56.320 --> 00:48:57.820
to sit down and get your shit together, bottom

00:48:57.820 --> 00:49:00.699
line. And until you can get the mental shit where

00:49:00.699 --> 00:49:04.639
it needs to be, you won't be able to do it. We

00:49:04.639 --> 00:49:07.320
can say it from experience. That is the number

00:49:07.320 --> 00:49:10.099
one. Tracking food's great. Making better choices

00:49:10.099 --> 00:49:12.460
is great. Moving your body is great. But until

00:49:12.460 --> 00:49:15.699
you sit down and get the mental piece sorted

00:49:15.699 --> 00:49:21.820
out, you're not going to do it. No. And, you

00:49:21.820 --> 00:49:23.800
know, Steph's right. We'll have a whole episode

00:49:23.800 --> 00:49:27.900
about that. But the rise of people who've had

00:49:27.900 --> 00:49:30.219
surgery that are just out here telling people,

00:49:30.340 --> 00:49:32.320
I didn't have surgery not to eat what I want

00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:34.139
to eat. I didn't have surgery to not spoil myself.

00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:36.420
And I'm still losing weight. So, like, trust

00:49:36.420 --> 00:49:38.480
me, trust me. It's like I don't trust anybody

00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:41.110
who's. less than a year post -op to be perfectly

00:49:41.110 --> 00:49:45.110
honest, because you're going to lose weight in

00:49:45.110 --> 00:49:47.550
the beginning. It's just, it's natural, but you're

00:49:47.550 --> 00:49:50.190
blatantly not following the rules. You're eating

00:49:50.190 --> 00:49:52.550
way over the calorie count. You're eating things

00:49:52.550 --> 00:49:53.849
that you're just not supposed to eat because

00:49:53.849 --> 00:49:55.769
you're like, quote, I feel great. It feels good.

00:49:55.989 --> 00:49:59.329
Okay. You're not literally not promoting the

00:49:59.329 --> 00:50:02.070
program. at all. And there's a reason we have

00:50:02.070 --> 00:50:03.710
a program. There's a reason you're supposed to

00:50:03.710 --> 00:50:05.929
follow things. And this is my biggest thing.

00:50:06.070 --> 00:50:08.349
If you're already going into surgery, knowing

00:50:08.349 --> 00:50:10.369
that you're going to be breaking rules and knowing

00:50:10.369 --> 00:50:11.889
that you're not going to listen to things and

00:50:11.889 --> 00:50:13.849
knowing that you just don't like, don't do it

00:50:13.849 --> 00:50:16.269
because you will gain the weight back. There

00:50:16.269 --> 00:50:19.530
is an alarming amount of people who regain all

00:50:19.530 --> 00:50:21.530
the weight. And then some, there's an alarming

00:50:21.530 --> 00:50:24.130
amount of people who lose less than 30 % of their

00:50:24.130 --> 00:50:26.650
excess weight in the first year, less than that

00:50:26.650 --> 00:50:29.519
means that some of you will lose 40 pounds. And

00:50:29.519 --> 00:50:31.659
that's still incredible, but that's it. You won't

00:50:31.659 --> 00:50:34.219
be losing the 160 pounds, the 100 plus pounds

00:50:34.219 --> 00:50:36.659
that a lot of us lose because that involved a

00:50:36.659 --> 00:50:39.019
fuck ton of work. That involves actually having

00:50:39.019 --> 00:50:43.239
to say no, no, no, no. It wasn't easy. But now

00:50:43.239 --> 00:50:45.719
that I'm two years post -op, I'm allowed to introduce

00:50:45.719 --> 00:50:47.860
some things back into my diet. But do not look

00:50:47.860 --> 00:50:50.059
at me and think this is what you should be doing

00:50:50.059 --> 00:50:52.820
a month after surgery. It's not. And I'm sorry

00:50:52.820 --> 00:50:54.760
that in your first year you have to give stuff

00:50:54.760 --> 00:50:57.960
up. We didn't get fat eating salad. Okay, we

00:50:57.960 --> 00:51:01.090
got fat. because this is what we do we look for

00:51:01.090 --> 00:51:03.710
excuses we look for justification we look for

00:51:03.710 --> 00:51:07.449
the easy way out and yeah it has to be hard guys

00:51:07.449 --> 00:51:11.630
like it has to be work It doesn't work if you

00:51:11.630 --> 00:51:14.210
don't work. So it's not going to be painful.

00:51:14.349 --> 00:51:16.889
Like you should have an easy, good surgery, but

00:51:16.889 --> 00:51:18.829
it's not going to be easy. Like you're going

00:51:18.829 --> 00:51:21.909
to have to say no. And even if you feel like

00:51:21.909 --> 00:51:23.829
you can eat it and it doesn't hurt your stomach,

00:51:24.010 --> 00:51:26.590
it doesn't mean you should be eating it. Like

00:51:26.590 --> 00:51:29.230
I said before, in the early days of surgery,

00:51:29.309 --> 00:51:31.309
I could eat fucking chicken wings. And I had

00:51:31.309 --> 00:51:33.849
to go, this probably is not what I should be

00:51:33.849 --> 00:51:36.210
eating. I kept saying, well, it's high protein

00:51:36.210 --> 00:51:39.289
and it tastes really good. And I was like. what

00:51:39.289 --> 00:51:41.030
the fuck are you doing? Like I had to have a

00:51:41.030 --> 00:51:43.050
huge conversation with myself about, I don't

00:51:43.050 --> 00:51:45.250
give a fuck if you can eat this. This is terrible.

00:51:45.510 --> 00:51:47.389
You wouldn't be doing this if you were fat and

00:51:47.389 --> 00:51:50.289
feeling good about it. Stop doing it now. And

00:51:50.289 --> 00:51:52.989
it was hard to get to 160 plus pounds of weight

00:51:52.989 --> 00:51:55.550
loss. It was not easy. And I fight tooth and

00:51:55.550 --> 00:51:58.710
nail every day to not go back into those old

00:51:58.710 --> 00:52:02.050
habits and to keep being successful. But I'm

00:52:02.050 --> 00:52:06.579
shocked. shocked by the rise of the amount of

00:52:06.579 --> 00:52:08.820
people that are like i'm 10 days post -op and

00:52:08.820 --> 00:52:12.380
i'm having diet coke and doritos and i'm 32 days

00:52:12.380 --> 00:52:14.760
post -op and i haven't lost any weight it's like

00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:17.719
can't wonder why i wonder why but then it's all

00:52:17.719 --> 00:52:20.039
the justification well you're swollen you're

00:52:20.039 --> 00:52:22.699
still doing great you know you it's it's you

00:52:22.699 --> 00:52:26.840
have muscle gain and it's like no you don't out

00:52:26.840 --> 00:52:29.480
the fact that they're drinking 25 gram sugar

00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:32.440
ice lattes, that they're literally eating full

00:52:32.440 --> 00:52:35.719
portions of food. That they're meeting 770 calories,

00:52:35.820 --> 00:52:39.039
which I was at two weeks ago at six and a half

00:52:39.039 --> 00:52:43.179
months post -op. Yes. Girl, let's be real. Let's

00:52:43.179 --> 00:52:45.679
be honest. And the reason that this is a problem

00:52:45.679 --> 00:52:49.139
is your hunger and your appetite scales. Okay.

00:52:49.219 --> 00:52:50.980
So like you're supposed to go slow to heal your

00:52:50.980 --> 00:52:55.079
stomach, to mentally learn how to reportion and

00:52:55.079 --> 00:52:59.150
eat less. And if you are, you're supposed to

00:52:59.150 --> 00:53:01.409
be on a liquid diet for a week after surgery.

00:53:01.510 --> 00:53:04.389
Then you're on pureed for about 28 days. Then

00:53:04.389 --> 00:53:07.230
you're on soft food. Then you go to regular food.

00:53:07.489 --> 00:53:10.449
This person woke up and decided, I don't give

00:53:10.449 --> 00:53:13.030
a fuck and went straight to regular food less

00:53:13.030 --> 00:53:15.190
than a month after surgery. And the response

00:53:15.190 --> 00:53:17.570
was, yeah, well, I have friends that have done

00:53:17.570 --> 00:53:20.170
it. So I'm going to do it. It's like. Okay. You

00:53:20.170 --> 00:53:23.289
didn't get fat making good life choices. I'm

00:53:23.289 --> 00:53:25.969
tired of it because there's so many people that

00:53:25.969 --> 00:53:28.030
have had surgery or who are about to have surgery

00:53:28.030 --> 00:53:30.230
that keep looking to these people and going,

00:53:30.309 --> 00:53:32.710
Oh my God, I love this. I want to do this. You're

00:53:32.710 --> 00:53:35.530
so real. This is great. And like, I'm begging

00:53:35.530 --> 00:53:38.309
my bariatric people out there that know this

00:53:38.309 --> 00:53:41.150
is wrong to please start commenting on these

00:53:41.150 --> 00:53:43.530
things and saying, Hey, there's a reason there's

00:53:43.530 --> 00:53:45.170
guidelines. You should probably be following

00:53:45.170 --> 00:53:47.869
them. Hey, um, you had your surgery in Ontario.

00:53:48.619 --> 00:53:50.860
We had our surgery in Ontario. We actually know

00:53:50.860 --> 00:53:52.579
several people that have had surgery at that

00:53:52.579 --> 00:53:55.860
exact clinic. I know for a fact you are not allowed

00:53:55.860 --> 00:53:59.019
to have 25 grams of sugar in a coffee. No. And

00:53:59.019 --> 00:54:00.800
that you're supposed to be having less than 10

00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:04.119
grams per serving, per serving of food, less

00:54:04.119 --> 00:54:07.099
than 10 grams. I also know that in no way should

00:54:07.099 --> 00:54:10.659
you be eating full food that soon after surgery

00:54:10.659 --> 00:54:13.380
and then have the nerve to get on there and complain

00:54:13.380 --> 00:54:15.239
that you haven't lost weight in three and a half

00:54:15.239 --> 00:54:18.510
weeks. Yeah, I wonder why. And everybody justifies

00:54:18.510 --> 00:54:20.449
it though. Everybody's telling her that it's

00:54:20.449 --> 00:54:23.090
- You're doing a great job. Just keep going.

00:54:23.170 --> 00:54:25.690
You're doing great. You got this. No, you're

00:54:25.690 --> 00:54:28.230
- Lose my mind. Lose my mind. We're going to

00:54:28.230 --> 00:54:30.730
go down the rabbit hole. But yeah, like eating

00:54:30.730 --> 00:54:34.030
just, yeah, eating portions bigger than I am.

00:54:34.590 --> 00:54:37.929
And I am almost seven months post -op. And it's

00:54:37.929 --> 00:54:40.789
not, it is not, because I know there's another

00:54:40.789 --> 00:54:43.269
toxic side of bariatric surgery that we do need

00:54:43.269 --> 00:54:46.449
to address. It is not - a medal that you eat

00:54:46.449 --> 00:54:48.309
less than other people you don't get a special

00:54:48.309 --> 00:54:49.989
fucking parade and i don't think that you're

00:54:49.989 --> 00:54:52.389
god's gift to bariatric surgery because you barely

00:54:52.389 --> 00:54:55.429
eat um because that has fucked me up in a whole

00:54:55.429 --> 00:54:59.449
a whole it's not healthy either but but what

00:54:59.449 --> 00:55:03.130
there's rules for a reason This is not that.

00:55:03.409 --> 00:55:05.670
There are rules for a reason. You need to follow

00:55:05.670 --> 00:55:07.429
the rules in your first year. You need to be

00:55:07.429 --> 00:55:10.469
pretty strict with them. Or you don't have the

00:55:10.469 --> 00:55:12.469
right to complain about not losing weight. Because

00:55:12.469 --> 00:55:14.809
I can guarantee you this person is going to start

00:55:14.809 --> 00:55:17.269
blaming surgery for failing. Go on Reddit on

00:55:17.269 --> 00:55:19.909
any given day, and you'll see so many posts going,

00:55:20.010 --> 00:55:23.030
It didn't work for me. Surgery's a joke. I shouldn't

00:55:23.030 --> 00:55:25.909
have had surgery. And then you'll see the actual

00:55:25.909 --> 00:55:28.530
truthful people, because Reddit's vicious, who

00:55:28.530 --> 00:55:30.349
will say, Oh, honey, the surgery didn't fail.

00:55:30.449 --> 00:55:32.949
You failed. It's your eating. It's your habits.

00:55:33.010 --> 00:55:36.489
The surgery does not fail. You failed to work

00:55:36.489 --> 00:55:39.829
the surgery. And that's the God's honest truth.

00:55:40.050 --> 00:55:42.230
And it's just, yeah, it's very concerning to

00:55:42.230 --> 00:55:44.329
me to see somebody saying that this is what bariatric

00:55:44.329 --> 00:55:46.469
surgery is like. This is working. It's totally

00:55:46.469 --> 00:55:49.489
normal. And then in the same breath, turn around

00:55:49.489 --> 00:55:52.349
and say, stop bragging about not eating so much.

00:55:52.469 --> 00:55:55.349
And it's like, I get where you're coming from.

00:55:55.429 --> 00:55:57.130
People that are a year post -op shouldn't be

00:55:57.130 --> 00:55:59.210
bragging about barely eating. That's fucked.

00:56:00.819 --> 00:56:02.519
you're actually not supposed to be eating that

00:56:02.519 --> 00:56:04.719
much that soon after surgery. It is not a metal

00:56:04.719 --> 00:56:06.739
either that you've soared ahead and you're eating

00:56:06.739 --> 00:56:09.199
a full cup of food. I got to a full cup of food

00:56:09.199 --> 00:56:12.480
a year post -op. I was still at like three quarters

00:56:12.480 --> 00:56:15.679
of a cup from like month six to month 10. Even

00:56:15.679 --> 00:56:19.039
now I'm, I'm just at a cup and I can, I can kind

00:56:19.039 --> 00:56:21.739
of barely go over a cup. So you're kind of fucking

00:56:21.739 --> 00:56:24.260
yourself. Yep. You know, you're saying it feels

00:56:24.260 --> 00:56:28.440
good. It shouldn't. And you're telling people.

00:56:29.859 --> 00:56:33.300
you're you're giving people excuses to go make

00:56:33.300 --> 00:56:36.179
bad habits so just beware because there's a lot

00:56:36.179 --> 00:56:38.139
of them it's not just this one person there's

00:56:38.139 --> 00:56:40.219
a lot of them and stuff and I have noticed that

00:56:40.219 --> 00:56:42.099
a lot of them have suddenly dropped off of social

00:56:42.099 --> 00:56:45.219
media are no longer posting and the sad truth

00:56:45.219 --> 00:56:47.239
is because they've gained the weight back they've

00:56:47.239 --> 00:56:50.039
stopped losing they're regaining and they don't

00:56:50.039 --> 00:56:53.619
want anyone to see it Because again, you're not

00:56:53.619 --> 00:56:55.900
following the guidelines that are set out for

00:56:55.900 --> 00:57:00.199
your literal healing and mental changes. Surgery

00:57:00.199 --> 00:57:02.619
is not just about the physical. The reason you

00:57:02.619 --> 00:57:04.699
have to follow a diet and eating plan is the

00:57:04.699 --> 00:57:08.860
mental aspect so that you know to make better

00:57:08.860 --> 00:57:11.340
choices, so that you get in the habit of making

00:57:11.340 --> 00:57:13.659
better choices. If you come straight out the

00:57:13.659 --> 00:57:16.119
gate, going right back to fast food and eating

00:57:16.119 --> 00:57:18.019
whatever you want because, quote, I didn't have

00:57:18.019 --> 00:57:21.619
surgery to not treat myself. good fucking luck

00:57:21.619 --> 00:57:24.000
then i don't know what to tell you like no you'll

00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:27.559
be back to square one within a year oh it's not

00:57:27.559 --> 00:57:30.460
even within a year within three months they will

00:57:30.460 --> 00:57:32.599
either have to have completely changed everything

00:57:32.599 --> 00:57:35.739
and follow the rules or they will they'll lose

00:57:35.739 --> 00:57:38.980
like 30 pounds that's my guess 30 pounds And

00:57:38.980 --> 00:57:40.800
they'll be complaining the whole time that they're

00:57:40.800 --> 00:57:42.780
not losing weight. They will. They will lose

00:57:42.780 --> 00:57:44.659
weight. That's the dangerous thing is they're

00:57:44.659 --> 00:57:46.500
going to probably hear this or someone will point

00:57:46.500 --> 00:57:48.000
out to them. I've said this and there'll be a

00:57:48.000 --> 00:57:50.480
big Twitter fight or TikTok fight going on, but

00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:52.300
they'll be like, I am losing weight. Look at

00:57:52.300 --> 00:57:53.860
all the weight I'm losing. And they were wrong.

00:57:53.880 --> 00:57:56.320
See how wrong they were. Again, don't listen

00:57:56.320 --> 00:57:58.480
to people that haven't been a year post -op.

00:57:58.559 --> 00:58:00.119
She's going to lose weight. They're going to

00:58:00.119 --> 00:58:01.960
lose weight. It's going to happen. And you're

00:58:01.960 --> 00:58:04.400
going to then take that weight loss and go, well,

00:58:04.420 --> 00:58:06.099
clearly if they lost weight and did whatever

00:58:06.099 --> 00:58:08.860
they wanted, it's great. Please relook at that

00:58:08.860 --> 00:58:12.400
person a year, two, three, four years post -op.

00:58:13.019 --> 00:58:15.780
I know I'm only two years post -op and I know

00:58:15.780 --> 00:58:18.079
what I'm saying. Do not follow advice of people

00:58:18.079 --> 00:58:20.920
that are less than a year. Steph's advice is

00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:26.039
never anything to do with your success long -term.

00:58:26.179 --> 00:58:28.139
She's telling you about what she's feeling now,

00:58:28.360 --> 00:58:30.219
what she's learning now, what she's doing now.

00:58:30.340 --> 00:58:32.599
But Steph has never told you guys what to do

00:58:32.599 --> 00:58:34.239
because she's still in her first year. Because

00:58:34.239 --> 00:58:36.139
I don't know. Because I don't know. And I'm also

00:58:36.139 --> 00:58:38.849
still learning. I'm also still learning. But

00:58:38.849 --> 00:58:42.210
I think it all goes back to the whole thing of

00:58:42.210 --> 00:58:45.170
whether it's bariatric surgery, whether it's

00:58:45.170 --> 00:58:47.610
regular, we'll call it regular natural weight

00:58:47.610 --> 00:58:49.769
loss, whether it's just wanting to get healthier,

00:58:49.969 --> 00:58:53.510
it all starts with the mental. It all starts

00:58:53.510 --> 00:58:57.710
with making sure you are in a good mental headspace,

00:58:57.829 --> 00:59:00.630
that you're prepared to take ownership and accountability,

00:59:00.989 --> 00:59:03.829
and that you are prepared to say what's done

00:59:03.829 --> 00:59:06.349
is done. What's in the past is in the past, but

00:59:06.349 --> 00:59:09.510
I want a new start. I'm ready to put in the work.

00:59:09.630 --> 00:59:12.010
Yeah, and I'm not going back there. And it's

00:59:12.010 --> 00:59:13.989
okay if that takes you a while to get to that

00:59:13.989 --> 00:59:16.469
point because it's a hard thing to do. But at

00:59:16.469 --> 00:59:18.489
the end of the day, what this all boils down

00:59:18.489 --> 00:59:21.590
to is you got to own it, you got to be accountable,

00:59:21.789 --> 00:59:26.630
and then you got to start fresh. Have the hard

00:59:26.630 --> 00:59:29.659
conversations. Do not sugarcoat it. Do not look

00:59:29.659 --> 00:59:32.679
for excuses. If you find yourself self soothing

00:59:32.679 --> 00:59:35.260
or making excuses, you're going in the wrong

00:59:35.260 --> 00:59:41.039
direction. Start to really identify your triggers,

00:59:41.440 --> 00:59:46.760
your black and whites, your really slippery slopes.

00:59:47.000 --> 00:59:50.280
It will benefit you now. to think about those

00:59:50.280 --> 00:59:52.739
things and then start kind of setting some of

00:59:52.739 --> 00:59:54.760
those hard limits. What's the animal inside of

00:59:54.760 --> 00:59:56.460
you? Is it a wolf? Is it a pig? Is it a whale?

00:59:56.579 --> 00:59:58.659
Is it whatever? I think the pig's kind of funny

00:59:58.659 --> 01:00:01.519
to be perfectly honest. Made me smile. Identify

01:00:01.519 --> 01:00:03.840
what that sounds like. And this is just exactly

01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:06.199
what I am taught in therapy. Keep thought records,

01:00:06.420 --> 01:00:08.539
right? You write down when those thoughts come

01:00:08.539 --> 01:00:10.139
in that you want to eat, you need to eat, you

01:00:10.139 --> 01:00:12.019
need to do this. Oh, you're fine. Like you write

01:00:12.019 --> 01:00:14.679
down, what was I doing? What time? Why did I

01:00:14.679 --> 01:00:17.019
have that thought? What was I feeling? You know,

01:00:17.019 --> 01:00:19.679
you start to document so you can track your triggers.

01:00:19.780 --> 01:00:22.119
Is it a week before your period? Is it during

01:00:22.119 --> 01:00:24.719
stressful times? Is it in the summer when you're

01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:27.139
barbecuing? You need to start figuring out where

01:00:27.139 --> 01:00:30.199
your potential issues could be and plan around

01:00:30.199 --> 01:00:32.340
them. Doesn't mean you have to erase them entirely,

01:00:32.460 --> 01:00:36.400
but you plan around them. But yeah, we didn't

01:00:36.400 --> 01:00:39.139
get fat eating salad. We don't want to go back

01:00:39.139 --> 01:00:41.639
to being fat again. We thank our former bodies

01:00:41.639 --> 01:00:44.820
for trying, but. The biggest thing that's setting

01:00:44.820 --> 01:00:47.539
Steph and I up for success now is just being

01:00:47.539 --> 01:00:50.400
brutally honest and stopping the excuse train.

01:00:50.920 --> 01:00:54.940
100%. It's done. It is. So I know this is a heavy,

01:00:55.039 --> 01:00:57.079
heavy topic and we got a bit heated. And trust

01:00:57.079 --> 01:00:59.119
us, we'll talk about influencers again one day.

01:00:59.139 --> 01:01:00.840
We just don't want to start a fucking TikTok

01:01:00.840 --> 01:01:03.820
war. But boy, there's some things we need to

01:01:03.820 --> 01:01:06.179
cover. Next week, we're going to be talking about

01:01:06.179 --> 01:01:10.050
the biggest request from everyone. Dating and

01:01:10.050 --> 01:01:12.710
relationships. Yeah, we've had this come up so

01:01:12.710 --> 01:01:16.949
many times. So get excited. I'm going to talk

01:01:16.949 --> 01:01:20.130
about trying to date. But yeah, we're going to

01:01:20.130 --> 01:01:21.650
cover it. We're going to talk about it. We'll

01:01:21.650 --> 01:01:24.070
probably revisit this topic too. But next week

01:01:24.070 --> 01:01:27.670
is all about dating and relationships after bariatric

01:01:27.670 --> 01:01:30.909
surgery. So if you have questions and you want

01:01:30.909 --> 01:01:32.630
me to cover anything and Steph to cover anything,

01:01:32.829 --> 01:01:35.269
you go ahead and send them on social. And we

01:01:35.269 --> 01:01:37.530
also might have some exciting news to talk about

01:01:37.530 --> 01:01:40.800
next week too about... potential podcast stuff,

01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:44.860
but we'll keep you guys updated then. Like always,

01:01:44.940 --> 01:01:46.599
we love that you listen and follow along. Let

01:01:46.599 --> 01:01:48.579
us know any guests that you'd like us to have.

01:01:48.659 --> 01:01:50.260
And hey, do you want us to bring Cass back? Because

01:01:50.260 --> 01:01:52.440
we want to bring Cass back. What should we talk

01:01:52.440 --> 01:01:55.619
to her about? But yeah, we'll see you next week

01:01:55.619 --> 01:01:58.239
for Dating and Relationships. Awesome. Like always,

01:01:58.280 --> 01:02:00.820
Steph, thanks for chatting with me today. Thanks,

01:02:00.880 --> 01:02:02.280
guys. Bye.